Sunday, September 20, 2026

   Watch the world float to the darkside of the moon

I am back with another update. I keep floating around here and there. I mostly have been kind of laying low most of last week...been in a bit of a downer mood because I found out one of my friends passed away. While I wasn't particularly close to him, I did spend some time with him and I enjoyed doing stuff with him like going to a local art studio where people with disabilities (do not mean this in a bad way AT ALL) can do art for a certain amount of time for free. I go there almost every week to do artwork because it helps me get out of my apartment...and I do have some invisible disabilities as well too.

Anyway, I found out from another friend that he had passed away in June due to some kind of cancer. I was devastated because I knew he had been absent for along time because he had been sick...But to find out that he has been gone since June was a gut punch to me. While I wasn't close to him, I still miss him greatly because I had spent a great deal of time doing different things like doing artwork to playing games and meeting up to go to the local Botanical garden place and things like that. Point is, I did a lot of stuff with him and his staff (whom I also used to work with and is the people (allegedly but her constantly giving me dirty looks EVERY time I see her kind of proves my theory) treating me like shit and vilifying me...for whatever fucking reason! And it just sucks that I had to find out through another friend that my other friend passed away. It really just has been a blow from out of the dark.

It was like the people I had been dealing with for Supported COmmuntity Living services (basically services that help people who have disablities to run errands, work toward goals, manage budgets,etc.) thought I didn't have the right to know. Let's just say since I left the services of this...organization...SOMe of the staff have gone out of their way to vilify me...for whatever stupid fucking reason! And....finding out about my friend's death just tied back into this whole bullshit...

It's something I have been dealing with for the past....since about July. Anyway, long story short...been dealing with...the fallout from some...people I thought I could trust...and they have been nasty to me even though I have worked with them for almost eight to nine-ish years. It's a whole thing I don't want to fully go into. The long and the short of it is that I'm pissed that I had to find out about my friend's passing thorugh another friend who is still receiving SCL services from the organization I left. So I have been dealing with this loss and a lot of body pain, hence the lying low most of last week.

This week however, I plan to try to get out and do a bit more. I will make time to go to my favorite free local art studio to make some art. I want to try to maybe just to get outside at least once this coming week...Of course, I will do karaoke with my family on Thursday night.

I am doing my best to recognize painful emotions when it comes to the people who treated me wrong from the past SCL organization I received services through...a lot of them acted like I kicked their fucking dogs or something. Honestly, it's all just been a bunch of bullshit. There have been a few people from there that actually treat me like a human being when I see them...usually when they are with their clients at the free local art studio. However, it's been rough but I feel like I'm moving in the right direction...even if the road has been bumpy.

What else has been going on with me? Well, NOT A whole hell of a lot. I've been watching a lot of Pokemon Rom Hack let's plays on Youtube to get me through. That's been somewhat helpful. I also have been just kind of...laying low and chilling when I can. Like I said, I will try to get out more this week. THat's something I am going to work on. It's been slow going to me....a bit of a rough transition from what chapter of my life to another. I'm hanging in there as best as I can. Doing my best everyday....even if most days I'm just surviving.

I didn't mean for this to be a negative post. I just wanted to talk about some of my feelings just to process them and get them out of my system. Everyday is getting and has been getting a little easier since July. Healing is not a linier process...that's for damn sure. Also, I'm thankful that it's finally fucking cooled off where I live. It makes things better a bit. I can wear my hoodie. So there's that.

ALso listening to music has been helping me process my feelings too. Doing my best. That's all I got for now.

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Monday, September 7, 2026

   A wild post appeared

WOW...I guess I kind of took a bit of a break from this place huh? I am still floating around here...TBH, I have been recovering from a surgery these past few weeks. I'm finally starting to feel better...I am not going into detail. It was a minor procedure that I had to have done for a bigger one that I want to have done. Let's just say that is something I have been struggling with ever since I transitioned. It is something that has been giving me some dysphoria...Let's just say that much. I don't want to say anything more than that. I HOPE this doesn't make anyone dislike me any less...Yes I am FTM transgender...again, I hope this doesn't make you hate me. I am a human just like anyone else here. It sucks I have to say that but it is what it is...

Anyway, last week was my Dad and my new stepmom's wedding. It was a good ceremony...very beautiful. Last week was hectic because I had my surgery in the same week too as my dad's wedding too. Also went to a prewedding party too...did some karoke there. Overall, last week was very busy. But yeah, my dad is now married. I can't believe it...I remember the build up...and then it happens...and then life goes on but things have changed significantly...not like in a bad way though.

I have been doing my art when I can. It has been the one thing that has been consistent and helping me through my funks...I deal with a lot of depression and lack of interest in things. And yes, I have been going to therapy too...which helps. But it still doesn't stop like my seasonal depression, especially these past few days since it's been hotter than hell where I live. I am hoping that it will cool off because I cannot deal with hotter than hell temps.

I am not trying to souND LIKE I am complaining. I have just been doing my best to feel better since my surgery a few weeks ago. I finally am starting to feel a bit more like myself. That and seeing somebody I used to know and I THOUGHT she knew me better but apparently not...that's a story for another time. Point is, I'm doing better...even if it's a little bit.

And yes, I had a good decent time during my dad's wedding and I'm happy for him. And I love my new stepmom too. She's great. Anyway, that's all I got for now. It's been a minute since I typed something here...But here I am. I'm still around....sometimes at least haha.

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Friday, August 14, 2026

   Another Update

Yep, still posting here to keep this place alive along with a few others. Anyway, my art show went well. I managed to sell probably about 8 or so pieces, give or take plus a few of my 4x6in prints that I had for sale. This was my first time having my own show where my artwork was exclusively featured. I have had my art featured in other art shows before, but usually with other people's art, to have had my own art show was a cool and nerve-wracking experience.

What else have I been up to? TO be honest, not a whole hell of a lot. Just taking things one day at a time. I finally was able to go to the store to get some groceries so it is nice to have food in the house again. It will save me money on ordering out as much. But sometimes you need those "f#ck it" nights once in awhile. I have a lot of nights where I just don't feel like cooking at all.

I got to go to my local free art studio and hang out and do some drawing today. So that was nice. I try to get out of my apartment when I can. I have just been taking things one day at a time. I wish I could remember how to customize these posts...like to have my text appear over an image or something. But I don't know quite how to do that. Anyways, not much else going on. Just posting here sometimes...when I remembeR TO do so.

BeforE, I would just forget this place exists...but here I am. I miss the days of awesome customization like those MySpace music players that you could paste in your profiles. Way back when, I had one of those on here...and the Photobucket slideshows too...with anime pictures. I miss that stuff. But what can you do? Anyways...I'm rambling.

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