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Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Senior Project Work...
I have been working really hard on my Senior Project...and I got alot more pictures done...I also got another god drawn up and everything...such hard work making up a god. But I was kind of sad yesterday cause at lunch my crush accidently hit me on the head with a pen when he was throwing it at Jarlm. I felt like crying...but I love Rian...I know he didnt mean it...he said he was sorry and wanted to know if I was okay. But yeah...I wasnt really...but I gave him a card on how I felt and I got him an expensive candy bar too...I still love him...and I feel that I would still do anything for him...but I have to move on for myself and for him...Be strong...
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Monday, May 1, 2006

Moving On...Again?
This time I actually found a guy that actually likes me...he is pretty attractive and everything and he is laid-back...hehe...no he isnt fat...but when I always run into guys like this...I seem to think of Rian...and only him. Its odd but I guess I still love because of him. He is the only one who really changed me since I have been down here. And another thing is that when I have been relaxing at home but I had friends come over so I couldnt really work on my Senior Project. But I got to play Kingdom Hearts II again...and Sly Cooper II lol...but yeah. Jessica keeps on calling me and then she expects me to do stuff with her when I usually feel uncomfortable when I am around her...it isnt her it is because Im gay and I dont really want to be touched by females. Usually when I am on the phone with her...she hangs up on me and everything...talk about rude. But yeah...the guy I met is going to go over to my house and yeah! Or i am going over at his house...it depends though...*laughs* But I want to work more on my Senior Project.
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Friday, April 28, 2006

Uh...Totally Shocked...
Okay...I went to see the guy I was going to meet at the park. I left around 2:4o something and then I got home at least 3:oo I got ready...cleaned up a bit and I walked to the park. Unexpectingly I saw Jessica in the meeting spot with him and I was like...did I tell her that I didnt want her to follow me or whatever...and there she was...she was crying cause earlier at school before I left to go to school...she gave me a long akward hug...I was like...okaaay...I dont really like attention from girls all that much...it is kind of annoying...to me anyways...

As she got up as she cried she said I better leave so that you have "fun time" with that guy, or whatever...I know for sure about the funtime thing and it was insulting...I dont want to be with a man just to have "fun" with him...it is a serious matter for me cause I want to be serious with him...but alas...I came early...like...50 minutes early and I didnt mind waiting for him cause it is better to be early than late...and then it came across 4:oo and I waited for a hour and he didnt show up...I was a little worried but I didnt mind...he has a job and everything...and he is in sports...*laughs*

I went to the store and I bought him an expensive candy bar...dark chocolate...I think it is called Twilight something...but yeah...it is like $2.5o something like that...Im going to write him a note too! YAY! *laughs* I cant wait to see him again in class...I wonder if he knows that I am gay...um...*blush*

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Thursday, April 27, 2006

I am really excited about meeting this guy at the park today at 4. I get to talk to him alone...maybe I can ask him if we could be friends and set up times to hang out with each other and perhaps to stay the night...*blush*

Rian: I possibly know what you are thinking about the staying the night thing...*blushes* No...hehe...uh...god you dork! *smiles*

Jessica: I dont want you to follow me when I leave around 3:10...

Lex: I cant tell you about him until it is offical...

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Finished 3rd Picture

I have second thoughts about this...only cause the pen I used was crappy to trace...and um...I lost my $5 dollar professional pen. But yeah...perhaps I should of drawn it bigger...perhaps that was the problem? But I got a new one I am drawing and it is so hott! You'll love it! He is based off of Ifrit...but thanks to Jessica a friend of mine...I learned a name for him...thanks for that...

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Brokeback Mountain
I got the movie yesterday as well...but I havent seen it...I am kind of looking forward to watching it...I wonder what it would be like?
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Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children

I got the new movie FF7AC yesterday. Or last night I should say...when we first purchased it and I opened it up at home...and I only had the 2nd CD when it is a 2 disk set. And yep...I loved it...especially...with NANAKI!! I LOVE THE LION GUY!!!

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Refresh My Life
Um...there is this guy in my class and he is so awesome and hott! *lightly laughs* He is very interested in my art and stuff and I have been talkiing to him for a while...um...a week I think and um...yeah...I cant say his name for I dont want to spread any rumors. Well...he wants to go into law enforcement and everything and I think it is cool and plus he plays sports and he is athletic. *smiles* I talked with him for a while and he gave me his phone number and told me to call him sometime, I felt a little shy and I did later on and I setup a place to talk privately. Once I get to know him more...I can be relieved on Rian...though I still really care for him...I guess I lost of my emotions on him almost all of them thru my crying. But yeah...I am going to meet him at Waite Park at 4:oo pm on Thursday. Please, if you know me in person and live near me, please dont go there...cause I want to talk to him alone basically and um...I really like him. Once I get to know him...I think I can go out with him if he is gay or bi or whatever. I show him alot of my pictures and he is very taken by them. I am happy...*smiles* But I do need to stay away from Rian a while to get used to being alone. But this guy I know is so hot and his muscles are so...tough! He grabbed my hand and I could tell that he is a very hard worker. *smiles* I cant wait until I start cooking and cleaning for him! Well...*pokes own face* if he'll be with me that is...but I got a good feeling about this guy!

Waite Park
4:oo pm

I cant wait to meet him. He seems very trustworthy too...it has been a while before I actually chose someone else cause I am extremely picky and I have hung around Ryan for 4 years...four long years of love...and I believe that the second time is good luck for me...

Oh...also I drew my god for my manga novel and he is very hott! I got inspired by my new crush! He is very super nice to me...well...yeah! *smiles* Give me luck alright! Ifrit...give me strength!

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Hardest Times Have Come
My time with Rian that I have spent for 4 years feels like it is faiding...my Rian is in love, I cant and I wont take that away from him...I have been exceptionally violent and I feel like if I dont cool off...I will hurt the people around me...as if a monster is being awakened inside me...only cause the people around him tend to hurt and use him and it makes me angry...

I think it is pretty weird but I want to be happy and hang out with both of my friends, Rilan and Jarlm...I love him so much. Well...Rilan anyway...

I just hope I can find a person to love that would love me back...I met a guy....but I am not going to say anything about it so I know for sure...

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Monday, April 24, 2006

Big Day for Rian's Heart
Well...this weekend me and my brother and my mother went to go and visit with family from my unlce coming back from Iraq...and then it was like...I came back cause Rian watched the house all by himself...he is very responsible and trustworthy...that is another thing why I love him...and then...uh...lesse...when I got back I hugged Rian cause I missed him...(even if it was only a day away) and then I uh...took him to the store and we bought flowers and candy and a card for the girl Rian likes...Hannah...I wanted him to be happy and I wanted to make him makie the right impression on her...cause he is so great...(It is kind of weird for me to do this for the guy I love doing this for someone he loves...right? Well...I love my Rian...so I would do anything for him...even if it hurt myself in the process...
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