Birthday • 1983-06-17 Gender •
Male Location • St. Louis Member Since • 2003-08-03 Occupation • Real Name • Christopher (or Chris for short)
Personal
Achievements • running this blog for 4 1/2 years and finally being able to conclude it Anime Fan Since • I watched the original Transformers... I had no idea it was anime at the time... Favorite Anime • Dragon Ball, Bleach, Inuyasha, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gintama, Eyeshield 21, Kinnikuman, Death Note, One Piece Goals • to make my happy ending come true by defeating El Diablo, the albino squirrel overlord Hobbies • video games, drawing (yet I have no fan art submitted...), watching anime, etc. Talents • I can change my voice into 10-15 others, maybe more...
myOtaku.com: lordsesshomaru
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
LS vs. Giftcards Opening Thought
There's a new Rambo movie coming out? That guy's, what, 110 years old? I'll walk into the theatre during a jungle sequence and think it's Jurassic Park on the screen.
Comment Response (12/19/07)
My father is doing very well the last time that I checked. I only mention him if there's been a big change in his condition, for better or worse, but I really should talk about him more often so that no one has to worry. Thanks for your concern. ^_^
So the Coca-Cola polar bears haven't been executed? Son of a-- uh... I mean, excellent! Thanks for the heads up.
Post for the Lazy
I'm going shopping on Friday. My hatred of giftcards is discussed. Naruto returns in my anime theme video of the week.
Giftcards
Co-worker Jared is going out of town for Christmas starting on Thursday, meaning his last day of work was Wednesday. Before he left, he gave everyone a present, including myself. It's still wrapped and resting safely underneath my miniature Christmas tree. I feel a little bad because I didn't get him anything nor did I plan to. My logic was that all of the free lunches I've given him, in addition to me putting up with his rancid flatulence filling my car whenever we ride anywhere together, would be enough. Bah humbug. Co-worker Kim is going shopping on Friday... I guess I can tag along with her and pick something up for him while we're out.
One thing I REFUSE to purchase is a giftcard. I'd rather give cash. Oh no, don't give me that "a giftcard is more thoughtful than cash!" B.S. argument. Cash you can spend ANYWHERE (if only to watch the line come to a screeching halt like in the Visa commercials). A giftcard has to be used at a certain store. It's like holding the recipient hostage. You want a present? Fine, but you have to buy it at THIS store. So, presents have rules now...?
Someday, I'd like to go to a fancy restaurant and order a really expensive dinner. And then when the time for payment comes, I'll bust out a $500 Best Buy giftcard. The cherry on the sundae: I'd be wearing a top hat and a monocle. "What!? My money isn't good here? Balderdash!"
Theme Thursday
Every week at this time, I post an opening video to an anime of my choosing. For the past few weeks, I've been using videos to go along with whoever was recently booted off in "Animation Elimination". This week I will not. Chiyo was eliminated on Friday and she is from Azumanga Daioh. I already posted AD's lone opening and have no intention of doing it twice. Instead, here's the second opening to the second Naruto anime series, Naruto: Shippuuden (I'd go with the first video, but I've seen that way more times than I wish to disclose). Personally, I call this series Naruto Z. This is because of the concept of a new series aging the cast a few years after the first one ends, in addition to Masashi Kishimoto's love of the Dragon Ball series being rivaled only by my own. That and Naruto Z is so much easier to type.
Hmm... I just noticed that Gaara's Sand Burial jutsu is exactly like the technique Frieza used to kill Krillin on planet Namek in episode 95, just with sand. The whole "raising him off the ground and killing him by clenching the hand" thing... Frieza should sue the hell out of Gaara. What a trial that'd be; a gay alien midget with a tail suing a teenage psychopath with a sandbox on his back. I wonder if Harvey Birdman would take the case.
Pic of the Day (v2.0)
CHRISTMAS REWIND
Anime: Naruto There's only one Pervy Sage. Ho ho ho!
LS vs. The Kumbaya Krew Opening Thought
If a creepy guy in a trench coat comes to your front door and asks if you want a "candy cane", tell him no.
