Monday, March 19, 2007

   a jeart breaking pain

This day is the last! ^-^ [makes ya feel good, huh?] oh well! anyways. I feel in love with Tifa, from FF! yeah she is so cool! [than again I also love cloud, axel, Roxas, Sora, Naruto, zoro, Luffy, and many many others. Stalker-kun can be so mean, theres this kid in our class[who has something or other that make idoits here beleave he stupid] and stalker-kun is so mean to him, alond with kyle and some other guys. But Besides that; what really happend today? Nothing much, I had a lot of fun today! [even if its the last] (makes my heart beat so much slower) anyways, I am so stressed out. I'm not acting like it, but this whole day has seemed like It was the part of eating my smile away[that don't make to much sense does it?] These last two days, I could barely breath, much or less relax. gezz this whole week, brings back the thought of the [one I love the most]. who is gone so it doesn't matter now does it! ^-^ right. maybe I'll just say something; I'm always thinking of the[one I love the most] always, and sometimes that effects me way to much. today, the 19 of march 2007, it has been three years since the last time I saw the face of [the on I love the most]-even just typing that phase gets to me sometimes. I wish that time would never end. (still this makes no sense right) I need to have that shoulder, to cry on. I wish that Thursday would never come because even if its been three years, just knowing that three years ago, the only part of me that made me whole left, it brings a feeling of missing that [person i love the most] to think about i can't even say their*[look down] name without falling apart. hey, what would you do if the one person you trusted, the only you could freely feel that you loved without thinking that the only reason you loved your family was because they were in fact your family and you had to love them. its not that I don't like family its just that sometimes I feel that if like if your sister was your peer[and not your sister] you probably not talk so much. Can I say how this effects me today though? the person I love the most was very ill and could not come to school.[and yet no matter how sick i become with this illness I still go to school every day^-^] any ways s/he couldn't come to school because of a sickness, and I blamed it on myself. I remember that I would pray to god for em' to get better, maybe I wasn't quite smart enough to also pray for us being able to each other;s face. I remember back in 3ed and 4th grade when I would pray for a best friend, because back than it seemed like every one had someone who was their best friend but me. so i just got to watch them have there happiness while I could only wish. I may not have known much about religion and god back than but I thought that if you were a good person than it has to mean something and you'll at least get somebody, and yet there i was, best friendless. so I guess it gave me low selfasteam, but than again it seems like the only people that teachers and school staff care about is the people who are willing to say that they are hurt, but the feeling in my heart is saying that the people who don't say that there in pain, the people who hide it, are in more pain than the people who are willing to say that they in heart breaking pain. I think that because I never got to tell anyone about the unbarrable pain I was in; that it made me beleave that nobody wanted to know, that nobody cared about the holes in my heart. I try to hide it but its still there. ^-^ Can I say how I feel right now? Cringing. Broken. Beaten up. Restless. Sad. That this second itsn't happening. That nothing is happning. That my heart only beats so fast. That I can't move my leg. Like time has only began. =i miss you= *I say their because I don't wanna say its a guy and have you people think I'm some kinda slut, and I don't want you guy thinking its a girl and you thinking I'm some kinda Lesbian[which I am not] just thinking of this day is something for me ^-^ the reason I'll talk about on here is because I dont' want ot forget[even thought it may seem like it sometimes] people who are smarter than can say it better? Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.-Franklin D. Roosevelt I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. -Wilson Mizner A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling. Get away from the crowd when you can. Keep yourself to yourself, if only for a few hours daily. - Arthur Brisbane All people want is someone to listen.- Hugh Elliott Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy. Publilius Syrus feeling like this

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