For months, the serial killer named Kira has been murdering criminals via heart attacks all over the world. His ultimate form of vigilantism is a polarizing subject. People are either for Kira or they are against him. Of all the people against him, none is more adamant about causing his downfall than the detective known as "L". L is working in Japan, the country that is believed to be Kira's base of operations. On his side are Detective Yagami and his son Light, along with some other no-name cops. They are currently inside of L's base of operations, which is a room full of television monitors and empty Hostess snack cake boxes.
Cop #1: Hey... why did the narrator call us "no-name cops"?
L: Because that's what you are. No one watching this show cares about you guys. Seriously, how many people have you seen wearing an "idiotic Japanese cop from Death Note" t-shirt?
Cops: ...
L: I rest my case. *bites into a Twinkie* Mmm. Where's the crème filling? It's in my belly, that's where it is. *bites again*
Yagami: Ryuuzaki (L's alias), I know that you believe that my son is Kira... but I'm curious. How sure are you of this?
L: Hmm... *eating* ...at this point, maybe 2%.
Yagami: That's good.
L: Or skim. Whichever milk is cheaper, Watari. Make it quick. This Twinkie won't wash itself down.
L's assistant Watari leaves to go on a milk-run. Yagami grabs L by his shirt.
Yagami: PAY ATTENTION AND DAMN YOUR MILK! MY SON'S GOOD NAME IS AT STAKE HERE!
L: You think "Light" is a good name? I don't know if I should arrest him or plug him into a wall outlet.
Light enters the room. Behind him is his shinigami "friend", Ryuk. No one can see Ryuk unless they touch Light's Death Note, which he conveniently left at home under his mattress and stuck inside of a Penthouse magazine.
Light: Hey everyone.
Yagami: Ah! You must not think he's guilty or else you wouldn't let him go out by himself.
L: Hmm... that's not true. I do believe that he could possibly be Kira. That's why I sent a special crew after him all day without him noticing.
Light: What? I didn't see anything...
Ryuk: Hahahaha! I sure did. Just wait until you get a load of them.
L: They should be here soon. Their expertise will help us find Kira and bring him to justice once and for all.
The door opens and five figures enter the room.
Shaggy: Like, zoinks, man!
Light: ...
Yagami: Ryuuzaki? Who are these people? And why do they smell like marijuana?
L: I've called them in from the United States. In the past, this group of hippie teenagers has helped me solve a few mysteries. The most prominent of which was "The Case of the Headless Chicken" where a giant fowl without a head was trying to keep people away from a farm that was scheduled to be transformed into a shopping mall.
Fred: It turns out that it was really Old Man Jenkins in disguise.
Light: Yes... I see. Do you really think that these people can capture Kira, Ryuuzaki?
L: *eating a honey bun* If anyone can catch him, it's them. Trust me. Right, Scooby-Doo?
Scooby: Reah! Ratch'im! Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Ryuk: Whoa, the dog just talked. One of those apples that I ate must have been laced with something.
Light: I heard it too.
L: Did you say something, Light?
Light: Uhh... I said... "hey Scooby-Doo."
Ryuk: Nice save.
Fred: Here's our business card, Light.
Fred hands a card to Light. Light looks at it. It's a silly looking card that features all of the group's names and phone numbers. Light puts it in his wallet.
Velma: We spent the whole day gathering evidence, L. Would you like us to give a report of what we discovered?
L: *finishes honey bun* Sure.
Velma: At 8:00 AM, Light Yagami woke up. Between 8 and 9, he brushed his teeth, took a shower and ate breakfast.
Light: You guys saw me in the shower...?
Daphne: Mmm-hmm, we sure did. *blushes*
Velma: Between the hours of 9 and 10, Light wrote some stuff down in a strange notebook and stuffed it under his bed. We think it was a diary. Around 10:05, he received a phone call and left. Light took a train to meet with another person, Misa Amane.
L: Really? Interesting. Continue.
Velma: Light met with Misa at 11:15 outside of a sleazy motel. They went inside and didn't come out until 1:26 PM.
Light: Oh... about that, it's not what you think! I'd never do anything like that with Misa!
L: *sips his tea* No one would fault you if you did. I know that I would. *sips more tea* The "L" in my name stands for "lonely".
Light: We didn't do anything!
Daphne: *giggles* Sure you didn't.
Ryuk: Watch it, Light. You don't want them to find out that the motel was merely a cover so that you could formulate your next plan with Misa without having anyone see you, hahahaha.
Light: SHUT UP!
