myOtaku.com: Mew Wem

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1987-10-23
Gender
• Female
Location
• New Zealand,Ak
Member Since
• 2003-09-16
Occupation
• Summer Girl Friend
Real Name
• Gin and Coke

Personal

Achievements
• Greening my site
Anime Fan Since
• Does it matter?
Favorite Anime
• I'm not sure
Goals
• Maybe get an apprenticeship...
Hobbies
• Painting pictures, painting models, painting in my head...
Talents
• I bet I could have an anxiety attack on command.

myOtaku.com: Mew Wem

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I can't take back what's been said.

I've been naughty, I let the self-criticism get the better of me. Thank you to those two people who commented. I managed to stop myself long enough to try address everything I said.

I hate how much effort it takes for me to get up and feel good about the day. I feel like crap but I get up and I make it into a good attitude. Be freakin' positive.
I actually have been making an effort on this one. For the past two weeks, no matter how much I don't want to get out of bed, I do and I jump rope for at least 15 minutes. I think due to bad fitness the oxygen deprivation does leave a rather nice feeling of euphoria. It has been working, except it doesn't take much to have someone rag on my good feeling.

I hate how at the end of a good day I can't let go of resentments. It's been almost 3 years since my ex and I broke up but I still wish I could tell him how much I hated him.
I could always write him an angry email out of the blue :P I'm kidding. That wouldn't solve anything. And before anyone says anything, I already tried "be happy that we shared something special, not angry that it ended". For some reason that doesn't mesh well with me so I'm stuck for this one.

I hate how jealous I felt (yet happy) that my best friends parents just celebrated their 25th anniversary (it was a beautiful party) but for the past 10 years I've watched mine lead separate lives within the same house. And I don't even know how long they've been married for.
Positive. Positive. I've got it! I learn from my parents mistakes. The major one being communication. I gotta make a concerted effort with whomever I'm with to recognize when we need to sit down and talk and when things need to be done. I don't want to end up like them, they never talked, then argued and now it's mutual silence. I'd rather they at least argued...

I hate that I've done what I had always feared I would, which is educate myself to a single career in life. I refuse to go to Uni and am now only qualified to do special effects make up.
I took your words to heart. I've been looking through the paper to see what kind of courses they offer locally. Maybe something will catch my eye. Meanwhile I'm going to keep trucking on with the job hunt.

I hate that though I'm decidedly a heterosexual with a lovely boy friend but I can't help but find women attractive. I've never been with one!
No one can decide this for me. I'm fortunate Ryan is accepting of my apparent attraction to some females, and is also trusting of me. Despite that, I hope he realizes soon just how much I adore him. I do like a bit of romance sometimes.

I hate that I can't even handle one standard drink.
I'm a cheap date! It also means I'll never get so drunk that I can't remember how on earth I ended up waking up half naked in a bed with two strangers.

I hate that conversations with my father piss me off as do ones with my brother even though they aren't being hostile in the slightest.
I guess I'm being overly defensive. Kinda like, 'you never use to be this nice... whaddya want?' They're family, I love them.

I hate that I listen to music loudly to drown my own thoughts out.
Next time I'll make sure I get up and dance so it's a less mopy activity.

I hate this house. It's a crap place to grow up in.
I won't live here forever and y'know what? I've already grown up here so there's nothing I can do about it. Accept and move on.

I hate my room. I've spent too much time hating in it.
Actually I think I lied with this one. I quite like my room. It's very much like sanctuary for me.

I hate having to think through my compulsions. Don't ask me what kinds of things I'm compelled to do because believe me they aren't healthy.
This isn't as bad as it looks. The fact that I'm capable of thinking things through before acting impulsively suggests I'm not a lost cause.

Look, I'm honestly sorry if I worried anyone. It's been a bit of a learning curve this year. The entire thing about being faced with my future. Being at school was easy, you didn't have to think of your future because you just had the next year of schooling to go to.

*sigh*

I'll be more cheerful tomorrow hopefully.

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