Birthday • 1983-06-17 Gender •
Male Location • St. Louis Member Since • 2003-08-03 Occupation • Real Name • Christopher (or Chris for short)
Personal
Achievements • running this blog for 4 1/2 years and finally being able to conclude it Anime Fan Since • I watched the original Transformers... I had no idea it was anime at the time... Favorite Anime • Dragon Ball, Bleach, Inuyasha, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gintama, Eyeshield 21, Kinnikuman, Death Note, One Piece Goals • to make my happy ending come true by defeating El Diablo, the albino squirrel overlord Hobbies • video games, drawing (yet I have no fan art submitted...), watching anime, etc. Talents • I can change my voice into 10-15 others, maybe more...
myOtaku.com: lordsesshomaru
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
LS vs. Walgreen's Today's Wisdom
If a person's body has more rolls than the bakery they're about to enter, they should have a salad instead.
Comment Response (10/02/07)
Thanks for all of the kind words regarding my brother heading back to Iraq. I believe that he'll be fine. But please, do not pity him. He wouldn't want that. He knew that life as a Marine isn't easy when he signed up. ^_^
In Bleach, a vizard is a shinigami/Soul Reaper with the powers of a Hollow. An arrancar is a Hollow with the powers of a Soul Reaper/shinigami.
I admit that the picture of Storm was unflattering to say the least and I really should have opened the comic and found a better image to scan (came from the cover of Storm (mini-series) #1). Urd did look good though, as usual, Lol.
Walgreen's
My printer ran out of ink. Remembering the commercials featuring Walgreen's new ink-refill service, I took my cartridges in to get filled. The woman in the commercial is a liar. She claimed that the cartridges would be refilled as I wait. When one hears that, they assume only a couple of minutes will go by. Nay. The man at the counter told me to come back in an hour. I don't know about you, but hanging out in a drugstore for 60 minutes isn't my idea of "quick".
I dropped them off and came back later. Both trips to the store had me walking by those motion-detector noise-making Halloween monster things. And both times they startled the hell out of me. If not for the "you break it, you buy it" policy of every store, I would have beaten them to robot death.
Every Walgreen's I've visited has this huge-ass mirror at the back of the store that reflects down on the aisles. It's fun for when you visit the 24-hour stores at 3AM and are so sleepy that you think your evil twin is floating up there. "HEY! Evil twin, we meet again... I thought I ditched you in the bathroom after brushing my teeth..."
Cavemen
I caught the tail-end of ABC's new Cavemen TV show after coming home from work. It's a series inspired by Geico's cavemen TV ads (why the British lizard isn't starring in his own Saturday morning cartoon as well is up for debate). Ever want to drop honey in your eyes and then let a bunch of fire ants chow down? No? Me neither until I saw that show. I couldn't change the channel fast enough.
Japanese TV
This week's offering is from another game show. Personally, I find Western game shows to be boring. "Deal or No Deal?" and all that crap doesn't appeal to me... but if they were as crazy as the stuff in the video below, heh, then I'd watch every week because stupid people amuse me. And if Howie Mandel was running in the event, I'd watch just to hear him make that old Bobby's World voice when he would eventually fall over. Running time is 4:25
LS vs. NASCAR Granny Today's Wisdom Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
(thanks to kitabug69 ^^)
Comment Response (10/01/07)
To the person who said that I was the monkey in the picture yesterday (you know who you are), I've prepared a written statement. *clears throat* "Feh." Thank you.
Whoa, some people actually preferred the bad dubbing on the original One Piece? Interesting. I would have liked the older voices only if the MST3K crew was at the bottom of the screen.
Response to "Ask Jaken!" has been greater than I expected! For now, please send no more questions. I have a ton to work with now, thanks to your participation! Look for the first edition later this week. ^^
The idea for "Ask Jaken!" is inspired by my old ToyFare magazines where they'd have a section called "Zach's Backyard". A Malamute dog named Zach would answer a letter from a reader once a month in hilarious fashion.
Iraq
I neglected to mention yesterday that my younger brother Jeff was shipped off to Iraq on Saturday. He'll be there for months and he estimates his return being in May 2008. On a related note, I'd like to share a story that he told me. I may have mentioned it before, but like the bread in the back of my fridge, my memory is fuzzy. (note to self: throw bread away)
During his first tour of duty, one of Jeff's assignments had him in the kitchen with a few other Marines to serve food. On the menu that day was hamburgers. Unfortunately, they had too many beef patties and not enough buns to accommodate them. This was brought to the attention of the head chef/cook/whatever. I'll call him "Boyardee".
Jeff: Yeah, we don't have enough buns. There are too many leftover patties...
Boyardee: Then we'll call them "Salisbury Steak" and serve them without buns.
It actually worked. That's probably how school cafeterias work, now that I think about it. Like how the lunch ladies would grind up the leftover hamburger patties one day and use them as filling for tacos on the next day. And then crumble up the leftover tacos and add them to a pizza to make Mexican Style Pizza. And then chop up the Mexican Style Pizza and put it in tortilla-bowls to make taco salad. Food that I ate in 1995 was possibly originally prepared in 1989. O_o
90 Doing 90
On Saturday, I went to purchase the latest editions of my usual manga (Bleach vol. 21 - finally with Vizard and Arrancar goodness, Eyeshield 21 vol. 16, etc.) and I took the highway to get there. Every bookstore near me is more than 10+ miles away. Bah. On the way there, this minivan pulled up right on my bumper. I hate tailgaters. And the driver wouldn't go around, despite the other 2-3 lanes being available. I changed lanes to escape this idiot and she sped past me. When I looked into her window as she drove by, I was stunned to see that the driver was pretty old. I've never seen an elderly person drive like that before. Maybe she had to hurry to catch a sale on Poligrip.
LS vs. Monday Today's Wisdom
Michael Jackson has primates as pets. Keep your kids away from them.
Comment Response (09/28/07)
Thanks to everyone who read "Son of a Bleach"! When compared to the summertime, I only had a handful of comments, LOL. The autumn is a harsh mistress indeed. I do appreciate each one that I receive. ^_^
Rangiku Matsumoto received the most positive feedback... once again, I added her lines at the last moment. It figures, eh? Be here for the finale this Friday and a link to all the previous episodes if you've missed them.
