Alright, so things have been goin' better lately, besides me still failing math ^^;
~~~~~~~~School~~~~~~~~
What can I say, it's almost finally over! The work, drama, stress, all of it almost gone! I'm even doing well in most of my classes, whereas I usually tend to slack off in the last couple weeks of school.
~~~~~~~~Tension~~~~~~~~
But despite the good, happy mood an' all, there's still somethin' that's been bugging me (though I shan't say what). It something that I really want to fix, but I don't see any way that I could make it better, only worse. I hate sitting idle, feeling so helpless in situations like this >.<
I'll just say it wouldn't be a good way to end my school year.
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But anywho, I'm back to my normal, perky self ^^
So, hope everyone is well!
~NGS
@GhostlyNinja: sorry I haven't been checkin' up on your site lately. For some reason it loads increadibly slow and kinda messed up my computer a bit when I last tried to get on ^^;
But I'll keep trying when I have time!
Ah, I remember when I had, like, 20 guestbook signings and was ranked up in the 3 thousands XP
~~~~~~~~Self stuff~~~~~~~~
Lately I've been going through a lot of self doubt. Well, more than usual.
I know it's unhealthy, but I constantly put myself down, degrade myself, etc. I first started to do that to myself because it made it less painful when other people did it to me, but not it's become what I've really thought of myself. That I'm not worth crap, I don't know why the few people that talk to me even do, I should just pray for death, and that kinda stuff.
I'm really trying to stop, but it's been going on so long that it's become habit, my way of thinking. And a certain person who's going to "buy me a social life" doesn't help either. She's such a bitch. She seems to think we're friends, but in every conversation she starts, she manages to insult me in just about every way possible >.<
~~~~~~~~School~~~~~~~~
English HSA is finally over. Now I just have to worry about finals. And worrying I am certainly doing. I feel so unprepared!
Hopefully by the time I have to take them I'll be able to get my act together and actually study XP
Sorry for the lackage of visiting lately. Been rather busy over the weekend.
~~~~~~~~Mother's Day~~~~~~~~
Every year around mother's day, my mom gets in this really prissy attitude. It's like she expects us to follow her everywhere, opening doors, being slave-for-a-day, etc, and it's really irritating.
I was in a pretty good mood when I came home from my friend's house Saturday afternoon. But that didn't last long. No sooner was I about to go wish my mom happy mother's day, she walks in the computer room, turns on the light (ahhh! My eyes!), and walks out. So I politely asked her to turn the lights back off, and she starts yelling at me and telling me not to get an attitude with her. Well sorry, guess I'll never try to be polite again *rolls eyes*
Then a little later on she wasn't looking where she was walking and walked into the weight bar we have on the bench press in our basement and starts randomly yelling at my brother blaming him for it and telling him to move it out of the middle of the floor. For one, it was only her fault for not watching where she was walking. Two, it wasn't even in the middle of the floor. Three, she was standing right by it, so why does anyone else have to walk all the way across the room just to appease her?
So in the end, I didn't get her anything and didn't even wish her a happy mother's day. It's kinda hard to when you get scolded for just approaching her >.>;
~~~~~~~~School~~~~~~~~
I managed to get two, yes, TWO bowls done in ceramics today! w00t! And even better, I actually like them! ^___^
~~~~~~~~Gaia~~~~~~~~
I finally got to creating a new account on Gaia under the name KaitouKunoichi since my old one wouldn't let me on anymore. Sure, I made it a while ago, but until yesterday I didn't really start using it again. I forgot how addicting that site can be O.O;
~~~~~~~~School~~~~~~~~
I really am SO happy. The day ended pretty good with a test in chemistry. How is a test good, you may ask? Well, I seriously thought I was gonna bomb it, but I actually think I did rather well!
Of course, I actually did bomb a test in math this morning, what does it matter? I'm taking it again next year.
Web page got slightly confusing. As mentioned before, we're working on style sheets. Well for some reason one of the commands wasn't working on my computer. Only after stressing about it for a while did I find out I had to do it differently from the book and what the teacher taught us -_-;
My computer's all messed up...
~~~~~~~~Friends~~~~~~~~
Well, my one suicidal friend seems to be getting better. He actually came up and gave me a hug yesterday, so hopefully that's a good sign.
~~~~~~~~Music Video~~~~~~~~
I'm sorry to the people who get really annoyed with people putting YouTube videos on their sites (guilty as charged) but I just adore this one ^^
I decided it’d be much easier if I divided all my posts up like this. Yeah, much more organized ^^
Credits to NarutoBlackmail for the idea!
