Birthday • 1987-07-08 Gender •
Female Location • England in a secret location ^_~ Or in my second house on the beautiful planet of Neptune!! Member Since • 2004-11-30 Occupation • Tornado Chaser ^_^ and part time archaeologist! While tryign to write also! Real Name • Dranzer Carenza Lensherr or so i wish!
Personal
Achievements • I have created an army of giant spiders ~ Hugs them ~ And completed two whole story! Not great but complete so im happy lol Anime Fan Since • Forever....well as far as i can remember lol Favorite Anime • I figured that X Men Evo doesnt count so Beyblade and Yu-Gi-Oh are my fav animes! Along with DBZ up till the point after the Cell Saga when i stopped watching! Goals • To become a world famous Archaeologist and ruler of the world! ~ Laughs evilly ~ Hobbies • Teaching my giant spider army and plotting world domination ~ Laughs evilly again ~ Talents • I can control my army of giant spdiers to perfection! And confuse people easily! A very useful talent in my line of work lol
myOtaku.com: Magnus Lensherr
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
On Thursday I went to a place where I might start to volunteer, though it will be very weather dependant since they won't pay travel expenses and I refuse to walk there in the rain as I will be drowned by the time I get there ~ Laughs ~ My task there was to sort clothes and then seal and move boxes to a place they are stored, I think, before they are loaded into containers to be sent to Africa. I enjoyed the work. I was alone but the place is poorly run. Really poorly. I tried to tell people I was leaving and ask when I should come back, and I was largely ignored then shown photographs of the stuff the place sends, being received in Africa! I don't do the work for that sort of thing. I am looking into it as something to get me away from the house ~ Sighs ~ We shall see. The lack of organisation will probably end up doing my head in!
Friday just vanished without me doing anything of note ~ Stares at the space where Friday should have been and looks confused ~
Saturday, yesterday, was nice. It was my grandmother's birthday and so we went to their house and then to a carvery place. My cousins were there too and they are slightly nuts so it was enjoyable. I listened to music alone and when we got back watched an episode of D.Gray-man that I have on my MP4 player. Luckily I didn't have to converse with anyone really at all which is probably why I liked it so much. Grandma did ask me if I had found a job and I death glared her and said that I don't expect I will for a while as I want one that doesn't involve people. She quickly left to do something else.
That question pisses me off though. When I get a job I will tell dad and he can tell anyone he wants. I'll mention it here too so people know. I really don't want to be quizzed on it though ~ Groans ~ I know how my brother feels now, it really does drive one insane. I can't tell my grandparents about the voluntary work either because they know someone who also work there and I am hoping to avoid that woman as it will mean conversation and I am still striving to avoid that!
Ahh well. It keeps things entertaining. I wish you all the best and I hope your week shall be awesome ^_^
I can't remember what my post last time was but I think I said that I would be sticking around and being active again. That ended because I just have no interest in art of graphics at the moment ~ Laughs ~ I occasionally comment on works and stuff but that has stopped with the lack of overall interest. I plan on commenting on MyO today and so I have decided to post at the same time. I am one of the people who doesn't post of add stuff if they know they aren't going to comment on anyone else. It feels wrong to do it any other way.
So what have I been doing with my time? ~ Laughs ~ I have been trying to learn hiragana Japanese writing by translating the romanji of the song on my site. That is great fun though it gives me a headache after 25/30 minutes. I am slowly getting there though ~ Dances ~ I need a new song so that I can learn some of the characters that aren't in this one!
We saw the Mummy 3 which paled in comparison to the other two. I have been watching other movies as well to kill some of the time. Dark Knight was probably my favourite of all of those.