The last TV episode of Bleach has not aired... because the series is still going in both anime and manga form.
Ah, so the video I posted is real after all. Wow. If I had a mouth like that, I'd... well, I don't know what I'd do with it, but I'd think of something awesome.
Today's post isn't short... I've changed my mind about that whole thing, for the most part.
Dear Old Dad
My father's condition is improving greatly. When I visited him on Sunday, he showed me that he can actually stand up and sit on a chair positioned fairly-close to his bed, and then return to the bed, without any assistance whatsoever. Sure, he's not running around like a track star, but it's a great sign of improvement from where he once was.
The nurse who chastised me for rolling around in a wheelchair ran into me in the hallway. She had the audacity to say: "Oh... it's YOU again..." with a hint of venom (and carnage, har-dee-har-har) in her voice... or Marlboro... she sounds like she's been smoking since John F. Kennedy was in office. I believe I've made a friend. *gets teary-eyed*
Easier On the Ears
I checked out the new One Piece dub over the weekend and was pleased with the improvements. It reminded me of my mother and myself when I was a kid, with my mother being FUNimation and myself as 4Kids. Anytime I'd be doing a chore (cleaning a window, raking leaves, chasing Girl Scouts off our doorstep, etc.), Mom would not be satisfied and take over, giving me that "I'll show you how it's done..." look that I grew to detest. At least that gave my lazy butt more free time to come up with alibis for whenever the cops came to ask about my "alleged" underground squirrel-fighting ring.
And Vic Mignogna performed the new opening theme? Ol' Eddie Elric can sing. I didn't get the feeling that Simon Cowell, painted-on black shirt and all, was going to pop up and chase him away like he undoubtedly would for the previous "performers".
Ask Jaken!
This is a new feature I'm running. Send me a question, any question, via PM and I'll have my assistant Jaken answer the best one later this week (either on Thursday or Friday). The more ridiculous the question, the higher the chance I have of using it. If no one sends a question, I'll make up my own and cry in the corner.
LS vs. Mouth Today's Wisdom
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me... unless those words are made out of sticks and stones...
Comment Response (09/27/07)
Without spoiling too much about yesterday's Inuyasha kiss scan from the manga, I will say that the man in the picture was unconscious because of a battle injury.
Yeah, despite being a seinen series, Azumanga Daioh doesn't seem to be as adult-oriented as other titles in that genre. And even though seinen is a male-oriented genre, girls enjoy AD more than guys do. Although as a guy myself, I still found the show to be hilarious.
No, the elves that reside in my closet did not steal ElvesAteMyRamen's, um, ramen.
Post for Sloths
The 4th part of "Son of a Bleach" is up. A video helps to "stretch" this post out a bit. Plans for October are discussed.
Post for Everyone Else
The 4th episode of "Son of a Bleach", my Bleach comedy mini-series is now available for reading. A few more characters are brought in along with Shunsuke's past and bankai being revealed. Next week, I'll have the conclusion and an archive page for all of the episodes so that anyone who missed an episode can read it there. And now on with the show!
4
Time: 2:26 PM
Setting: outskirts of Karakura Town
Place: the barn
The barn where the members of PETH (People for the Ethical Treatment of Hollows) once stood is now in ruins. Everyone has vanished except for three Soul Reapers. One lays on the pile of splintered wood while his small lieutenant stands over him. Another captain-level Soul Reaper watches with his arms crossed.
Yachiru: Oh my god! They killed Kenny!
Hitsugaya: That line stopped being funny in 1998, although it does apply to this situation quite nicely. Zaraki? How are you feeling?
Kenpachi Zaraki is on the ground, battered and injured after suffering the wrath of Shunsuke Dokuhebimizutoritsukimorikamehamehabakashin's bankai (final release for a zanpaku-to).
Kenpachi: What the hell was that thing?
Yachiru: If you didn't fall over laughing from its appearance, Wet Diaper's bankai wouldn't have hurt you so badly. You should have helped Ken-chan out, Frosty!
Hitsugaya: That's CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA! Don't call me "Frosty!" I told him not to jump into the fight. I wasn't prepared to fight him, but now that I know what his zanpaku-to can do, he's not a problem anymore. I'll go get Kurosaki and his friends. They should be able to help finish him off and bring an end to this insanity.
Yachiru: Frosty? Ken-chan fell asleep because you're boring.
Kenpachi: zzzzzzzzzz
Hitsugaya: What... ARGH. I hope that you both get some sort of anal fungus and die! *runs off* If what I found out about Shunsuke in the Soul Society archives is true, I'll need Matsumoto. I believe that I know where she went.
~~~~~~~~~~
Rangiku Matsumoto and Shunsui Kyoraku are sharing a bottle of sake in Soul Society. Both are intoxicated and in no condition to fight.
Kyoraku: Heh heh... *pours another glass* it's always best to eat, drink, and be merry...
Rangiku: Who is Mary? I'm Rangiku. Hey... Captain Kyoraku... you have the same first name as Captain Crunch...
~~~~~~~~~~
School has ended. Ichigo and his friends (Rukia, Orihime, Renji, Chad and Uryu) head to Kisuke Urahara's "Urahara Shoten". Standing outside are Urahara's helpers, the aggressive redheaded boy Jinta and the soft-spoken pigtail-sporting girl Ururu. Jinta is jumping around, swinging a broom around like a baseball bat when he should be sweeping with it, like Ururu is.
Ururu: Jinta, if you keep goofing off, you'll get grounded again for sure.
Jinta: Pfft. I don't give a rat's ass!
Ururu: Actually, you did... you put a dead rat in Tessai's soup and you were grounded. OW!
Jinta whacks Ururu with the broom.
Jinta: That was for the recipe! I was making mouso soup!
Ururu: You meant "miso" soup! Stop hitting me! OUCH!
Jinta: Well, "miso" pissed off right now!
Ichigo and the others arrive. They are told to go inside where they find Urahara drinking tea while sitting at a table. His companion, Yoruichi Shihouin, is next to him. She smirks at the group before drinking some tea herself.
