Birthday • 1983-06-17 Gender •
Male Location • St. Louis Member Since • 2003-08-03 Occupation • Real Name • Christopher (or Chris for short)
Personal
Achievements • running this blog for 4 1/2 years and finally being able to conclude it Anime Fan Since • I watched the original Transformers... I had no idea it was anime at the time... Favorite Anime • Dragon Ball, Bleach, Inuyasha, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gintama, Eyeshield 21, Kinnikuman, Death Note, One Piece Goals • to make my happy ending come true by defeating El Diablo, the albino squirrel overlord Hobbies • video games, drawing (yet I have no fan art submitted...), watching anime, etc. Talents • I can change my voice into 10-15 others, maybe more...
myOtaku.com: lordsesshomaru
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
LS vs. LS's Younger Cousin Today's Wisdom
Procrastination is a bad thing. I'll tell you why tomorrow.
Comment Response (10/17/07)
This isn't a response, but a follow-up to yesterday's post. I just had the idea of buying a lot of those heart-attack-in-a-tortilla burritos from Hardee's and then giving them out to the trick-or-treaters that annoy me. "Hey mister... this candy is stale!" Oh really? Here. Have a burrito.
The candy bag is now under the seat in my car. I'm less likely to eat it there, but I'm also more likely to forget about it.
Surprisingly, they still make Crash Bandicoot games. I saw an ad for one at the movie theater over the weekend. They really changed his design too... ugh.
Flush Little Baby
This section is a bit lengthy, but you can always skip over it.
I meant to tell this story a while back, but it slipped my mind until recently. My cousin (the one who fondled girls at his school... he also picked skin off his foot and left it all over my floor) isn't very bright. If people were light bulbs, he'd be a Christmas light flickering in April. Many moons ago, he was left in the care of my parents for what one would call "babysitting". My parents went out for one thing or another, which left my brother and I in charge of watching the kid.
This child used our bathroom. Instead of using toilet paper like a normal person, he used paper towels. A lot of paper towels. He did this despite there being an ample supply of T.P. next to the toilet. Why? I honestly don't know. Stuffing so many paper towels in the toilet clogged it up good. And when he did, not all of his... waste... went down with the original flush. So you had the crap floating around in there too. He kept flushing to get it to go down. Of course, with no way to get by the giant paper towel clog, the water overflowed.
That's when he asked for my assistance. I entered the bathroom to find the toilet spewing more crap than a politician on the floor of the Senate. I used the plunger to unclog the drain and the toilet flushed properly again. But I wasn't about to clean that mess up. No sir. I gave the kid some rubber gloves, a bucket full of disinfected soapy water and a mop to handle things until our parents came back. Even he couldn't screw that up.
That's what I thought until he walked into my bedroom minutes later with the head missing from the mop. He apparently pushed the mop into the toilet and it broke off. Why? Once again, I honestly don't know. If it were humanly possibly, and if it wouldn't have re-clogged the toilet, I would have flushed him down right then and there. And so ends another "Adventure in Idiocy".
Theme Thursday
As with last week's Kiddy Grade intro video, this week's opening theme video is from a series where one of the hosts of my interactive comedy fanfic, "Animation Elimination" (season 2 starts on October 26), hails from. Mugen is from Samurai Champloo, a series that I once described as having battles similar to "Rurouni Kenshin on steroids". SC is an entertaining, action-packed series, although it has a little bit more style than substance (and what a style it is). Even so, I still reccommend it to any action fan who hasn't checked it out already.
Every Thursday, my assistant Jaken will answer one question, any question, from you guys. Several people send questions to me, but I'll only use one at a time. If yours isn't used, please be patient. Chances are that I'll get around to having Jaken answer it sooner or later. And now, today's question...
from Talim-of-the-Wind
Lately, I've been having trouble with money. I'll get a lot of it, then I'll decide I'm going to save up for something big, but then I end up spending it all on smaller thing like CDs, manga, anime DVDs, books...and pocky! Any ideas on how I can handle my cash a bit better?
Jaken says: You should listen to the advice from the man on the $100 bill... what's his name... um... oh yeah, Aretha Franklin. "A penny saved is a penny earned." Remember that saving cash now means that you'll have more later.
Money is something that I don't have enough of. That's because of some high-and-mighty judge ordering that I pay child support to my ex-wife... and we didn't even have any kids. It's the story of my life. Enough about me... I'd like to know where you're getting all of this money from. Hopefully you are not acquiring it through illegal means. Collecting money through crime can be tempting... but when you're arrested and sent to jail, you'll be sorry. And you'll probably have a trial with a douchebag judge who'll order you to pay child support for children who don't even exist!! Are you reading this, Janet? You think it's funny to screw me out of my paycheck every week? So that you and Rico the gardener can go driving around in that new Corvette? Yeah, Janet... I guess all the money left over from buying imaginary jars of Gerber baby food bought that thing, huh? You, Rico, and that judge can all kiss my hairy green--
***Jaken goes on to rant for another 16 paragraphs. It's best to stop now...***
If you'd like Jaken to (sort of) answer your questions, please send it to me via PM with the subject line "Ask Jaken". ^^
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #314
Anime: Fullmetal Alchemist
LS vs. The Burrito Today's Wisdom
This was a saying that held true in my household during my childhood. Father knows best, but mother knows better.
