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Friday, October 9, 2009

I was goin thru jennys old posts to find and stalk her twitter :3 bhut i think i failed at finding it anyways.

I'm done with school in 2 months
Then I'm getting engaged to James.
Then moving in with him.
Then goin to college 4 short amt of time.
Then Imma start making babies.
Start a little family hehe.

Or if college falls thru we'll go to california make babies and sell weed for a living shhhshh. aha.

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Sunday, October 4, 2009

I know its been a while.
I haven't been online period for a long time.
So I've just been... not online.
I dont rememebr what my site looks like. or what i wrote last.

Dang. my 2 best friends from last year and blogging about how they hate themselves and shit. And feel like life has no point.

And I'm happy now. The opposite of them? I do love myself.
Im not lucky, or pretty or spoiled. I guess i worked for this happy? Counseling, treatment, lessons to learn, meds, drugs, sex, broken hearts, mistakes, meeting the right and wrong people.

I think i've got through life thanks to learning from mistakes, being relatable to people, being friendly and nice, and James. :)
Yes I'm single. Maybe had enough? Just cuz we broke up again doesn't mean me and James are done now. I'm almost done with high school. Then I want to move in with him (it mite kill my mom...) if he gets a place. He just got a job and we had his birthday party friday nite. it was pretty awesome. we spent like $55 on alcohol lol and weed. Wow i didn't add that up b4. and i got him a phone for his b-day. I want to get engaged, but he wants to wait til this chik has his baby i guess. Then I'll have the rest of his, of ours. haha.

I should just always keep in my mind that, once in a while, i get, uh, like i need space and start man-hating. but i should keep in mind i do better with James. And that that doesn't mean its time to end it. It'd save wasted alone time, and save me from him gettin grls pregnant. xP

If i did date anyone it would not be a guy. Cuz i've found mine over a year ago.

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Sunday, August 16, 2009


I be sure single. I did it when school started back up cuz thats when i saw him again. It wasnt too bad, turns out he was feelin "unstable" ayways.
i just told him that it was too hard to see eachother.

even tho there was........ wayyyyy more to the story, i thought that excuse was good enough fo him.


schools nice i have 2 classes, sculpture and geography.
which i kinda forgot about homework this weekend. "forgot"
GREAT start ik.

and lots of people say ive gotten hotter this year. hahaha. i had a fake lip ring on for half the week and the hottest girls were like all over me haha. one said it made her want to kiss me and im like WHY DONT YEWWW
so i want it done for real but parental freaking out u kno.

its like jeezus i had metal braces in my mouth that caused more damage 3 1/2 years i think i can handle it//


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Saturday, August 8, 2009



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i want green olive

*i hang my head in shame*
*shame of neglection*
I've been too busy doing absolutely nothing, really, its srsbsns, to get on here. So I feel shamee TISK TISK
okay yelling at myself doesnt really do much...

wow. i kinda cant stand my boyfriend anymore.
i cant stand men anymore.
i was gone 3 weeks. came back and realized, nothing has changed with that boy since i met him a year and a half ago.
And i feel like ive changed alot.
so, i havent heard from him in four days, which makes it kinda hard to break it off, ya know?

Its worse. than long distance. because there is no texting. no internet communication. in between seeing. eachother. fragments. are fun. yes.


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Sunday, July 5, 2009

I do miss you guys!!!

Okay, well, I thought I was going to be on more...
and I leave tomorrow at 5 am so... Maybe I can get on myo at camp, theres high speed internet this year.
Which is awesome!!!
Which also means all the computers will be pretty busy.

I talked to Gabe's sister on facebook, for a first since me n him broke up. Glad to know she doesnt have a grudge. And sounds like he's doing good too (he doesnt talk to me anymore).

I didn't get to see James before I leave!!!
I'm very sad and bummed.
I havent even gotten to talk to him! So bogus!
I've been moody all day because of it. But maybe this makes goodbye easier. I dropped off my camp address at his house. but he;s never home so, idk when he'll get it.
It worries me, cuz then I get all "Hope he's not losing interest" paranoia.
I blame paranoia on this one, not trust issues.