Urahara: Hey. I didn't expect you to bring the other Planeteers with you, but that's cool.
Ichigo: So, what did you want to see me about?
Urahara: By now, you are well acquainted with PETH. I was going to tell you about them in advance. You see, Dokuhebimizutingtangwallawallabingbang, or whatever his name is, used to be a captain in Soul Society like I was. He sent me a letter asking if I wanted to join him.
Rukia: WHAT?
Uruhara: Yeah, but I have to pay a 60,000 yen "membership fee". Riiiiiight. I shredded that thing up. If I signed up for that, then I'd get all sorts of unwanted crap in the mail.
Rukia: No, no, no... back up. You said he was a captain. What division was he with?
Urahara: Um... the 14th division.
Renji: There is no 14th division!
Urahara: Shunsuke's a, hmm... how to say this nicely... he's a douche. His dad was one of the Gotei 13's biggest charitable donators. As such, Shunsuke felt like he deserved to be a captain. He wouldn't leave Boss Yamamoto alone, so Yamamoto made up the "14th division" and appointed him as captain just to shut him up.
Yoruichi: All of the high-ranking officers would pick on him, heh heh. Ah, good times...
Urahara: Yeah, good times. All in the family and three's company too.
Yoruichi: After a while, he wondered why he didn't have any officers in his squad. Yamamoto assigned him a lieutenant named Hiromi Samega, a hypocritical "peace-loving" fundamentalist who also annoyed the Captain General. Hiromi twisted his mind, well, worse than it was, and they broke away from Soul Society. As a former captain, Shunsuke is capable of "bankai"... even though he cheated. His mother purchased an automatic sword for him.
Ichigo: Why didn't you guys give me one of those?!
Urahara: The whole Soul Society story arc in the anime would have only lasted for 15-20 episodes if we did that.
Chad: Mm?
Urahara: No, you can't have one either.
Orihime: We came up with a plan to stop Shunsuke!
Urahara: Does it involve flashing him? That'd work since he's a hentai freak. He also likes to run around flashing beautiful women while wearing nothing but a raincoat. Shunsuke's a huge pervert.
Yoruichi: He once flashed me... there's nothing "huge" about him.
Ichigo: Uh... no. Our plan focuses on mocking him until he cries.
Kon (climbs through window): NO! GO WITH THE FLASHING PLAN!
Rukia: Kon? How long have you been there?
Kon: Ever since those trollops in the classroom dropped a dime on me! Orihime, please take one for the team! You must take off-- OWWWWW!!!
Ichigo stomps on Kon repeatedly. Ururu enters the room and politely bows her head.
Ururu: Mr. Kisuke... there's a group of people outside. They say they know you.
Yoruichi: PETH. Or bill collectors.
Urahara: If they're bill collectors, start the car. We're driving back to the secret hideout in Osaka.
Ichigo: I'm sure it's PETH. I can smell the tofu and dandruff shampoo from here. Let's go.
Ichigo and the team stand outside, face-to-face with Shunsuke, Hiromi and their PETH cronies.
Hiromi: Hey! Where is Kisuke? We came to ask if he received our letter.
Repo Man: And I came to repossess his car. He hasn't made a payment in six months.
A car drives out from behind the store. The rear bumper stickers read "OSAKA OR BUST" and "I BRAKE FOR BLACK CATS". The vehicle disappears over the horizon.
Uryu: I guess we're on our own.
Shunsuke (notices Orihime): Whoa!! Baby, on a scale from 1-10... I hope you're 18!
Orihime: ...
Hiromi smacks her forehead. Ichigo steps forward.
Ichigo: You're going down. We know your weakness and we plan to exploit it.
Rukia: Don't tell him, you idiot!
Ichigo: It doesn't matter! We'll win even if he knows! Now shut up!
Rukia: You shut up!
Shunsuke: HEY! Inuyasha and Kagome! Stop arguing! I'm your enemy, damn it!
He draws his sword, Usagimaru, and has it transform into the 1st release state. Then he holds it in front of his chest.
Shunsuke: BAN... KAI...!
There is a large flash of light and the sword has transformed into a large monster that towers over everyone.
Ichigo, Uryu, Renji: AAAAAAAAAAH!!! O_o
Rukia, Orihime: EEEEEEEEEEEK!!! o_O
Chad: MMMMMMMMMMMM!!! O_O
Shunsuke: This is my Bankai... Usagimaru Enajaizaa Bunni. It keeps going and going...
Ichigo: I've never fought a giant pink bunny before... besides that one time, but after I sobered up, the bunny was really my old man.
Renji: Forget that! We're supposed to... uh... what was the plan again?
Ichigo: I don't remember! The bunny threw everything off!
The large pink bunny rolls forward. Chad grabs Rukia and Orihime, leaping out of the way. Uryu evades the bunny as well. Ichigo and Renji, who weren't paying attention, are flattened beneath its fuzzy feet. They lay on the pavement, their bodies as thin as a piece of paper.
Renji: Well, that was unpleasant. Whoever said that rabbit's feet are lucky needs to die.
Ichigo: Someone get a spatula and flip me. This side's done.
Shunsuke's Big Bad Belligerent Bunny Bankai rolls around the area, crushing everything in its path while trying to attack Chad, Uryu, Rukia and Orihime. Any attacks from the group bounce right off the bunny, having no effect.
Shunsuke: You still think my sword is funny?! WELL?!
Hiromi: Sir... look up there in the sky...
Shunsuke looks to the sky. Captain Hitsugaya is hovering above them. However, he isn't alone. A drunken Rangiku wobbles around behind him.
Hitsugaya: There's that giant pink bunny again.
Rangiku: You see it too? Wow, I didn't know that drunkenness was contagious!
Hitsugaya: ...
TO BE CONCLUDED
Is This Real?
My third day in a row with a YouTube video, this could be a record for me. The following video is just... wow. It's only 18 seconds long and I doubt if it's real, although it certain looks like it is. He must have found one of those Gum-Gum fruit like Monkey D. Luffy in One Piece.
