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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Wednesday, October 25th 2006

I feel a comotion of emotions right now so I think this post eventually end emotional or maybe it'll lack of it...

These past two days were the worst days of my life so I came here with hope I would get some confort to my broken soul but instead, it got even shadered in pieces, so small and shapeless that...I don't know...it'll be hard to glue all of them together.
...By an inch I almost lost my mother twice and now I got the news that two of the most wonderfull, incredible amazing people I've ever meet and had the pleasure to know deeply are thinking of leaving this place. I know I should respect their decisions which I do but I cannot help to feel heartbroken by knowing that...
I also feel betrayed, its stupid to feel that way I know, but I had that silliest thought that they would always be here whenever I needed, whenever I wanted to know how they were doing by reading their posts or leaving them private messages, it was easier to contact them through here rather than email or msn for exemple.Now they're going in separate ways, it'll be twice as hard to keep in touch.

Remember when I told you that maybe you were spoiling me too much? I truly meant that, when I like someone and become not just a "friend" but the real concept of the word "friend" I get attached, become incredily involved to simply let go...maybe its a quality or a horrible flaw but thats who I am and I won't denie it...

Just a few minutes ago the word "Myotaku" for me had the most pure and beautifull sound ever, it was the same as saying friendship or love, same as that words when we spell it has that warm fuzzy feeling that make us smille each time, remembering us a special memorie or someone.
To me it makes me remember, Shanny, Sephy, Someguy, Alexa, Joshy, Vicky, Ina....and all those special times we've had together...
These people, I've become extremely attached to and just can't bare to let go, especially one of them which I don't need to name it so if two of them truly wants to leave like it seems it'll happen, myo won't ever be the same as it once were, it lost its charm and magic....

But then, maybe....it'd be rude to completely disappear from here...there's others that are still here and I love them so much too, should I denie my presence to them as well?

To you dearest the real questions are, is it really what you want to do, a move that it should be done? Abdicate all those times and nexts to come because suddenly for some way or another we started to think that maybe, just maybe it was time to leave with no special reason for it?
Either way, I respect that as much as I love you.

Heh thinking about it, its kinda poetic because this place will make three years in a few months and only now I'm seriously thinking of leaving...silly isn't it?


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