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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Dear Friends,

Iíve never felt such satisfaction in just sitting around doing nothing. The entire day, I sat on my ass, not listening to music, not watching TV, not reading. I just stared at my ceiling for who know how long. I let myself think about all the things that I think are wrong with my life and the lives of the people that I care about. I tried thinking of solutions to all of the problems, and then eventually I lost track of what I was thinking and then I did nothing but stare at the texture on my roof. I can honestly say that I donít know what happened during that time, all I can remember was seeing my ceiling, but I donít remember thinking anything else, all I remember is the texture. I know, it sounds odd, but I really donít know how else to put it.

Recently I have been obsessed with making theseÖI donít know what to call them. All I do is take song lyrics and then ďsmooshĒ them together using different fonts and colors. Nothing spectacular, but it helps to pass the time.

My little brother is coming home tomorrow. I know that this is a horrible thing to say but I donít k now if I miss him. Iím quite odd when it comes to missing people. Iím terrible for the first 2 weeks, I cry and complain but then after that, Iím fine. I guess it is because maybe after that 2 week period I realize that I can live without them, and I donít need them in my life. I really wish that I would get it figured out, hopefully one day I will.

I leave early tomorrow morning to go and pick him up from my Auntieís house. Four hour, with no air-conditioning, road trip here I come! Although I am quite happy to be going, because I get to see my cousins, I adore my cousins, especially my cousin Santana. I used to always wish that I could have been her. I was stupid-not to say anything mean about my cousin, but I realize now that everyone needs to experience their own things, and in doing so, they need to build confidence within themselves. Yeah, I donít know where I am going with this.

Is it horrible that I am looking forward to seeing my cousin and not my little brother?

Have a good one you guys.

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