Monday
I will be here on Monday to usher in the beginning of a new month. My posts will be a bit shorter to make things easier for my school-aged friends who don't have a lot of time on their hands. Heh, if you remove the fanfic from today's post, my chat today is very short itself. The LSN section has been sacrificed for this purpose, but it may return whenever I find something extremely interesting to talk about. Also in October, "Animation Elimination" season two begins. Season one was very popular and I look forward to running #2 with hopefully the same amount of success. If you don't know what it is, you can find all 13 episodes of season one at this site.
LS vs. Hair Today's Wisdom
Fast food commercials never show the people who balloon up to 400+ lbs. while eating their food. A "results may vary" disclaimer is needed at the bottom of the screen.
Comment Response (09/26/07)
To the person who asked how I make my posts so, um, "great" (thanks for the compliment!)... I have a team of elves who assist me. They live in my closet. Don't worry, I feed them daily. And if they behave, I actually feed them food.
I make fun of whoever I feel like making fun of. Politicians, actors, musicians... if they rub me the wrong way, and after I file a sexual harrassment lawsuit against them for doing that, I mock them.
Post for Sloths
A sappy moment from Inuyasha is highlighted. I got a haircut. This week's anime theme video is up for viewing.
Post for Everyone Else
Smooch
For the fans of Inuyasha who are suckers for romance, I present the following link to a scan from the most recent manga chapter. Two of the main characters share their first kiss at last. Awwww.... how saccharine. I won't say which characters... you'll have to see for yourself.
Hair
My baseball cap is rarely off my head for numerous reasons, the main one being that I avoid combing my hair by hiding the mess underneath my cap. However, the time often comes when I need to get my hair cut and on Wednesday, that time had come. Before my turn came up at the ol' barber shop, there was a little boy in there, crying and screaming like he just saw Spongebob get gunned down (for the record, that would OWN). A young woman who said she was his older sister tried to calm him down to no avail. I watched him throw his fit until he noticed me. He stuck his tongue out, the pink blob emerging from his chubby cheeks like a frog grabbing its prey. The temptation to raise him over my head and give him a Donkey Kong-style barrel throw was strong, but I resisted. Watching him kick and scream as they placed him in the barber chair was satisfying enough. Am I cruel? Probably so.
Theme Thursday
It's Thursday again. That means that I post an anime opening video of my choice because I can. This week's offering is from Azumanga Daioh, a seinen comedy anime series. For those who do not know, "seinen" means that the subject matter is aimed at adult men (like how "shonen" is aimed at boys and "shojo" at girls, etc.). This is a bit odd to me because the series is about a group of high school girls and their hilarious (mis)adventures in life. Fanservice is almost non-existent in the series as well, so I'm really not sure why this is classified as seinen... unless adult men in Japan just like watching schoolgirls goof around. Hm. It's a funny character-driven series, albeit short at the typical 26-episode mark.
Tomorrow, episode 4/5 of "Son of Bleach" is posted in my final blog of September. I'll also give a rundown of what to expect on my site in October. And finally, ladies get free admission while guys can save $5 by bringing an empty can of Coke.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #300
Anime: Bleach
That movie is awesome as it is, but if Kenpachi were in it too... oh the carnage... Madness? This is myOtaku!
LS vs. Music II The LS Fortune Cookie
Your dog will ask why you keep defecating in his giant drinking bowl in the bathroom.
Comment Response (09/21/07)
Thanks for all of the feedback for last week's "Son of a Bleach". ^_^
When typing Shunsuke's last name, I do have to copy and paste it and not type it from memory. It'd be too hard... or require too much effort... which may be the same thing.
There is currently no archive site for the series, but there will be once all five episodes are completed.
Thank you to everyone who left nice words for my brother. I truly appreciate it and am pleased to have you guys supporting him. *bows*
The "Post for Sloths" was originally my way of mocking the people who complained about my posts being too long. It's also convenient for those who want a quick idea of what I'm rambling about (a few people have mentioned using it for that purpose due to time constraints). I do recognize that a lot of people are busy with school and don't have time to read everything, so I plan on shortening the overall length of my blog starting in October.
The man in Friday's Pic of the Day was Jirobo, one of Orochimaru's "Sound Four" from Naruto.
Post for Sloths
October marks the return of LS as you were accustomed to. My brother's short visit is highlighted. A man driving a car plays his music in a bizarre manner. Another video from Japan is posted.
Post for Everyone Else
After taking every Monday "off" in September, I'm pleased to announce that my posting schedule will return to its normal Mon.-Fri. routine starting on October 1. Now everybody party and make noise until the neighbors call the police. Damn kids.
Insanity's Brother Comes Into Town! The Remarkable Four-Day TRIP!
As stated on Friday, my younger brother Jeff came back into town. He's a United States Marine scheduled to head off for his second tour of duty in Iraq by the end of this month. Iraq is not to be confused with Iran, which appears to be run by a bearded Oompa Loompa wearing a "Members Only" jacket. Hm.
It's Fast! It's Loud! It's Profane! The Man With The Musical Vehicle Appears!
On the way to picking Jeff up from the airport on Friday, I pulled up to a red light and the guy in the car next to me was blasting his hip-hop music. I've noticed that 60% of the time when someone is blasting their music, it's hip-hop and the other 40% is rock music... I'm waiting for the day when I run into someone playing Billy Ray "My Daughter Sells Out More Concerts Than I Ever Did" Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart" at ear drum-shattering levels (which can be at any volume since that song is abysmal). But this guy... he was also wearing headphones, possibly hooked up to an iPod blocked from my view. I assumed that using headphones in a car was illegal, due to them blocking a person from hearing a police/ambulance siren. So why was he playing the loud music if he was listening to something else? My guess is that it takes a lot for him to drown out the voices in his head.
voices: Kill! Murder! Shoot things!
guy in car: *turns up music*
music lyrics: Kill! Murder! Shoot things!
guy in car: Ahh... that's better.
The One Who Freeloads Obtains More DVDs! The Anime Episode Title Parody Continues!
