Birthday • 1983-06-17 Gender •
Male Location • St. Louis Member Since • 2003-08-03 Occupation • Real Name • Christopher (or Chris for short)
Personal
Achievements • running this blog for 4 1/2 years and finally being able to conclude it Anime Fan Since • I watched the original Transformers... I had no idea it was anime at the time... Favorite Anime • Dragon Ball, Bleach, Inuyasha, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gintama, Eyeshield 21, Kinnikuman, Death Note, One Piece Goals • to make my happy ending come true by defeating El Diablo, the albino squirrel overlord Hobbies • video games, drawing (yet I have no fan art submitted...), watching anime, etc. Talents • I can change my voice into 10-15 others, maybe more...
myOtaku.com: lordsesshomaru
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
LS vs. Candy ~~This post is dedicated to my good online buddy, Knight Edge, whose grandmother passed away recently. My condolences go out to him and his loved ones during this tough time.~~
Today's Wisdom
If you're a puppet, your life isn't fair. Some guy sticks a hand up your butt and people think you're the creepy one...
Comment Response (09/13/07)
I no longer respond to tags. I've been tagged more times than I can count without removing my shoes and socks...
I wasn't paranoid about selling the book. The situation just felt like one of those illegal deals that goes down in an action movie before Steven Seagal waddles onto the screen to ruin it for the bad guys.
Post for Sloths
The "Son of a Bleach" mini-series continues. Holidays and ancient candy are discussed. A moron shoots himself at McDonald's.
Post for Everyone Else
If myOtaku were a kingdom, I would be the court jester... or the town fool... one of the two, perhaps both. It is Friday, meaning a new comedy story is available for reading down below. Episode 2/5 of "Son of a Bleach" is ready with new characters, including some originals. I try not to use original characters these days (EHN was almost devoid of them) for numerous reasons, the main one being that most readers don't like them as much as the anime-based characters (obviously). However I could not resist the idea for the "villain" in this series, who is introduced in this episode. I had fun working with him. He's a spoof of-- oh you'll see. For those who wish to read, go ahead. If you want to skip, that's fine too. And now... on with the show!
DISCLAIMER: "Son of a Bleach" may contain mild profanity and sexual inneuendo. Reader discretion is advised... I guess... this disclaimer isn't needed really... it's just here to make things seem cooler...
2
Time: 8:04 AM
Setting: Karakura Town, Japan
Place: the park
The dopey Hollow who calls himself DJ Porktopus wobbles around in front of Ichigo and Rukia. Ichigo jumps up and slices through him with his zanpaku-to, Zangetsu, to finish him off.
Ichigo: That was it...? We wasted a cliffhanger on that guy?
Another Hollow rises up from Porktopus's remains. This one resembles a large, red-eyed squirrel wearing a hockey mask.
Rukia: You spoke too soon.
Hollow: I was inside that monster's stomach because he had eaten me... and you fools released me from my acidic prison! NOW YOU DIE!
Ichigo: Think about this for a second. If you were eaten by that Hollow before, which I easily destroyed, by default you'd be weaker than me. You get what I mean?
Hollow: Not really. I was never good at chemistry.
Ichigo: Are all Hollows this stupid?
Rukia: Just kill him!
Ichigo: OK! You're going down, squirrel-- EH!!!
Several men and women in white t-shirts tackle Ichigo and bring him to the ground. Rukia confusedly rubs her chin while wondering who they are.
Rukia: Hmm... how can you guys see Ichigo?
The group of people turn towards Rukia. One in the center steps forward. He has long green hair pulled back into a ponytail. The sunlight from above reflects off of his eyeglasses as he speaks.
Man: We are Soul Reapers like you. But unlike you, we don't believe in the cruel practice of killing Hollows!
Group: YEAH! They're living creatures too!
Rukia: You're kidding.
Man: Not at all. My name is Shunsuke Dokuhebimizutoritsukimorikamehamehabakashin.
Ichigo and Rukia: O_O
Shunsuke: Just call me "Shunsuke". We believe that all Hollows deserve a chance to live free without the fear of Soul Reapers chopping them apart!
Rukia: IDIOT! We don't KILL them! We cleanse them and send them to the Soul Society! CLEANSE! NOT KILL!
Shunsuke: I don't believe your fallacious lies! You're murderers! And you people are supposed to be the heroes of "Clorox"...
Ichigo: BLEACH! Not CLOROX!
Rukia reads the t-shirts that the group is wearing.
Rukia: P-E-T-H? What's PETH stand for?
Shunsuke: People for the Ethical Treatment of Hollows. From now on, you monsters will never hurt Hollows again! Now, giant squirrel! Be free!
Hollow: Heh heh... okay. But I'll take a few of you for the road...
The squirrel Hollow swoops its head down and eats three of the PETH members before hopping off over the horizon.
Ichigo: See that? Hollows are evil! That thing just ate some of your group!
Shunsuke: Lions and sharks are known to --rarely-- attack people, but that doesn't mean we should kill them all too. Now let's go team! Who wants some delicious granola and carrot juice?
Group: YAY!
The members of PETH disappear. Ichigo and Rukia shake their heads together and go back to school. The Hollow is far out of their range now.
~~~~~~~~~~
Keigo: I'm telling you guys! Rukia killed Ichigo and left his body in the janitor's closet!
Orihime (thinking): He must not know about him being able to turn into a Soul Reaper...
Tatsuki: You're like the programming lineup on MTV: full of crap! Rukia didn't kill him!
Keigo: She did! You believe me... right, Chad?
Chad: Mm.
Keigo: I knew you would!
Tatsuki: Chad doesn't believe you!
Keigo: He just said that he did!
Orihime: Uhh... how do either of you know what he said?
Ichigo and Rukia walk back into the classroom together and take their seats.
Keigo: Ichigo must have used a Phoenix Down! O_o
Tatsuki punches Keigo in the face. Orihime gets in between Ichigo and Rukia to discuss what just happened.
Orihime (whispers): What happened? Should Chad and I be worried?
Rukia (whispers): I'm not sure. We ran into some crazy people...
Ichigo (whispers): Speaking of crazy, where is Kon?
Orihime (whispers): He tried to do... dirty things... a couple of girls got scared and called the police... and...
She turns on the TV in the corner.
News Reporter: --police are currently looking for a perverted stuffed toy that solicited sexual favors from teenage girls in a local high school. It is unknown how such a toy came into existence or whether someone else may be controlling it or not. The police have given the plush toy the codename "T*tty Ruxpin". More news as it develops--
Ichigo: Why me? WHY?!
~~~~~~~~~~
Uryu Ishida, a Quincy (human with spiritual powers that is used to kill Hollows), walks to school. He is running late as a result of staying up all night firing his bow at Hollows. A dragon-like Hollow flies overhead. He powers up his bow and is prepared to release an arrow when the PETH members tackle him as they did Ichigo.
Uryu: Who... who are you guys?!
Shunsuke: I am Shunsuke Dokuhebimizutoritsukimorikamehamehabakashin. You can call me "Shunsuke" for short.
Uryu: I'd like to call you something else for short, but the censors won't allow it.
Shunsuke: You, Mr. Quincy, will no longer kill Hollows. We are PETH, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Hollows. As long as we're around, Hollows will roam free!
Uryu: Can I ask you a question? And I mean this with all due respect... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
Shunsuke: Nothing is wrong with us. We just can't bear to watch you butcher another innocent Hollow! They're living creatures too!
Uryu: This... is... insane... look, if you value your lives, you'll stay away from me.
Shunsuke: This coming from a boy carrying a sewing kit.
Uryu: Touché and I hate you.
Renji Abarai, lieutenant of the 6th division of Soul Society's Gotei 13, drops in from the sky with his sword in hand.
Renji: We've been getting reports of Hollow-cleansings being disrupted all over Japan. I guess you guys are behind it. Who are you anyway?
Shunsuke: I'm tired of saying my name... it's so long... go back and re-read this chapter from the beginning.