Comment Response (10/16/07)
I cannot imitate a British accent. Well, I can, but not very well. Every time that I try, I wind up sounding like an intoxicated Mrs. Doubtfire.
Hmm... I assumed that I was getting my money's worth due to the obscene amount of food that I received. I usually sneak outside food in with me. Years ago, one of my friends (who is a paranoid person) would warn me about that, worrying about getting caught. What? Instead of a metal detector, do they have a food detector at the door? Getouttahere...
Ah, Tweety is male. After the thing I did about him hitting on Big Bird, I could easily make a dirty joke about "bird seed", but I won't.
LSN makes a return, due to this story being based out of my stomping grounds of St. Frickin' Louis. "Frickin'" was the man's first name, but few people actually know that. Hang around me long enough and my brilliance is bound to rub off on you (at least I hope that's brilliance...).
Hardee's unveils 920-calorie burrito
ST. LOUIS - The people who brought you the Monster Thickburger and the 1,100-calorie salad are at it again — this time for breakfast. Hardee's on Monday rolled out its new Country Breakfast Burrito — two egg omelets filled with bacon, sausage, diced ham, cheddar cheese, hash browns and sausage gravy, all wrapped inside a flour tortilla. The burrito contains 920 calories and 60 grams of fat. Brad Haley, marketing chief for the St. Louis-based fast-food chain, said the burrito offers the sort of big breakfast item normally found in sit-down restaurants with an added advantage. "It makes this big country breakfast portable," he said.
Bacon, sausage AND ham? They might as well have just deep-fried an entire pig. Stuffing an apple in the mouth would be a good idea. You know, for the health-nuts out there. I'm waiting for the day when Hardee's (a.k.a. "Carl's Jr." in other parts of the country) starts giving out coupons for a free heart-bypass surgery with each meal. Then again, you'd probably get the operation from a surgeon who was trained by Milton Bradley.
Candy
On the subject of food, I purchased one bag of Halloween candy. It's a test for myself. I have little self-control with candy and want to see how long this can last without me gobbling it down. I'm more inclined to eat candy if I have a lot of it. My logic is "ah, I can have just a bit... after all, I have so much!" Soon, "so much" turns into empty bags. With one bag, I'm less likely to eat it because I know there isn't much. Eventually I'll purchase a couple more so the little beggers-- um, trick-or-treaters-- have more variety.
I don't know why they call these things "fun size". There's nothing really "fun" about such small pieces of candy. Maybe it's fun for the person handing it out if they're a sadist. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You want more, don't you? Too bad! You only get one microscopic piece of candy!" Yeah, I can see how they'd find fun in that.
Japanese TV
This week's Japanese TV video comes from a show where if you laugh, guys in ninja/surgical masks will enter the room and beat you. One of the men involved looks like the Japanese version of Carrot Top. Hm. Total running time is 2:24 of "WTF?" madness.
LS vs. Economy-Sized Popcorn Today's Wisdom
When the traffic light says "Don't Walk", it doesn't mean "Run Instead". Stand on the corner and wait unless you want to play a life-sized version of Frogger.
Comment Response (10/12/07)
My father is doing better after his recent fall. I'd like to say that knocked the stubborness out of him, but that'd be wishful thinking indeed.
I'm hardly a noble person (or a barnes person... hahahaha! *ahem*)... if I was going to say anything wise to those would-be shoplifting brats, I probably would have said the first thing that came to mind like "only you can prevent forest fires" or something.
My anime apparel is limited to only a pair of t-shirts featuring SS Goku (DBZ) and Deathscythe (Gundam Wing). I've had them for a while and they're still in great condition. I'm the type of person who wears the same clothing until it melts off my body. For example, I currently wear a pair of shoes I purchased in 2001...
I've retired from making Inuyasha-only fanfics, but characters from the series will appear in the upcoming season of "Animation Elimination".
To answer the question posed on my Pic on Friday, the top center image was a female. All the others were male.
I apologize for not being here on Monday. My Monday posts are typed on Sunday evening and that was hard for me to do while lying in bed all day. There's something about Sundays that makes me want to crawl under my covers, roll myself up into a ball and cry until the day's over... oddly enough, those feelings start during every St. Louis Rams game this season. I hope they go 0-16. If you lose so many, you might as well lose 'em all and get a record.
Aunt
My aunt flew in from England on Friday (yes, she does have a British accent... a heavy one too, Lol). She'll be spending time with her sister (my mother) for the week that she's in the States. I got to see her on Friday night, the first meeting between us in about 7 or 8 years. I don't want to bore you with family chit-chat that won't be entertaining to you, so I'll move on.
Movies
I finally got around to seeing the 3rd Resident Evil movie. As with the other two movies, I found it to be entertaining without being groundbreaking... which is what one should hope to expect from a film based on a videogame, eh? I was hungry when I arrived at the theater, so I caved in and purchased food at the concession stand. Movie theater food is notoriously expensive as you may know. The guy at the counter asked me if I wanted a "combo meal" from the menu and I chose the medium popcorn/drink matchup. The total was $10.50, more than what I paid for my admission.
Before I could call "rip-off", "gypped", "PS3" or whatever you'd use to exclaim that something is overpriced, I was handed a Sam's Club-esque economy-sized bag of popcorn. I've seen potato sacks smaller than that thing. Next came the drink, the oil-drum-sized drink... I was thinking I'd have to roll it into the theater like the Oompa Loompas with the blueberry girl. For once, I actually got my money's worth. If I ordered the large sizes, I'm sure that a bathtub full of popcorn with a kiddie pool full of soda would have came my way.