My brother's stay was short. Our dad was happy to see him, especially since he had no prior knowledge of his visit until we stopped by the nursing home. Having the whole family together again was good and it's too bad that it won't happen again until May at the earliest. I've said before that Jeff collects anime DVDs while I collect manga volumes, so he looked through my manga collection while he was here and let me borrow some more of his stuff. This time, he left episodes 1-50 of Saiyuki. I haven't seen the anime version yet and will watch it whenever I get the time. Even if I don't enjoy it, I won't care because I didn't pay a dime for it. Free stuff is awesome. Except for free punches in the face. I can live without those.
There's nothing else to say really. The trip was so short and out-of-the-blue that there wasn't time or preparation for much of anything. At least we got to see him again before goes back overseas. *salutes* Take it easy, my brother. Stay safe and stay strong.
Japanese TV
There is no LSN news story due to my previous rambling being long enough. But it is Wednesday and that means a crazy video from Japanese TV lies ahead. This one involves a swarm of people and has a length of only 1:44.
LS vs. 60% Today's Wisdom
They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I hope "they" aren't surgeons.
Comment Response (09/20/07)
A Taser is that little device that officers of law enforcement carry with them to subdue a suspect without using lethal force by zapping them with electricity.
A search of "taser andrew meyer" on YouTube will give you several links to the video I talked about yesterday.
No, my younger brother is not Inuyasha... I know that was a joke, but I want to say my brother has as much in common with Inuyasha as I do with Sesshomaru... which is nothing at all. ^^;
I am familiar with the fact that once a Marine, always a Marine. Before my brother signed up, I was, and still am, a strong supporter of our armed forces. *salutes them all*
Post for Sloths
"Son of a Bleach" reaches the 60% completion point. My brother's return is confirmed for later this evening. A resourceful Australian burglar rates high on my personal "WTF?" meter.
Post for Everyone Else
F is for fun. R is for reading. I is for... I'm tired of doing this, so I'll get on with the story. Episode 3/5 of the "Son of a Bleach" comedy mini-series is available. I didn't want to post anything today because I cannot guarantee to visit as many people as I usually do, with my brother making a fairly impromptu trip into town later today. However, I know that all the people who enjoy this story were expecting a new episode today and I couldn't let them down. If you're one of those people, I hope that you enjoy this week's offering. If you couldn't care less, skip past it as usual. And now... on with the show!
3
Time: 12:36 PM
Setting: Soul Society
Place: the library
The captain of the 10th division of Soul Society's Gotei 13, the young and serious Toshiro Hitsugaya, is doing research on his new adversaries. This group is known as PETH (People for the Ethical Treatment of Hollows) and they threaten the balance of the afterlife with their constant interference of Soul Reapers defeating Hollows. If they aren't stopped, Hollows will consume more souls than usual, which in turn would lead to the eventual collapse of Soul Society and the world as we know it.
Hitsugaya uses one of the computers in Soul Society's largest library to access PETH's official website to learn more about them. His lieutenant, the buxom and voluptuous Rangiku Matsumoto, has a seat next to him and watches him scroll around the site.
Hitsugaya: The site is well-designed, I'll give them that much.
Rangiku: Hey! They're homophobes! Look at the top of the screen! That's an anti-gay slur!
Hitsugaya: Huh? *looks* That says FAQ, not-- never mind. And keep your voice down; you're in the library.
Rangiku: Sheesh. Everyone tells me to keep my voice down. "Keep your voice down, we're in the library." "Keep your voice down, people are trying to sleep." "Keep your voice down, your parents will hear us. The creaking bed is bad enough. Get it fixed already."
Hitsugaya: ... how about I give you the day off, Matsumoto? I can do this alone.
Rangiku: YAY! Thank you, captain!
Rangiku kisses his cheek and runs off. Hitsugaya rubs his face and continues his research.
~~~~~~
Meanwhile in the living world, Ichigo and his friends are all gathered for their lunch break at school. They exchange stories about their respective encounters with PETH and its leader, Shunsuke Dokuhebimizutoritsukimorikamehamehabakashin.
Ichigo: How are we supposed to get any work done if these PETH asspipes keep popping up?
Renji: I say we-- "asspipes?" *blink* Well, I say we kill them.
Rukia: We can't kill them. Unless there's a direct order from Captain General Yamamoto himself, we cannot assassinate a fellow Soul Reaper.
Renji: I knew you'd say that, so I got the order right here.
Renji hands a piece of paper to Rukia. She looks it over.
Rukia: Renji, this is written in crayon. It isn't even an order. It says "save 99% on anything in the store."
Renji: Oops. Wrong paper... *takes it*
Uryu: Wait a minute. You make your OWN coupons? What kind of idiot would accept homemade coupons?
~~~~~~
Urahara: Man, these 99% off coupons keep flooding into the shop. I don't even remember printing these things.
~~~~~~
Renji: I have the order right here. *reads* "Feel free to bust a cap in those sorry ass fools. The new album drops on October 23. Holla."
Rukia: What?! Yamamoto would never say that! Let me see that order!
Renji: Uh, NO! Only I can see it! If you touch it, it will self-destruct!
Rukia: You made that up! Give it to me!
Renji: NO!
Rukia reaches over to attempt to snatch the paper away from Renji. Renji does his best to keep it away from her.
Renji: Don't grab me, Rukia! We're in public! O_o
POW! Rukia punches Renji in the mouth, forcing the lieutenant to tip over like a bowling pin.
Orihime: Ichigo, what do you think we should do? ^_^
Ichigo: Me? I'm not up for killing Soul Reapers... how about we kick Shunsuke in the groin and call it a day?
Orihime: I like that idea! ^_^
Uryu: You only like it because Ichigo said it. He could say anything and you'd agree with him.
Orihime: That's not true!
Uryu: Oh? Someone cue the flashback music.
~~~~~~BEGIN FLASHBACK~~~~~~
Miss Ochi (teacher): All right... Ichigo. What is the tallest manmade structure in the world?
Ichigo: Pfft. I don't know... Marge Simpson's hair?
Orihime: Yay! He got it right! ^_^
~~~~~~END FLASHBACK~~~~~~
Uryu: I rest my case. My idea is better. We can sue them instead and collect money from them on a monthly basis. How about that?
Ichigo: PETH is made of Soul Reapers. Soul Reapers use money that is good only in Soul Society. I don't feel like collecting mountains of cash that I can't use. Trying to buy clothes with Monopoly money back in April was embarrassing enough. Chad, do you have an idea?