Renji: Fine. Give me a second.
A few minutes pass and Renji is caught up with everything.
Renji: Heh heh... "T*tty Ruxpin"... *ahem* Well, I can't let you interfere in Soul Society's affairs any longer. If you wish to continue with your odd agenda, you'll have to kill me first.
Shunsuke places his hand on his sword.
Shunsuke: So be it. I too am a Soul Reaper. Frolic for me... Usagimaru.
Shunsuke draws his zanpaku-to, which has a rabbit-shaped handle, and it takes the form of a pair of pink fuzzy scissors once released.
Renji and Uryu: ..................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Shunsuke: ...
Uryu: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Let me guess... your Bankai (sword's final release) is that your blade forces the enemy to laugh to death? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Renji: Paper beats rock... rock beats scissors... and scissors are lame as hell! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Shunsuke: Stop laughing! *sniffles* It's not funny... MY MOTHER GAVE ME THIS SWORD!
Renji and Uryu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Shunsuke cries and runs away. His group follow after him with boxes of Kleenex in tow.
Uryu: Finally... someone who's a bigger dork than me! I love this feeling... now I know how all those bullies felt who bothered me in elementary school! And in middle school... and high school... "Asian Steve Urkel" indeed...
High above, watching from a rooftop, are two shadowy figures. It is unclear how they are shadowy with the sun shining down onto them. One is a curvaceous strawberry-blonde female of average height. The other is a short boy with white hair and a zanpaku-to on his back. The boy writes down a few notes.
Boy: That Shunsuke what's-his-name guy is going to be a problem.
Woman: Dokuhebimizutoritsukimorikamehamehabakashin is his last name.
Boy: You can't even make a salad without burning it and you remembered that?
Woman: Yep! I'm good with names, Captain Hitsugaya!
Hitsugaya: ARGH! Why did you say my name?! You ruined the whole "mysterious duo" thing we were going for, Matsumoto. Our identities were supposed to be a cliffhanger into episode 3...
Rangiku: Oh come on, it's not like they didn't know it was us...
Hitsugaya: Shut up.
TO BE CONTINUED
Candy
I went shopping for a small amount of groceries on Thursday. Even though it's only close to midway through September, some stores already have their Halloween stuff up. Although I like Halloween, I admit it is one of the oddest holidays ever created... 364 days of the year, parents tell kids to avoid strangers, but for one night, they can dress like a moron and get candy from people they've never met before. Holidays are funny that way. It's like "Hey kids! Don't play with fire... unless it's July 4th!" and "Hey kids! Don't eat too much, it's bad for you... unless it's Thanksgiving!" and "Hey kids! Don't bring trees into the house and decorate them... unless it's Christmas!" OK, that last one probably applies only to my childhood... I was known to do that regularly...
One of my friends had a mean father. I've mentioned him before (he removed the hinges from his bedroom door, he threatened to hang him from a carnival ride, etc.). That man would only buy candy once every decade or so, in a massive amount that would last for just as long. Then he'd hand it out every year until he ran out. So there would be a year when you got to his door and he'd hand you a Jolly Rancher that was older than you were.
I never trick-or-treated at his house once I learned that.
Teen shoots himself in leg at McDonald's
PITTSBURGH - A 17-year-old boy accidentally shot himself in the leg while standing in line at a McDonald's restaurant and now he faces an illegal weapons charge. The boy was fiddling with the .25-caliber pistol tucked in his waistband when it fired, wounding him in the upper thigh shortly before 9 p.m. Wednesday, city police Sgt. William Gorman said. "Some days you deal with a victim, some days you deal with an actor," Gorman said. "But it's a strange day when the actor is the victim." The boy was in good condition at Mercy Hospital. He was to be charged with illegal possession of a firearm, because he is not old enough to lawfully have a gun, police said. Police were also trying to determine if the gun was stolen. The boy was not identified because he is a juvenile. No one else was hurt.
NOTE: This kid is probably related to Barney Fife...
LS vs. Paranoia Today's Wisdom
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girls with goatees
Belong in the zoo
Comment Response (09/12/07)
The first Bleach movie was released in December 2006. It recently became available on DVD in Japan. American audiences will have to wait a while for a legitimate release. The second Bleach movie hasn't been released in Japan. It'll hit Japanese theatres in December 2007.
The Fullmetal Alchemist anime ends in the movie (the manga is still running with a different storyline). It's one of the few movies-based-on-an-anime-TV-series that isn't filler since it actually concludes the main plot/story.
Post for Sloths
The book has been sold. My police-paranoia is discussed. An anime opening video is posted. Two celebrities form a couple that gives me nightmares.
Post for Everyone Else
The Law
Remember that first-printing paperback of the first Harry Potter book that I found in a building marked for demolition in less than two months? You do? Good. Co-worker Jared, who wasn't with me when the book was first obtained, suggested that I sell it and he knew a guy I could sell it to. Jared wanted to be the "middle man" and take the book from me to the buyer. Then he'd relay the money back to me. He's my friend, but I wouldn't trust Jared with finding snow in Antarctica. A meeting was arranged and I sold the book on Wednesday for an amount of money I care not to disclose (it wasn't a lot, but more than I would have asked for).
I felt like one of those illegal dealers in a movie when the transfer occured. All I needed was a trench coat and 10+ wristwatches on my arm. I get slightly paranoid about the law sometimes, despite not doing anything illegal. Don't get me wrong, I respect the police. A lot of people like to bash them, but come on... they damn well know they'll be calling those same cops when someone breaks into their house. Anyway back to me, if I'm driving near a cop, I'll lower my speed to a turtle's pace. Or if I see a security guard in a store, I try to look like I'm not doing anything wrong, which only makes me seem more suspicious. Someday, I'll be bludgeoned with a nightstick. I'll ask why that happened and the officer will say: "I don't know... but you looked guilty as hell."
Theme Thursday
Once again, it is that time when I post an opening video from an anime of my choosing. This week's offering is from "Gravion Zwei", a series I watched on DVD not too long ago (as a result of my brother leaving his collection with me). It's a short, mecha anime (giant robots piloted by humans) that's the sequel to "Gravion". I might have enjoyed this series more if I watched the first one. It contains explosions, comedy, robot battles, the pretty boys that fangirls like to place in their yaoi fantasies, and the female nudity and fanservice that fanboys like to drool over... but the series lacks something that I can't put my finger on for me to call it "great". As it is, it's entertaining at best, which isn't a bad thing. I had fun with it and that's all I ask for when I watch anything... except the news. The news shouldn't be fun. *imagines a newsanchor in clown makeup reading a story about a triple homicide* Yeeesh.
Shock new couple: Paris Hilton & 50 Cent
(courtesy of Stuff.co.nz)
Paris Hilton and 50 Cent have been spotted canoodling in Las Vegas. The rapper made his move on the hotel heiress at the launch party for his new album Curtis at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino on Saturday night. A source said: "50 played a few songs and then made straight for Paris. She was laughing and unashamedly flirting and couldn't keep her hands off him. He nuzzled up to her and they cuddled." The couple have been romantically linked once before when Paris, 26, was said to have spent the night with the 31-year-old hip-hop star at last year's Cannes Film Festival. The Simple Life star has previously confessed to having a crush on 50. She said: "He's so cool. He's really funny and he's so cute too, and I love his music. I think he would be the best boyfriend a girl could wish for!" In return, 50 gave Paris a mention in his track Turn Da Lights Off telling her to call him up for a date. Last week, Paris revealed she has set herself a deadline to be married and pregnant by next year.
NOTE: Now 50 Cent will need 50 shots to get rid of whatever diseases he may pick up from their relationship. For an idea of what their-- *shivers* --kid might look like in the future, check out today's Pic of the Day.
LS vs. Blackbeard the Butt Pirate Today's Wisdom
They call it "IHOP" even though anyone who eats there feels so bloated that they won't be hopping anywhere. "IROLL" could be a better name.