Comment Response (12/18/07)
To those who thanked me for the "hilarious" post yesterday (their words, not mine), you're welcome. That's why I post here in the first place... to make you laugh... or to make you thankful for whatever sanity you may have. Sniffing markers isn't good for you, kids. I'm living proof.
I was originally going to post that Inuyasha story on Friday, which would screw everyone out of a new "Animation Elimination" (sorry, Lol). Then I remembered that I won't be here on the Friday after that and that'd be two weeks without a new episode, so there you go. A new story will be here this Friday.
Post for the Lazy
The "Kumbaya Krew" complains about whales wearing Santa hats. I post another video from Japan.
Santa Whales
Once again, I have nothing too personal to talk about, at least not anything that would be even remotely interesting. I'm still in a festive mood, so I present a news story that's not only Christmas-related, but Japan-related as well! It's like killing two birds with one stone, a practice used by certain fast food establishments when they make "chicken" nuggets.
Animal activists' anger after aquarium puts Santa hats on whales
It's a scene that brings laughter and cheers from visitors to a Japanese aquarium - two white beluga whales wearing Santa hats. But environmentalists are saddened by the sight of what they say is the final humiliation for the whale in a country that hunts them down with harpoons. The beluga whales have been fitted out with the cute Santa hats to entertain the crowds at the Hakkeijima Sea Paradise on Yokohama Island. There's even a chance to receive a wet kiss under the mistletoe from a yuletide beluga.
I'd hate to tell these hippies to have a glass of Shut The Hell Up (actually, I don't hate doing that... I do it quite often), but I'll speak for the whales on this one. I'm sure that they wouldn't equate a SANTA HAT to something as horrible and barbaric as a HARPOON. Humiliation? They're whales! They've been embarrassed enough. They have a body part called a "blowhole" for crying out loud. The seals in tank #6 were already laughing at them looooooooooong before the hats came along.
If they really want something to complain about, they should go after Coca-Cola. It's already December 19 and I haven't seen a single commercial with those polar bears yet! Either I haven't watched enough TV to catch them or those bears were the victims of foul play.
Japanese TV
Every Wednesday, I post a video from our friends in the Land of the Rising Sun that is either funny, creepy or both. This one is a tad different and I'd classify it as "interesting" (although it truly made me laugh more than it should have). With Christmas coming up, without spoiling it, I will say that it is Christmas-related. The total running time is only 2:20 long. Enjoy the video and pass the egg nog.
Pic of the Day (v2.0)
CHRISTMAS REWIND
Anime: YuYu Hakusho
LS vs. Pizza Hut Opening Thought
While looking around various websites for information about old TV shows, I had an epiphany. Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani is possibly related to Colonel Klink from Hogan's Heroes. O_o
Comment Response (12/17/07)
Umm... no, I'm not leaving myOtaku forever. After this week, I'm not posting again for the rest of 2007. I'll only be gone for a little over a week. I'm sorry for the confusion. ^^;
I'm not sure why those scientists created glow-in-the-dark cat clones. The situation reminds me of an episode of "The Tick" where The Tick visited an inventors' convention. One man in attendance invented "Room Temperature Fire", a flame that doesn't get any warmer than 65-75 degrees or so. The Tick's comment about that is the same as mine about the cats. "Egad, man! WHAT IS THE POINT?!"
Post for the Lazy
I discuss odd pizza toppings. Naruto sings a Christmas song that has nothing to do with Christmas. Inuyasha gets a part-time job as a mall Santa.
Pizza
I really don't have a lot to say about my life today. Monday was normal, besides the odd shrimp pizza that I had for lunch. People put strange things on pizza these days. I believe that I told you about a jalapeno pizza that I had. Some places I've visited have spinach and broccoli available as topping choices. Those are an evil scheme devised by mothers to get children to eat their vegetables.
"I don't wanna eat my broccoli, mommy!"
"But Johnny! It's on a pizza! You love pizza, don't you?"