Chad: Mm.
Ichigo: That's... that's it! Brilliant!
Orihime: What? What did he say?
Ichigo: Chad said that based upon Shunsuke's reaction to being laughed at in the last episode, we should find him and mock him like he has never been mocked before. He'll get really embarrassed and run away for good. Chad also said that we should not take pleasure in it. Making fun of another person, no matter how bad they may be, isn't justified and is a practice that should not be encouraged.
Rukia: He... said all... of THAT?
The bell rings, meaning that everyone is supposed to go to class. The meeting is over.
Ichigo: After school, we head to Hat-and-Clogs' place. He wanted to see me for something. While we're there, we'll pick up supplies to use against Shunsuke.
Renji: I'll bring the coupons.
~~~~~~
Back in Soul Society, Captain Hitsugaya has finished with his research. He leaves the library to go back to the living world. On the way, he passes the captain of 8th company, the lazy and amorous Shunsui Kyoraku.
Kyoraku: How's it going, little man?
Hitsugaya: That's CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA to you. Where were you this morning? There was a captains' meeting to discuss the problem posed by PETH. Everyone was there except for you.
Kyoraku: Oh yeah. My lieutenant told me about that, but since it didn't involve the 3 B's: booze, babes and bedrooms - I didn't want to bother.
Hitsugaya: I'm surrounded by morons. Anyway, I'm going to the living world. I discovered what PETH is really after and I have to stop them. You're free to help if you'd like.
Kyoraku: Will there be any--
Hitsugaya: No booze. No babes. No bedrooms. Just work.
Kyoraku: Adios. *walks away*
Hitsugaya (grumbling): I hate that guy. Hm?
A dark and ominous figure towers over Hitsugaya from behind. The man in question flashes a demonic grin, one bordering between insanity and malice.
Man: Heh heh... take me with you...
~~~~~~
The members of PETH are gathered inside of a barn, part of an abandoned farm located a few miles away from Karakura Town. Shunsuke stands at a podium to address his team. Shunsuke's lieutenant, an overweight blue-haired woman named Hiromi Samega, is nearby.
Shunsuke: Ladies and gentlemen... our plan is working. Soon, we will have disrupted the Soul Reapers to the point where the Hollows will accept us as their allies. Then they'll let us into their home world, Hueco Mundo!
Hiromi: And then, once we move into Hueco Mundo, we won't have to pay taxes anymore!
PETH group: YAY!! NO MORE TAXES! NO MORE TAXES!
Up in the rafters, Hitsugaya watches with his partner for this mission. He tightens his fist.
Hitsugaya: Those fiends! We won't let them get away with this! OK, here's the plan...
Hitsugaya's partner drops from the rafters and lands right in the middle of the group.
Hitsugaya: NO! Wait!
Shunsuke: Well... what have we here? Kenpachi Zaraki, captain of 11th company, correct?
Kenpachi: Heh heh heh... right. I'm going to chop all of you guys up. My sword can cut through anything... at least that's what the guy on the late night infomercial said before I ordered it.
Kenpachi's small perky lieutenant, Yachiru Kusajishi, pops up on his left shoulder.
Yachiru: That's right, Kenny! Who are these guys anyway?
Shunsuke: I am Shunsuke Dokuhebimizutoritsukimorikamehamehabakashin, leader of PETH.
Yachiru: That name's too long. I'll call you Wet Diaper.
Shunsuke: ...
Hiromi: PETH... ATTACK!
The members of PETH leap into action and Kenpachi senses their weakness compared to his power. He doesn't need his blade and uses only his fists and feet to keep them back.
BAM! POW! WHAM! THWACK!
Yachiru: Neat sound effects! Now all we need is Adam West!
Shunsuke: I'll kill them myself!
Shunsuke draws his zanpakuto, Usagimaru. It takes its pink, fuzzy, rabbit-scissors form.
Yachiru: Awww! So kawaii!!
Shunsuke: Kawaii? I hear that Konolulu is nice this time of the year. Anyway... *sword glows* BAN... KAI...!
TO BE CONTINUED
The Brothers Reunited Once More! LS-san's Decision of Posting Decided!
As mentioned yesterday and earlier, today my brother Jeff will be returning from his Marine duty for a very brief stay (he leaves on Tuesday). Then he's going back to Iraq for his second tour of duty. I was worried about his surprise visit at first because I had no time to clean up my home for his arrival. Then I remembered that I don't care what people think about how my place looks and it's messy all the time anyway (I'm sure that if I was married, that policy wouldn't fly at all). They can't blame me if they lose a shoe, limb, or small dog in the mess. The sign outside clearly says that I will not be held responsible for any lost items. C.Y.A. indeed.
His flight arrives in the evening, thankfully a couple of hours after I get off from work. I'll try to get to some sites before I head out to the airport to get lost among its confusing road signs and overzealous security. We'll undoubtedly go to see our father on Saturday or Sunday. He'd like to see him, I'm sure. I hate posting when I'm unsure of making the rounds, but I had to post the story above so that SOB readers (*snicker*) wouldn't be left hanging this week.
Oh and here's a picture of a cat for no reason.
I really didn't want to post two stories of this nature back-to-back, but I couldn't resist. This one is easily among the top 10 weirdest LSN stories ever.
He used WHAT?
SYDNEY (Reuters) - It was a stick up of a different kind for one Australian burglar, who broke into a neighbor's house and played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner. A court in the northern city of Brisbane heard how 27 year old Jamie Lacey, high on drugs, broke into the house in September 2004, scattering pornographic magazines around the bathroom and making a sex toy from a bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove. Lacey was arrested in December 2006 after police matched DNA his DNA to that on the rubber glove. A vacuum cleaner was also found in the bathroom, but the judge dismissed a defense submission that there was no proof the vacuum has been used for sexual purposes. "I'm sure that your client didn't hoover the carpets," judge Tony Rafter as saying. Lacey was sentenced to 12 months community service, with judge declining to send him to jail since he had held a steady job for two years and was now a father.
NOTE: Are they sure that they didn't arrest MacGyver?