Comment Response (09/07/07)
I wouldn't call myself a "normal" part of the family. I'm pretty sure that all of the family members that I mock look at me as I do to them.
Thanks for all of the feedback for the debut of "Son of a Bleach". Now to address some comments...
It's only five episodes, but I may do more in the future, probably after "Animation Elimination" season two. It depends on how well-received the story is when I reach the end of episode 5.
I wanted the first episode to resemble the beginning of Bleach. I'll bring in more, um, current characters/story points soon.
Kon and, surprisingly enough, Chad got the most positive response. "Mm."
Post for Sloths
I give my explanation for my absense. Anime movies are discussed. A series of Japanese practical jokes are available to watch. A family found a surprise in their soup and it wasn't a fly.
Post for Everyone Else
LS Returns for the 92nd Time
Where have I been? Where? I will answer that question... Monday, I was lazy (as predicted) and I didn't post anything. I felt like a turtle that's stuck on its back: wanting to do something but unable to do so... minus the "wanting to do something" part. Scratch that analogy. Tuesday, with it being 9/11, I didn't feel like being funny nor did I want to be serious either, so I felt it was best to sit out. I could have made a ton of jokes about Osama Bin Douchebag's recent transformation into Blackbeard the Butt Pirate and his fondness for the seamen on his ship, but nah.
So I'm back until I get lazy again. When will that be? Maybe Monday. Or Friday. Or even before this post ends. Oh the inpredictablility! Is that even a word?
Anime Movies
Over the past week, I viewed the first Naruto movie (dubbed on Toonami, although I've previously seen a fansub) and the first Bleach movie (fansub only)... meh. Neither are bad; they're just more of the same formula. Movies based on action anime TV shows are mostly the same: new team of bad guys appear, popular heroes show up (with the addition of a new hero added just for the movie), minor characters get cameos, heroes defeat team of villains, the end. Such was the case with movies based on Dragon Ball, Inuyasha, and so on. Movies of that nature are just extended filler episodes... and since most people like to moan about filler (myself included)... it makes me wonder why they get all psyched for the movies in the first place. Maybe it's the prettier animation.
Toonami's fast-forwarding through Naruto's U.S.-added ending theme made me chuckle since it looked like the flowers were headbanging to the music.
This Week's Japanese TV Video
It's a series of practical jokes. The finale is my favorite of them all. Total running time 2:12.
Soupcon of rubber leads to food suit
FORT COLLINS, Co. - A Fort Collins family says in a federal lawsuit that they found a condom at the bottom of a Campbell's Soup can after the cream of mushroom dinner they had started eating tasted bad. "We think it's highly unlikely that this occurred and we take all claims of product contamination very seriously," said Campbell Soup Co. spokesman Anthony Sanzio. Audrey Smith, 63, heated the soup on Nov. 20, 2006, and she and Doyle Smith, 64, and Shane Smith, 42, noticed an unusual taste and looked inside the can, according to a lawsuit filed by the family in U.S. District Court. "The foul taste was apparently caused by the presence of a large piece of rubber lodged at the bottom of the can," the suit says. "Upon further examination, it appeared to the Smiths that the rubber was, in fact, a condom." After the Smiths noticed the latex, they immediately became nauseous and overcome with fear that they had been exposed to disease. The family went to the emergency room and had blood drawn and tests performed. Doyle Smith contacted Campbell Soup to complain and the lawsuit says the company refused to pay the family's medical expenses and offered the Smiths a coupon for a discount on their next purchase of soup. The Smiths gave Campbell Soup a portion of the rubber for testing. On March 19, Campbell Soup officials told the Smith family that laboratory analysis determined the rubber was latex but could not be positively identified, according to the suit.
NOTE: Cream of mushroom? The dirty jokes just write themselves. It'd be worse if it was this stuff.
LS vs. Grumpa ~the final battle~ Today's Wisdom
You know you're an idiot when you think a 24-pack of beer/soda won't be accepted in the 12-items-or-less line.
Comment Response (09/05/07)
I was part of the gifted program in school from grades 3-10. In 10th grade, my true laziness kicked in and I quit.
People love me? Good, then I don't have to worry about being sent to "the institute". Again.
Post for Sloths
"Son of Bleach" debuts. An enemy of mine finally retires. My cousin's wedding saga comes to its anti-climactic conclusion. A man beats a girl with his fake leg.
Post for Everyone Else
Once again, Fanfic Friday rears its head. If you aren't sure what this is all about, it's where I post a comedy fanfic that mocks an anime of my choosing. All of my stories are typed in a script-style to make them fairly easy to read. Tonight's post is a little late because I have a habit of re-editing my work until I get it just right... or close enough.
Today marks the beginning of the five-part "Son of a Bleach" mini-series. Why only five parts? Because I plan on starting season two of "Animation Elimination" once this wraps up. All five parts are part of one story and it's best if you've seen the earlier episodes of Bleach before reading any of it. Hopefully you'll enjoy the story, if you choose to read it. If you don't like it, at least it didn't cost you a dime. If you don't want to read it, scroll past it. And now... on with the show!
son of a bleach
1
Time: 6:59 AM
Setting: Karakura Town, Japan
Place: Ichigo's bedroom
Once the clock near Ichigo Kurosaki's bed strikes 7:00AM, the grumpy teenager reaches over and slams his fist down onto the device. It is broken beyond repair, but at least it isn't making noise anymore. Such is the logic of Ichigo. He scratches his rusty hair and slowly sits upright in his bed.
Ichigo: I hate waking up so early... I get the feeling that this is going to be a long day.
Ichigo's father, Isshin Kurosaki, flies through the door and his elbow finds a place on Ichigo's chest.
Ichigo: AAAARRRRGGGGHH!!!
Isshin: GOOD MORNING ICHIGO!
Ichigo punches Isshin in the jaw. Isshin staggers off of his son and wipes the blood from his mouth.
Isshin: You... son of a bitch!
Ichigo: I'm YOUR son. So when you think about it, that'd make you the--
Isshin: I'm nobody's bitch! Well, not since they let me out of prison! Now prepare yourself!
Isshin grabs Ichigo and places him in a headlock. They roll around the room, knocking over anything in their path. A stuffed plush lion falls off a dresser and to the floor. Ichigo manages to pin his father against the wall. He punches him repeatedly in the face until Isshin rolls them both over and out into the hallway. With their hands in each other's hair, Ichigo and Isshin tumble down the stairs and into the living room.
Both get onto their feet, but Isshin is the first to regain his balance. He charges at his son and spears him through the previously-locked front door to their home. Now outside, the brawl continues. Ichigo picks up a nearby rake and beats Isshin over the head with it until it breaks. Isshin wraps his arms around Ichigo's legs and drops him to the ground. He stomps on Ichigo over and over again until his son finally gives up.
Ichigo: UNCLE! UNCLE!
Isshin: Not "uncle!" You mean "father!" We didn't go onto the Maury TV show and take that paternity test for nothing!
Ichigo: I can't wait until I'm 18 years old... then I'll be emancipated from your tyranny...
Isshin: If you're feeling emancipated, go inside and eat your wheat toast. The fiber will help.
The neighbors stare at them in disbelief.
Isshin: What?! You act like you've never seen father-son bonding before!
Ichigo's younger sisters, Karin and Yuzu, are already eating when their brother joins them at the table.
Karin: You had to fight again, didn't you? I'm tired of making up excuses to tell the social worker when she comes here. Maybe I shouldn't say anything and get us taken to a foster home. The food will probably taste better there.
Isshin (from outside): I HEARD THAT, YOU LITTLE-- *grumbles*
Yuzu: At least they didn't get arrested this time. ^^
Karin: Way to look at the glass half-full, Yuzu.
Yuzu: Um, my glass is empty. I need more juice. *goes to the fridge*
Karin: I wish I could be an optimist like her.
Ichigo: Yuzu isn't an eye doctor, is she?
Karin: You moron... Ichigo, that creepy guy with the empty fried chicken bucket on his head came by earlier.