To try and kill the boredom that breads the depressive lethargy I am also thinking of doing some voluntary work and go to see a place on Thursday. It will be packing and loading things in a warehouse. It's odd but I like the sound of that work as it should be nice and physical. It can give me something to do until I manage to get a job too. I am applying for cleaning work so that I can get income to use on a course in maybe website design or something similar. I need a job with computers so that I don't have to worry about working with people. I am stuck looking for cleaning jobs because I know it will give me lots of alone time. They won't though allow me to move out because they don't give you enough hours to manage that! Pah. Tis a pain ~ Laughs ~
I am keeping myself busy anyway and that has helped my mood. I think it will swing erratically now until I am settled and can build a routine again. I need routines otherwise i fall apart, as I have been seeing ~ Laughs ~ If I am not around anyway you know why ~ Nods ~ I hope you are all well and that school is enjoyable! Trust me when i say that continued free time really isn't all that great either lol
~ Is Running Round The Room In A Fit Of Pride Enduced Hyperness ~
Tuesday 19th August 2008 at 09:04
I haven't felt this hyper because of art for like years ~ Stares ~ It is awesome. It signals the end of my down mood as well so I should get a few weeks of inspiration and happiness again before I go back down. I relish these moments...and I am making myself sound depressed. I am not ~ Defiant look ~
So why am I hyper? This is why:
That's the shortened name and I love it ~ Stares ~ I drew this on Sunday and spent that day and yesterday colouring it with GIMP. It turned out great I feel like a real artist now ~ Stares ~ I never did before. So yea. That is why I am hyper so feel free to check it out and see if you agree. I am proud of it and nothing shall change that!
Aside from the art. I had the meeting yesterday. With one person we got the forms done and sent off though I think there is stuff to be done on both before I find out if my claims are approved ~ Shakes head ~ Annoying. Then I met my Career's Advisor who was really friendly. I did a computer thing where you answer questions and it says which jobs would be best for you. I got cleaner, animator or indexer. The former is probably most likely, the middle would be fun and the latter would probably be annoying lol! Apparently anyway it's hard to work alone in this world because humans are social creatures but I shall live. I am going to think about what I really want and maybe try and get a cleaning job (I do like cleaning!) and train for website design or something. Animator would require going back to college after assembling a portfolio so I think that might be too difficult!
Ahh well! I was too wrapped up in that artwork ~ Points above ~ To care about the meeting. I was doing it before I left and went right back to it when I got back. It was awesome.
I hope you are all doing well and since my mood has increased I am probably back for the moment now until it goes back down ~ Smiles ~ I'm still not depressed ~ Winks ~
Ha ha ~ Laughs and then realises pointing out I laughed was obvious but keeps it there anyway ~ I am not officially back. That's the myth I want to dispel. I am feeling better though ~ Smiles ~
I left about 2 weeks ago because I had to recharge. A side effect of my Asperger's (Austistic-Spectrum-Anti-People/Social-Situations-Disorder!) Syndrome means that though I can do theO and MyO for long periods of time. I burn out. WDX as well. So I just left all that stuff!
So instead I watched some dramas (Absolute Boyfriend and My Boss/My Hero <-- awesome) and err watched TV, read a little, slept during the day (Hated that!) and now I am looking at maybe learning some Japanese. If that goes well it will continue my absence since I don't have much to add or do here and I don't know if I can take the stress of this and the stress of life.
I hate being in between things. I am no longer a student but I don't have a job, so I am purgatory. It is the period before change and so annoying ~ Lays down ~ It saps my energy quickly as well. Like on Monday I go to WorkLink to fill in forms. I dread that so much and it will effect the rest of the week. All I can think about is how bad it went last time. They will ask me stuff I don't know about since all of that stuff was my Psychiatric Nurses idea and not mine so yea...maybe she can do the forms for me ~ Grins ~
Hell last Tuesday I even got a sicknote from my doctor. Apparently Asperger's is a relevant thing for like getting those ~ Laughs ~ I didn't understand why until yesterday. As I reviewed the week and my past I can now understand why. I just hope the job I get in the end will allow me to be alone to such an extent that I don't have all this piling together. To cope with it though I withdraw, like cocooning myself away or something.
When Sparkle-chan came back yesterday though I had to add the card. It wouldn't have been right to wait until I am fully back (which isn't now just to clarify) to add that card because it would be too late. As for adding things as a whole. I am not making any more cards. I have a few in my stores I like and will add them sometime. But right now I have no interest in GIMP or graphc design. I have a little in drawing so might continue my manga (for some reason that still interests me though DGM as a whole doesn't interest me as much!) but yea ~ Bows ~ Gomen but I am not back. Not yet anyway!
