Friday, March 4, 2005

Don't you ever wake up.
The Guitarist [PG-L] - Short story that I wrote today. It's actually the shortest story I've written in a while (six pages on MS Word), but I actually like it quite a bit. This was fun to write.

Watched Kill Bill Vol. 1 today, and am now caught up with the rest of the world with that. I'd seen part of the movie before, but never the whole thing. Fun movie, must remember to buy that and Vol. 2 on DVD when I get money.

Wrote an essay on Crimes and Misdemeanors for Philosophy today. Somehow the story of the tortoise and the hare got involved in it. I think that I was trying to be a little off the wall with this essay, since I didn't really need to write it. It was fun to write, though. Crimes and Misdemeanors is a good movie, you should all try to see it.

I'm tired right now. I'm also writing way shorter sentences than usual. I think I will go to sleep right now. Yes, that sounds very nice. Very nice, indeed.
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Wednesday, March 2, 2005

The Brick Testament
Nothing much going on around here. Just finishing up the quarter and whatnot. I'm already done with my last assignments in two of my classes, and I just have a presentation and an essay to write for my other two. After that, I'll be studying for finals. Hopefully I'll have as much time to study as I did near the end of the last quarter. I wouldn't like to almost go crazy like I did for my midterms.

Anyway, I really have nothing else to talk about at the moment, but I want to show everyone this. It's basically parts of the Old and New Testaments told with Lego people. A lot of it is really, really funny, and some of it is just plain disturbing. But I've wasted a couple of hours there, and I'm still on Genesis lol.

This is my favorite frame so far. Cain walking around with a nonchalant look on his face after killing Abel is funny enough on its own (not to mention Yahweh looking pissed off for no reason at all lol), but Abel's dead body in the background just makes the whole thing hilarious. Man, this site rules.

And the post ends here, because I really can't think of anything funnier than Lego people acting out the Bible.

EDIT: Hahaha, these are awesome. I'm reading through the stuff where Jacob works his ass off for 14 years just so he can bang the hot wife of this one guy. The smirk on Jacob's face the whole time is hilarious, and the look on his face at the end of the story is just brilliant.

EDIT2: For anyone that has questions about the site, such as what version of the Bible they're quoting from, or whatever, read their FAQ. FAQs are your friends.
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Monday, February 28, 2005

Murray Street
A friend of mine called me up a while ago. He asked if I was doing anything, and I told him that I was fixing myself some dinner, and that I was going to finish off some homework that I need to turn in tomorrow. Then he asked if I was going out with anyone, because he had a friend of his over, and he told me that we should get together. I said thanks but no thanks, I didn't feel like going out at all. Then he said he'd call back later, but he hasn't yet, thankfully.

It's annoying. He's been doing this for a long time now. He seems to have this idea in his head that since I've never had a girlfriend it's his duty to find me one, or something. I don't really like that. To me, it sends the message that I'm incapable of finding a girl that I like on my own, and that I need people to find me people to go out with. I think that's crap, but what do I know?

I wouldn't mind it so much if it didn't seem like he's prying a little too much into my personal life. He calls me up, asks me if I'm dating anyone, tells me that he has someone over that he wants me to meet (after I told him I'd be busy, no less), and he expects me to willingly go along with it? Maybe it's just me, but I think he's meddling a bit too much in my life lol. Plus, it was on the phone, and I'm nearly always in a bad mood with phone calls, because they always interrupt me when I'm doing something. Another reason why the phone should die.

I don't mind if a friend introduces me to a girl that he or she thinks I'd like if it's done in a less direct, less confrontational way. Say I was just sitting around somewhere, and my friend is walking over to me with a girl I've never met before. He talks to me a bit and as an aside, he introduces me to this girl. We talk a bit, and if we hit it off a bit, we meet together a bit more. I personally think that's a much better way for people to introduce their friends to people that they think they'd like.

But again, what the hell do I know? I can't get a girlfriend! Whatever.

Anyway, I'm in a somewhat bad mood, so now is the perfect time to do Shinmaru vs. The World. Hopefully I'll be able to launch enough venom and bile onto these articles that I feel much better afterwards.

First article can be read here.

Barmy teachers ban tag

One of you Brits please tell me what the hell 'barmy' means. Your slang is so bizarre, I swear...

A SCHOOL has banned children from playing tag — claiming it is too DANGEROUS.

You mean it ISN'T?! Oh my god, I've had it wrong for years! *sob*

Shocked parents were told pupils — aged from five to nine — must drop the centuries-old chase game.

The terrorists have truly won.

British Bulldog has also been ruled out at Broomley First School in Stocksfield, Northumberland, because it has likewise been considered “too rough”.

British Bulldog? The wrestler? Davey Boy Smith was the man.

But one parent fumed: “This is ridiculous. Children have played these games for years. The kids have started a petition.

Whoa, the kids are already old enough to fight the power. They sure grow up fast.

“Falling over and scratching yourself or tearing trousers is part of life.”

Amen.

And another dad claimed: “Bumps and bruises while playing games and sports is something you expect.”

"Oh, in that case, I think we'll have to ban all sports. Also, I'd like to announce that I'm a complete tool.

North East Tory MEP Martin Callanan said: “It is a complete nonsense. I support the parents in this."

I don't think anyone in their right mind wouldn't support the parents.

“These children are being stopped by over-zealous, safety-obsessed teachers.”

But they're just looking out for the children :O!

Head Helen Vaughan-Watkins wrote to parents telling them of the ban on the playground running games, adding: “We are not authoritarian in our ethos. We have a duty of care to the pupils.”

"And if that means that we have to control what games these children can and cannot play, then by god we'll do it! But we're not authoritarian, remember."

---

Next article can be read here.

Accident ruling over bungee jump death

Bungee jumpers should die, anyway. They're all just asking for it.

AN EXPERT has warned that bungee jump safety may be fatally flawed.

