Wednesday, May 2, 2007
I feel as though I've been going through terrible mood swings lately. And it's no wonder why not many people come visit m anymore... I never return the favor. It's become somewhat of a chore... Not to say that I don't love reading about what's going onwith you all. It's just...
I cN'T EVEN EXPLAIN IT WITHOUT SOUNDING LIE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.. sO i'M NOT GONNA TRY.
Oops.. Random Caps Lock.. Sorry.But I'mnot gonna fx it either.. OR any of the oter mistakes I've made. I hope you don't mind.
Today was one of theworst days ever.The full affect of yesterday's events, and some addedc today ust sent me over the edge. And all I wanna do is be alone in my room, with a shitload of manga to read.. But I can't have either of those.
To start off, Sunday, my friend's brother AJ got in a car accident. He had hit a tree and was on life supprt. But just last night... He died. And it's finally hittingme now with the full effect of what happened. I feeling lie bursting into tears every two seconds..
And then I get to my french class. My absolute favorite class. And Ihear something I hadn't ever wanted to hear...
My french teacher, Mr.Stanton, has been called to active duty over in Afghanistan. He's leaving May 25th, and won't be backtil around Christmas... That pretty much just ripped my heart out right there. Its taken everyting in me not to cry all day. And it's times like these that I'm glad I don't ever cry...
But he's my favorite teacher. I've never had a teacher lie him. I was hoping I would be able to test out of French 3 into French 4 and have him as my teacher... But I'm not so sure about tat anymore. I actually thought about not taking french at all. That's how much his words had affected me.
But then I thought about it more, and he had been the one to even suggest testing out. He even told me I should either major or minor in french. He obviously saw potential inme. And that's the only thing keeping me going right now. I don't wanna do anything anymore... So there' may be a long period of time when I'm not on at all. But seeing as how it's been for a while now, it wontmake much ofa difference. Ad I'm realizing that I'm just typing and typing without thinking of what it really is I'm typing.
So to anyone who's actually read all this, I don't know how you did.And I hop you don't mind me babbling more.
But have you ever had anybody in your life that influenced you soo much? And then suddenly that person just has to be taken out entirely?
I've felt so many different feelings today. And all in a 6 hour period.
I don't even wanna get outta bed in the morning.
It's such apain.goingto school isn't fun like it used to be. I've started separating myself from the world. And I see myself becoming somewhat anti-social.
I hate going out anymore. It seems I always get disappointed about something. Even the smallest things set me off. Ive become very sensetive to things concerning myself. I hate messing things up, are doing something wroong.It makes me feel worthless and that I'm not good enough. I hate when the focus is on me.
God, I can't stand this anymore. I'm just gonna quit typing. I'm sure it's difficult to understand anyway. And typing on alaptop isn't helping any...
Kilwoon...Where are you..? Where have you been? And why can't I find you?