LS vs. The Super Fighting Robot Today's Wisdom
Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, like the food in a bakery.
Boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, like the menu at Arby's.
Comment Response (09/19/07)
Oh yes, I vaguely remember the Garbage Pail Kids... I believe that was from a series of spoof trading cards. Some kids would show them off on the school bus when I was a kid.
With the exception of babies and Welsh corgis, I find most things significantly smaller than myself to be evil. I'm pretty sure that's how they see me too.
The video of those Japanese guys getting hit in the peas amused me. I hope to find a weirder video next week from our pals in the Land of the Rising Sun... and after they got hit like that, the sun is the only thing that'll rise for them for a while.
Post for Sloths
My younger brother might come home for the weekend. I was almost killed by perfume overload. The Mega Man opening video is posted. A man in my favorite city to make fun of stuffs something into some sausages.
Post for Everyone Else
Possible Return
For those who may not know, my younger brother Jeff is a member of the United States Marine Corps. He's scheduled to be shipped back to Iraq at the end of the month and will be there until either May or June (I thought Dubya was going to reduce troop levels... hmm, I'm not sure how that works). I spoke with him earlier and he's trying to come back home for a short stay lasting from Friday to Tuesday. I think that'd be good. Hopefully he can make it. ^^
Perfume
You've encountered this person before, the person who coats themself in so much cologne or perfume that you can smell them from the opposite side of town. There was a woman like that at The Job on Wednesday. The Job is located in an office compound where several businesses have their own individual suite or suites. Dentists, auto insurance dealers, etc. After leaving the restroom, I had an encounter with a woman in the hallway who probably soaked in a bathtub full of whatever sprayable mung the Avon lady sold her. For all I know, the fragrance could be called "Le Buttcrack" and accurately describe the contents of the bottle it came in. It actually made me cough. Repeatedly. Blegh.
Theme Thursday
I really need to work on another title. Days of the week shouldn't have special titles like that unless it's a buffet restaurant offering meal deal specials or something. "It's Munch-It-Down Monday! Buy eight slabs of pork ribs and your next heart-bypass operation is free!" Anyway, today's opening theme isn't from an anime. However, it is based off of a Japanese videogame franchise, so close enough. It's from the old Mega Man cartoon that I mentioned on Tuesday. People close to my age may remember it. The theme song isn't very good and has lyrics so repetitive, they make "Go, go, Power Rangers!" seem like the brilliant work of a Disney songwriter by comparison. Oh well.
Man hides sex toys in sausage for Dubai trip
BERLIN (Reuters) - Staff at a German butcher's shop were shocked to discover a customer had hidden two sex toys in their sausages for transport to Dubai, police said on Wednesday. "It was two latex dildos with a natural look," said a spokesman for police in the southwestern city of Mannheim. After shopping there earlier in the day, the man, who spoke broken English, returned to the butcher's with two large "Schwartenmagen" sausages. He asked a shop assistant to wrap and cool them until he departed for Dubai the next day. But the assistant noticed the goods had got heavier and alerted police. Officers discovered the man, who was about 50, had removed some of the meat and packed the dildos inside.
"He could have used a loaf of bread," the spokesman said. "It's not against the law here. But obviously I can't speculate on what customs in Dubai will have to say about it."
NOTE: .............
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #297
Anime: Bleach
You might've seen the video of that guy getting zapped by rent-a-cops on a college campus recently. So for those who may not get the joke, that's where it came from. :P me likes Rangiku
LS vs. Cabbage Patch Kids Today's Wisdom "Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." - Will Rogers
Comment Response (09/18/07)
If I had to place the items on my list yesterday into order, it'd be: #1 - a real Gundam, #2 - Gaara's gourd of sand, #3 - a scouter, #4 - auto-mail, and #5 - a pokeball. My Gundam's name would be "Government Mule."
A few people made pirate-related comments when I mentioned my dad's property in the Caribbean, LOL. Why I didn't see those coming is beyond me. ^^;
I found the original Mega Man opening video on YouTube earlier. Tomorrow's "Theme Thursday" (I admit that my names are corny...) so I could put it up then.
Post for Sloths
My epic battle with a doll is chronicled. Japanese TV is still weird. Cops zap a guy who had a chicken in his car. All of this, plus the pic of the day.
Post for Everyone Else
Cabbage Patch Kid
Geico, employer of cavemen and British lizards, is currently running a TV ad featuring an "adult" Cabbage Patch doll. For those who don't know, a Cabbage Patch doll is a satanic artifact that peaked in popularity during the 1980s in America. Several children died in their sleep as a result of the dolls coming to life and strangling them during rituals for their demonic god, Meidenchynah.
...
Of course, that was bullcrap. The dolls stabbed them over strangling. Duh. Anyway, the commercial reminded me of the time when I visited my next door neighboor/friend as a kid and was assaulted by one of these dolls. Allow me to explain. My friend had a little sister. Little sisters own dolls (which are sometimes tortured by their older brothers and their friends... not that I'd ever do that... heh... ). In their backyard was an elevated wooden deck and a set of chairs with a matching table down below. My brother, friend and I were making fun of her while seated at the table (the evil waif deserved it, says I) as we did whenever she'd annoy us. Little sister decided to strike back.
"HEY!" she yelled from atop the deck. I turned around and there it was. Her precious Cabbage Patch doll was flying through the air and it smacked me in the face. Scroll back up and look at the picture. Imagine that thing flying at you and tell me that you wouldn't need therapy afterward. My brother and my friend laughed their collective butts off along with the little girl. I punted the doll like a football once the proverbial dust settled, sending it over the fence into the neighboring yard (it happened to be my yard... d'oh). And thus ends another Adventure in Idiocy.
Video From Japan
This week's video from Japanese TV is from a show where a group of men have to repeat a phrase correctly or else they'll pay the price. At least, that's what I think. I cannot speak Japanese worth anything. As for the price they pay... ouch. It's a funny video. Be sure to check out the guy wearing pink with the Rock Lee haircut. Total running time is 03:09 worth of painful comedy.
You don't even have to read today's LSN story to be amused by it. The headline alone speaks for itself.