I hereby award you the Nobel Prize in Stating the Obvious. You are truly the best in your field. Also, I award you the Nobel Prize in Oxymorons for using the phrase 'bungee jump safety'. That was a good one.

Evidence from an inquest into the horrific death of a 22-year-old Welsh student at a charity jump raises safety concerns for jumpers across the UK.

Wanna be safe? Don't jump. Problem solved.

Chris Thomas, a 20-stone photographic technician from Llanelli, plunged to his death after leaping from a 180ft crane in the car park of a pub in Swansea.

Whoa, that's a pretty big guy. And 180ft is pretty high. But, still, there's no way that a man of his size could build up the momentum necessary to snap the bungee cord or anything, right? Right?

Yeah.

The appalling accident at the Old Barn Inn in Pontlassau, Morriston, was witnessed by onlookers at a family fun day including Chris's girlfriend Helen Perkins, 23, and his parents David and Yvonne Thomas who were filming the jump.

Well, I can't joke about that. Poor guy's family was there, and everything.

An inquest in Swansea heard yesterday that Chris, who lived with Helen in Canton, Cardiff, weighed 132kg, or 20st 10lb. But an expert investigation discovered that the rope holding him had a maximum load weight of just 90kg, and should not have safely held more than 70kg.

Wow, now they get experts! Boy, these experts sure like filing out ex post facto, eh?

The inquest heard that Chris would have been speeding to the ground at more than 31mph when the bungee rope was at full stretch. Normally it should have slowed him down to a stop by then. As a result, his feet slipped through the straps buckled around his ankles and a weaker secondary harness failed. He died seven hours later from loss of blood.

Ow. I don't like bungee jumping, and I think that anyone who tries it is a damn fool, but I wouldn't seriously wish that on anyone.

Despite the death, the company which was running the jump - Freefall Bungee Wales - was found to have done nothing wrong because it was operating inside laid-down guidelines.

Such as allowing people who are more than fourty kg over the maximum weight limit bungee jump? Yep, nothing wrong there.

David Jones, a consultant forensic engineer at Cambridge University, said the accident was "inevitable" and warned it could easily happen again. He said thousands of people who had completed bungee jumps across the UK had probably been very close to death but had not known it.

That sounds like a threat to me.

He carried out an expert investi-gation for the South Wales Police and Swansea County Council and said that current safety guidelines were insufficient.

Ah yes, he's putting that Nobel Prize to good use. Keep up the revelations, Sherlock!

He warned that, astonishingly, operators of bungee jump attractions did not know the weight capacity of the rope they used and there is no legal requirement obliging them to find out.

Not surprising in the least. They're just inviting people to die.

He stressed his inquiry only touched on the operation of equipment used in Swansea and he is unaware of how widespread that equipment is. But he was so concerned by his findings that he carried out extra investigations of his own highlighting safety shortcomings which he has since passed on to the Health and Safety Executive.

Every other bungee jumping operation in the world is probably as crazy as that one.

Dr Jones said, "It could well be that over a period of time jump after jump had just under margin of failure without knowing it."

What the hell did he just say?

Asked at the inquest if such a tragedy could happen again, he said, "There is an extremely high risk of a fatality happening."

Just like with every other time a person goes bungee jumping.

He added that he hoped that an energy-based analysis to test bungee rope would be carried out by the Health and Safety Executive and would form the basis of a new more stringent safety code.

Boy, they're really set on fooling people into thinking that bungee jumping is safe, aren't they?

Freefall Bungee Wales' joint company owner Robert Ray, the jump master on the day, said he had made visual checks of the ropes and harness as he was ascending in a cage from which Mr Thomas was to jump, with him.

The jump master has failed. He must bungee no more.

He said he had made hundreds of jumps himself but had stopped since the accident.

He's finally seen the light.

Mr Ray also said he was unaware of industry advice not to use bungee jump ropes for any more than two years. But the ropes in question were not two years old.

Uh, you'd think that using bungee ropes continuously for two years should be avoided. Oh, wait, that's common sense. You have to suspend that if you want to go bungee jumping, I forgot.

Swansea coroner Phillip Rogers recorded a verdict of accidental death.

Off-topic: Swansea is a funny name.

On-topic: Bungee jumping = teh sux.

He said he took the unusual step of invoking Rule 43 of the Coroners' Rules giving him the power to bring the details of the death to the Health and Safety Executive's immediate attention.

Not...RULE 43! *suspense music*

After the inquest the victim's father backed the expert in his view that bungee jump safety should be radically improved.

There we go with that 'bungee jump safety' again. As Dana Carvey's impersonation of Johnny Carson would say: "That's some weird, wild stuff."

"We have lost a wonderful son we dearly loved," said Mr Thomas, a former Dyfed-Powys Police officer, now a civilian investigator with the force.

He'll be bringing the force down upon those bungee jumpers. TIME TO BREAK OUT THE JULES SPEECH~!

"The guidelines for bungee jumping are ridiculous and need to be reviewed and developed," he said.

You're about fifteen years too late, give or take.

"We wholly endorse the coroner in using his powers to get a review of the bungee jumping safety regulations in the UK."

Oh snap, the coroner's involved. Heads will roll!

It emerged yesterday that since the tragedy, bungee jumping has been effectively banned in Swansea with injunctions being sought against those trying to organise jump events.

Oh yeah, bust down those bungee jumping hippies.

---

Last article can be read here.

IL Robber Busted By Bragging On Live Radio

Hahaha. This story is short, but I don't care. It's hilarious, the pinnacle of human idiocy, even dumber than bungee jumping. I love it.

Crime doesn't pay, and apparently - neither does bragging about it.

Well, what's the use of committing a crime if you can't brag about it to complete strangers?

A Chicago man is facing bank robbery charges after authorities say he called into a Chicago radio station and bragged about the heist. The robbery at a TCF Bank in Chicago last April went unsolved until a bank worker heard the man's call to a popular confessions show. The caller bragged that he and five others tied up employees and got away with $81,000. A bank worker recognized details from the confession as matching the hold-up at her bank and called authorities.