I guess I wanted people to know why. My mind needs to concentrate on me. That might include some visiting and stuff but I can't promise anything at all. At least not until after Monday has gone ~ Holds cricifix in it's direction ~ All the best though and many thanks to Meagan, Caprisha and Anna for worrying about me ~ Bows ~ I am looking after myself so no worries anyone ~ Hugs you all and runs off to make my tea and watch Criminal Minds ~
Heh why not? ~ Grins ~ Domo arigato to DaFeather who read my story ~ Hands her a box of pocky (I believe it was) ~ It got published too so either SomeGuy felt sorry for me, or I am finally getting the hang of the placement of commas ~ Dances around ~ Shame you never actually get told how good or bad it was when you get it right, only when you get it wrong ~ Shakes head ~ Ahh well I shall just pretend that in fiction I can now handle commas! (Comments and posts don't count since I don't bother reading these over 8 times to edit them lol)
Yesterday we went to a carvery with my dad's parents. It was nice. I piled my plate high and just enjoyed it ~ Nods ~ Grandma and grandad gave me funny looks when they saw it ~ Cracks up ~ They would probably faint if they saw me in an all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurant! I eat tonnes there!
We went to their house afterwards where Grandma commented that I was very quiet. I replied that 'I didn't have anything to say so didn't say anything' though make it sound rather more condescending! I didn't mean to be condescending, but that is the answer! When I am around people I am quiet because the conversations just don't interest me! ~ Tuts ~ They probably wouldn't recognise me alone either! I'm like two different people. The normal me and then the fangirl me (the latter being the alone and online persona as well as the real me lol)
Really though, I do worry that my speech is taking on a condescending edge. Because I am alone a lot I have learnt to be brutally honest since generally I don't take offence. It does mean though that when I talk to normal people I am equally honest and I wonder if that will cause problems and alienate people. That's why I was paranoid a few days ago. I like the change though, I like the freedom of being honest. I can't stand lying really. I'll probably have to change this when I try for jobs and stuff, or tone it down. But not too much, they have to hire shall have to hire the insanity as well ~ Looks defiant ~ And the insanity is brutally honest ~ Hugs it ~
That ~ Points to the paragraph above ~ Is one of the joys of self analysing, you notice and mull over the little things ~ Laughs ~ Does mean they will never catch my by surprise though ~ Nods ~
So anyway, when I got back home I finished editing the theO story ~ Lies on bed and relaxes ~ Just to write my bit now and then send it back to Kita ~ Dances ~ Hopefully it shall end up being good! I really enjoyed what has already been written, in my opinion it is the best of the three I have been a part of!
To end then: If I don't post for a few days it is because I have done nothing of note. I posted yesterday for the story only really. I won't waste people's time like that again unless I do something I am proud of and want to show off ~ Bows ~ Just so you know I haven't gotten ill or something (that would be interesting so I would be sure to tell you ~ Grins ~)
All the best until whenever and I hope you have awesome rest of your weeks ^_^
Pah apparently 'hatsugen' isn't really a word ~ Shakes head ~ It's in D.Gray-man I tell you ~ Holds episode 85 up ~ It means 'black comment' ~ Grins ~ Naturally it's one of Tyki's phrases! It ended up randomly in my mind after listening to episode 85 a few days ago! I like it even if the lame online dictionaries I searched didn't like it! I spite them I say, spite them ~ Coughs and puts the episode down ~
Speaking of things I like. If you are ever ultra bored feel free to check out Mastering Commas! It's like a parody of my issues with commas! It's probably under 2000 words I forgot to check! I like it though, it's mad like me ~ Moves away ~
If I come across hyper it's because I've left episode 85 on so I can hear Tyki ~ Dances ~ For some reason it's making me hyper! ~ Raises eyebrow ~ Probably cos I haven't watched it for a while! Ahh who cares! I liek being hyper, it's so much more fun when it catches one of guard!
So anyway, I didn't do much yesterday! I slept a lot, wrote the story above, edited more of the theO story, only 10 more pages to go then I get to write ~ Looks determined ~ I watched a fair amount of TV as well, and made a few eCards since my stock is getting low as I have been editing and drawing instead of creating them! I am a stockpiler! I do things in bulk and then move on! Well I do with cards anyway ~ Laughs ~ I wouldn't have the patience to do that with drawings or anything ~ Shakes fist at them ~
We eat with the grandparents today and are going to the place my brother didn't want to go! I didn't have to say anything, they rang up and changed the venue to there. I have actually been looking forward to going to the other place! Ahh well, as long as he doesn't complain it shall be good!