I swear I have anxiety problems, and I have a feeling when I start driving [again] theyre gonna come out way more.

Hey anyone wanna write me or send shit? Lmao.
If I get more than 3 pieces of mail in 1 day OR a package i have to sing a song or tell a joke in front of everyone. LOL


Yeah, you need all that crap for the address.
Idc if u don't know me personally, mail is fun. Lmao

I start getting mail from strangers in Yemen. Rofl.

I'm only there until July 26 so come 7/23 or so would be too late to send shit.


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Monday, June 22, 2009

Hii, well I'll probably be updating more for the next 2 weeks, because I'm out of school. Yet now that I'm out of school I have less interesting things to post.

My life gets pretty boring and pathetic during breaks.

Especially when the only person I really hang around with here is James and he's been busy and stuff or theres always something missin idk.

So I get stuck in my home, in my head.
Which isn't too bad. I've been better about it.
Talking to James kind of makes me sad though, cuz I miss him so much.
I shouldn't complain so much tho, I'm gonna be gone 3 weeks straight in July. Probably not gonna get to talk to him much. If I can hardly get ahold of him now, in Milwaukee... in Michigan, dude, it's gonna suck. I'm not good at being away from my loves.

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I'm jolly.

I destroyed a computer monitor today wif my foot.
Kicked the living shit out of it.
It was at school. So I'm suspeded 2 days.
Poor computer right?
Yea, ik. it was a piece of shit anyway it didnt work.

So that was just all about built up anger, worry, sadness, depression, lalala, frustration.
Oh My God
It felt soooooooooo good.
Until when Katy pulled me off the thing and i tried standing on my foot, it hurt like hell.

That didn't feel so good :(

DAMMIT. It was so worth it though. I felt so great afterwards that I felt happy giddy high from natural chemicalzz in mah brainz.
My mom took me to emergency later to get x rays and stuff, nuthins broken, just gotta take care of it. OOH and I might be able to get pain meds tomorrow.
So uhm, it was a big day. Lets just say.

Okay frm last post, We're both insecure because we've both hurt eachother before (I cheated on him/left him for some1 else, and he got a diff grl pregnant) So we have rational reasona to be like dat. (i'm sure now that in my heart and head, he is THE one. i'm never leavin him again)
All we really need to help our depression is to be together. And by together I don't mean being at school at the same time. When we don't see eachother often or communicate things get very tense.
But we got to talk today and I feel so much better.

After everything today, I feel like I've lost 20 emotional pounds. Maybe 15. I'm not completely healed. Just the main probs.


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Monday, May 25, 2009

I don't know how I stay offline, I just do. Harharr like it was over a week ago I updated already.

Life kinda sux, I'm back in a funk (or did i mention that last post) idk i haven't kept track of how long.
Its mostly my boyfriend and my head thats the problem. Its not his fault though, but we're both depressed and like feeding off eachother's sadness and its a vicious unhealthy circle I can't get out of cuz I love him too much to leave him.
I almost can't see why he loves me anymore. I just don't get it anymore, I feel like we're so different. Even if we are though I still love him with all my heart. Maybe thats the case for him too but idk.
I'm just so unsure of things all the time... cuz i'm insecure i guess?
Maybe thats my problem, I'm always trying to figure out why I feel things, I don't just feel. I gotta know why. And maybe that ruins it.

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Sunday, May 17, 2009

I got a mini lava lamp! lol. It reminds me of Jenny's

Hallo. Sorry I was gone so long D:
I hadn't been on the computer much except for printing guitar tabs.

Not much?
I seem to be in a funk every now and then but mostly cuz I worry about James bein stuck at home or not coming to school. We are really good otherwise, he's just in a crappy situation himself.

But US, like i said, really really great.
He stayed at my house 2 days in a row, my attempt to free him from his house for a little while (he's eternally thankful for it, too). He was going crazy there.
I wish he could stay more though. Like a week or something. But idk.

School hasnt changed much, I still want to get the hell out. And yeah despite all my compaining last post I'm still gonna stay for a bit next year, I was just jealous.

Our school was on TV btw. Peace Rally!!

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