I'm just in awe of this. There's nothing that I could possibly say to make this any funnier than it already is.

He called into a radio show to brag about his robbery! Man, I wish I'd heard that on the radio. Stupid radio, why do you have to suck so much now? I hate listening to you, but then I miss out on occasional gold like this.

The FBI traced the call to a cell phone belonging to 24-year-old Randy Washington of Dolton. He and another man are now facing federal charges, and authorities are looking for four others.



Yes, I'm a dirty little picture whore, and yes I was just looking for a reason to use that. Lay off.
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Saturday, February 26, 2005

I give it a C+. Okay, not great.
Well, my sister and I had a lot of fun at the spaghetti dinner, but the whole thing ended on a down note, as I'll explain later.

I got home from school at about 1:00 PM, with quite a bit of homework to do, but no real reason to start any of it up right at that moment. So, I didn't really do anything from then until about 4:45 when I went to La Puente High School with my sister. I think that I made the right decision.

We weren't needed right away at the spaghetti dinner, so we looked around a bit for my friend Vincent. I let him borrow a book that he needed for his AP English Literature class, Kate Chopin's The Awakening, and I needed the book back because it's one of the books required for my Introduction to Modern Fiction class next quarter. Naturally, Vincent is nowhere to be found.

So, we visited Mr. SooHoo, my AP Calculus teacher, and my sister's Algebra II teacher. She needed to turn in a homework assignment, and we got to hear him play the trumpet for a little bit. Also, I confronted him, because apparently he sang a math-based rap for my sister's class. We never got a rap from him when I was in Calculus! We were gypped.

Then we went to the baseball field, because my sister needed to interview a couple of guys on the baseball team for a story in the school newspaper. They weren't there, of course. I could never have predicted that would be the case. After that, there was just a bunch of aimless wandering around the campus (actually, we went to Vincent's house, too, but he wasn't home) until the actual spaghetti dinner started.

It was a lot of fun. I caught up with a few people that I hadn't seen in a while, plus I got free food. That's a pretty good deal. There were all sorts of teachers there, and I talked with a few of them, but there was one teacher that I knew, but I couldn't remember her name. So, I just avoided her all evening, until Vincent showed up and reminded me of her name (Ms. Hopkins).

Everyone who saw me kept pointing out how skinny I looked lol. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think I look incredibly different from last year...but I guess I don't notice these things very well. I know that I've lost a bit of weight - I've been eating better, and I kind of have to walk around the college campus a lot. But I don't think that I've lost enough weight to completely change my physical appearance lol.

Also, there was a lot of karaoke, just like last year. Watching people sing is fun for some reason. Don't ask me to explain it, because I can't. I wasn't able to keep track of all of the songs that people were singing, because it was hard to hear them a lot of the time. There was a band playing most of the music (rather than having the music played from a CD, or something), and they were pretty loud.

Fun times were had by all, until the end, which involves something sort of embarrassing for me, and pretty scary for everyone else. After the whole shindig was through, we all had to clean up. When I was finished cleaning up, I had to go to the bathroom. So, I go to the bathroom, and the door closes behind me. I think nothing of it, because I had to go. When I'm finished, I go up to the door to get out of the bathroom. I'm sure that you know what happened next.

Yep, I was locked in the bathroom.

So, I started knocking on the door (my hands are still sore from that) and yelling, trying to get the attention of people. I was in there for about five minutes, I guess, and then the door was unlocked and I was able to get out. So, I go out through the doors and back into the area where the dinner was, and there are a few teachers huddled around a girl who was crying. Obviously I'm very confused upon seeing this, and I go outside, where everyone else is now standing.

I asked my sister what had happened. There was this girl who had run away from home. Her aunt came to the dinner after we were done cleaning up, grabbed her by the hair, and started yelling at her. They were screaming at each other, and then the aunt threw the girl on the floor, and left. And it seems that all of this was done near the bathrooms, so I was stuck pounding on the door and yelling while all of this was going on.

In a way, I'm glad I didn't see it, because it certainly rattled my sister quite a bit, and it probably would've rattled me had I seen it. I tried to comfort her as best I could, don't know how good of a job I did, and I called home so that my dad could pick us up. We got home, and my sister told my parents what happened, which was when I got all of the details - I didn't get everything out of my sister back at the school, because I really didn't want to force her to tell me what happened just to satisfy my morbid curiosity, or anything. I think she's feeling slightly better right now, though.

Anyway, most of the evening was quite fun, though the last bit of the evening put a damper on things.
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Friday, February 25, 2005

Silence! I concur.
I just got interviewed for my Info Gathering and Writing class. It went better than I thought it would. The person interviewing me seemed pretty comfortable asking questions, though her interviewing was a bit linear. I was a tad nervous, because interviews are kind of weird, but that kind of left once we actually got into the whole thing. She interviewed me about short story writing, which is always fun to talk about. All this stuff about my influences and whatnot is a lot harder to articulate when speaking than when I'm writing it on here, or something lol.

Then I interviewed the person I was supposed to interview, because she was able to show up for class today. I think it went decently well for my first serious interview, though there were definitely a couple of bumps along the way. I didn't prepare quite as much as I should have, and there were a couple of awkward silences that felt a lot longer than they probably were. But the girl I was interviewing was a great sport about it, and she turned about to be a very good interviewee. She gave me a lot of stuff to write about, she told a couple of interesting anecdotes, and she even answered some of my questions before I even asked them. Not much more you can ask for from an interviewee, as far as I'm concerned.

Plus, since I got it today rather than tomorrow, it'll make it a lot easier for me to put together my report lol. Especially since I have to present about my interview on Monday.

