Saturday, October 16, 2004

   TA DAAA!

TODAY in the otaku...... Sakura Ryuu Presents..... THE PROPERTIES OF THE RODENT SOCIETY!!!! YES! At last, I have come about to writing the sacred law of RODENTHOOD! But first, what is rodenthood? Rodenthood, most commonly known as the laws of gerbil, is the human community represented by a rodent depending on the characteristics they display (ok, too much chem. class there...) There are 3 main categories of rodenthood: Guinea Pigs, Gerbils, and Hamsters, all which display their own characteristics in widely ranged varieties. Also, there is the Acts of Transfer, as well as the nonrodents of society. But first, let us begin.... I. GUINEA PIGS Guinea pigs are perhaps the rarest of all rodents. They are often most likely to be as some people, “heaven-set” as when compared to the other rodents (not that we’re not all heaven-set, though) There are generally 2 types of Guinea Pigs: Good Guinea Pig- The good guinea pig is so exact, it’s almost unexplainable. Good guinea pigs only live in our imagination from how great their greatness is. They are often found among angels and that sort of people. Not many good guinea pigs exist, though. Guinea Pig (regular)- Regular guinea pigs are almost like good guinea pigs, but more common. Instead of being mysterious creatures, they are actually found on the surface of the Earth. They are often very nice people, and remind you of people you are dear to (such as your mommy when she bakes Christmas cookies...) However, regular guinea pigs, or any other type of guinea pigs are extremely rare to find. II. Gerbils! (my favorite!) Gerbils are perhaps the most common and the most varied type of rodent. In fact, 70% of the rodenthood society is a gerbil. Perhaps it is because it’s the best place to be, no matter what you are. There are five types of gerbils. They are: Good Gerbil- The good gerbil is that one friend who is always there for you. Not nice enough to the extreme of guinea pig-ism, but close enough. (In fact, most good gerbils are often mistaken for guinea pigs) There are not many Good Gerbils in the practice of gerbalism (for most tend to become “borderhppers” and enter the realm of guinea pigs). But they still play a significant part in rodenthood. Gerbil (social)- The social gerbil is the every day, average life rodent who follows the same routine every day and always does the expected (pretty dull, huh?) But do not be mistaken by their dullness. About 30% of gerbalism is social gerbalism. They are very social (hint, the name) and may have many friends. They often listen to the most popular music just to keep in touch with society, however, not because its they’re favorite. Many social gerbils are often pressured by their own peers to dress a certain way (to look their best) or follow the most popular trend (if popular paul jumps over the bridge, so will you, my dear gerbil) But all in all, the social gerbil might be the best for you. Gerbil (regular)- The regular gerbil is a gerbil of its own. Regular gerbils are dull, and unlike social gerbils, I mean DULL. But it is not entirely their fault. Most regular gerbils are either very studious and spend their whole lunchtime in the library, stoners and spend all their lunchtime in the library’s bathroom getting stoned, or depressed, spending all their lunchtime in the library’s corner. Their life often reflects to “Pinch Me” by BareNakedLadies, because they want to become something else, but the song gives them mediations, in some sort or weird way... Anyways, sometimes a regular gerbil borderhopp away from depression, but this is nearly as rare as finding a grill cheese underneath your pillow whenever you want one. Bad Gerbil- Bad gerbil is perhaps the best gerbalhood to hood-a-lize. They are bad to the point of TP-ying not only people’s houses, but their stupid biology teacher’s room as well, reflecting a sun glare into people’s eyes in the middle of the school’s practice field, and planning the burnination of local high schools. They often are very hyper, and agree when people call them psychos (not that they all are psychos, though) They share evil laughs with Evil Gerbils, and their reactions often reflect to “Bad Habit” by The Offspring. However, some Bad Gerbils might be hated. They are often mistaken for Evil Gerbils by good gerbils, or even Hamsters by Gloria! (none of which they are) All in all, bad gerbils are perhaps the best rodents to party hard with stupidity (in the good