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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

november, 21st 2006

[snuggles everyone for being so lovable on my last post]
I wish some of you were here, though//whispers

Pressure. Don't you hate that word and its meaning?

I do. //sigh

The pressure was high last week but its growing insanely stronger now.
Everyone keeps cheering me to keep going and do my best.
And that's good, really good but it seems to me that when they say "going" its in a way to "don't you dare mess up", even my director made me yell "I'm going to WIIIIN" three times louder -_-
But I wanna keep going, I want to win, oh if I do.
Because if I do win, a beautifull trip will be waiting for me just after the corner, a trip to Japan-Tokyo.... but urgh there's always a freackin'BUT!
To be able to sit on a plane with the course set to Japan, I still have to pass three competitions.

I dunno if I can handle all this and do it right...I don't work properly well with to much pressure and stress, even though they keep saying I can, I don't feel I can =_=''' yet I'm still trying hard to change my mind and push forward my intelligence (if that's any possible)....

The FEAR!The fear that I'll be horrible and mess up all at the first round making everyone at school and I mean EVERYONE from the humble janitor to the Director of the school disappointed.....it'll be a massacre if I mess up...bleh right when I was loving my student life so much...//sigh
.......curse! This so frustating _

Friday is the day and I don't want this day to come....not one bit, not at all....and I repeat NOT AT FREACKIN'ALL!!


Why did I had to agree with this pressure and stress in the first place?!
I'm so stupid sometimes .___.
....but hmmmmmmm Tokyo and I...sounds such a perfect date.....blaaaaaahhhhh _

Did I mentioned that this is so frustating?


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