Ichigo: Mr. Hat-n-Clogs? It's barely 7:00 AM now... so how much earlier was it?
Karin: Like 2:30AM earlier.
Ichigo: Doesn't that man ever sleep?
Karin: He wants you to stop by his store on the way home from school for something.
Ichigo: I see. I'm not hungry, so I'll just get dressed and go.
Ichigo leaves the table and goes back to his room. The plush lion named Kon is waiting for him there.
Kon: YOU @#$%ING IDIOTS ALMOST HURT ME IN THAT FIGHT!
Ichigo: Pipe down! My family will think I'm talking to myself!
Kon: It's better than what you usually do with yourself.
Kon gets stomped. He dusts himself off and sits on Ichigo's bed as Ichigo puts on his school uniform.
Kon: It's a good thing that Rukia wasn't here to see that.
Ichigo: Where is she?
Kon: She came out of the closet and left an hour before you got up.
Ichigo: She finally admitted it, eh? I suspected that she swung that way for a while now.
Kon: That's not what I meant and you know it (although it'd be hot if she was)! Now stuff me in your backpack!
Ichigo: I'm not taking you with me to school. It's embarrassing having to explain you to anyone who finds you.
Kon: It's been weeks since anyone found me!
Ichigo: Yes... and the last time they did... you were DANCING on the principal's HEAD.
Kon: No one believed him because he has a history of alcohol abuse, so what's the big deal?
Ichigo: How about when Tatsuki found you and started to talk to her? You said you were a "Tickle-Me-Anus" doll!
Kon: That's "Tickle-Your-Anus", Ichigo. Get it straight and take me with you. You need me in case a Hollow shows up.
Ichigo: Oh yeah. Fine, get in. But if you cause any trouble...
Kon: I swear on my mother's grave that I won't.
Ichigo: You never had a mother.
Kon: No wonder I can't keep my promises...
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ichigo arrives at school and takes a seat in his homeroom class. His three friends (Keigo, Mizuiro and Chad) enter the room. Mizuiro is busy talking to someone on his cell phone. Keigo skims through the pages of a gravure idol magazine. Chad stands like a statue. Mizuiro hangs up and greets Ichigo.
Mizuiro: Good morning, Ichigo!
Keigo: Hey!
Chad: Mm.
Ichigo: Hey guys.
Keigo: I know that you're a big dork, so did you do the homework assignment? I need to copy-- OWW!!
Ichigo threw a textbook at Keigo's face.
Ichigo: If you want something from me, don't insult me first. And I didn't do the homework... because we didn't have any. If you weren't busy reading dirty magazines in class, you'd know that.
Keigo: Is this true? Mizuiro? Chad?
Mizuiro: Yep. We didn't have any homework.
Chad: Mm.
Keigo: WOOHOO! Party time!
Mizuiro: Although we have a test today.
Keigo: NOOOOOOOO!!!
Mizuiro: His spirits are so easy to bring down...
Chad: Mm.
Ichigo turns away from his loudmouthed friend and sees two of his female companions, Orihime and Tatsuki, talking with each other. Orihime notices this.
Orihime: Hi Ichigo! How are you this morning?
Ichigo: I feel like hell.
Orihime: Oh... that's too bad...
Tatsuki: It's okay, Orihime. In Ichigo-Talk, feeling like hell is pretty good. If he felt bad, he'd use a more extreme word like @#$% or &*%+ instead.
Orihime: Oh yeah! That's right, I forgot!
Ichigo (thinking): They... named a... language for me... ?
Rukia walks in without saying a word and drags Ichigo out of the classroom, leaving everyone behind to blink in confusion.
Keigo: Why don't girls drag ME away? It's always some damn cop who does the dragging! "Peeping into a girl's bedroom window is illegal" they tell me... bah! What do they know?!
Chad: Mm.
Rukia speaks with Ichigo in private in the janitor's closet down the hallway. Keigo gets jealous and follows them outside. He tries to listen to them inside of the closet, but their voices are muffled behind the wooden door.
Rukia: Ichigo... I bet that you're wondering where I went this morning.
Ichigo: Not really. I'm actually wondering why people complain about a movie in a series like the Star Wars prequels or the newest Harry Potter movie, but still end up going to see the next movie in the series anyway.
Rukia: I've wondered about that too and-- hey! Forget that! I went to go see Kisuke Urahara a couple of hours after he stopped by last night. You and I are to go to his shop after school today.
Ichigo: Karin told me. What does he want?
Rukia: I was going to ask... but that giant Tessai guy was in the middle of giving him a sponge bath when I was there. I didn't want to ask any further questions out of fear of scarring my mind.
~~~~begin flashback~~~~
Kisuke (sings): Who washes himself in a silver bathtub? Spongebath Squarehat!
~~~~end flashback~~~~
The alert on Rukia's phone goes off. That means that a Hollow, a human soul twisted and transformed into a monster, is on the loose in the area.
Rukia: It's time for you to go Soul Reaper and kill that thing... we need Kon though... where is he?
Ichigo: I left him in the classroom...
~~~~~~~~
Kon (standing on the teacher's desk): Attention to all of the girls! I am giving bra-and-panty inspections! All of you line up so I can look at you! If you fail the inspection, you must remove your bra and panties! Needless to say, all of you will fail anyway!
Tatsuki: Hey, it's that Tickle-Your-Anus doll again...
~~~~~~~~
Not wanting to waste time, Rukia uses her special glove to transform Ichigo into a Soul Reaper right there and leave his lifeless body in the closet. They both run off. However, only Rukia can be seen by a normal human's eyes. Keigo, who was waiting outside, watches her run off seemingly alone before peeking into the closet. He finds Ichigo's body lying on the floor.
Keigo: SHE KILLED HIM! HELP! AAAAAAAAHH!!!
Ichigo and Rukia arrive at the park where they find the Hollow. It's a large demonic beast that resembles an eight-legged pig wearing a white mask.
Hollow: I AM D.J. PORKTOPUS! WOOF!!!!!!
Ichigo: Pigs don't bark, genius. They oink.
Hollow: Oh. Sorry. *ahem* QUACK!!!!!
Ichigo: Yeah, this is going to be a long day.
TO BE CONTINUED
Goodbye Grumpa
I found out that "Grumpa" retired a week ago. In case you don't know, several months ago I shared my stories about my run-ins with an old, belligerent janitor who I called Grumpa (a mixture of the words "grumpy" and "grandpa"). He'd tell me off for walking on recently-waxed floors (I guess he expected me to use my hovering powers to float over them) or for using the restroom right after he got done cleaning it (I guess he wanted me to wet my pants instead). Now he's gone, and at an odd time in my opinion. I figured he'd retire before the summer so he'd be able to go on a tropical vacation or on a cruise or something. Oh well. Happy retirement, Grumpa.
Wedding - Finale
My cousin called about that wedding again. He's getting married at the end of this month (I think, I don't keep tabs on family members that I only see once a decade). This time, I just flat-out told him I will not be attending. Then... he had the audacity to ask: "oh... will you be sending a gift by mail then?" There was a long, awkward silence on both of our ends before he started laughing, claiming that was just a joke. I sure hope it was. I was tempted to go to the wedding just to kick the crap out of him if he was serious. Bah. With relatives like him, my cat-worshipping paranoid uncle, my other cousin who gropes girls, among others... it's no wonder why I am the way I am now, is it?
And for the second day in a row, here's an image featuring a Muppet.
Theft Suspect Hits Girl With Prosthetic Leg
ELYRIA, Ohio -- Police said an Elyria man with a fake leg used it as a weapon in an alleged robbery. Gina McKee said she was at an Elyria convenience store early Monday morning when a man allegedly stole someone's wallet, and McKee took action to prevent him escaping. McKee said not only did the man, who the police identify as 45-year-old Lemuel Voorhies, scream at her and start throwing punches, he did something totally unexpected. "I hear like a pop, and he pops his prosthetic leg off, and next thing I know I see this boot flying across my face," she said. She said Voorhies was so mad, he also picked up his bike and threw it at her. McKee said she got into a punching match with Voorhies and police showed up minutes later. The investigation into the stolen wallet is still going on, but police charged Voorhies with assault for allegedly hitting McKee with his prosthetic leg.