Police taser man with chicken in car
SHEBOYGAN, Wis. - A man faces a number of charges, including drug possession, after a traffic stop in which he was stunned several times with a Taser and police found a live chicken. Richard D. Brown, 34, was charged with cocaine possession with intent to deliver, maintaining a drug trafficking place, resisting an officer, obstructing an officer, second-offense operating while intoxicated and operating after revocation. According to Sheboygan police, the incident started about 2 a.m. Friday when an officer spotted Brown involved in a potential drug deal and tried to stop him. The man threw a pack of cigarettes out of his car window and tried to run. The pack was found to have contained more than an ounce of cocaine, authorities said. An officer pursued Brown, caught him, punched him in the head and knocked him to the ground, authorities said, but he tried to run again. A second officer zapped both men with a stun gun as they were struggling, and Brown again before he was handcuffed. Brown told the officers he got the fowl from a local fast food restaurant, police have said. He was taken to a hospital, where he received six stitches for two cuts on his face. The chicken was taken to the Sheboygan County Humane Society. He faces up to 26 years in jail if convicted on all charges.
NOTE: Popeyes new chicken dinner caters to those who like their poultry extra rare.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #296
Anime: Samurai Champloo
LS vs. Items Today's Wisdom
Behind every great man, there is a woman.
Behind every great woman, there is a man with a camera phone.
Comment Response (09/14/07)
Thanks for the feedback for "Son of a Bleach", which was more well-received than episode 1. Episode 3 will be ready this Friday.
A lot of people noticed the "kamehameha" slipped into the PETH guy's last name. Observant, that you are. One person even translated it. Impressive. ^^
The villains of the story (PETH) are indeed based off of PETA. They annoy me to no end.
A Phoenix Down is an item from the Final Fantasy videogame universe. It revives a character that has been killed, which is why Keigo assumed Ichigo used one to "come back from the dead".
If I purchased any Halloween candy this early, I would have eaten it all by now. I have very little self-control when candy is involved...
My views on growing older... hmm. I'm 24, so I can't comment on this as if I were 65, but there are advantages and disadvantages to being older. Advantage: being old enough to buy whatever I want. Disadvantage: people give me strange looks when I climb into the McDonald's PlayPlace.
I'm still not posting during weekends. My Friday blog doesn't magically disappear, so if anyone wants to read them while browsing around on Saturday or Sunday, they'll be there.
Post for Sloths
My father was visited. I list five of my favorite anime-related items. A teacher in Japan threw a chair at his students.
Post for Everyone Else
Father
Unlike my lazy excuse last week, my reason for not posting yesterday was that I was spending time with my father on Monday evening. I knew I wouldn't have time to visit most people, so I didn't post. That's just how I operate. As for my father (recovering from a stroke in a nursing home), he is physically doing as well as he can be. You may remember that he owns some property out in the Caribbean. Well, my mother (nurse at the home) told me that he wants to go back out there for some reason. Everyone is telling him not to go, but he's being stubborn as usual. It doesn't matter... he can't leave without the doctor's OK... unless he uses some secret ninja-like stealth moves to sneak out on his own...
Material Possessions
I was thinking about the items that I see in anime and how much I'd like to own them. Not a cheap knock-off that'd be used for a cosplay outfit... I'm talking about the real deal. Below are five of my choices in no particular order. They may or may not be the top five; they're the five that I thought about while typing this.
scouter - Dragon Ball Z
Now, if I was going to choose any item from this series, why not the seven Dragon Balls that grant any wish? Two reasons. 1) if you've seen the series, you know that there's always some damn evil army or alien warlord in a black Speedo who is after them and, quite frankly, I don't need that @#$% in my life and 2) summoning Shenlong would be scary as hell. Scouters are used to detect the power/energy levels of enemies, which would be handy for numerous things that'd probably be classified as "illegal".
a gundam - any Gundam series
Despite having no space to park it when not in use, a gundam would be pretty cool to own. I'm not sure what I'd do with it though, besides stepping on idiots who'd mistake it for Optimus Prime. Now I'm wondering if gundams are sold at dealerships. I can imagine walking into "Crazy Lee's Pre-Owned Gundam City" in East Rutherford, New Jersey and asking if their "no payments until July 2011" deal was true.
auto-mail - Fullmetal Alchemist
If not for the whole having-to-lose-a-limb-and-then-go-through-months-of-painful-therapy thing, this would probably be my #1 most desired item. I'd like to have an arm that could transform into a blaster like Mega Man. I still remember that old cartoon from the 1990s. *sings* "Super fighting robot! MEGA MAN!" OK, the theme song was horrible, but I digress. Getting through security at the airport with that arm would be a nightmare.
pokéball - Pokémon
You can only imagine the evil that I'd cause with such a device. Hmm... I'm not sure what kind of message Pokémon sends to children. "Leave home while underage without any adult supervision, throw these balls at wild animals, catch and enslave them against their will, and use them in animal fights that'd make Michael Vick proud."
gourd of sand - Naruto
The sand from the gourd would protect me from all attacks in addition to being used as a deadly weapon. I'm not a murderous sociopath, so I'd use it for harmless things like making sandcastles or sandtraps out of nowhere to screw over my opponents while playing golf. Having sand in a gourd beats having my body made from sand (a la Sandman from "Spider-Man") because if I fall asleep, I don't have to worry about stray cats using my body as a litter box.
Chair-throwing coach named "super teacher"
TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese teacher who threw a chair at his students was named "super teacher" by the local board of education despite having been reprimanded several times for using corporal punishment, a news agency said on Saturday. The 52-year-old high-school teacher in Kyoto has been awarded the title every year since 2005 in spite of a history of aggression in the classroom because his strict teaching methods improved his students' performance. He was punished three times between 1997 and 2001 for physically attacking students, including throwing a chair at the volleyball team he was coaching, and was again accused of corporal punishment this year, Kyodo news agency said. The teacher, who was not identified in the news agency report, resigned on Friday, having been on medical leave since the latest accusation. He was selected as a role model due to his "outstanding achievement in leading the volleyball team", Kyodo said, citing board officials.
NOTE: To all my school-age readers who complain about their teachers... hey, at least you don't have this guy.
