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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Dear Friends,

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He doesnít want to step out side of the present, this present. Because once he does, there will be college applications and college acceptances (just one will do) and the last day of everything (last class, last party, last night, last day, last goodbye) and then the world would change forever and he will go to college and eventually become and adult. That is not what he wants. He does not want those complications, those changes. Not now.
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So today was fun, I bought Mochi. =D I havenít had mochi in such a long time. It is quite delish <3~

I have a horrid school schedule. I went to change and revise it today. It is even worse than it was before. Iíll end up with 98 credits by the end of grade 11. So really I could graduate after the first quarter of grade 12. =D

I bought books today, and I bought Are We There Yet by David Levithan and The Last Days by Scott Westerfled. The Chunk at the beginning of my post if from the fantastic book, Are We There Yet. I love it.
I decided to post that chunk, because that is pretty much the same way that I feel about my life. Yet another reason why I happen to think that David Levithan is so talented.

That was my day. Have a good day you guys.

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Monday, August 27, 2007

Dear Friends,

I'm back. I bring stories that will paint a smile on your face. I also bring a new level of dislike for my mother.

Staying at my fathers was fun. I was nocturnal for the majority of the week. I enjoyed it though. I would start working at 12am and we wouldnít finish till about 5-6am. I have to say that it was an adventure. There was this one kid Dallas. He was so stunned it was unbelievable. Here is the one conversation.

Donavan: You feel how rough that is on your ass Jesse?
Jesse: Yeah...Why?
Donavan: It's getting you ready for jail.
Sam+Kysha+Jesse+Donavan+Dallas: *laugh like idiots*
Sam: Hey Dallas, we're going to send you to jail too.
Dallas: I'll Love it there. (he said it with the straightest face the world has ever seen.)

There were other things, like when Dallas randomly asked Donavon if he was a virgin out of the blue, because to Dallas he looked like one. [roflmao]
There were many conversation on the same lines :]

So the dislike of my mother is because of something that hasnít even happened yet. I called Frankie today and she said that Mikeís mother wanted to plan a surprise sleep over for him. I havenít seen Mike since may :[ So, that mean this is something I am looking forward to but the thing is Iím so scared to ask my mo because of her ďno seeing MikeĒ rule. Oh well.

Other than that, I am boring. Iíve made a picture for the mmm_jrockcrack community on Livejournal. Check it out!

Well I think Iíll leave you, have a good one.

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Friday, August 17, 2007

Dear Friends,

I'm in Obsession-mode. I just found out that Tegan and Sara (as in the band) are from CALGARY. WHERE I USED TO LIVe and their father lives where i do now airdrie. Which is like 10 min from where I used to live ( hence why I put i still live in calgary lmao.) SO yeah, I'm freaking out about that. <3333

I"m leaving for my father's today. I won't be back will the 26th. have a good one you guys.

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Dear Friends,

Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again today.And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame. Be my friendHold me, wrap me up. Unfold me. I am small and needy. Warm me up.And breathe me Ouch I have lost myself again. Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be found, Yeah I think that I might break. Lost myself again and I feel unsafe. Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me. I am small and needy. Warm me up. And breathe me. Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me, I am small and needy. Warm me up. And breathe me

Today, I found out that my friendís father is a drunk and that last night; he almost beat him, but then decided to throw the most horrible words at him. I swear to God, that if I heard he was being beaten, I am going to go over there and express my feelings, I donít care if I get the shit kicked out of me either. NO ONE does that to one of my friends. NO ONE should ever do that to their kids. I donít care what kind of problem you have; you donít take it out on them.

I pray to God that I donít end up like my mother or my friendís father.

My friend insists that he can take care of himself. But I just want him to be safe. I want him to not have to live with the fear of ďis my dad going to come home drunk tonight?Ē He is always worrying about others. He is constantly trying to help me with my problems. Even though he really should be worrying about his, If it gets worse, I Ďm going to ask my mother if he can move in with us, seeing as he doesnít get along with his mother. I do hope that he will be alright. That everything will be okay for him.

I watched 300 today, It was amazing. I love that movie so much at the moment. Also I discovered that Tegan and Sara and Shiny Toy Guns are playing where I live. I must see them.

Have a good on you guys.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Dear Friends,

As most of you know, it was my motherís birthday today. I do have to say that it was an interesting day.

It started off fine, she picked me up after she got home from work, and we went out for dinner. Thatís when it went from good to horrible.

My mother canít help herself, it doesnít matter what conversation we are having she always has to pull my boyfriend into it. She says the most horrible things about him as well. She started off with, ďThat boy is so weird, I swear to god that he must be gayĒ and then went on with ďhe is such a freak.Ē. I was mad. I told her to back off. That she had to right to say something like that, to leave him alone and that she was being rude. She gave me the evil eye.

Other than that, my day has been uneventful. I joined communities on Live Journal and that is it.