NOTE: This guy could get a job as a James Bond villain after being released from jail. I can picture him tossing his leg like Odd Job would with his hat.
This week is over. I'll be back on Monday unless I don't feel like posting, due to laziness or something along those lines.
LS vs. Vampires Today's Wisdom
A good friend is worth his weight in gold. I'm currently fattening my friends up with the intention of pawning them someday.
Comment Response (09/04/07)
Yes, Ryuk is the same character at the bottom of my post-box with the Mickey Mouse ears, Lol. I wouldn't classify him (or most of Death Note's cast) as a good guy or a bad guy in the traditional sense.
I never said the dare yesterday was the worst... it was just the one that I felt like sharing.
Because I cannot read or speak Japanese, I have no idea why that chimpanzee was doing sit-ups with a bulldog in the video. He really got frustrated when the bulldog didn't help in the second half, Lol.
Post for Sloths
I was tagged again. There's another theme video. A man attacked his dad with a snack food.
Post for Everyone Else
Tag II - Revenge of the Tagging
I was tagged again... if my counting is correct, that makes four times in the last seven days. *looks at fingers* 1... 2... 3... 4... 4 taggings! AH!-AH!-AH! What? So what if I learned to count from that vampire on Sesame Street?
Like Count Chocula, the Muppet Count doesn't suck blood... at least on-camera. I'm sure that he and Choco bite their fare share of necks when no one is watching. Keep it up, boys. Wesley Snipes will get you sooner or later. Heh, I'd actually pay money to see Wesley Snipes battling that purple Muppet...
Without further ado, more facts about myself. This is the LAST time that I'm responding to a tag. In fact, I'm only doing it today because I have very little to talk about.
1. The wallpaper on my computer's desktop changes almost every day, unless I find an image that I'm really fond of. Right now, it features Yoruichi Shihouin from Bleach and has for the past 4-5 days.
2. When I was in high school, I was thrown out of one of those "everything's $1.00" stores for repeatedly asking what certain items cost.
3. My favorite videogame is Okami. I was sure that more people on myOtaku would have picked it up due to its heavy Japanese influence, but I was wrong. I guess they would have played it if Square-Enix slapped their logo on it.
4. Within a week of obtaining my first car, I accidentally reversed it into a tree that was placed too close to my family's driveway. Even so, it was still my fault for being a bad driver at that time.
5. My attitude during my school days was similar to a mixture of Shikamaru from Naruto and King Kai/Kaio-sama from Dragon Ball Z. I was a gifted student who was highly unmotivated (Shikamaru)... and I told bad jokes and laughed more than I should have (Kai). Now that I think about it, my attitude may not have changed much...
6. I've seen every episode of Mama's Family at least three times each. It isn't a really good show either... but I watch it whenever I stumble across it while channel surfing for reasons even I cannot fathom.
7. One day, I desire to have a monkey butler. I once heard that Michael Jackson trained a monkey to clean his toilet. If he could do that, then I should certainly be able to train one to answer my door or phone. Well, maybe not the phone. "Hello? Is LS there?" "OOH! EEK! AHH!"
8. Too lazy to do eight this time.
Theme Thursday
Today's video in my "Theme Thursday" series is from Tite Kubo's Bleach. I thought it'd be appropriate because my comedy fanfic mini-series "Son of a Bleach" starts tomorrow. Originally, I was going to use the 6th (and current Japanese) opening because it features my favorite character (but only for 1-2 seconds, bleh)... the man with my favorite name in anime... Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. Hee hee... I love saying that name... I'm such a child. *ahem* That video had too many major spoilers as it were, so I'm going with the 3rd opening which should be featured on the Adult Swim broadcast before the end of the year.
Cheesy attack leads to assault charges
DES MOINES, Iowa - A man has been charged with a cheesy snack attack on his dad, police said. The weapon? A bag of Cheetos. Patrick Hamman, 22, of Des Moines, was arrested on a charge of domestic assault after he threw a bag of Cheetos at his father, Michael Hamman, hitting him in the face Sunday night. The bag hit his father's glasses, causing a cut to the bridge of his nose, police said. The police report said "Michael's T-shirt was also covered in Cheeto dust." Police said Patrick, who lives with his father, admitted that he was on methamphetamine at the time of the argument.
LS vs.Condensed Milk Today's Wisdom
See a penny, pick it up and all day long you'll have good luck... unless Penny is the name of that girl in your history class... then all day long you'll have detention.
Comment Response (09/04/07)
The anime character in yesterday's picture is Ryuk from Death Note. He's also my favorite character from that series.
No, I wouldn't really lick the Port-A-Potty seat... I know it'd make me sick. Then again, beets also make me sick just by being in my presence. It's a choice between the lesser of two evils, I suppose...
Non-alcoholic beer is a pointless invention. Few people, if any, drink beer for the taste. They drink it to get drunk. And since you can't get drunk with non-alcoholic beer, why do they bother? Oh well.
DISCLAIMER: lordsesshomaru does not endorse intoxication, excessive drinking or the tossing of cats at people. He knows cats weren't mentioned, but better safe than sorry.
Post for Sloths
A friend of mine consumed too much sugar several years ago. Another video from Japanese TV is posted. A drunk man drives something that doesn't have a motor.
Post for Everyone Else
Dare
Yesterday, I stated how I sadistically take pleasure in the suffering of the stupid. That also includes my friends and, after an adequate amount of time has passed, myself. Today's "Adventure in Idiocy" goes back to my middle school days. I haven't been on this Earth as long as others, but I've noticed that it's usually teenage boys who do stupid things. Why? I don't know. It's like how some women have to buy 85 pairs of shoes or why those kids used to love Apple Jacks without them tasting like apples: they just do.
My friend Tim was dared to consume an entire can of condensed milk. For those who do not know, condensed milk is a type of milk with the water removed and then loaded with an unholy amount of sugar. It's a thick substance used mostly for baking and it's easily one of the sweetest things I've ever tasted. Ol' boy Tim opened the can as my other friends and I stood around him like he was a campfire on a winter night. He gulped it all down in a manner similar to how Winnie-the-Pooh would consume his "hunny" from its pot, complete with it running down onto his shirt. He twitched. He gagged. He ran to the bathroom and... you can figure out the rest. It wasn't a smart thing to do... cut us some slack, we were all around 13-14 and didn't know any better.
...
Okay, we did know better... but that's neither here nor there. The moral of this story... I'm not sure what it is. It's late and I'm too tired to think, but I'm sure there's one in there somewhere.
Japanese TV
I think I'll make this a regular thing for Wednesdays. Today's Japanese TV video features children, a chimpanzee and a dog. 'Nuff said. Total running time is 2:03.
Man facing careless driving charge after wild buggy ride
STRATFORD, Ont. (CP) - A man is facing a charge of careless driving after a wild buggy ride in southwestern Ontario over the long weekend. A resident in Mornington Ward near Stratford called provincial police late Saturday after a horse and buggy went up on their lawn and ran over a bike. The occupants followed the horse and buggy and saw the horse was all over the road and the operator was apparently asleep. The buggy was finally stopped in a bush area. Police charged the intoxicated man with careless driving.
NOTE: What year is this? 1794? They might as well give him the appropriate punishment then.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #289
Anime: Fullmetal Alchemist
LS vs. Tag Today's Wisdom
If you want to buy something just because it's on sale, remember that you'd save more money if you didn't buy it in the first place.
Comment Response (08/31/07)
Quoth GIDRA: "Why is that when you wait in the hallway like every "normal" person,there is no nurses or hospital staff but when U go and do something to entertain yourself they just come out of nowhere and spoil your fun?" LOL, how true that is...
