The past several weeks worth of (not so) entertaining programming have led up to this point... the point where someone will go down in anime history as the victor of the 2nd annual Animation Elimination competition. It is on this night that a champion will be named and awarded a mystery grand prize for his efforts. The Kaiba Arena has been covered with the most expensive handmade decorations that money can buy. Cloth banners and buntings are strewn across the arena's upper levels. The ceiling has been opened so the crystal stars can be seen twinkling in the sable sky overhead.
The lovely Éclair and the ever-so-tasteless Mugen are heading to the stage. Éclair wears a stunning blue evening gown that sparkles in the candlelit hallway. Mugen is sporting his usual attire with the addition of an unkempt black necktie that is positioned backwards around his neck.
Éclair: They really rolled out the red carpet... Mugen, could you at least dress like you have class?
Mugen: Class? Shows what you know. I haven't been to school since... since... the last time I've been to school.
Éclair: ......that's not what I meant. School... you probably flunked everything, even lunch.
Mugen: Umm! That's a dirty word! I'm telling!
Éclair: I said FLUNK! Another word for "fail" is "flunk".
Mugen: Ah. So if my mom screws something up, does that make her a mother flunker?
Son Goku, the show's announcer, is just up ahead. He is also wearing his normal clothing, except that his head is stuck in a honey pot.
Goku: Oh bother. Could you guys help me?
Éclair: That's the third time this week! How do you get your head stuck in a honey pot anyway?
Goku: I don't know, Pinky. Can you and The Brain help me out?
Éclair: No... no... NO! I refuse to help until you get my name right! All season long, you've forgotten our names!
Goku: I will if you pull this honey pot off of me. Please?
Éclair: *grabs it and tugs* What's my name?!
Goku (grunts): UGH!!
Éclair: Say it! Say my name!
Goku (grunts): AAAAAH!!!
Éclair: WHAT'S MY NAME!?
Kaiba's office is behind a door nearby. He can hear every loud noise coming from the hallway.
Goku (grunts): AAAAAHH!!
Éclair: MY NAME! WHAT'S MY NAME!?
Kaiba (listening): ...
Goku: It hurts! You're too rough!
Éclair: You act like this is the first time you've ever done this!
Kaiba (listening): O_O
Goku: OWW!!
Éclair: Always sticking things where they don't belong... you're such a naughty boy!
Kaiba (listening): What... the... are... are they? No, it couldn't be...
Mugen: Do it harder, Éclair!
Kaiba (listening): Mugen's out there watching?! That sicko!
Éclair: Goku, pull it out already!
Kaiba (throws the door open): ENOUGH! YOU DISGUSTING PERVERTED-- eh?
Seto Kaiba sees Éclair pull the honey pot off of Goku's head. It flies backward and smacks him right in the face. The boss is knocked out cold. Mugen tiptoes over to check on him.
Éclair: Oh shoot! Is he... dead?
Mugen: Nope, his feet didn't curl up. He's alive. *takes his wallet*
The trio decide to leave their employer on the floor. After they depart, Naru finds him on the floor along with the broken honey pot.
Naru: Oh no! Kaiba-san! *checks his pockets* His money is gone... Kaiba-san was mugged by Winnie the Pooh! Call the police!
Goku enters the announcer's booth. The crowd goes wild as they await the finale of Animation Elimination. Goku waves to them all. The time to start the show is now.
Goku: Welcome to Animation Elimination's season finale! Here are your hosts, Milo and Otis!
Mugen and Éclair don't bother questioning Goku. He'll never get their names right. It's something that they'll have to deal with. They walk onto the stage to a thunderous chorus of cheers and applause.
Éclair: All season long, our two finalists have endured grueling challenges!
Mugen: That's right. They went through a bicycle demolition derby, a pie throwing contest, an attack from monkeys while covered in bananas, a spelling bee, an arm wrestling contest, a snowball war, a candy cane joust, a battle against Goku, a date with Fujiko, a lie detector test and a fight with an evil hamster and his minions!
Éclair: It's all been leading up to this moment. Please welcome our finalists. First, from "YuYu Hakusho", Hiei!
Hiei swiftly makes his appearance. He stands on one end of the stage. The fans cheer wildly for him, especially a certain group in the front row.
Kuwabara: Don't screw this up, shrimp! You're so close to victory!
Kurama: Hiei made it farther than I did in this competition last year... impressive. My hat's off to you, or it would be if I wore a hat.
Yusuke: Instead you wear a wig that makes you look like a Mary Jane Watson cosplayer.
Kurama: I'll remember that remark.
Éclair: And our other finalist... from "Death Note", L!
L calmly walks onto the stage. His fans cheer for him and toss shrink-wrapped sweets his way.
Misa: Go L! ^_^
Light: Misa! Use your Shinigami Eyes to find out his real name so I can kill him!
Misa: But... I want to see how the show ends...
Light: You... you... ARGH!
Ryuk: Hahahahahaha! *mocks* "ARGH!" Hahahahahaha!
Éclair: Before we announce the winner, do either of you have anything you'd like to say?
L: To all of my fans who've supported me from episode 14 until now, thank you. I really appreciate all of the fan mail, greeting cards, flowers, candy, cakes, donuts, foot ointment, et cetera et cetera. Arigato.