Pah I can't think of another else to say and am thoroughly distracted by DGM 85 ~ So, gives you all two fingers salutes ~ Netseros ^_^
~ Does something un-precedented and reads the comments before I post and so:
DOMO ARGIATO MINNA ~ Bows several times to all the lovely commenter's from last time ~ You know on Friday and Saturday I was really nervous and had the first bouts of paranoia I have had in ages. (I used to be highly paranoid about everything then that went when I got more insane ~ Grins insanely ~). It was strange but I thought that people would have viewed the last post as bragging and hate it and me because of it. Same with some of the comments I wrote too. I started to think people would think I was bragging there or being needlessly offensive! Heh! My social anxiety is coming back over here (I second guess everything I do in reality generally. Except when I am alone, I go with the flow when I am alone and have an awesome time). Et thus I was very happy to know I wasn't hated and pleasantly shocked to know that a few people looked up to me for my inner strength ~ Bows many more times again ~ I think that made my day, so many thanks to you all for that ^_^
I didn't do much on the weekend! Yesterday my brother tried to get into a fight with me over something stupid! We were drying the pots with our father and talking about the fact Dad's parents want to take us out for a meal sometime. Well it transpired that I wanted to go to one place and my brother to another. I said that last time we went to the other place I couldn't find anything I liked save on the specials board. I said that if that happens again I would probably get told off. (It's happened before since I can be fussy!) I then said though that I would go with whatever the grandparent's wanted so I didn't ruin their day!
Well my brother tried to use the first statement to imply that I would go out of my way to force the grandparents to take us to the my favoured place because I would act like the petulant child and throw a tantrum. Maybe I am dumb or missed something out but in my mind my statement didn't say that. It said that from experience it has happened and could happen again but I then disregarded it by realising that I would just deal with whatever happened when it happened and I have spent a lot of my life doing! That and with his actions at picking at that he would be the child in this role throwing the tantrum!
Well I stayed out of his argument! I wanted to whack him with something but I held myself back since there was no point in the arguing! I could recognise the fact that no matter what I said he wouldn't see things from a logical standpoint so I stayed away! He tried to go on at me though, over and over again about the same thing ~ Sighs ~ It was pointless as well! I told him that it was dead, and he tried again. Well in the end dad told him to let it go because I was just silent! My brother then tried to use the silence against me asking in a demeaning tone, 'aww did I hurt your feelings?' I just smiled at him and said that I was thinking of what I was going to do next in my manga! That threw him ~ Laughs evilly ~ I was as well! I got rid of the anger and just thought about a failed picture instead ~ Shakes fist at it then grabs a lighter and has a lovely bonfire ~ (I have yet to master the art of creating anything decent from my imagination!)
So yea, apparently my brother is seriously stressed as well and it turns him into a bully! Good thing I know hwo to deal bullied I used the silent treatment all through high school and could probably now be called something of a master of it lol! It annoys me though that he thinks he has a right to take his anger out on me! Or that anyone thinks they can do that! People who do that really are bullies ~ Shakes head ~ And I never really thought my brother would be one of them regardless of how stressed he get! I got him to talk to me a little though to find out what was wrong. I just hope he actually gets himself a doctor's appointment like he said he wants to! He needs professional help sometime, seriously!
The rest of the weekend was nice apart from the paranoia! I listened to music ultra loud on my MP4 player and worked on editing the MyO story since it's in my possession now! That's great fun though is taking me ages! I even had a lie in yesterday as well, till 11am ~ Shamed ~ I don' like lying in but this was nice...there was a vague allusion to Tyki though I don't think he was personally in the dream ~ Laughs ~
I hope you all had awesome weekends though, free from family members trying to get into fights lol
That reminds me of the title of one of my favourite D.Gray-man episodes ~ Raises eyebrow ~ It's called 'A weak person' though I have no idea why. There's no weak people in it!