The "Inuyasha Mockery" fanfic series ran for 58 episodes from 2005-2006 on this site. It's similar to "Everybody Hates Naruto" except that it involves Inuyasha instead of Naruto and that it had many multi-part stories while EHN only had one cliffhanger episode.
"Son of a Bleach" starts this Friday. I clearly stated that before, Lol.
Post for Sloths
I drank nasty soda while visiting my family. There are some random facts about me as a result of being tagged. Today's news story is a video clip. A new friend donated today's Pic of the Day.
Post for Everyone Else
I had intended to be here yesterday. However, something came up. To be more precise, I visited my family on Monday after receiving a phone call the night before. I really hate posting here when I know I can't visit the majority of people on my list (I can never visit everyone in one day, but I go for the majority every time), so there was nothing from me yesterday.
Labor Day
My family, for the most part, is doing well. My father was allowed to come home for a few hours, albeit confined to a wheelchair. We all had a nice lunch/dinner (we ate at 2:30PM... I'm not sure what one would call that meal... Lunner? Dinch?) and talked about family-related items that'd be nothing but jargon to any of you, Lol. I like that word. Jargon. It sounds like the name of a Star Wars character. There was nothing cold to drink but diet cola or water. I hate drinking water as a beverage with a meal, so I went with the diet cola. It wasn't Pepsi or Coke; it was the store-brand knock-off crap. It tasted like non-alcoholic beer instead of cola. Bleh.
Tag
Like old rock bands that still continue to have concerts despite all the members having to wear Depend undergarments while on stage, it appears that the "tag" thing from a few months ago is back. I was tagged twice recently. I'm too lazy to tag anyone else, but here's my random facts.
1. I'm the oldest of two brothers. After I was born, my parents wanted to have a sane child too, so they conceived my brother next.
2. I really hate it when people look over my shoulder when I'm doing something. I tell them not to look and then they think I'm a suspicious character, possibly featured on "America's Most Wanted".
3. My favorite manga-ka of all-time is Akira Toriyama (Dragon Ball, also the character designer for the Dragon Quest RPG videogame series). His work also inspired some of today's manga-ka like Masashi Kishimoto (Naruto) and Eiichiro Oda (One Piece).
4. The pinky toe on my right foot was severely injured in a childhood accident. As a result, it can stretch farther to the right than a normal person's would be able to. That whole thing sounded like a lame superhero's origin. "Horribly disfigured as the result of a childhood accident..."
5. I am a sadist when it comes to stupidity. What I mean by that is I show no mercy for people who wind up in a situation caused by an act of their idiocy. For example, if a daredevil rides his motorcycle through a flaming ring, and his cape catches on fire, I'll laugh my head off as the extinguishers put him out.
6. My current manga volume total is 157, with 140 of it being shonen and the remaining 17 as seinen. I have them set up on a series of shelves, just like at Borders or Barnes & Noble... just without the smelly kid standing in front of me, mooching off of it for free.
7. I am a hypocrite when it comes to yelling at the TV. I will make fun of people who shout at their televisions and then wind up doing the same thing in private. Frequently, I will exclaim "CATCH THE BALL!" or "NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" or "DAMN STRAIGHT! IT IS MY MONEY, J.G. WENTWORTH! AND I'LL USE IT WHEN I NEED IT!"
8. Beets are my least favorite food. I'd rather lick the seat of a Port-A-Potty after a hairy 600-lb. man with diarrhea used it than eat a beet.
World Beard Championships 2007
The sound in the video is really awful, but oh well. Running time is 01:24.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #288
Anime: Death Note
I never noticed the similarities before. Thanks to MaruMaro for sending that picture to me. ^_^
According to Wikipedia, a groundhog is also known as the woodchuck, land beaver, or whistlepig, and is a rodent of the family Sciuridae, belonging to the group of large ground squirrels known as marmots. Wait... large ground WHAT?!
I'm completely ashamed of my cousin. I'm as perverted as the next guy, but I'd never do what he did. Bah. My cousin's lecherous actions are indeed similar to Miroku's. However, Miroku is fairly intelligent while my cousin isn't (I blame his nutty father). Next week, I'll share a story with you that involves this boy and a toilet... or not...
My favorite kind of ice cream changes often, usually back and forth between Rocky Road and Cookies 'n Cream.
I haven't seen the movie "Weatherman", but I did see "Groundhog Day" many years ago.
To the person who thought I demeaned Akatsuki with the Barney image, it was meant to be a shot at Barney being evil (which he is), not Akatsuki being weak. Either way, it doesn't matter since I mock everyone here. If I want to post a picture of Itachi in a dress, I will. Hmm. *jots idea down*
Post for Sloths
It's "Best of Sesshomaru" today on Fanfic Friday. My mother argued with a phone scammer. I share my wheelchair adventure at the nursing home. A naked man dances for booze.
Post for Everyone Else
Today marks the last day of "filler" reruns before I start with all-new comedy material. September will be the month of "Son of a Bleach", a five-part series that mocks Bleach as I did with Naruto and Inuyasha. Speaking of Inuyasha, today's story isn't really a story in the traditional sense. It's "The Best of Sesshomaru" special where I chose some of my favorite moments starring Sesshomaru in the 58 episode "Inuyasha Mockery" series and put them together in one package. It's a trip down memory lane or completely new to you if you've never read any of it before. The material with Jaken at the beginning and end is all-new though. I hope that you enjoy the, um, clip-show thing today. New stuff is coming next week. If you'd like to see the original stories where today's material comes from, here is the link.^^
Inuyasha Mockery
Special episode - The Best of Sesshomaru
The scene is the den of a mansion. In the corner of this den, there is a small library comprised of six full bookcases, three adjacent to the remaining three against the wall. In between the bookcakes is the tiny green demon named simply Jaken. He wears a red robe lined with black trim. On his head is an undersized fez hat. He sits in a large armchair, holding a massive book open in his lap. He removes the smoking pipe from his mouth and smiles.
Jaken: Greetings. Ever since "Inuyasha Mockery" ended with episode 58, we've all gone our separate ways. Some have moved on to participating in game shows (Miroku in "Animation Elimination") and others had late-night talk shows that were cancelled after 7 episodes ("Tuesday Night Totosai"). I, however, have invested in the stock market and am now filthy rich! HA! Even so, I was asked to host this "Best of Sesshomaru" anthology and I couldn't resist working again. So, here are some clips from m'Lord's appearances in the series. Enjoy!
from Episode #7 - "Your Order is Ready"
On his first day on the job at McDonald's, Inuyasha has been lucky so far; no customers have approached him for about ten minutes. His luck soon runs out and in grand fashion. A familiar trio enters into the store and walks directly to him.
Inuyasha: SESSHOMARU?!
It is Sesshomaru, Jaken and Rin. Sesshomaru smiles slightly at his brother's outfit. Jaken tries to hold back his laughter. Rin hums a song and looks off into space.
Sesshomaru: Fancy that...my little brother serving humans. Why am I not
surprised?
Inuyasha: What are you doing here? Why aren't you in the feudal era?
Sesshomaru: Inuyasha, serve us now, you half-breed monstrosity.
Inuyasha: LIKE HELL I WILL!
Kagome runs over to Inuyasha. She whispers into his ear.
Kagome: You must or you'll be fired.
Inuyasha: FINE! May I help you?
Sesshomaru: May I help you what?
Inuyasha (through his teeth): May I help you...sir?
Sesshomaru: Rin?
Rin: I'd like a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal with sweet and sour sauce and Sprite as a drink. Please?
Sesshomaru: Rin, never say please to a slave.
Inuyasha: I'm not a sla--ugh. What will you be having, Jock-Itch?
Jaken: IT'S JAKEN! And I don't eat human food. Give me a cup of water.
Inuyasha: And you, Sesshomaru?
Sesshomaru: This menu is so large. It's hard to decide...hmm...what to have, what to have...
Sesshomaru stares at the menu for an absurd amount of time. Inuyasha loses his patience as the customers line up behind Sesshomaru.