When the preview for Iron Man rolled, a few people applauded. I've never been to a show where people clap for the trailers... that was interesting. Clapping during a movie is a bit pointless... it's not like the actors can hear you. What? Is the usher supposed to come down and take a curtain call? O_o
The Usher
Speaking of ushers, the guy who tore my ticket was flirting with two girls who were before me in line. Or trying to. It looked funny since he was really short (just above being legally-declared as a dwarf, by my estimation) and they towered over him. It was like Tweety hitting on Big Bird... is Tweety a girl? I'm not sure. I hate Tweety, that talking yellow bobblehead doll...
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #312
Anime: Bleach/Inuyasha All 101 lines are the same.
LS vs. Ears Today's Wisdom
If a fire-breathing dragon drinks alcohol, it will explode. Clever knights during the Middle Ages would booze up the dragons to kill them instead of using the sword.
Comment Response (10/10/07)
The "Oompa your Loompa" comment in yesterday's "Ask Jaken!" was cited by a few as a hilarious (or disturbing) line. When I typed up Jaken's response, that was the first thing I thought of and then I built the rest of the answer around that.
The exhaust repair on my car is complete. I could have taken the car elsewhere after receiving their estimate, but after talking with my insurance company (who sent me there in the first place), the overall price for me wasn't so bad.
Ah yes, I'm also familiar with Revy from Black Lagoon. Now before I say anything that would be deemed as "perverted", I'll shut up. ^^;
*gasp!* It's Friday and there's no fanfic! Nope, nothing new this week. I do have something planned for next Friday. It's a new single-episode story and fans of my previous comedy series involving a certain ninja will be in for a (trick-or) treat. ^^
Family
Bad: I said that my father can walk with a limited amount of ability, but he recently bit off more than he could chew. With no one in the room with him, he tried to walk from his bed and to the bathroom (he was told MANY times not to attempt walking alone... he doesn't listen to people... ). Dad fell over and cut the side of his head against the bed railing. I checked on him on my way home from work and he's looking okay, besides having a bandage stuck to the side of his head.
Good: my aunt is flying in from England this weekend to spend a week with my mother (which is her sister). It's been years since I've seen her, so I'll be sure to drop by after she arrives. ^^
Fun with Books
After seeing Dad, I remembered that I needed to pick up volumes 19-21 of the Naruto manga (which is finally ahead of the U.S. anime again). Since this was the evening, there were more kids in there than my usual time of noon/lunchtime. On the shelves with the manga and graphic novels were issues of Shonen Jump. Shonen Jump comes in a plastic bag, as you may know. There was this sneaky little pair of brats (looked around 9-10 years old) and one was carefully tearing the plastic open. They didn't think I saw them doing it either (I love when kids think they're smarter than adults...)
Because I like meddling with people, I did with them. But for once, my powers of being a douchebag were used for good instead of evil. I made a deep *AHEM* sound and glared at them both. They'd stop messing with it for a while before trying again. The *AHEM* sound/glare combo would return. Rinse and repeat for a few cycles and they eventually gave up. As they left the aisle, I heard one whisper "he's probably an undercover cop..." I wanted to tear my jacket open to reveal a Superman logo (like in my avatar)... however, that'd look stupid... and the DBZ t-shirt I was wearing wasn't as dramatic as that big red "S".
WHY?!
An Australian performer who has had an ear grafted onto his forearm in the name of art has sparked controversy. Cyprus-born Stelios Arcadiou, known as Stelarc, says his extra ear, made of human cartilage, is an augmentation of the body's form. But surgeons questioned whether such an operation should have been carried out, given the absence of clinical need. A patient who had similar surgery to correct a birth defect said she found the artist's work offensive. Stelarc, aged 61, said it had taken him years to find a surgeon prepared to perform the operation. The ear does not function, but he hopes to have a microphone implanted to allow others to listen to what his extra ear picks up. He presented his work to a UK audience at Newcastle's Centre for Life
Any of you out there... and this includes myself... who claim to be weird, who claim to be odd, different, strange... you got nothing on this guy. Armpit piercing? Tattoo on your @#$%? Ha! This dingbat got an EAR placed on his ARM. Beat that, ya poser! Now the real question is... will he need extra Q-Tips?
Oh and while we're at it, let's show a picture of a mouse with an ear on its back, shall we?
LS vs. Exhaust Leak Today's Wisdom
You know you have REALLY bad breath when someone offers you a urinal cake instead of a breath mint.
Comment Response (10/09/07)
My tastes in music are very broad and I listen to several genres, depending on my mood. I don't like limiting myself to just one thing because I'll feel like I'm missing out on something else.
Yes, I know that was actually Naruto in the picture. But I make fun of Sasuke because it's easy and it's fun, at least for me. *grumbles* That frickin' Vegeta rip-off... *grumbles*
Sasuke couldn't beat me in a fight. I'd wave a Hot Topic coupon in front of him and he'd be vulnerable. Boom.