Regardless ~ Bows ~ Many thanks for the comments on yesterday's post. I think I somehow managed to worry people. I apologise for that. This isn't something that will get me down. The drama is in the side of the family that I have no contact with (my mum lives 200 miles away) so what happens doesn't impact on me too much. I am actually glad Renna didn't have to come up here and was on the side fighting to make sure it was that way. The only one really affected was my brother who would have gone to see mum. He seems fine about it though now and Renna herself, from what mum said, is back to how she was before. So it's all water off a ducks back (so to speak).
It could be wrong of me (I don't know enough about people but hunches say it's probably abnormal). I don't actually see this personally. I view what is going on with my mother through a clinical eye. The eye of a shrink or like a professional. When I made that offer to stay with her, it wasn't as a daughter but as a friend. I don't really see her as my mother because her depression has made us distant from one another, even when she was here. Couple that with my Asperger's and you get what we have now, two people linked by blood who have never been anything more than strangers. I was curious though to see what would happen with mum. She says things are fine there now but we shall see. Not even mum thinks that that will last long!
Enough about the Parkers (Yep they even have a different last name, only my sister Renna still carries our family name!). Yesterday was a nice day. Me, my brother and my father went to a nearby city to wander around. I got myself 4 cheap manga to put on my shelf (I collect manga, I don't actually read the stuff I buy, I just put them there to stare at lol). I actually have a full line of them now so am working on a second layer ~ Dances ~ I very occasionally read manga online or borrow it from my brother or the library. I don't like to see it damaged. I have to buy the cheap stuff because I have bans on money wasting since I am saving for a house lol!
For lunch we went to an all you can eat buffet, where I scared my brother away from dim sum ~ Tuts ~ Shameful! I love the stuff but he couldn't stomach it. It was nice to go there and not have to pay either. The other times I have been there I have been alone ~ Dances ~ The rest of the day was mostly just relaxing and catching up on online things till WDX with Cati0vs which is always a hoot.
So as you can see this hasn't got me down ~ Peace signs you ~ It has to be personal to do that and luckily ~ Touches wood ~ My insanity means I am happy at the moment when alone and if it stays that way I shall not have anything to worry about. Even if it did I've been through worse so it wouldn't bother me too much. I view my experiences through my eyes as the sufferer, but also through the eyes of the shrink. It interests me to know the effects it has on me and how it changes me. It helps me to grow from them and become a stronger and better person. I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't been challenged over the last couple of years and I wouldn't change them for the world. I am the real me right now, for the first time since primary school I am happy with who I am ~ Smiles ~ Thank you for caring though ^_^
First before anything, I have to say domo arigato to anyone who viewed Monday's eCard. I think was by far the most successful for any that I have done ~ Stares at it in shock ~ Sioce I referred to L as a pet in it I had been sure people would lynch me for it. I was pleasently surprised that it was the first one to get me a first place for months ~ Dances around like a nutter ~ The look on my face when I saw it on the front page yesterday would have been priceless!!
:: Warning - This is pretty much a rant about events of yesterday, as much for me as anyone else ::
So yea. Not sure if you know but my sister at one stage was going to come up here today. Like we would be leaving the house to get her now probably. Well because of the stuff going on at mum I got the impression it was all cancelled. It was a shock then to see my brother (Matty) get a text message from mum saying that she was looking forward to seeing him at 1PM tomorrow.
Well let chaos ensure and result in last night, 9PM ~ Groans ~ God! I wish I'd had warning about this. My brother spoke to mum after tea, he said he wanted to go down. We parted ways then at 9 reconvened. Well we decided it couldn't go ahead.
I love my sister, I really do. But mum changing and then remaking plans pissed me off. I don't liek change, I don't like having someone barg into my routines and tell me to do something else. Having anyone near makes me prickly. So mum saying today won't bew mine and that I should forfeit a week I just got back sent me negative. Well I objected!
Dad objected on the grounds that he didn't think it was a safe environment for my brother. After deciding that dad rang mum (he got the short straw since none of us wanted to ring her). Well she threw a tantrum! She accused dad of bullying Matty out of it, declaring that he can make his own decisions. I tell you now, if I forget how old my brother is next year I am a dead woman. Mum mentioned that he was 19 at the end of practically ever sentence as though we had forgotten. I mean what the hell?
Heck if you think that's bad! I got called Renna each time mum mentioned me and that's my sister's name, not mine ~ Kicks her ~ This all ensured for well over 2 hours. Mum accusing dad, dad declaring it wasn't safe, mum saying Matty was 19 and could chose himself.