Daphne: How rude!
Light: Not you!
Fred: Then who...?
Light: Uh... um... the air conditioner is too loud! Someone turn it down!
Ryuk: Hahahahahaha!
L: Hmm. Light, I've noticed that you talk to yourself quite often. Have you ever considered pursuing some type of... oh... what's the term?
Scooby: Rychorogical reatment!
L: Yes, thank you.
Light: I don't need therapy!
Shaggy: Like, calm down, man. You're going to pop a blood vessel or something.
L: Continue, Velma. *eats a donut*
Shaggy: Man, I sure could go for a donut right now. How about sharing, L?
Scooby: Reah! Rare rum ronuts!
L: No! MINE! Get back! Back I say! *hisses*
Shaggy and Scooby: O_o
Velma: After the love hotel incident, Light Yagami went to lunch until 1:40. Then he took another train here. He arrived at 2:11 PM.
L: Thank you. Light, I'd like to know about the notebook you were writing in.
Ryuk: Uh-oh, hahahahahaha!
Light: Stop laughing!
L: I wasn't laughing, although I admit that it's hard not to when in the presence of a talking Great Dane.
Fred (whispers): Something's not right with Light.
Shaggy (whispers): Yeah, man. I don't, like, start to talking to imaginary people until I'm on my second joint, man.
Daphne (whispers): He's clearly sober... and oh so hot.
Velma (whispers): I'm hot too... I wish he didn't turn off the air conditioner.
Daphne (whispers): That's not what I meant.
Fred (whispers): I think we should quest--
Light: Stop talking about me over there! I'm NOT Kira! And I don't care what L says or what a bunch of stoners straight out of the 1960s think! All of you can go to Hell!
Scooby: Ruh-uh! You ran roh to Rell! Rucking rasshole!
Ryuk: A dog just cussed you out... I think. Hahahahahaha.
Light stomps out of the room. Ryuk cannot stop laughing as he hovers behind him. A piece of the Death Note falls from Light's pocket. Light carries multiple pieces with him in case of an emergency.
Velma: What's that?
Velma picks up the Death Note piece. She passes it around to her friends. They shrug and take their leave, promising to return with more information about Light tomorrow. Once outside, they see Ryuk flying around an apple cart. Ryuk takes an apple without paying for it.
Shaggy: ZOINKS!
Fred: Grab him! He stole an apple!
Ryuk doesn't even try to escape. Daphne and Velma grab him. Ryuk finds them to be amusing, so he plays along with the "arrest".
Fred: Now to unmask him!
Fred grabs Ryuk's head and pulls as hard as he can. He pulls and pulls until he yanks it clean off from the neck.
Group: O_O
Fred: AHA! So, the apple thief is really the Invisible Man!
Daphne: Fred, you moron! You pulled his head off!
Fred looks down at the head in his hands.
Ryuk: I would have gotten away with it too if not for you meddling kids and your dog!
Group: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
They run away in horror, leaving Ryuk to reattach his head to his body. The group runs into the street and are promptly run over by an 18-wheeler. Light is standing in a nearby alleyway. In his right hand is a piece of the Death Note. In his left hand is the business card that Fred gave him earlier. The Note reads:
"Fred Jones, Velma Dinkley, Daphne Blake, Norville ‘Shaggy' Rogers and Scooby-Doo will all be run over by an 18-wheeler at 2:30 PM after seeing something that frightens them greatly."
Light: Look at that, Ryuk. The Death Note works on dogs too. I didn't know that.
Ryuk: Me neither. Won't this make L more suspicious of you?
Light: I don't care. I'd rather spend life in jail than have those idiots follow me around any longer.
Ryuk: Heading back to the motel? Hahahahaha.
Light: Shut up!
Ryuk: You meet a cute girl and get her alone in a motel room... and all you do is talk about strategies and world domination. You're such a dork! Hahahahaha!
Light: Even if I WANTED to do anything like that, I couldn't with you floating around! I can't even use the toilet without you watching me like some game on ESPN!
Light has an idea. He does something that he never even contemplated before. Light writes Ryuk's name on the Death Note piece. Ryuk clutches his heart and falls over onto the pavement.
Light: I... I did it! I killed him! Woohoo!
Ryuk: *sits up* Fooled you! Hahahaha!
Light: Damn it...
Light lowers his head and walks away. Ryuk follows after him as usual.
Ryuk: "I did it! I killed him!" HAHAHA! Did you think that would work? What an idiot! HAHAHA!
Light: ...I hate my life...
THE END