Vroom
According to the government-issued form that arrived in my mailbox not too long ago, my car needs to be inspected by the end of this month. That meant a trip to the mechanic was in order. Yay...? What was supposed to be just a routine inspection turned into the discovery of an exhaust leak. The guy came into the waiting room to let me know what happened. "It'll run you about $10,000,000 dollars for this... and then if it doesn't do this, it'll be $8,500,000 more... and another $30,000 because I feel like it, bwahahahaha!" OK, he didn't put it like that and those prices are exaggerations, but he might as well have used those numbers. Of the many things I hate, getting nickel-and-dimed is near the top of the list. I knew I should have went to the place with George Foreman's picture in the window... excuse me for a second...
*goes outside*
SON OF A @#$%! DAMN IT!! PIECE OF %&@#! %$@&!!! DON'T LOOK AT ME, SQUIRREL! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULL%&@# THIS TIME!! DAMN!!!
*comes back*
I feel cleansed now, like I just took a bath in a tub full of Purell. That'd explain why my eyes are burning.
Theme Thursday
With it being Thursday, another anime opening theme video is in order. With my interactive-comedy fanfic series "Animation Elimination" returning this month, this week and the next will focus on the series where AE's hosts come from. First is Eclair's anime, Kiddy Grade. For those who do not know, Eclair is the hot girl with long brown hair featured in the video (and on my "Fanfic Friday" banner).
Every Thursday, my assistant Jaken will answer one question, any question, from you guys. Several people send questions to me, but I'll only use one at a time. If yours isn't used, please be patient. Chances are that I'll get around to having Jaken answer it sooner or later. And now, today's question...
from twilight samurai
Do you ever stand in front of the mirror in women's lingerie and say like Paris, 'I'm hot'?
Jaken says: Of course not! But I bought some lingerie for my ex-wife many years ago. She was small like I am and it's hard to find lingerie in our size. There is a place around here called "Short N' Sweet" that specializes in naughty attire for dwarfs. They have many types. I do recall that the seven premium brands are in the back and named after the guys from the Snow White film. There's a nurse outfit (Doc), blonde cheerleader uniform (Dopey), shy schoolgirl outfit (Bashful), and a burlap sack (Grumpy). I forgot the other three's names... Alvin, Simon and Theodore, right? No matter. I also remember that the man at the register creeped me out. He looked at me and said: "oooh... hey baby, I'll Oompa your Loompa anytime!" I never went there again....
If you'd like Jaken to (sort of) answer your questions, please send it to me via PM with the subject line "Ask Jaken". ^^
LS vs. Women (and to a lesser extent, men) Today's Wisdom "As my father, a master of poetry, always said: 'you always do something wrong with your crotch if you drink one too many shots of Scotch.' "
-Kakashi Hatake, episode 14 of "Everybody Hates Naruto"
Comment Response (10/09/07)
Rin failed her essay, but was given a second chance when her teacher realized that I'm an idiot. I wasn't good at US History as a kid. I mistook the name of the class for "us" and not "United States", so I'd ramble about the history of the classroom. "At 8:30, we came in here. Mrs. Bradley scratched her butt and didn't think anyone noticed. At 8:35... "
From Mars and From Venus
I stumbled across the following list online which states the advantages of being a man. Hilarious. It is not meant to be offensive, but if y'all are one of them there, whatcha callit, feministamacated women... *puts banjo and moonshine away*... and get offended by something like this, you truly have bigger problems to worry about than what this thing says. :P
Your phone calls usually last for 30 seconds
You only need one small suitcase for a week of vacation
You can open all bottles yourself
Your good friends do not care about you putting on weight
The shape of your buttocks does not play any role in your professional career
All of your orgasms are real
You don't have to carry a whole bag of different things that you need every day
Your underwear costs ten dollars and it is a three-pack
You need to shave only your face
None of your colleagues at work can make you cry
You don't have to sleep every night next to a hairy ass
If you are a 35-year-old bachelor, no one will pay any attention to it
Everything that you have on your face and body is absolutely natural, including the color
Five pairs of shoes are more than just enough
You can take your shirt off if it is hot
You don't know how periods work and what on Earth they are
People never stare at your chest when they talk to you
You do not have to memorize the dates of everyone's weddings and birthdays
If another man appears at a party dressed exactly like you are, he may become your best friend
And I'm a fair guy (most of the time... okay, some of the time... fine, I'm frickin' biased!) so here's the list of advantages for women, albeit shorter than the previous list.
Women's working hours are shorter in civilized countries. The difference with men's working hours may reach four hours a week
As a rule, women do not lose hair
A woman driver has much more chances to come to terms with a male police officer and avoid a fine if she breaks traffic rules
Heart attack death rate is much smaller among women
Men reach their sexual peak at 17 when they are mostly unable to enjoy it thoroughly. Women continue to develop and flourish sexually right into their mid-thirties
You do not have to start a fight if someone pushes you in the street or spills beer on you in a bar
Woman's chances to get into prison are 20 times smaller as opposed to those of men
A woman may experience multiple orgasms
If you are born with a shameful last name you will always have a chance to change it in the future
You always enjoy shopping
The average lifespan for a woman is 80 years. Men usually live up to 68-74 years
After reading all of that, I'm glad that I'm a man. I can't live without my inexpensive three-packs of underwear.
Eye of the Beholder
While on my break at work, I was scrolling around the Internet and visited a few anime-related sites. My co-worker/friend Jared looked over my shoulder (I hate it when people do that...) when I came across an image gallery featuring cosplay. He assumed they were Halloween costumes and I assured him that they weren't. That led to the following.