We had it going well till mum said Gordon (her mentally abusive husband) would stay at his mum! The fact he was around had been the butt of our argument. But dad stuck by his guns and I wasn't going to move now I had dug the trenches, so eventually Matty had to say he didn't want to go down to shut her up! I'd kept telling him that she wouldn't accept anything less. That resolved it, Matty outright saying it.
She did try and get him back by putting Renna on the phone so he could break the news. Apparently Renna had been really looking forward to coming here and I wouldn't blame her. Life down in that house must be a living hell. Matty ended it in style though, he told mum to get her life in order, to get stronger and stand up for herself and said that only when she had done that would he go down.
One good thing from this is that I don't think I will have to go there. Her reluctance to even think about leaving him will probably last till way after I find work (and we are talking over 6 months starting August) so yea ~ Puts head on laptop ~ I wish I'd known it was going to happen, I'd been looking forward to going on WDX with my imooto chan Iris!
~ Looks at the sky ~ Please God say this is the end of the damned drama ~ Shakes fist ~ Serves her right though, she needs wake up calls and like my brother said, this is one of those!
:: End ::
It had to be done ~ Shakes head ~ I do feel sorry for Renna though. I was in a way looking forward to bugging her about Tyki ~ Shakes head ~ I really am sad!
Ahh well I hope you all have awesome Wednesday's ~ hands a medal to any insane nutter (you are by default insane for reading this ~ Winks ~) who read all this!
Dranz
PS: Since the previous link didn't work (I guess you can't link directly to pictures) here is the album I put my graduation pictures in. It works on Firefox where I aren't logged in so I hope it works ~ Glares a little ~ Remember, these pictures will scare small children:
Heh I just sprayed my finger with air freshener by accident ~ Raises eyebrow ~ Ahh well ~ Puts it away ~ Many thanks to those who read all the post and commented ~ Bows ~ I shall add a bit more about this.
My mum is a selfish person but she is depressed. From my experience with depressed individuals they can find it hard to think of other's though credit to mum, she did try. The truth would be though that I couldn't have thought of things to tell her. I did get to tell her about the worst part of last year, which caused her to tell me about her similar experience as though she was trying to out do me. Well in your face mum because I went further ~ Kicks her ~ Heck if we have a contest like that we both suck! It's sad she went off about herself though, I never got to tell her how it made me grow into who I am now! Pah!
I don't think she will leave her husband though! Even if he is a jerk, she suffers from the beaten wife thing where she can't see a way out and is sure he will change and it won't happen again. That's why i offered to stay with her if she does leave him. Maybe that could give her the strength. Really though she is weak so yea! I don't imagine getting a call anytime soon as much as my brother hates her for it I sorta understand!
It bugs me though because it feels almost like this is a turning point in my life. At the moment I am between things, though next month I will start to formally look for a job. But right now I am free to go to her if she needs me to. But if she does, I will have to leave behind everything here. The house, the space, the alone time, maybe even the Internet. If she did move away I would have to become like a real big sister to two children both with ADHD traits and who will clash with my Asperger's. Being on turning points liek this stresses me out and so my behaviour has deteriorated a little and my tolerance levels for some things has gone down but we shall see. In a way either is a win-win situation, I just wish I could see into the future and which one it will be in the end ~ Lays down ~ I shall just have to distract myself by building that shrine ~ Grins at Spackle-chan ~ If I do make it, you are most certainly gonna see pictures lol!
These are the images from my graduation for those who wants to see. I have linked it to the first one so that you can read descriptions as well ~ Smiles ~ And it opens in a new page ^_^
I said this to Cati and I will say it here as well. Because I am stressed at the moment and I am coping with it by shutting off a little so I apologise in advance for any distance etc that might appear. I will react badly to being told to do things, liek look at art or anything! But visiting should be ok since I do that by choice and tend to enjoy it but just in case I thought I would put it here as like a disclaimer or something ~ Bows ~ It probably won't become apparent but you have to be sure...kinda like me preparing for my mother to leave her husband. It probably won't happen but you have to be open to the idea. (You truly know something's bad when you can turn it into an analogy!!)
All the best and once again thanks for reading ~ Monster hugs you ~
Well Then...Hmm! 