Wednesday, January 30, 2008

   i need a hole.
hey guys. im not havin a very good day. one of my friends was mad at me and wouldnt tell me why. she wouldnt even talk to me. (as if that werent enough, my mom just told me that my cousin emailed her and said 'we took reva(my aunt) to the doctor and they said to bring her back in 30 days,' and heres the real kicker.'if shes still alive') so my friend wont even talk to me, and kenichi told me that she was mad at me for a really stupid reason. it doesnt even concern her. i mean, shes entitled to her opion. she can think what she wants. i just dont see why she didnt come out and tell me. i dont even know if well be friends any more after today. it really sucks cause weve been best friends since the fourth grade. i hate this so much. even worse. i cried. i hate letting my gaurd down in front of people like that. ive been hurt alot in my life, and its hard for me to let people see me like that. i just feel so vonerable and week. in front of my coven i might have been ok, but in front of the whole school? i couldnt stand it. i just dont know what to do. sometimes i wish i was a guy. I really suck at the teenage girl thing. im not so good at dealing with all of the drama. it sucks because my instincts told me to stay home today, but i just had to go to school. so all in all, today sucked, and its just getting worse and worse. my pack is falling apart, my aount is dying, and the depression isnt helping with it all. but chi, i just wanna thank you for being there for me today. your an amazing friend. i love you so much. i cant even begin to explane how awful i feel about you being caught in the middle of this all. i really just need a place to curl up, and never come back out. the worst thing is that i feel like i just wanna sit with my pack and cry, but i dont know how to do that. i want comfort from them, but i dont know how to ask for it. i dont know how to go about opening up. if you have any advice for me at this screwed up time in my life, please let me know.
~bella~
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