Inuyasha: DAMN IT! ORDER SOMETHING!
Sesshomaru: How rude. I'd like to speak with your manager.
Inuyasha: I'm the manager, damn it!
Sesshomaru: I don't believe that for a second.
The manager Ichiro walks over.
Ichiro: You shouldn't. I'm the manager. Now what seems to be the problem?
Sesshomaru: This fool insulted me! I demand that I get my food for free.
Ichiro: Sure... I'll take it out of his paycheck.
Sesshomaru:His paycheck? In that case, I'm ready to order. I'd like
everything on the menu.
Inuyasha: WHAT?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Episode #17 - "The Next World pt. 2 - The Funeral of Inuyasha"
Three chickens are being roasted over an open fire. They are being prepared by the small demon vassal known as Jaken. The young human girl, Rin, is seated nearby. Their lord, Sesshomaru, is standing close to them. He feels that something is different, but is unsure as to what it may be. Jaken finishes the chickens and gives one to Rin. He then takes one to Sesshomaru.
Sesshomaru: Something isn't right, Jaken.
Jaken: Well, I put extra seasoning on yours, but I can give you mine if that's the problem...
Sesshomaru: No. I have a strange feeling.
Rin is having trouble with her dinner.
Rin: This is a bit tough for me to cut, Master Jaken.
Sesshomaru walks over to Rin. He grabs his offensive sword Tokijin to cut it. Sesshomaru pauses and remembers that Tokijin has been used to kill countless demons. It is tainted with blood and other remains. Instead, he grabs the healing sword Tenseiga, which is practically stainless.
Rin: You're so kind, Lord Sesshomaru!
Sesshomaru uses Tenseiga to slice the chicken. But the chicken grows feathers and a head. Tenseiga has brought it back to life. Rin's dinner clucks and squawks before scattering off into a patch of tall grass.
Sesshomaru: Damn sword; it can't even cut dinner without causing me grief.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Episode #18 - "The Next World pt. 3 - All Hell Breaks Loose"
Sesshomaru: Ladies first.
Kikyo: You go first.
Sesshomaru: I insist.
Kikyo: Are you afraid?
Sesshomaru: Are you?
Kikyo: I asked you first.
Sesshomaru: But I'm older than you.
Kikyo: So?
Sesshomaru: Go first. I'll be right behind you.
Kikyo: You go first.
Sesshomaru: That's OK. You go on in.
Kikyo: You're scared, aren't you?
Sesshomaru: There is nothing that I am afraid of.
Kikyo: Then go inside the cave.
Sesshomaru: I will. But you go first.
Kikyo: ARGH! I'll go inside the cave first. Happy now?
Sesshomaru: Not really. You should have went in the first time that I asked.
Kikyo rolls her eyes and walks into the cave. Sesshomaru follows behind her.
Kikyo: If you aren't afraid, why did you insist that I come inside the cave first?
Sesshomaru: I like telling people what to do. I order, you obey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Episode #26 - "The Valentine's Day Special That Every Series Is Required To Have"
Jaken: M'Lord, I just noticed something.
Sesshomaru: Yes?
Jaken: We walk around like this, but never really go anywhere.
Sesshomaru: And?
Jaken: If you don't mind my asking, what is the point?
Sesshomaru: Are you questioning my methods?
Jaken: Methods? For what? Where are we going?
Rin: Yes, Lord Sesshomaru. Are we going anywhere in particular?
Sesshomaru: Um, not really. Jaken, Rin, let's go.
Jaken: Okay...but where are we going again?
Sesshomaru: I don't know! Just walk, damn it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Episode #41 - "The Supreme Fighting Tournament pt. 12"
Sesshomaru: Inuyasha, may I ask why you didn't have me arrested with the others?
Inuyasha: You're handicapped with one arm. You look like a chick. You have that goofy moon on your forehead. You have denial issues when it comes to your emotions. You also have deep psychological trauma affecting your mind because of our father. Sigmund Freud would have a field day with you. You're a walking mess and I wanted to cut you some slack.
Sesshomaru looks at Jaken and Rin.
Sesshomaru: He's insulting me, isn't he?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Episode #51 - "The Man in Black"
Sesshomaru holds up his fingers to use his deadly Whip of Light attack. Hayakage blocks it with his swords. Sesshomaru refuses to give up with his attack.
Rin: Lord Sesshomaru! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results!
Sesshomaru: What...?
Rin: I mean, change tactics. That won't work.
Sesshomaru: The day that I take advice from a child is the day that I take advice from a child.
Jaken: Huh?
(skip ahead to the end of the battle)
Sesshomaru runs forward and grabs Hayakage by the throat. With great strength, he throws the ninja over the horizon and into the night.
Rin: Thank you!
Sesshomaru: Whatever. Jaken, I'll have some of that fish, I guess.
Jaken: The fish has been burnt to a crisp!
Sesshomaru: Great. I have no food and my Tokijin was destroyed.
Jaken: It's not so bad, M'lord! You still have us.
Sesshomaru looks at Jaken holding some burnt fish. He then looks at Rin singing the theme song to "Dora the Explorer."
Sesshomaru: Someone kill me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Episode #55 - "ENDGAME pt. 1"
Kagura falls over onto her back. Sesshomaru looks down at her. Kagura's body fades away into the very wind itself and blows off.
Jaken: Kagura desired her freedom more than anything, but the bonds of Naraku seemed to be impossible to break. Perhaps now in death, she can finally have the freedom she longed for... free as the wind to go where she pleases.
Rin: Whoa, I've never heard you say anything so beautiful before, Master Jaken.
Jaken: I'm hungry.
Rin: ...
Sesshomaru: Me too. Let's go get something to eat.
Rin: A woman just died and all you two can think about is food?
Sesshomaru: We'll use black napkins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Episode #56 - "ENDGAME pt. 2"
Sesshomaru: Before Kagura died, she told me that Naraku has all of the jewel shards in his possession.
Sango: What? That means... Kohaku... no...
Rin: Yeah... he's gone too...
Miroku hugs Sango tightly. The young demon slayer weeps uncontrollably having lost her only surviving family member. Miroku looks to Sesshomaru.
Miroku: If we find his body, can you revive him with Tenseiga?
Sesshomaru: It may be possible. But I won't.
Sango: Why...?
Sesshomaru: No reason. I just feel like being an ass today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jaken: And there you have it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go back to being rich and loving the wealthy life that I lead inside of this mansion. HAHA!
Bill Gates (in the hall): Who is in my den? I'm calling the cops!
Jaken: AH!!
Jaken runs over to the nearest window and tries to open it to no avail.
Jaken: This is just perfect, Gates-san... even the "Windows" in your house have errors! I'll see you guys later! *runs away*
THE END
Scam
I spent a brief amount of time visiting my father again on Thursday. He was sleeping when I arrived, so I didn't get to actually talk with him. I did talk with my mother there (she's a nurse who works in the home) and convinced her not to wake him up; there's always another day to see Dad. Apparently, the collection agency "hired" by the phone company whose name rhymes with "Mint" called her again, harrassing her over a non-existent $500+ that she owes them. Because my mother has NEVER used "Mint" and because they never once sent a notice in the mail first, it's undoubtedly a scam, but not on the phone company's part. This time, the scammer wanted to "confirm" my mother's social security number over the phone to see if they had the right person. Yeah. Riiiight. Mom assured me that she cussed them out and hung up the phone. I'd say "that'll learn 'em", but I bet they'll call back. Scammers are a persistent lot and will go through several failures until they succeed.
Now I picture Wile E. Coyote on the other end of the phone.
Wheelchair
Despite being all of 24 years old, I am admittedly very childish and immature. While waiting for my mom to go on her break so we could talk, I took control of a vacant wheelchair and rolled myself up and down the hallway. One of the nurses informed me that the wheelchairs are for residents only.
Nurse: Sir, the wheelchairs are for our residents only.
Me: Oh... well, how do you know this isn't my own wheelchair?
