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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Okay, for those of you who know me personally (which not many of you do) I'm going back to camp on Monday. Yes, THAT camp. For those who are blissfully unaware of what I'm discussing here, I'm going back to Church Camp, where last year I had a very, very, very bad experience with mud...

First let me set the scene of the camp, the food is horrible. I had a clump of noodles on what was supposed to be spaghetti, that was an inch in circumfrence! Everything is about a mile (so I'm exaggerating, but not by much!) away from each other. The showers suck, so no one really takes a good shower. You have to pull on strings to get water to run, so you have to pull a string the entire time, while trying to wash your hair with one hand.... I went 3 days without actually washing my hair (thank god the nurse knew how to french braid hair).

well, we go to this church camp, and last year i got bumped up from kiddy camp to teen camp. so we go during this massive heat wave. and well, this one day our counselor says that we're going to go down to the lake *which is a mile away from everything else* and do games, and to put on our swimsuits under our clothes. well, i don't put on a swimsuit saying i'll watch and not do anything *because god has a cruel sense of humor for girls*. so that doesn't work cause one of the "perky" *ugh* counselors drags me into it. so i'm soaking wet in full clothes, jeans and everything. so then, after making me swim through the water, they get the bright idea of making us go into this mud... and this is the most disgusting mud you've ever seen. it would take off your tennis shoes off of you it sucks your feet in. and it smells like rotten fish... so i get all monk-ish and germaphobic on them. i'm like "oh hell no!" and they say that we have to play leap frog... i'm pretty much screwed. so that gets over and then you'll never guess the next words that i hear....

MUD... FIGHT!!!!!!

so,i try to move cause, you know, I'M FUCKING AFRAID THAT THIS MUD IS TOXIC!but i'm not fast enough, i'm caught in a crossfire and i'm getting plastered when all of a sudden, someone lands it right on the money. that's right, on my mouth. i can see this vile mud on my lips. it's in my TEETH! So, me being me, i start to heave, and as in heave, i mean, the act of vomiting without the vomit. and god bless this woman, a counselor comes up and asks me, "are you all right".
and in my mind i'm screaming DO I LOOK LIKE I'M FUCKING ALL RIGHT? I'M ABOUT TO THROW UP ON YOUR FEET! I'M NOT FUCKING ALL RIGHT! So she takes off her shirt *keep in mind they all had swimsuits underneath* and wipes off my mouth. all i can squeak out is thank...you... in a high squeaky voice. So then i squeak out, showers. and these showers suck. i mean, you have to pull a string in order to get water running. no one takes actual showers there. So i wash all of that mud off of me. and i carry the mud infested clothes back to the cabin carrying them as far away from me as humanly possible. and i put them in a plastic trash bag and hide it at the bottom of my suitcase.

when i got home i told my dad, do not open this bag until you are absolutely about to was these clothes. not before. he had to wash both sides off with a hose, then wash them. and the shirt still smells faintly like that.

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