Also, later on tonight I'm helping out at a spaghetti dinner thing at my sister's school. I helped out with it last year, and I had a lot of fun, so I figured "Why the hell not?" and decided to help out this year, too. Plus, I'll likely get free food since I'm helping out, and I know that I won't be able to turn that down. It's free food, for god's sake.

What's kind of disappointing, though, is that my sister and friend of her's were planning to do a Monty Python sketch for the people who would be coming to the dinner, but the horrible set-up of where the dinner is going to be held won't really allow that to happen. Their voices can't carry throughout the room, and if they had to hold a microphone during the sketch, it would hamper their acting pretty badly (and physical comedy is just as much a part of Python sketches as the actual script is, as Python fans are well aware).

It's too bad, I actually would have joined in on that, or at the very least I would have done an improv sketch with them. It would've been pretty fun, but oh well. I'll have to stick with acting like a dork at home, and making my sister laugh. Fun times.

Anyway, class is approaching, and I have to head off now. Perhaps I'll update about the spaghetti dinner when I come home.
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

We. Make. Holes in teeth.
I'm bored at the moment, and I feel like procrastinating, so I'm going to take Megan's suggestion and write up all these rants in one-paragraph form. Remember, though these all are my opinions, they're not meant to be taken totally seriously, because they're mostly written for humor purposes (except for one or two, maybe). If you do take any of these 100% seriously and complain to me about it, I reserve the right to rant about how someone dropped you on your head as a child and your sense of humor fell out.

Rant #1: Why Southern Californians who bundle up during the Winter, and have the absolute gall to complain about our Winter weather should be lined up and shot.

It's a nice 65 degree day down in La Puente. The morning weather is a bit brisk, maybe a slight breeze about, but the sun is shining. Most people would kill for Winter weather like that, right? Not Southern Californians, apparently! It's quite normal to see someone down here walking around bundled up in a beanie, scarf, thick jacket, pants, and shoes, during our Winters. Supposedly I'm the weird one because I wear shorts and t-shirts year round. Who knew? I guess it's not normal to have some tolerance for even the slightest bit of "cold". It makes me wonder whether Southern Californians are just so used to absurdly hot Summer temperatures (90-100 degrees...DIE~!) that 65 degrees feels like Old Man Winter is breathing on them, or something. Or maybe we're all just a bunch of pussies who curl up and die at the first semblance of cold weather. But not before bitching about how cold it is first! Everyone should get over themselves and realize how great we have it here in Winter. Go to the Northeast and experience one of their Winters before complaining here, okay? I also think that it's worth mentioning that these same people complain in the Summer, just like I do. What do you people want?! Just kill yourselves already, please.

Rant #2: Why the telephone is the tool of Satan.

I hate the telephone, and I make no secret of my hatred for it. Why do I hate the telephone? Because it's the single most awkward form of communication that I've ever come across in my life. I hate e-mail, too, but at least you can answer that at your leisure. When someone calls you on your telephone it's like you're being forced into a conversation with them with no way out. It's like having Uncle Leo from Seinfeld hanging on your arm 24/7. The absolute worst part about it is that barely anyone can keep a phone conversation going for more than five or ten minutes...and after that point, it's the awkward silence. God, I hate awkward silences on the phone. And after that comes the "So, what are you doing?" God damn it, if you had nothing else to talk about, why don't you just hang the fuck up? The only thing worse than that are the serial yakkers that actually do have something to talk about after ten minutes, but it's all nonsense. You're forced to listen to them talk on and on and on about nothing in particular, and you have to listen to them because there's apparently a quiz on it at the end of the call, and you'd damn well better know what they were talking about earlier or they'll get offended. Boo freaking hoo. The telephone (and the cell phone, or Satan Jr.) is only good for talking briefly with people you can't get in touch with in person and for emergencies. That's it. Otherwise, the phone should die.

Rant #3: Why Fox can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

Futurama, Family Guy, The Tick, Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Titus, Wonderfalls, Greg the Bunny, Dark Angel, and many more. Like Tony commented yesterday, you could make the greatest channel in the world with all of the great shows that Fox has cancelled for no reason at all. The worst part is that Fox itself is the one killing all of these shows. These shows got moved around so much, seemingly at random, that they never had a chance to settle in at the time slot they were put at. Even worse are the ridiculous standards that Fox has for these shows. There's a story about an episode of Futurama, "A Tale of Two Santas", that Fox refused to show for a year, because the episode was deemed too offensive for its 7:30 PM time slot. That's all well and good, but who moved Futurama to that 7:30 time slot in the first place? Fox did. All of the episodes of Futurama were created with the pretense that they would be shown at 8:30 PM. I believe that particular episode was made before Fox decided to shuffle Futurama around (though I'm not 100% certain on that, anyone can feel free to correct me on that point). The overall point is that Fox is stupid, and every time they kill off a great show, Rupert Murdoch gets a huge orgasm.

Rant #4: Why MTV can go fuck itself.

Remember the days when MTV would show great videos that had great music to go along with them? Seems like such a long time ago, doesn't it? That's because it was a long time ago. What constitutes "great music" is of course subjective, but when you have fifty million bands who all sound the same crammed into an hour, I'm not so sure that constitutes great music. I remember back when I was in middle school when I noticed this really kicking into high gear: TRL got really popular, and all of a sudden MTV airwaves were plugged full of boy band after boy band after boy band after boy band, with maybe KoRn or Limp Bizkit getting a play every once in a while. N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys were annoying enough all on their own. Sure, they could sing, and they made twelve-year-old girls cry like they just got dumped for the first time, but that's all they were good for. And then came everyone else...I can't even remember all of those lame one-hit-wonder boy bands anymore. I think I've finally managed to erase them from my memory. But, still, MTV was still a music video-based station; I'd find a video or two to watch, right? No. The Real World and Road Rules lead the charge. Then came everything else: Jackass, MTV Cribs, Punk'd, Making the Band #456,723 with P. Diddy's one millionth attempt at resurrecting his dead career, Newlyweds, The Osbournes, Pimp My Ride and-- what happened to the fucking music?! [/Lewis Black]

Rant #5: Why coffee is one of the most disgusting drinks ever conceived by mankind.

