Wednesday, July 27, 2005
I had the crappiest day today...
My mom and I got in this huge ass argument. I ended up telling her everything I felt about her never being there, and how when she came expecting me to open up for her it was always too late. She just left to work as if nothing. GAH!
It really brought me down. When she left I just went back to bed (this was in the morning, like, right after I had woken up) Alot of shit was going through my head. And I thought of suicide ocne again.
I know I haven't talked about my depressed moments that much with you guys. I'm the type that likes to keep things mostly to myself. But I feel as if I keep things to myself much longer something is going to happen. A few years ago, suicide ran through my mind just about every day. Thank God, I got better, and every time I've thought of suicide since then I think its stupid. But today I was so down, it went back to my head, and it really scared the shit out of me. I don't want to go back feeling like I did when I was fourteen. I really don't want to...
Well, here I am, rambling about stupid shit again. You guys don't want to know about my dark moments, hell no. I'm not the type who goes moaping around all day and cuts herself. You guys know me, and know that I'm not dark. Its just that lately I've been feeling more and more down.
Perhaps. But I'm not seriusly depressed. I know that. You guys know that.
Okay then. NO MORE! its only making my head hurt even more. It hasn't hurt since my nice long relaxing bath I took a while ago...
Okay then. You guys take care now. I think I'm going to do something wild with melted crayloas and create some weird orange canvas of some sort. You guys just stay tight!
Luv and Peace