Jared: That's ----ing stupid... dressing up like that...
LS: Don't you paint your chest and dye your hair blue and gold for Rams games?
Jared: *pause* Yeah, that was before they sucked. (NOTE: the St. Louis Rams are currently 0-5)
LOL, the point I was trying to make was that we're all "geeks" for one thing or another. Anime, comics, TV shows, even cars and sports... I feel like singing Paul McCartney's "Ebony and Ivory" now.
Japanese TV
I seriously doubt that boxing promoter Don King is reading this with his troll doll hairdo and vocabulary of made-up words like "magniferous" and "spectacumungous", but if you are, Mr. King, you must bring this to our country. This week's offering from Japanese TV involves boxing, hot water, a pile of ice, dizziness and C-3PO. 'Nuff said. Total running time is 4:39 of boxing hijinks.
LS vs. History Today's Wisdom
When life gives you a lemon, try another used car dealer.
Comment Response (10/08/07)
The picture came from episode 192 of Naruto (I think). Part 2 of the manga is animated as the Naruto: Shippuuden series.
I'm glad everyone got a laugh out of "Dr. Ho" and his bizarre invention. I know I sure did.
Hmm... dressing pets up on Halloween is okay with me. The problem I have is with the people who dress their pets up like Larry King with glasses and suspenders everyday and then give them corny names. "Honey! Look at the Mr. Snugglekins! Now he's HAIRY King! Get it? Heehee!" Disappear. Please.
I've told you people that these fuzzy devils are, well, fuzzy devils and I have proof. The following image came from somegirl. Many Bothans died to bring her this information. Behold!
The squirrels now know how to use the Dark Side of the Force. Heaven help us all. Or Mark Hamill.
Columbus Day
While my assistant Jaken handles "Ask Jaken!", I've been helping little Rin out with her homework. She has a report due soon and I gave her all the information she'd need to pass.
-A short essay about Columbus Day
-by Rin, age 8, grade 3
Yesterday in the U.S. of A. was Columbus Day, a holiday that celebrates the wonderful city in Ohio and all of the contributions it has made to American history. It was discovered by an Italian explorer named Chef Boyardee in 1952. Boyardee came across the ocean on three ships: the Ravioli, the Beefaroni and the Chili Mac. When he arrived in Columbus, there were a lot of Indians there. Boyardee kicked them out and now the Indians play baseball in Cleveland. Boyardee claimed the land in the name of Spain even though he was from Italy because he's sneaky like that. The Civil War started soon after and America had to fight some country called Civil, home of the people called Civilians. France surrendered even though they weren't even in that war. You won't find Civil on the map anymore because we blew them away, thanks to General Boyardee leading the charge from Columbus. Columbus served as our nation's capital for decades before Major League Baseball moved it to Washington D.C. because they had no team in Columbus. That's because Boyardee kicked them out earlier. Please give me an "A" because my lord said I can't come home unless I get one. The end.
Don't worry, Rin. With my vast knowledge at your disposal, you can't fail.
Family
My brother sent me an IM last night. He made it over to Iraq safely but cannot use the phone due to the phone service being down. Hopefully they'll get it back up and running again soon. On Monday evening, I stopped by to see my father (as a result, I couldn't visit everyone on here... if I missed your site, I apologize). There really isn't much to report. His condition is about the same and his spirits are fairly high. That's always good. ^_^
The nursing home uses a security system where you have to enter a specific combination on a keypad for the doors to open. On my way in, I didn't know they changed the code and a nurse had to assist me with entering. After she did, she told me a story about one of the reasons for having the system being that an elderly gentleman had wandered out the door years ago and ended up standing under a traffic light on one of those "concrete islands" you sometimes see at intersections. He was standing there about a half-mile away from the building, waving at traffic until he was brought back unharmed. Without the security system, that place was just a lawsuit waiting to happen.
LS vs. Attire for Pets Today's Wisdom "I think Halloween brings us all closer to our inner a-hole."
- Grifter99
Comment Response (10/05/07)
Thanks to everyone who read "Son of a Bleach"! Rangiku got the most positive feedback again... something about a drunk blonde is pretty funny, I guess. ^^;
"Animation Elimination" season two starts here on October 26th. I have 11 members of the 12-person cast assembled. Look for a preview/teaser image on Friday to get an idea of who's in this year.
My hand was in pain due to something occuring as I slept. Knowing me, I probably tried to hit a dream spider or squirrel and smacked it against my nightstand or something.
Yes, I'm familiar with the old Land Shark skit from Saturday Night Live. I tend to watch a lot of TV from before my time, like TV Land (which doesn't run SNL though).
Whoa... thanks to demonskiss for that dream analysis thing. Now I need someone to explain the dream about me and the giant boxing chicken.
Attire
If you've visited my site for a long time, you know that I hate a lot of things (I even had a daily section focusing on things that I hate). I am admittedly a spiteful young man, and if I'm lucky enough to reach senior citizen age, I could possibly be the grumpiest old man to ever hobble across the earth. The focus of my hatred now is people who dress their pets in clothing.
Sweaters. Hats. Shoes. It drives me crazy and when I'm King of the World, it shall be outlawed. Perhaps it is jealousy that fuels my rage. My wardrobe is fairly inexpensive and I really don't care for fashion. I don't dress like I'm homeless, but I don't empty my wallet for new attire either. However, when I walk outside and see a DOG wearing clothes that are fancier than mine, yeah, that's my perfect recipe for Pissed-Off Cake right there.