Éclair: And Hiei?
Hiei: Blow.
Mugen: All right! It's time to crown our champion, who'll receive our grand prize and a place in the anime immortality hall of fame. The runner-up will receive a one-way ticket to Obscurityville. We have a special surprise for you all... last year's champion will be the one to announce the winner. Give a round of applause to the legendary samurai, Kenshin Himura!
"Rurouni Kenshin" star Kenshin Himura is now with the group. He holds a golden envelope in which the winner's name is written. There is also a silver envelope to be opened later.
Kenshin: Thank you! This one is happy to be back on the show! Ever since he won, he has been receiving lots of endorsement deals! Wheaties, Hasbro, Microsoft and even Nike! Be sure to buy his brand new "Air Kenshin" sneakers on sale in the lobby!
~~~~Amestris~~~~
The Elric Brothers watch from the Rockbell family home again. Edward, last year's runner-up, still has a bad taste in his mouth. Winry's grandmother can't cook. But the bad taste can also be attributed to his defeat one year ago.
Edward: Look at that giant tool! That should be MY shoe being sold! "Air Elric" shoes! BAH!
Winry: You with brand-name shoes? To be accurate, none of them could be larger than size 6.
Edward: Winry, have your mouth follow your bra's example and STUFF IT!
Alphonse turns away as Winry repeatedly pounds Edward in the head with her wrench. The disgruntled auto-mail mechanic goes into the kitchen with a giant vein throbbing in her forehead. Edward is on the ground, a large lump rising from his skull.
Alphonse: Hey brother! On the bright side, that new lump on your head has made you taller!
Edward: I hate you...
~~~~~~
Kenshin: The winner of Animation Elimination 2008 is...
Hiei: Hmph.
L: *eats a Swiss cake roll*
Kenshin: ...L!
Fireworks are launched into the sky once the announcement is made. Confetti and streamers fall from the arena's upper levels, accompanied by red and white balloons. The crowd cheers as loud as ever. L finishes his sweet and makes his way over to Kenshin. Hiei, who has just been defeated, says nothing and walks away.
Mugen: Hiei! Are you leaving?
Hiei: Of course, you fool. I can't believe that I lost to that shut-in sugar junkie.
Hiei disappears into the darkness of the night. Éclair gives L a big hug.
Éclair: You won! Congratulations! *sniffs* You... smell like... an Easy Bake Oven...
L: That's what people tell me. I believe that my body secretes sugar through its pores.
Kenshin: Oro? O.o
Mugen: L had the most votes every single week, so it's no surprise that he won in the end. Himura-sama, please give him his grand prize.
Kenshin hands the silver envelope to L. L opens it to find a plane ticket.
Kenshin: You won an all-expense paid trip to Tokyo!
L: But... I'm already in Tokyo...
Kenshin: Oh. *takes the ticket back* Let's see... *digs around in his pocket* Ah! Here! You won a half-empty pack of chewing gum!
L: Hmm. Not what I expected... thank you anyway.
Mugen: In addition to your, uh, chewing gum, you've also won 100,000,000 yen, a year's supply of Kinoki foot pads, and a golden ticket granting you access to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory!
L: Really?! You're not kidding, right? I can visit the Wonka factory?! Wait, which Wonka? The original Gene Wilder one or the creepy Johnny Depp one?
Mugen: Um... both.
Mugen gives L a golden ticket. The slovenly detective jumps with joy. He runs off with his prize, happy as can be.
Mugen: I didn't have the heart to tell him that was a lie. He'll figure it out when he arrives at the "factory" only to discover that it's really a bingo hall in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
Éclair: That's it for this season! See you next year unless we've been cancelled!
Mugen: Éclair, I still have Kaiba-san's wallet. How about me and you go out and have fun tonight? Goku too.
Goku: That sounds great! Come on, let's go!
Éclair: Eh... I get the feeling that something bad is going to happen. Not to us, but elsewhere...
Mugen: Who gives a fig? It's party time!
Éclair: OK! Bye everyone! ^_^
~~~~The Hundred Acre Wood~~~~
The Hundred Acre Wood is experiencing another windy autumn season. Piglet is raking leaves outside, only to have more leaves be blown into his front yard. His best friend Pooh approaches.
Piglet: Oh, h-hello Pooh!
Pooh: Hello Piglet! It certainly is a blustery day, isn't it?
Piglet: It s-s-sure is.
Pooh: I'm on my way to Rabbit's house to see if he can loan me a small smackerel of honey. Care to join me?
Piglet: I'll be along after I finish-- POOH! L-LOOK OUT! BE-BEHIND YOU!
Three police officers armed with nightsticks run up from behind and start beating down on the pudgy bear. Piglet runs inside and locks the door, leaving Pooh to his grim fate.
Pooh: OW! WHAT THE F*** DID I DO, MAN?!
Officer: You are under arrest for assaulting and robbing Japanese millionaire Seto Kaiba!
Pooh: WHO!? I'VE NEVER HEARD OF-- OWWW!! PIGLET! CALL CHRISTOPHER ROBIN! OWW! MUST YOU BE SO ROUGH?! *struggles*
Officer: Zap him, Lenny!
Pooh: DON'T TASE ME, BRO!
Piglet: Oh d-dear...
THE END