meaning of the word stupidity) Rock on Bad Gerbils! Evil Gerbil- Evil gerbils, often mistaken as hamsters, are very similar to bad gerbils, but at a new level. Instead of just TP-ying, they go to egging, as well as setting people’s hair on fire and burnination of foreign high schools and local colleges. However, unlike bad gerbils, they often do not do such evil things for mere entertainment (which is the reason why they do it harder) and DEFINITELY unlike hamsters, they do not do it to hurt people. They do it for mere revenge and the sake of good evil! They are mostly known for their evil laughs, which are incredibly so good, its funny! They are fun creatures to be with, and are best of friends with Bad Gerbils (all which they hold good strong friendship with). Like bad Gerbils, they listen to the music they like, preferring harder rock like Metallica and Slipknot, with smooths like Staind and Chevelle. III. HAMSTERS...(run awaaaaaaay!) Hamsters are the TRUE EVIL, not Every Villain Is Lemons like Evil gerbils, but I mean, EEVIL as in SATAN EVIL! There are two general types of HAMSTERS! Stupid Hamster- The stupid hamster is the aurora of pure high school EVIL! They are either the bitchy girls who run around telling rumors and/or go shamelessly at the guys, or the EEEVIL NERD you have been trying to beat all your life. They say rude, untrue remarks such as “you were never as smart as I was and never will be”, even though you were nominated Student of the Year last year and HE WASN'T! Most gerbils HATE stupid hamsters, and most Guinea Pigs just pity their pathetic souls. Evil Hamster- The Evil Hamster is someone not to play around or make fun of. They are considered high nobles, even though they’re worse than dogs. They are often dictators and hold big armies that do serious attacks. Unlike the harmless Evil Gerbil, the Evil Hamster try to inflict as much serious pain as possible at their enemies, which include not only the gangster across the street, but the whole society at the other side of the world. A perfect example of the Evil Hamster is HITLER! However, when the Evil Hamster fails miserably, they become Stupid Hamsters for their pathetic failure! IV. Non-Rodents(criticism!) Non rodents are mostly the critics. These are highly original and very scarce, and often seen negatively. There are two types of non-rodents The GLORIA- The Gloria is very rare, so scarce, they’re like more extraordinary than PURE URANIUM! In fact, there has only been one such Gloria reported (I think there are more hidden somewhere out there, though...) Gloria are very sarcastic and criticize their bad gerbil friend. However, they are often best friends with them, because they’re hilarious and so funny its stupid to the point of having their bad gerbil friend miss them a whole load when they leave to the local high school she’s suppose to be burninating! All in all, I would never trade my Gloria! The SQUARE!!! (plain)- The SQUARE is a person who, well, basically, SUCKS! THEY SUCK at EVERYTHING! When you call someone a Square is like telling them off, and calling them a PLAIN SQUARE is even worse! Squares are stupid, they aren’t round like circles, or strong like other geometric polynomials. And that is EXACTLY why Tutoring and Band and Peace Treaty Breaking is for SQUARES! (unless, of course, you are doing it to make the Gloria mad, then that’s Bad Gerbalism!) V BorderHoppers Borderhoppers are very common now-a-days. Like the man who lets go of his nationality, Borderhoppers are the rodents who hopp from one border to the other. There are many borders in the Laws of Rodenthood. The easiest is the one that separates the Good Gerbils from Guinea Pigs. The slimmest (yet not necessarily the easiest to hopp) is the one between Bad and Evil gerbils. And perhaps the hardest is the one between the Hamster and Gerbil (even harder to Evil Gerbil). Some rodents borderhopp all the time within their rodenthood (such as Bad Gerbils jump to Evil Gerbils back and forth), and some waist half of their time trying to hopp (such as a Stupid hamster DARING to try to become an Evil Gerbil) Others tend to just stay in their own spot (mostly guinea pigs and regular gerbils) This hopping is known as the Acts of Transfer. So there you have it! The Sacred Law of Rodenthood! Now go, my rodent, and teach what you have been given. Asta La Vista... Your Hostess ~~Sakura Ryuu MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH! (I dunno why I said that!)

Comments (2)