I want a world where pets cannot be dressed to resemble Bill Cosby or Mr. Peanut. Is that really so much to ask for?
Pain in the Neck
While I'm ranting, I'll go on to say that I hate infomercials too. For those with a Sesame Street-level education, I'll explain that an informercial is a 30-minute TV advertisement. They can shill a variety of products. For example:
vacuums that seem to weigh -0.05 pounds (Oreck)
ovens you can "set and forget" while neglecting the fact that no oven should be left unsupervised in case of a fire breaking out (Ronco oven thingy)
naked women making out with irritating Calypso music in the background (Girls Gone Wild)
home fitness equipment promoted by invincible martial arts warlords (Chuck Norris's TotalGym)
Recently, I came across one for this product. I like the creator's name; it makes him sound like a Brooklyn pimp. If you clicked the link, watch the video on the site if you can. I do not doubt whether the product works or not. I'm pointing out that it just looks ridiculous. Everyone using it looks like a poor man's Queen Elizabeth I.
I couldn't use one of those. The urge to start reciting quotes from "Hamlet" would be too great.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #307
Anime: Naruto
I didn't think a caption was needed for this one. That's a shot of Naruto urinating on Ino from one of the filler episodes. I don't know about you, but to me nothing says "entertainment" like watching kids pee on each other. Ugh. Anyone got change for a dollar?
LS vs. Sharks Nugget of Joy
Clark Kent was revealed to be Superman after he removed his glasses to take a picture for his drivers license.
Comment Response (10/04/07)
Response to "Ask Jaken!" was mostly positive and I'm pleased with that, Lol. Yes, anyone can send a question about anything. I prefer for questions to be submitted via PM because they're easier for me to keep track of.
Cartoon Network did air all 112 episodes of YuYu Hakusho, although the final episodes were shown at 4:30 AM or something without receiving any promotion. At least they didn't cancel it completely, eh?
My left hand feels a lot better now. I did my best to lighten any strain placed upon it and that helped greatly.
And now we are at the final chapter of "Son of a Bleach" in my Fanfic Friday series. It may not be the absolute final chapter... I may re-visit the Bleach characters in the future (aside from their participation in the upcoming "Animation Elimination" - new season starts on October 26th!). Anyway, in this chapter, the battle against PETH comes to its (anti)climactic conclusion. There's bankai releases. There's dissention in the ranks. There's intoxication. All of this plus Chad's mumbled speech!
For those who want to read past episodes, all five episodes have been archived at this site. I didn't want to archive them until the series was complete due to it being so short. And now, on with the show!
5
Time: 5:08 PM
Setting: Karakura Town
Place: near Urahara Shoten
The stage for the decisive final battle has been set. On one side is Shunsuke Dokuhebimizutoritsukimorikamehamehabakashin, the leader of PETH (People for the Ethical Treatment of Hollows), with his lieutenant Hiromi Samega. On the other side is Ichigo Kurosaki and his team of Rukia, Orihime, Uryu, Chad and Renji. Oh yeah, and Captain Hitsugaya just showed up with Rangiku Matsumoto. Apparently, Rangiku (who is drunk) is key to Hitsugaya's plan to stop Shunsuke.
Hiromi: Another captain? Imagine that, sir. Finding two of them in one day!
Shunsuke (stares at Rangiku): Oh my... *gulp* I... oh... uh... all those curves and me with no brakes...
Hitsugaya: According to the files I researched, Shunsuke is a notorious pervert. No perverted man can resist Matsumoto. It's 100% impossible.
Rangiku (drunk): But keep your mitts off me, boys. *hiccup* Or I'll file a *hiccup* uh, sexual embarrassment lawsuit...
Hiromi: If what you say is true, how can you resist that woman, Shorty?
Hitsugaya: THAT'S CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA to you, you over-inflated zeppelin. I said perverted men. I have no such weakness.
Hiromi: So you're gay? Hmm... well, you do have the word "gay" in your last name...
Hitsugaya: Thousands of people die everyday. Why don't you follow their example? Your "captain" is immobilized. He won't be able to attack now.
It's true. Shunsuke is completely frozen, aside from the slight trembles that his body makes. Even his Usagimaru Enajaizaa Bunni bankai has stopped moving.
Ichigo: The last thing that you want to say to a guy like that is "pull yourself", if you catch my drift.
Hitsugaya: Kurosaki, my research shows that Usagimaru Enajaizaa Bunni's weakness is--
Ichigo and Renji slice the giant rabbit into pieces and then stomp on the pieces. After that, they take the pieces and burn them in a pile. Once the rabbit is turned to nothing but ashes, they take the ashes and throw them in a garbage can. Renji hops into a steamroller and crushes the garbage can. Ichigo sets the flattened plastic can on fire, melting it down. The resulting mess is then disintegrated by a kido spell from Renji.
Uryu: Damn, you killed the hell out of that bunny.
Ichigo: When I kill bunnies, they stay killed!
Rukia (sniffles): So you... kill bunnies... often...? You wouldn't kill Chappy would you...?
Group of nearby children: WAAAAAAAH!! He kills bunnies!!
Mother: You should be ashamed of yourself!
Ichigo: But... I... that... uh...
The woman hits Ichigo with her purse and leads her crying children away.