Have a good day you guys ♥

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Monday, August 13, 2007

Dear Friends,

Iíve been reading The Perks Of Being A Wallflower over and over again these past few days and I do have to say, it is still my favourite book. I still find it amazing that Mr. Stephen Chbosky wrote the screen adaptation for Rent. He really is a talented fellow. I look up to all the work he has done.
Seeing as I start school in a few days, Iíve been starting to wonder what it is going to be like when I leave this place. I mean when I leave home, I donít think that I will be leaving myO in the near future. I always find myself wondering this at varying points of the year. I have yet to figure out what I want to study. Nothing really interests me. The only things that do are: films, and the show Intervention. Thatís it, nothing else. And I really donít see how I will be able to make a living out of that.
I canít imagine living away from home, out on my own with the entire world there for me to explore. I have these childish ambitions of wanting to see the world, to meet as many people as I can to hear their stories. Stories so personal and heartfelt, you canít help but get swept up with emotion by listening to them. Maybe Iíll become a social worker Ö although I really do doubt that Iíd help any. Iíd probably make things worse. Maybe Iíll be a Ö I have no clue. I still have a little less than 2 years to figure this out. Iíll make it work one of these days.
Has anyone ever heard of the band Parfait? They are a J-Indie band, and I can never ever find anything on them whenever I make the effort to do a search on them, I always get pictures of people eating parfaits or recipes for them. Itís not fun at all.
I watched Stand By Me today. I had forgotten why I loved that movie. I do hope that I never forget again. It is too fantastic.
Also, It is my mothers birthday today. I don't know what to get her. She never tells what she wants and she buys the things she needs. D:

Well, I think Iím ending this post now.
Have a good day all of you. *hug*

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Sunday, August 12, 2007

Dear Friends,

Thank you for the comments. They mean a lot to me. They really do.

It's beginning to get cold in my house. Even though it is summer we have the thermostat set to 75 degrees, and I still happen to think it need to be turned up another 5 degrees. Although I do believe I have solve this problem. I have been doing a lot of baking lately. Not for a certain reason, I do it when I am bored. (there is a point to this I swear) Last night after I finished baking, I sat down to watch Intervention and while I was watching it, Frankie called me. I explain to her how I had made cookies, and she ended up coming all th way out her to pick up some. It made my day.

I decided that I would call Mike today. I tried to get up the courage to tell him about the situation. I've kept him in the dark about it. I don't want to see him sad. I couldn't tell him. He started apologizing for not calling me for so long, and his family said hi to me over the phone, asked me how I was doing, how my summer was going, when I was going to come and visit them and I couldn't do it. I know, I need to grow a back bone, I need to be strong. In that moment though, i couldn't. I'm an idiot.

There is a lot to the story unfortunately. The majority of it surrounds my mother and I. It's a pain. Long story short. My mother doesn't approve, I haven't told him or his family, I feel horrible because whenever he wants to go out I can't because of the situation and I have pulled Frankie's family into it as well, seeing as they are cousins. So, I'm hurting a lot of people. More then I ever want to in my entire life. That is what is making this hard.

But that is enough of my sob-story. I'll figure it out. Give me time, I usually figure these things out.

I've been watching The Breakfast Club. I adore this movie. It is amazing and wonderful and it cheers me up no matter what. And today was no different. This post is getting quite long. I think I'll end it here.

Have a good one you guys *hugs*

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Saturday, August 11, 2007

Dear Friends,

I am begining to strongly dislike my mother.
I can't stand the restrictions that she has put on me. I have even toyed with the idea of breaking up with Mike. I mean this is what it is all about. she doesn't approve. I don't think that she ever will. It's not that she has a problem with him, it's just that she has a probem with "us". It's even harder bacause I haven't seen him in a few months, and his birthday is coming up. I don't want to wreck it for him. Plus I know it's going to be awkward afterwards. But he is my bestfriend. I don't want to fuck things up. He's helped me through alot, adn I know this is cliche, but i don't know what i would do without him.
I love my mother, I always will, But i don't like what she is at the moment.

lol, itty-bitty rant.

Have a good day you guys *hugs*

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Thursday, August 9, 2007

Dear Friends,

I spent the morning searching the internet for some good quality pictures of The Studs. Unfortunately I didn't find a lot. I only found 2. One of which I decided to make a "banner-esq." (Did I even spell that right?) claim of my love for the band. Here it is.

What can I say, I get bored easily. :P

I downloaded a few fonts, which is now something that I find myself doing quite frequently now. =D

Thank you all for the comments yesterday. I do have so say that I was glad to see a lot of you guys had suggestions for me. ^^ I know that seeing a shrink will cost money, which is why I have been so reluctant to tell my mother. I mean I know we don't have enough money to spend on something like that. I'll figure this out. *nods*

Magnus, I think that you idea is absolutely fantastic! I'm 100% for it.

But I think that is it for me. Iím going to either go to bed, or make more banner-things.

Have a good one you guys *hug*

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Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Dear Friends,

Today, I had another moment, where for some reason I was filled with a ton of anger. I scare the shit out of myself a lot of the times when I do this. I honestly think that I need to see a shrink. I just need to think of a way to explain this to my mother, so that she will believe me.

In other news I got to talk to my friend Nie-Nie (Nigel)! I havenít talked to him since the last day of grade 9. So over a year pretty much. I missed the art adventures that I used to have with him. He told me that he works a Safeway. So I plan to visit him the next time he is working. The only thing is I need to convince my mother to drive me into CowTown so that I can visit with him. Iím crossing my fingers. Iím hoping she will let me.

Iíve decided that I just might try writing again. I hope it turns out.

Have a good one you guys. *hug*

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