I guess this might be extremely subjective, but I think coffee tastes horrible. And don't give me that "there's so many different flavors of coffee :O!" bull. All that means is that I'll be tasting a million different flavors of crap when I drink coffee. Sounds like a good time to me! And then comes the real reason why half of the people who drink coffee drink it: Because of the caffeine (I would guess that the people who actually like the taste of coffee switch between decaf and regular). Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but I like being able to wake up and function on my own, without some weird, addictive chemical acting as the only force keeping me conscious. Or maybe I just hate bouncing around rooms at one-hundred miles per hour. Whatever the case, caffeine can go screw itself, if that is indeed possible. My point is that I think coffee smells weird, it tastes awful, and after two or three drinks I'd probably be addicted to it: Coffee is like liquid cigarettes (it even stain your teeth!), only coffee drinkers never turned out any great comedians like Denis Leary. At least cigarette smokers have that going for them.

Rant #6: Why everyone in my AP English Literature class was a complete idiot for thinking that Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man was boring.

I just can't wrap my head around this. In a class where people read many books, there are inevitably going to be books that people don't like. That's a given. For example, I couldn't get into Love in the Time of Cholera or Blindness (which was the class' favorite book apparently, go figure). I could understand one or two people not liking Invisible Man - hell I could understand half the class not liking it. But the whole class? I don't get it, I just don't get it. I mean, there's bare-knuckle boxing in it, riots, questions about race and identity, a crazy cult, the narrator practically goes insane, for god's sake. What the hell is so boring about all of that? Maybe it's because the book is a challenging read, with an advanced vocabulary. As Kurtz from Heart of Darkness so eloquently put it: "The horror!" Mind you, that's an extremely sarcastic Kurtz saying that, not one on his deathbed. Gee, I wonder what people expected when they signed up for an AP English Literature class? Challenging books that make you think? Oh my god, keep them away!! I mean, when I signed up for AP Calculus I knew I'd be getting some really tough math - I knew what I was getting into. I didn't abandon it, or anything. What really gets me is that half the class abandoned the book and failed the AR test for it. I wouldn't be surprised if the people who did that were the same people who ducked out on the AP test like a bunch of wusses. "An AP test that will be challenging and that isn't a guaranteed pass for me? Stay away! *runs off to get a cheap five on the AP Spanish Language test*" Blah.

Rant #7: Why I want our bookstore to die before it rapes me of all my money.

I both hate and love the bookstore at Cal Poly Pomona. Do you know how confusing that is? I hate the stupid bookstore because they practically mug you whenever you want to buy textbooks. Most of the textbooks are overpriced pieces of crap that you'll barely use in class, and that you'll be lucky to maybe get $2 on when you sell them back to the bookstore. Colleges care about you, man! God, you might as well keep the stupid things, let them accumulate in your room, and sell them off to wide-eyed, naive freshman when you're a senior. However, I love the bookstore, because astonishingly enough, they have great prices for regular books. So far I've bought Don Quixote, 1984, Heart of Darkness, a collection of Franz Kafka short stories, The Great Gatsby, and a Dark Tower guide from them. I hate them because they make me want to stab their workers and hug them at the same time. Stupid bookstore.

Semi-Rant #8: Why The Dark Tower owns any other series of books I've ever read.

It's mostly to do with just how connected I felt to the whole thing. With other series of books (Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, for example), I haven't been quite as involved in those universes. Fantasy is not really my preferred genre, so I'm not quite 100% into those books (though they are both exceptional series, even if I think Lord of the Rings is slighty overrated). The Dark Tower is also a type of fantasy, but it seems like so much more than that. It's not so much fantasy as a good old-fashioned adventure in a modern era that you can connect with. There's elements of fantasy, western, science-fiction, something for a lot of people. It also helps that these books are filled with the best writing that I've ever seen from Stephen King. He can be an up and down author, pulling out some amazing stuff with one novel and pulling out some boring stuff with another, but The Dark Tower series is written fantastically from start to finish (with the exception of the original version of The Gunslinger which King admits was written a bit pretentiously - he's since revised and tightened the writing, making the novel a lot better). The cast of characters in the Dark Tower novels is just fantastic, as well, especially Eddie Dean, who might be my favorite character from any novel I've read, outside of perhaps Holden Caulfield (The Catcher in the Rye), Yossarian (Catch-22), or the narrator from Invisible Man. If there's any real weakness of the novels, it's that it really helps to have read a lot of Stephen King's other novels in order to get the most out of The Dark Tower (sort of like how The Matrix trilogy had all of this extra stuff you had to read and watch in order to get the most out of it, not that I'm comparing the two series to each other at all beyond that).

That was fun. I'm sure that some of these paragraphs will be quite big...I hope they're not too hard to read lol.
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

The ironing is delicious.
English class ruled just now. We're just going over differences in tone in persuasive essays, stuff I already know, whatever. Then our professor asks us to write a paragraph-long rant (obviously with an angry/sarcastic/cynical/what have you tone to it) to contrast with the tone found in Martin Luther King Jr.'s "Letter From Birmingham Jail" which is very balanced and scaled-back.

I love ranting, and I had a lot of fun with this. I had a plethora of different topics running through my mind, and I ended up going ranting about "those slack-jawed idiots who refuse to play a good game because it's not filled with blood, guts and sex". Fun times. I'm certainly not anti-adult themes in gaming (hell, my favorite GameCube game is Resident Evil 4), but that sort of mentality is just lame. They got what they deserved, though I had trouble keeping it down to a paragraph.

Other topics that were considered:

- Why Southern Californians who bundle up during the Winter, and have the absolute gall to complain about our Winter weather should be lined up and shot.

- Why the telephone is the tool of Satan.

- Why Fox can kiss the fattest part of my ass (hint: They have a fetish for killing off their good shows).