Ichigo: O_o
Hitsugaya: I was going to say that the weakness is to remove the battery from its back, but, oh what do I know? I'm just a CAPTAIN FROM SOUL SOCIETY WITH MULTIPLE YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.
Hiromi: Captain... they destroyed your zanpaku-to... what's your next command?
Shunsuke (stares at Rangiku): Look at the size of--
SMACK! Hiromi knocks her captain to the pavement.
Rangiku (drunk): Pervert fall down go boom! *hiccup*
Shunsuke shakes his head and stands up.
Shunsuke: *ahem* I've snapped out of it. First the redhead, then the blonde. You won't trick me with another buxom woman who looks like she just stepped out of Maxim!
Yoruichi comes out of the store. Urahara had left her behind when he drove away earlier.
Yoruichi: Um, hello.
Shunsuke (stares at Yoruichi): Gabba... waga... habbity dah dah... *gulps*
Rangiku (drunk): Wow! *hiccup* It's Beyoncé!
Yoruichi: ...
Hiromi shoves Shunsuke aside. She grabs her zanpaku-to and prepares to draw it. The other members of PETH surround her in a protective circle and get ready to draw their swords as well.
Hiromi: You're no longer fit to lead, sir. I'm taking over PETH and will destroy these interlopers. Then the Hollows will accept us into Hueco Mundo. Tax-exempt status, here we come!
Orihime: What should we do?
Ichigo: Nothing. She's just a lieutenant! HAHA! I have farts that are stronger than lieutenants!
Renji: *twitch*
Hiromi (draws blade): Swallow your enemies, Kurai Soujiki.
The sword has a bizarre shape, similar to a handheld vacuum. Hiromi flips a switch on the handle. It sucks with a powerful force, pulling in anything that isn't grounded. Cars, trees, parking meters, even some PETH members, are all pulled inside. If not for everyone cowardly hiding behind Chad, they would have been pulled in as well.
Chad: Mm.
Ichigo: There's no way in hell that I'm going to get beaten by some Wind Tunnel rip-off! BANKAI!
Ichigo's zanpaku-to turns jet black with the guard on the hilt taking the shape of a manji. This indicates that he is now in his high-speed, bankai form.
Hiromi: You still won't win! Hm?
A crack in the sky appears. It widens and opens to reveal a lone figure standing inside. This figure looks down on them from the sky above.
Uryu: Oh no... that's...
Hiromi: Yes! The Hollows have accepted us!
PETH group: YAY! NO MORE TAXES!
Grimmjow Jeagerjaques: Yeah... uh... which one of you guys has been sending all that spam e-mail about getting into Hueco Mundo?
Hiromi: That would be me! Hi, I'm Hiromi! We all support you Hollows in everything that you do! There's no reason why we can't be allies, right? ^_^
Grimmjow: I hate spam e-mail. Die.
Hiromi: Wait! Don't fight us! We're peaceful towards your kind!
Grimmjow: I hate hippies. Die.
Grimmjow holds up his left hand and fires a red beam that blasts Hiromi and the remaining PETH members into oblivion. He turns his attention to Ichigo and the others.
Grimmjow: Now... which one of you guys has been sending the spam e-mail about penis enlargement pills? Stop sending me that crap. If I get another "your woman will love you for it!" subject line in my inbox, I'm shoving my foot in YOUR "inbox", capiche?
Uryu: Uh... none of us sent that to you...
Grimmjow: Shut the @#$% up. Your arms look like string cheese. I'm out.
Uryu: ...
The tear in the sky closes up and Grimmjow is gone. At last, the battle has ended.
Orihime: Hey... if we didn't do anything at all, the Hollows would have killed the PETH members anyway.
Renji: Meaning we got crushed by a giant rabbit for nothing.
Chad: Mm.
Renji: Amen to that, brother. Wait, did I just understand what he said?! I've been here for too long...
Rukia: What about him?
Rukia points to Shunsuke, who is in the fetal position on the ground.
Hitsugaya: I'll take him back to Soul Society. As punishment for his antics, Captain-General Yamamoto will either put him in jail or give him back his previous job... as a janitor.
Shunsuke: I would have gotten away with it too, if not for those meddling kids and their plush lion!
Renji: No you wouldn't have.
Shunsuke: I know, but I've always wanted to say that.
Hitsugaya, Rangiku and Renji all head back to Soul Society with Shunsuke in chains. This leaves the heroes of Karakura alone. They walk home together as the sun sets behind them, a cliché ending if there ever was one.
Kon: We won! Victory!
Ichigo: You didn't do anything...
A few police officers come out from behind a building.
Cop: There he is! T*tty Ruxpin! You're under arrest!
Kon: AAAAAHH!!! HELP!!
Kon runs away with the police chasing after him.
Uryu: So what should we do tonight?
Ichigo: The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Orihime: Let's see a movie to celebrate! My treat!
Rukia: How about bowling or karaoke after that?
Chad: Mm.
Ichigo: Whoa! Chad! You always have the best ideas! But where are we going to find a monkey wrench, a flamingo and a jar of mayonnaise? Hmm...
Rukia: Wh-what?!
Uryu: What did he say?!
Ichigo: Onward to Wal-Mart!
Ichigo runs off with his friends following after him. The autumn night is young and so are they. Hours of adventure lie ahead that could possibly lead to incarceration. But that doesn't matter. The forces of good have triumphed over the forces of, um, not-so-good. So until next time...