Nurse: [insert nursing home name here] is printed on the back. Now please get up.
Me: *stands up* Whoa, I'm healed!
Nurse: *takes wheelchair away, mumbles something*
I'm not sure what Madame Wheelchair Nazi said, but it sounded like "wiseass" or "jackass". "Ass" was in there somewhere, I'm positive of that much. That's nothing new to me. Heh... *ahem*
Naked man does hula, steals beer at store
DE SOTO, Mo. - The naked truth: Three eastern Missouri men were willing to go to extreme lengths to get some beer. That's the accusation after an incident in the early hours of August 18th at Fish's Quick Stop in De Soto. Store clerk Vicky Gaines says a masked man walked in and began doing the hula dance in the nude. Police say the plan was for the naked dancer to create a distraction while another man took a case of beer from the store. It didn't work. Gaines called police. As the naked man and his accomplice joined a third man in a car, a customer got their license plate number. All three were caught a few days later. The men, ages 19 to 23, face charges of shoplifting and indecent exposure.
NOTE: If one of the guys was over 21... whatever happened to, you know, BUYING the beer?
That's it for this week. Although Monday is a holiday here in the U.S. of A., I'll still have a post then. Have a good weekend!
LS vs. Weathermen Today's Wisdom
Imitation is the sincerest form of earning a copyright infringement lawsuit.
Comment Response (08/28/07)
My father can be released if he can walk with or without a cane. As it is now, he cannot do either unless someone else is holding him up. Until he can walk on his own, the doctor wants him to stay in the home.
I'm not sure where the Geico cavemen image came from. A friend of mine passed it along to me in an e-mail.
Most of my news stories come from <"http://www.fark.com" target="_blank">FARK.com, a great site that links to odd news stories all over the Internet.
My "hatred" for birds really isn't large. They're more annoying than evil to me. I just wanted to use the "flying noise-making feather dusters" line...
Post for Sloths
I rant about weathermen and groundhogs. A bizarre phone call was received. Another anime opening video is posted. A man loses part of his skull in a botched-surgery.
Post for Everyone Else
Weather
When I'm King of the World, weathermen will be punished for their false prophecies. The term "weathermen" applies to the charlatans in the media who masquerade themselves as clairvoyant beings capable of predicting when the heavens will precipitate. Wednesday morning on the radio, one of these frauds made a fallacious comment about how it "will be a long time before we get any rain". Hours later, a storm emerged from out of nowhere, shattering my ear drums with its excessively resonant thunder.
In a society that annually drags a groundhog out of the dirt to determine whether winter will be extended or not, the weatherman being inaccurate with his predictions 50% of the time isn't surprising. Although it is six months away, I declare my abhorrence for Groundhog Day now. It isn't fair to people like me. A man in a top hat talks to a groundhog about the weather, he's deemed to be perfectly sane. A man in a bathrobe and fuzzy bear slippers curses at a squirrel, he's automatically a nut. Bah.
Stop looking at me like I'm crazy. O.o
Just Now
While typing that last section, my uncle (the one with the cat) called me and ranted about receiving a speeding ticket earlier. I'm not sure what he expects me to do about it.. or even why he called me in the first place. He also told me about how his eldest son got in trouble for rubbing a girl's rear end at school. Why he told me this too... I don't know. I need to change my number. And my locks.
Theme Thursday
This week's anime opening theme video comes from the series Trigun. I discovered Trigun when it first ran on Adult Swim a few years ago and I thought it was gold. The main character, the sometimes-comical donut-loving Vash the Stampede, is probably my favorite gunslinger in all of anime. The theme is pretty good too, despite not being the usual J-rock or J-pop music one would expect from an anime. It's purely instrumental and very fitting for the tone of the series.
Man loses top of his head in brain operation
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German court has awarded 3,000 euros ($4,100) in damages to a man who had to have the top of his skull replaced with plastic because of a faulty hospital fridge. Doctors removed the top of the man's head and put it in cold storage while they operated on his brain, the court in the western city of Koblenz said Tuesday. Because the refrigerator was defective, the section of skull was not kept cool enough and could not be reattached. Doctors replaced the bone with a plastic prosthesis. The man sought compensation of at least 20,000 euros on the grounds that the prosthesis caused him headaches, affected his balance and made him unduly sensitivity to the weather. Following consultations with experts, the court found that the operation had caused the man's discomfort, not the loss of the top of his skull. Compensation of 3,000 euros was "appropriate and sufficient," it said. "The experts consulted by the court concluded the new skull roof was better than the original," a court spokesman said.
LS vs. Flying Noise Making Feather Dusters Today's Wisdom
The truth hurts, so some people use lies as painkillers.
Comment Response (08/27/07)
I can't say that I've had a dream in French, but I had a dream while sleeping in French class years ago. I doubt that counts.
If you didn't understand the pic of the day, which featured the buxom Orihime, "silly cone" = silicone. That should clear it up... unless if you don't know what silicone is. Then plastic surgery must not exist in your world. It must be nice.
Post for Sloths
My dad received a visit from me. I purchased some books. A bird flew around inside the mall. A sleepwalker breaks some bones.
Post for Everyone Else
Father
I visited my father in the nursing home again on Monday night. I visited as many people as I could before heading out though. Anyway, his condition has improved slightly. Now he is able to stand on his two legs albeit unable to walk without assistance from another person. He's anxious to be released and I don't blame him. Unfortunately for him, unless he can walk on his own (with or without a cane), it isn't likely for his doctor to give the OK. Speaking of whom, I need to ask him why his previous spinal problem isn't mentioned anymore. Hm.
Oh yeah, that nurse who mistreated Dad and was then reassigned to another section of the facility... I am pleased to say that she was finally fired. On the downside, the residents who she "looked after" had to go through the same thing my father did before she was let go. If they fired her when the problem with my dad first arose, that wouldn't have had to happen. Bah. *adds this to the "I Told You So" files*
Books and Bird
I like to purchase manga during my lunch break. It's the best time for me to do so because the business is very slow then. I judge this by the tumbleweed rolling through the store, which may actually be a wad of a hippie woman's armpit hair that rolled in from the salon next door. If I go at any other time of the day, there will be a good number of freeloaders standing in my way, mooching and reading the manga from cover-to-cover without buying any of it. Don't give me that "I can't afford to buy it" nonsense! Libraries are free! Sure, you won't have the coffee shop attached like at the bookstore, but so what? You wouldn't buy the coffee anyway! BAH! *ahem* Moving on...
The manga purchased were Naruto vols. 16-18 (with #18 wrapped in plastic due to there being a sticker sheet in the back). Apparently, the Naruto series knows magic. On the back of #16, it claimed to have sold 1.4 million copies in the U.S. and then #17 jumped up to 1.6 million, despite both books being released on the same day. Hmm. The store I visited is part of a shopping mall. A small chirping demon was flying around inside the mall... oh yeah, it was a "bird". I hate all of those flying, noise-making feather dusters that you people call "birds." It was probably trying to escape from the heat outdoors, with the mall being air-conditioned and all. My highlight of the day was watching a pair of rent-a-cops trying to "shoo" the bird back outside. It was much funnier than it should have been.
The only good bird is the one in the picture below.
Maybe Geico is starting extreme ads with those cavemen. I have an idea for one that could run on late night TV.
Caveman: "Yo mama's so easy, even a caveman can do her!"
Maybe not.
German Sleepwalker Steps Out of 4th-Floor Window
BERLIN -- A German teenager accidentally climbed out of a fourth-floor window and fell 10 meters to the ground where he kept on sleeping, albeit with a broken arm and leg, before being found by police. The 17-year-old had just moved into a new flat in the eastern town of Demmin with his sister. He went walking on Sunday night and climbed out of the window after stepping on a cardboard box, police said. His sister said her brother often sleepwalked. The boy hadn't taken drugs or drunk any alcohol.
NOTE: I knew a guy who did that, but it was ten floors. He didn't wake up though. *rubs chin* Oh well.
