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Monday, October 19, 2009

don't you just...hate it when you get that nagging little burn in your chest? you know, the one that makes the butterflies in your stomach stir a little, makes you blush ever so slightly, makes you stumble over your words just a smidge?

i do.

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Thursday, October 8, 2009

since when did i become a whore?
it obviously happened when i wasn't looking, because i had no idea, but everyone else seems to notice.

it's not like i'm flaunting the flush
or the swollen lips and gait of a girl
who's getting some. how would they know?


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Saturday, October 3, 2009

i wish i could sleep with corbin, or at least make out with him.


i lvoe being drunk.

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Friday, October 2, 2009

every little thing is wrong in it's own way,
the same way every little thing is well in it's own way.

i am content, and happy to be where i am and who i am.

i am merely lacking critical parts.

what do you think of vienna belle? it's not mars argo, but it'd do.

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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

things could be so much better.

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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

i'm dumb.
really, truly stupid.

first, i go back to him, with the thought planted in my head that maybe something could happen again, maybe the first time around some just some fucking trial run, and we'd both be different.
second, i dodge the questions and answer in half-truths. you'd think that if i wanted something so badly i would be honest and just tell him what i'm feeling, but no. i'm scared he'll reject it all and then i'd lose all chances of ever even being his friend. it's hard enough as it is, with him talking about other girls, asking me what he should do. it kills me, matt. literally kills me. it hurts.
i want him to be happy, but this is me being selfish. this is me wishing with all of my heart that he'd break the other girl's hearts and come back to me. that's such a mean wish, so selfish, but that's how badly i wish things hadn't changed. i loved him. still love him? i don't know. i just wish i had the guts to actually talk to him about this. but like i said, my fear is that we'll talk about it, and then he'll keep his distance. i can see it happening.
god damn it. i knew, in the back of my mind, that this would happen again. i am so fucking stupid.

'oh yeah, because i totally still harbor intense romantic feelings for you. pfft.'
'haha. don't lie.'
'well, they aren't as intense as they used to be...haha.'

i'm such a fucking liar.
i'm too upset to think straight anymore.

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Monday, September 7, 2009

i really miss high school
only because i realize that i
took for granted the fact that i
saw my best friends every day.
i miss so many people right now.
i feel like crying.

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Wednesday, September 2, 2009


back in college.
not posting art on theo anymore.
has a deviantart now.
(hello-candywife, if you were curious)
i've lost my appetite.
aaaand...that's about it.

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Monday, August 24, 2009

ay tus tres ojos lunares

you try and tell me that doesn't sound pretty.

also, happiness is short-lived.
always and everywhere.

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Friday, August 7, 2009

truths of the night:
i totally lie in bed at night and dream about corbin
i really do work in the red light district in eau claire
i really am a mean, mean lady

you learn things about yourself, sometimes.

i hope saturday night really does happen.

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