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Friday, June 22, 2007

First things first!
I wanna give a BIG THANK YOU to Sweet-Mizuki for making me this layout! It's so pretty, and I love it soo much! She's very good. ^_~

Well, in other news, you remember a couple post ago when I said I was in a "situation"? Some of you may recall, and for those who don't, my situation was this: I liked 3 guys, all of which I know decently well.
Well, I think I've solved my little "situation" quite easily actually. Last week, when I start hanging out with Nathaniel (1 of the 3 guys), his beach was having a party so me and a couple of friends went over there. We went on the boat and swam out in the lake for a bit. When we got back to his house last night, me and Angelica (a friend who came too) were gonna see if we could stay the night over there. His mom said it was fine. But my mom told me no because of how late it was and that I had to be home in 20 minutes (midnight).
So Angelica was asking them what they thought of Hillary, and then she asked what Nathaniel thought of me. And he said he used to like me, but it was slowly going away.
Fast forward to my birthday. Tuesday night, I guess he was going to kiss me goodbye when he left. *blushes* He couldn't because both Angelica's parents and Hillary's little brother were outside with us too.
It turns out; he's actually a very shy person. That's something I would have never expected from him. Last night I went over there because his beach was having a movie night and they were showing Cars. That's our movie. ^///^ But by the time I could get over there, the movie was over and everything so we just hung out at his house.
Damn is he shy. I didn't think it got any worse then myself. I'm sooo shy. This of course, made things, for lack of better words, awkward for us. I mean, how do 2 shy people tell each they like each other?
We both knew it. I know we did. If it wasn't obvious then we must've been blind. ^^

But here's my new "situation". I like him a lot, but I'm having problems just letting myself go and being with him. It has nothing to do with him or anything he's done. It's me. And the things that happened to me, and the "things" I haven't done.
Being around guys that I like makes me nervous. And for a number of reasons...
And I was trying to tell him these reasons last night, but I couldn't get myself to do it. I couldn't work up the courage. I was too afraid to tell him. But I wanted to tell him so bad. I wanted to let him know, to let him know it wasn't him and that it's me. I wanted to tell him how I felt.
But I couldn't.
I lack the ability of telling others how I feel. I can't verbally tell them. I mean, when I had to tell Jesse to just leave me the fuck alone, it was through a text message. I have the most difficulty confronting people about things. I'm extremely none-confrontational, and will avoid fights whenever possible. And when it comes to things like this, it tends to hinder me. A lot...
I guess I just need to work things out in my head. And work things out with Nathaniel. I like him a lot. *blushes*

Well, now that I went extremely depressed on you all, which I am VERY sorry for, I guess that's really all I have to say. I don't want to type much more. I don't think it will be very happy at all. So if you REEEALLLY wanna know, PM me and ask me.

Take care everybody!
I'll do my best to visit today!

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