- Why MTV can go fuck itself.

- Why coffee is one of the most disgusting drinks ever conceived by mankind (right next to Mountain Dew).

- Why everyone in my AP English Literature class was a complete idiot for thinking that Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man was boring.

- Why I want our bookstore to die before it rapes me of all my money.

- Why The Dark Tower owns any other series of books I've ever read.

There were some more, but I've forgotten them. Obviously I am a sad, lonely man with far too much time on his hands to think about all of the stuff he hates. Oh well.

I can't wait to see the reactions to all of this :)
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Why two of every animal? Oh...hehehehe.
Does anyone know how to build a good ark? Because I'm in need of one right now. Seriously, this is the most rain that I've ever seen down here. The news is reporting over 31 inches of rain since July, and I can damn well tell you that most of it has come in the past month and a half. I mean, good god, it's insane. It's likely fallout from the tsunami, which, if that's true, goes to show just how damn IMMENSE that thing was. It's scary.

In other news, I haven't been able to interview the person I'm supposed to interview for my last Info Gathering and Writing project yet, but after e-mailing her, I can't begrudge her. Seems that she has a kid, she's got a job to attend to, and she's got school. I have no reason to believe that she's bullshitting me, so I'm going to be as accomadating as possible, even if I have to interview her on the weekend or something (I have to do my presentation and turn in a report on Monday, though I think I could get my professor to push that date back a bit). No stress.

I turned in my Matrix essay today, and I felt pretty good about it. My Being John Malkovich essay was pretty nice, and my Blade Runner essay was a bit below that, but I think I was able to polish the Matrix essay far better than I did the other two. It's nothing especially groundbreaking (I went with the prompt that asked to draw parallels between The Matrix and Plato's allegory of the cave, and to discuss why a person is better for leaving the cave for the real world - actually a fairly easy essay topic, but the other topics were sort of lame), but whatever. We can't all write on the correlations between Agent Smith and Captain Ahab, right? :p

Also, the Honors Society meeting was today. We didn't do much of anything in there at all. Turned in our dues, and voted on what sort of community service we'll be doing later on in the year (beach clean-up and animal shelter work, though I really wanted the benefit concert to get some votes - bastards). We had pizza, though, so it was all worth it. Free food, yes!

That's a lesson for you, everyone - I can be bought with free food.

There are these ringing bells at the school now. I don't even know where they're coming from, honestly. The sound is like a church bell, but I'm pretty sure we don't have a church anywhere near here (church services are held in a special room in the student center, I believe). Anyway, I think it sounds kind of cool, and it gives me an odd feeling when I hear it. Whenever I hear bells that sound like that, I always think of school, even though I never went to any school that had bells like that, ever.

And then those crazy bells sparked an idea for a story in my head lol. But I'm working on so much other stuff right now that I just wrote a few scribbles on a piece of paper and filed it away for now. Damn inspiration, it's a fickle little bastard. Nothing for a long while, and then it bunches up on me. It's okay when it's all short stories, but this won't be any short story lol. Oh well. Hopefully it will be fresh in my mind if and when I ever choose to do it. Could actually turn out very well, I think.

Just in case I ever forget it...the bells made me think of school. I was reading Lea's myOtaku earlier, and I was thinking just how much I've changed over the years. I don't really keep that many memories around, except for my days in school, which I can recall very prominently. I can recall major happenings from Kindergarten to my Senior year of high school, basically. And I was thinking about writing about these random experiences in this kid's life from Kindergarten all the way until high school.

Not really an original idea, but I think that it could turn out interesting, especially in terms of the writing style. Obviously none of us really spoke in Kindergarten the way that we speak now. Our thoughts, our actions, our words, everything was simpler. I think it would be neat to see the words and actions of this kid evolve over the years as he grows up and goes through shit at school. It'd basically be some sort of psuedo-biography, but not really ^_~

Just a thought. I'm wary about starting it, though, because I have other stories to work on, and I keep thinking that I abandon them too easily lol. But I'm actually really excited about this. Hm. I'll end up doing the right thing eventually, I'm sure.

Anyway, I'm a bit tired at the moment. I'm out.
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Monday, February 21, 2005

Beads = evil.
Well, my four day weekend is now over. Fun while it lasted, and I managed to catch myself up with my schoolwork. Miracles will never cease. And now, to take advantage of my good mood, here is a nice Shinmaru vs. The World for everyone!

(Note: I will continue to do these on my new site, because I have a blast doing this.)

First article can be read here.

Swazi king bans pictures of his many cars

Little does he know that through the power of the Internet, the pictures are already available!

MBABANE (Reuters) - Swaziland's King Mswati has barred photographers from taking pictures of his growing fleet of royal limousines amid criticism that the luxury car purchases are an embarrassment to one of Africa's poorest countries.

What a shocker! A corrupt leader of a very poor country exploiting what little money is around for his own needs! I seriously have never heard a story like this in my life.

Mswati stirred up a storm in December when he bought a new $500,000 (264,000 pounds) DaimlerChrysler Maybach 62 -- one of the most expensive cars in the world -- and recently hit the headlines again when he splashed out for new BMWs for each of his 10 wives.

Well, at least he's a giving leader...though I bet he hopes to receive, as well. WHOOOOO

The royal edict barring photos of the cars came after Mswati appeared in an even newer and more expensive stretch Mercedes S600 limousine for the opening of parliament on Friday.

Ha. Imagine Senators arriving to Congress in stretch limos.

...who am I kidding, they probably do.

Stunned photographers swarmed to get a photo of the new royal car but were quickly blocked by security guards, the Times of Swaziland reported on Sunday.

Man, Swaziland has cheap photographers. They can't snap a photo of a car in a few seconds? That must've been one swank car to stun them for that long.

"You may not take pictures of the King when he alights from his car," a written royal decree said.

Hahaha. Everything is funny when it's a royal decree.

