Sunday, August 6, 2006
Welcome ot Maine.... for all you out-off-staters exploring the Vacationland!!
I got this from a friend on Trupoets. His name is Zach on there. I thought this was pretty funny and I wanted to share it. ^^
Maine Turnpike will hand out "Welcome to Vacationland" informational flyers to all vehicles entering the state bearing New Jersey, New York or Connecticut license plates. Here are the rules for visiting Maine:
1. That slope shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slowly you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. We have a four wheel drive because we need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time!
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Order a two pound lobster and steamers. Or, if you still want vegetables, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
9. You bring Coke into our houses, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
10. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar skidders to pull logs out of the woods.
11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. Hell, we may even stop when it is green if we see something interesting across the road.
12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you say you're a feminist. Isn't that cute? By the way, Margaret Chase Smith, Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins have represented Maine in the U.S. Senate. How many women have represented your feminist-enlightened state?
13. Yeah, we eat lobster, scallops, clams and haddock, too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
14. They are pigs and they are cows. That's what they smell like. Get used to it. Don't like it? Interstate 95 & Maine Turnpike go two ways....get on the Southbound Lane!
15. "Opening day" refers to the first days of fishin' and deer season'. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church. At 3:00a.m.
16. So what if every person in every pickup waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept where you come from?
17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
18. Chowder is supposed to be white. Don't even think of asking for red chowder until you are somewhere safely south of White Plains.
19. All the boats in Maine point in the same direction because that's what harbor Masters are trained to do.
20. The farthest you got is Ogunquit? That isn't the real Maine. That's Northern Massachusetts.
21. Yeah, the paper mill emits a smell like rotting cabbage. Do you want it closed down? Bad odor means good people are working.
22. Bar Harbor, Camden and Kennebunkport are really tourist traps which no self-respecting real Mainer visits but we won't tell you that because we need your money.
23. The "Moose Crossing Next 14 Miles" signs on I-95 are no joke. Police concluded statistically you have a greater chance of getting killed in a car-moose collision than getting shot by a mugger in Manhattan.
24. Cars with Massachusetts license plates should be treated with great caution as everyone in Maine knows that Massholes can't drive properly.
25. Unless the word "Sucks" follows, the word "Yankees" should not appear on clothing worn within the northern province of Red Sox Nation.
Welcome to Maine - The Way Life Should Be.......Now go Back Home