~~~~~~~~School~~~~~~~~
Web page is getting interesting again (finally). We just began working on style sheets. Maybe I'll be able to do somethin' new with this site soon ^_^
But math is aweful. I just can't get algebra II, no matter how hard I try >.<; So frustrating. And it doesn't help when I only have math once or twice a week.
Chemistry is also confusing me a bit. And it's mostly math o.o; I've been getting B's in it so far, but this being the last marking period, the one I usually slack off on, and stuff I don't understand, I really hope I can manage to pull through. I have an A right now, but I can already see it sinking lower and lower... into the pits of the abyss!!! *dramatic music*
Let's see, what else...
Ah, yes. Creative writing. There's this really annoying boy in my class who is now in my play group. He seriously has no experience with acting/play writing whatsoever, and keeps trying to change what my friend and I have written. He's always like "my character just isn't... me". Well DUH! That's why it's called acting! I wish I could just get that through his head >.<;
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Okay, so one of my friends has gone all suicidal.
Sure, he completely ignores me most of the time and seems to disregard any advice or offers to listen that I offer him, but I still care.
I truthfully don't think he'll do it, but I feel that if I told him that to his face, that might change.
But I told him how I really feel about it: his angsting is annoying, if he doesn't want to hurt people he wouldn't be saying/doing things like that, and he has to take responsibility for his own actions and they harm that they might cause people.
Maybe I was a little forward about it, but hey, I speak my mind, and that's that.
Of course, if he does do it, I've sealed my own fate. I'll end up feeling it was my fault, I was the one who pushed him, and so on. But regret generally isn't my thing. What's done is done, yeah?
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Otherwise, I found some really funny Advent Children parodies on YouTube. If you like that kinda stuff, you should check it out! ^_^
Camping was bearable. Nothing out of the ordinary, though. Rather lonely, but at least there was food there, unlike here at my house XP
Was thinkin' over how people sometimes ask "what song lyrics describe your life?". I decided that there's no one song, but pieces of songs seem to fit. So, out of boredom, here's what I came up with. (Yeah, if the lyrics are in the same song, I skip around.)
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If you think that I'm going somewhere,
take my hand, I'll lead you there.
It's a long and lonely road, it's a long and lonely road.
If you don't like it, then don't take it.
~~~~~~~~
I don't know what's worth fighting for
or why I have to scream.
I don't know why I instigate
and say what I don't mean.
I don't know how I got this way,
I'll never be alright.
I'm breaking the habit tonight
~~~~~~~~
I tried to be perfect
but nothing was worth it.
I don't think that it makes me real.
I'm better off on my own
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Cultivate your hunger before you idealize
Motivate your anger to make them all realize
Climbing the mountain, never comin' down
Break into the contents, never falilin' down.
Don't try to look so wise
Don't cry 'cause you're so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end
~~~~~~~~
Life only comes once. If you want to find your dream,
Keep your cool .
Hey Hey! Fly away with the whirlind
Seek the skies that are solely your own.
Hey Hey! Fly away with the whirlind.
Don't forget the feeling of excitement.
Surely you can do it!
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I don't want a boring life
I'll go be myself
~~~~~~~~
Proud of my loneliness,
Only trying to trust My unstopping heartbeat
Proud of my loneliness One more time
Embracing all of my past and dreams
Let's keep on living.
Proud of my loneliness
Because uninterrupted, hot thoughts don't disappear
Proud of my loneliness One more time
Embracing all the tears and smiles
Let's keep on living.
~~~~~~~~
And that's all I can think of for now ^^;
But overall, I find that most songs that I feel express me best are actually instrumantals ^_^
~Avis for today~
...and here's a random bit of info. My birthday, March 15, is also the day Japan celebrates "Penis Day" o.o;
And it doesn't help that I'm going camping with my family this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I <3 camping, just not my family as much.
At least I can try to have fun getting lost in the woods ^^;
I changed my theme a bit, but mostly just the colors and backrgound. I like it ^^
Everyone at school is stressing over AP tests. I'm kinda glad my mom would't let me take the AP Euro one. The last thing I need on top of this emotional stress is more stress from school >.<;
That's all for now. Hope everyone is well and has a wonderful weekend!
Still not much to talk about.
My mom's still complaining to me about everything and anything she can think of and relating it to me somehow.
According to her, I need to be more outgoing, responsible, smarter, better, smile more, and be perfect.
Really, last night I was bored, so I actually went to bed around 9:30. Right when I got to sleep, she came up, knocked on my door, and told me to go downstairs and turn off the computer 'cause she was done with it when she could have damn well turned it off herself. She's perfectly capable.
I won't even go on about the other stuff >.<;
She hasn't said a nice word or compliment to me for months. Only complaining about how I'm not good enough for her. I just give up.