The 36-year-old king, sub-Saharan Africa's last absolute monarch, has run into flak for extravagant spending despite the fact that his tiny, impoverished kingdom suffers frequent food shortages and one of the world's highest AIDS infection rates.

He probably has AIDS, he's just fitting everything that he can into his short life.

Either that or he's an asshole.

Mswati was forced to shelve plans three years ago to spend $45 million on a new royal jet, but has shown little inclination to rein in other royal spending projects which include a $15 million project to build individual new palaces for his growing retinue of wives.

God damn, I'd marry the bastard to get in on some of that.

Mswati's new Mercedes limousine was custom built in Germany and is the only one of its kind in Africa, local sources said.

Well, isn't he special?

"The king's latest acquisition has been kept as a top secret within the royal family following the criticism he got after buying the luxurious Maybach 62," the Times of Swaziland said.

Who's up for bets that he's buying another country?

---

Next article can be read here.

JUNKIE DOGS CHASING A HIGH

No, you all read right, everyone: Dogs is not slang for anything, these are actual dogs.

Dogs in Australia’s Northern Territory are becoming addicted to a hallucinogenic cane toad poison, according to local vets.

I think I'll wait for someone to blame The Simpsons for this.

Desperate for a canine high, dogs have been seen licking the backs of cane toads for a poison secreted from glands.

I'm probably evil because of it, but I just imagined that just now, and it's hilarious, I'm sorry. Just imagine a crazed dog scampering around, foaming at the mouth, tongue wagging, and high out of its mind.

IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU

Megan Pickering, a veterinarian in the town of Katherine, claims to have seen many cases of dogs affected by the deadly toad poison.

"The dogs even have a secret black market for this stuff set up - true story!"

And then the images of dogs in trenchcoats and sunglasses selling toads come flooding in.

"There seems to be dogs that are licking the toxin to get high,” she told the local newspaper.

Hey, wow, she can state the obvious. What a fantastic trait.

"They lick the toads and only take in a small amount of the poison — they get a smile on their face and look like they are going to wander off into the sunset."

That is just hilarious.

In other news, I'm going straight to hell.

She said she has recently treated dozens of dogs suffering from the effects of bufo toxin.

She's setting up meetings for them.

"Hello, my name is Fido, and I'm addicted to hallucinogenic cane toad poison..."

"Hello, Fido."

Ms Pickering said she believes some of the dogs are becoming addicted as she has seen some "going back to have a second go".

It begins...

"It seems some of them have tasted it in small doses but there are others that have had more toxin and come in fully-fitting.”

I guess that's a nice way of saying that they're higher than Paul McCartney on a routine plane trip.

"But (despite this) they go on to do it again and again — they seem to have worked it out."

Haha, what, do they have a schedule for it now, or something?

"11:30 AM - Sniff some butts; 12:30 PM - Lick myself a bit; 2:30 PM - Lick toad poison and get higher than ever; 3:00 PM - Chase my tail"

Evidence of ‘tripping’ dogs includes fitting, running in circles, with bright red gums and/or frothing at the mouth.

Tripping, ha, that's so great.

Wildlife officers have advised owners to wash their pet’s mouth out with water as quickly as possible.

"I mean, they'll still be blazed out of their minds, but it's nice to wash your pet's mouth every once in a while."

They say they get more inquiries about safeguarding pets from the toad than on any other aspect.

Even more than swallowing dog toys???

Owners are advised to keep dogs and cats inside at night, warn and train them against tackling toads, and keep toads out of the yard.

Now how the hell are they supposed to warn and train the dogs not to lick toads? lol

Are they going to come up with some sort of anti-toad film and get all of the dogs to watch it? Because that would be pure genius. I want some anti-toad propaganda!! And then the government can grossly overestimate the effects of toad poison, but toad-users can grossly underestimate it, and arguments about it would break out on message boards. Yes! That's what everyone wants!

---

Last article can be read here.

Colorful beads lead to court

Was there a trail of them, or something?

Student claims Schenectady school district cannot ban her red, white and blue necklace

And here come the claims that red, white and blue = gang-related.

ALBANY -- A Mont Pleasant middle school student is taking her freedom-of-expression fight to federal court, claiming Schenectady school officials have no right to ban her from wearing a handmade red, white and blue necklace to class.

But, wait, there's probably some vague rule about necklaces in the school dress code!

The beads, which Raven Furbert got as a string-it-yourself Christmas gift, symbolize love of country and respect for soldiers serving in Iraq, according to the lawsuit her mother, Katie Grzywna, filed in U.S. District Court in Albany.

Mont Pleasant is anti-war, ooh.

Among those soldiers is her uncle, J. Barnes, who is a member of the Army National Guard's 42nd Rainbow Division, and three other relatives. Barnes shipped out to Kuwait in October, and went on active duty in Iraq the first week in January.

Makes you wonder if there are 41 other Rainbow Divisons.

...well, if you don't understand the military at all, anyway :P

Raven, 12, made the necklace over the Christmas vacation and wore it on her first day back to school on Jan. 4. She said it was to commemorate Barnes' move into a danger zone and that it is her way of trying to protect him.

Does the necklace have magical powers? That'd be awesome.

She said she can't understand what the big deal is. "I just want to wear them for my uncle," she said. "I'll be really glad when this is all over."

The big deal is that you violated dress code, missy! No dedicating stuff to your relatives!

Schenectady school officials immediately banned her from displaying her unique neckwear in a belief such "gang-related" jewelry violates policy, court papers alleged.

It's official: Beads = gang-related. It's on.

Raven was threatened with suspension if she continued to wear the beads.

Feel the absurdity.

"I still don't see anything wrong with this," her mother said of the case that has created a stir. It was featured last week on the Fox News Channel program "Hannity & Colmes."

What's wrong is that it became an actual story in the first place...

"(School officials) even said on that program that they do not have a gang problem in the Schenectady school district," she said.

But that twelve-year-old girl could be the first.