THE END
~~~~SHINIGAMI CUP GOLDEN~~~~
Byakuya: I heard that a giant pink rabbit stepped on you, Renji.
Renji: HA! Lies! No bunny can overwhelm ME, Captain Kuchiki!
A pair of pink, fuzzy bunny slippers are thrown at Renji's face.
Renji: AHHHH!!! We're all gonna die! Run for your lives! *runs away*
Byakuya: Hmm. Nice one.
Yachiru: Hee hee! ^_^
Decorations
People in my neighborhood like to have lots of decorations on holidays, mainly Christmas and Halloween. With October 31 coming up, I'll focus on the latter. For years, I've talked about how people around here would have giant inflatable pumpkins in their yards only to have kids slash them within days of their debut. A house I drive by on my way to work has a zombie mannequin/dummy propped up in the front yard. It looks pretty detailed and expensive... it really looks like a decayed corpse and if I didn't know any better, I'd say it was Don Imus standing there. On my way to work, it stood intact. On my way home, the head was sliced clean off the body and lying in the street (I drove around it, its owners have suffered enough) and one of the arms was missing. Vandalism... a sign that Halloween is nigh indeed.
Dream
I only vaguely remember a dream that I had recently and I'd like to share it. In this dream, I was placed in an animated world resembling that of a motion picture. Not an animated classic from Disney, but rather it felt like work from one of those other companies like Dreamworks or whoever was responsible for releasing crap like "Rock-A-Doodle".
It was a frozen world resembling the arctic and I was standing on an iceberg, pleading for help. A dolphin approached me and said that I should watch out for sharks (to my knowledge, neither lives in the arctic). I asked the dolphin about whale sharks. "Oh no, whale sharks are nice. Tiger sharks will getcha good and will come out of the water too." was what the dolphin said before he swam off to probably get caught in a tuna fishing net. I found a whale shark and we talked about random things that I don't remember. Soon after that, a shark (unsure of the type, but it looked mean) swam to me and assured me that he was a dolphin. "No, you're a shark" I said. "Nope, I'm a dolphin. I'm just really ugly." he said. Then I woke up.
I believe that the shark at the end was trying to trick me. Damn shark.
LS vs. Stealth Spider Today's Wisdom
If Wile E. Coyote had money to buy all of those ACME gadgets to go after the Roadrunner, why didn't he just order a pizza or something?
Comment Response (10/03/07)
I refilled my two ink cartriges at Walgreens for a total of $25 before tax. If I went out and got new cartridges, it would have cost $70 or more. Not all the stores do refills, but it's worth checking out if you want to save money.
I'm familiar with the "moving sidewalks" at the airport. This may sound funny coming from me, but that's like the ultimate laziness right there. If you're handicapped, that's one thing. But if you're healthy and aren't carrying anything heavy... um, how about, I don't know, walking... ?
Vizards and arrancar could be considered equal in overall strength, but not much of the vizards' full abilities have been shown while arrancar are blowing crap up all day long.
Hand
The space in-between my pinky and ring finger on my left hand is currently in pain for reasons unknown. I'm not sure if that space has a name. Oh well. The pain came when I woke up, meaning something occured as I slept. This happens too often. I'm at the point where I believe a little gnome enters my room and assaults me every night. Being a person who uses all 10 fingers when I type, it makes typing a little more difficult than usual. It seems to be a minor injury, but if it persists over a couple of days, I'll seek medical help. What didn't help was when I moved a bottle of juice in my kitchen earlier, a spider crawled out from behind it. Instictively, I brought down my left hand onto it to kill the bastard. He got the last laugh due to that making the pain worse than it was.
I hate spiders.
Theme Thursday
Each week, I post the opening video to an anime of my choosing. This week, I'm going back into the 1990s with the 2nd opening for YuYu Hakusho. The series used the same song from start to finish, but the accompanying video changed twice. YYH used to run on Adult Swim and Toonami in the U.S. before being replaced in the lineup by Zatch Bell! (a series that seems to have vanished from U.S. airwaves and I couldn't care less because I'm way out of that show's target demographic, Lol).
This is the inaugural edition of the "Ask Jaken!" feature I promoted on Monday. Every Thursday, my assistant Jaken will answer one question, any question, from you guys. Several people sent a question to me, but I'll only use one at a time. If yours isn't used, please be patient. Chances are that I'll get around to having Jaken answer it sooner or later. And now, the first question...
from AikoKuroBara
well, u see, this guy "a", likes me and i like this guy "b", who.. well, likes "a" and apparently, my friend, flimed them having... fun.. *sobs* but i love yaoi too much and now i'm addicted to the video.
WHAT DO I DO JAKEN???
Jaken says: I'm not sure who "Yaoi" is... isn't he that really tall Chinese basketball player?
(NOTE: He means Yao Ming. Jaken isn't very bright, so please forgive him...)
If you love him, forget guys "A" and "B". Pursue Yaoi because, as we all know, basketball players are rich. You'll have plenty of cash at your disposal. Use that cash to find yourself a good therapist to get rid of your addiction to the video. And send me some of that money. Doing this crap for free doesn't pay the bills.
His advice may be sage, but take it at your own risk. Be here next week for another edition of "Ask Jaken!"
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #305
Anime: Cowboy Bebop/Bleach