And that isn't all, added the frustrated mother.

There's more?????? OMg1!11!!11

Grzywna said it seems now that Raven is being targeted, and the child who used to sail through her school days without incident is now tagged frequently for in-school detention and other disciplinary measures.

School officials harrassing students? First I've ever heard of it.

Grzywna said she tried to explain to school officials that the necklace was nothing more than a show of patriotism. But they wouldn't listen.

They probably explained it by rationalizing that the Republicans are a gang of scary old guys.

On Jan. 14, word came home that the beads had been banned, she said. Officials then said beads could be worn but not displayed, she said. So Raven began wearing the jewelry under her clothing, her mom said.

What's the point of wearing beads that can't be displayed? Logic pwnz!1!!

This week, on both Monday and Tuesday, administrators again told Raven to remove the beads, Grzywna said. She complied. But then put them back on.

What a rebel!

Named in the federal action are Assistant Superintendent Eric Ely, Mont Pleasant Middle School Principal Gary Comley and Assistant Principals Nicki DiLeva and Matthew DeLorenzo.

Which one of them hates beads?

Sherry Greenleaf, who is employed full time as the school district's attorney, said she couldn't comment specifically because the school district hadn't yet seen any court papers. "But certainly we believe the policy is valid and properly enforced," she said.

Translation: We're going to crush her spirit in a court of law.

Bob Keach, a lawyer who specializes in civil and constitutional rights violations cases, said several of Raven's friends also have been told not to wear the beads even though the Mont Pleasant dress code does not mention beaded jewelry as a banned item.

They'll get around that with purposely vague, bullshitty phrasing, just you watch.

Grzywna is seeking a permanent injunction preventing the school district from banning expressive clothing. She also wants monetary damages and declaratory judgment, which allows a judge to decide whose position is correct.

But don't you see? It's the school's job to destroy any and all expression.

"As of today's date, the wearing of the red, white and blue beaded necklace made by a 12-year-old to show support for soldiers dying to protect this country's freedom is still forbidden ... under penalty of suspension from school," Keach said in court papers.

God bless the school system.

And the mascot for the Schenectady City School District is a patriot, he pointed out: "So school colors are red, white and blue."

Yay for irony!

"Patriotism is a virtue to be fostered among the young," he said. "It is not 'gang-related.' We can't believe we've had to take it this far."

That's what you get for banning beads.

"We would never want to stop a student from expressing their patriotism, support for U.S. troops or their love for the American flag or America in our schools," said Jeff Janiszewski, Board of Education president, in a posting on the Schenectady schools' Web site. "This student simply decided to choose one of the very few forms of expressing patriotism that goes against our carefully considered rules."

Beads are dangerous, man. Gotta put them down while you can.

A conference in the case has been set for June 15 before U.S. Magistrate Judge David Homer.

Homer! Ah, the perfect name to be involved with this trial.

EDIT: I'm watching Live from New York: First of SNL right now. God, Saturday Night Live used to be so damn awesome. What the hell happened?
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Sunday, February 20, 2005

Brad Pitt's flash ad likeness must die.
Well, my friends, my sisters and brothers, it's the end of an era. Ha, well, not really. Eras are usually marked by long periods of time in which a ton of cool, historic stuff goes down. Nothing like that ever went down on here, haha.

But, yeah, my days on the ol' myOtaku are winding down. HOWEVER, before you all start breaking down and weeping (or celebrating like it's the second coming of Jesus Christ, I don't know), I'll still be posting here technically. You see, Mr. Tony recently offered to make sites for people, because he wants to spread out his design skills a bit. I was interested, because I've always wanted a real site to call my own, but I'm basically crap with HTML, so I could never do that sort of thing on my own.

So, I've been talking with Tony a bit for the last couple of days, telling him how I'd like the site to look, what I'll be doing on there, etc. Should be great. I'll have the requisite blog posts, of course, and I'll also have areas for different reviews I'll do from time to time: Video games, movies, DVDs, books, and whatnot. Not music, though, because I don't think I'd make much of a music reviewer lol. And I'll also have a nice section to post all of my writing (including short stories and random articles). No more having to wait until people post in threads to put up stuff, yay!

As for the layout, well, you'll see it when the site goes up (not that the layout is a secret, or anything lol). Tony's great at making sites, so I'm sure that the layout will look exactly how I envisioned it in my head. As for posting, and whatnot, I'm sure that Tony or Alan will help me out with that crazy posting thingy they have on their myOtakus, haha. Man, do I ever know nothing about that stuff.

So, yay. Changes are a coming! The actual site shouldn't take too long to be made. I'd guess about a week or so, maybe more, depending on how busy Tony is. However long it takes will be fine with me, I'm just happy to be getting a nice site lol. I have some nice ideas for articles and reviews and whatnot to put up there - all I'll have to do is actually write the stuff. Shouldn't be too difficult, after a while I'll have a real swank ass site. Be jealous, all of you peons, you.

In other news, I did shit all during my last two days off, so I spent some time catching up on reading and homework and whatnot. I broke my Saturday rule to do so, that's how much I needed to catch up. But oh well, the last two days of doing nothing were worth it. I like doing nothing at all, in case you couldn't tell. Tomorrow, I have a bit more reading to do, a journal entry, and a short essay to write.

And, as usual, I will put off everything until there afternoon, when I will realize suddenly that "...oh crap, I have some homework to do, won't I?" And then I'll do it all, and it'll be great, because I am just that badass. Fear.

Also, first real Honors Society meeting on Tuesday. YES. I feel like such a dork, because I'm actually looking forward to this a bit, but whatever. I'll be dorking it up big time on Tuesday, believe that.

Anyway, I now take my leave of you. Right now is one of the few precious moments of the day where it hasn't been raining like crazy (seriously, it's like I'm living in Florida, except it's not like a bad sauna outside). I will take advantage of it by...doing nothing. Oh yeah.
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