Devious.
Then you have Pizza Hut who invents a new pizza every month. Pizza Hut should have changed its name to "Something-That-Resembles-A-Pizza Hut" many years ago. If it's not a stuffed crust, it's a crust made of removable T.G.I. Friday appetizers. If the pizza doesn't have three separate layers of gooey cheese, there's nine pieces of fried chicken shoved inside with mashed potatoes and a biscuit. Maybe they'll hook up with the Koreans from yesterday's post and make a glow-in-the-dark pizza.
Naruto's Christmas Song
(wrtten by LordSesshomaru, sung by Naruto to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
You know Neji, and Kiba, and Choji, and Ino
Haku, and Might Guy, and Gaara, and Shino
But do you recall...
The most useless ninja of all?
Sasuke, the pretend ninja
Is a giant posing fraud
And if you've never met him
You should be thankful to God
All of the female ninja
Think that he's so frickin' cute
But he's nothing compared to
The dog crap on my left boot
Then one day I'll say to him
As the girls hear me
"Sasuke, it's the girls you hate
Are you sure that you are straight?"
Then all the ladies leave him
And then they all come to me
Sasuke, the pretend ninja
You can always date Rock Lee
Ask Jaken...
...will not be seen today. With it being the Christmas season, I thought it'd be more appropriate to share an Inuyasha-related story about children asking (or begging) a mall Santa for what they want. Every year, I post this story. If you've already read it or don't want to, feel free to skip over it. For everyone else, I present to you my Christmas classic... like anything I do can be considered "classic"... "I Saw Mommy Kicking Santa Claus" starring Inuyasha and Shippo. ^_^
Inuyasha: FEH!
Shippo: Will you calm down? You only have to do this for four hours.
Inuyasha: And then I have to do it again tomorrow! Damn it!
Shippo: Do you want to help Kagome or not?
Inuyasha: ARGH! FINE!
Shippo (looks to you): Oh! Hey there! It's me, Shippo! But you knew that already, huh? I guess you want to know what's going on with Inuyasha and me. Well, a holiday called "Christmas" is coming up pretty soon. I don't know that much about it. All I know is that people buy or make gifts and exchange them with people that they care for.
Inuyasha: Who the hell are you talking to?
Shippo: Be quiet! Anyway, Kagome wants to buy presents for her friends and family. With all of her loved ones here and in the feudal era, it costs a lot of money to get gifts for everyone. Enter Inuyasha. He offered to get another job to help Kagome earn money for presents. The job he got is...he's something called a "mall Santa."
The setting is a shopping mall in a commercial district of a bustling modern-day Japanese city. Shippo is dressed like an elf. His ears are already pointy, so that helps a bit. His hat is green with a red fuzz ball at the end. He also sports a green vest over a red turtleneck sweater. Shippo’s shoes are curled at the toes and red all over.
Inuyasha is Santa Claus. He wears the traditional costume, complete with a fake white beard and extra padding in the abdomen area to give him a more "festively plump" appearance. White mittens cover his hands to hide his razor-sharp claws. Inuyasha is slumped down in a throne-like chair, with a giant candy cane on each side, in the center court of the mall. A long line of parents and children wait their turn to talk with this not-so-jolly Saint Nick.
Inuyasha: So all I have to do is sit here, listen to kids beg for stuff, take a picture, and move on to the next one?
Shippo: You might have to hug them too.
Inuyasha: Like hell I will.
Shippo: Inuyasha, you---ooh! Let's just get this started?
The first kid is a young girl brought up to see "Yasha Claus" by her mother. The girl is about six years old with short hair and a pink coat. Fresh, liquid mucus drips from her nose. She sits in Inuyasha's lap.
Inuyasha: What do you want, kid?
Shippo: No! You're supposed to say: "Ho ho ho! What would you like for Christmas, little girl?" That's what Kagome told me.
Inuyasha: Then YOU be Satan Claus.
Shippo: SANTA Claus! And I'm too small for kids to sit in my lap. Just do it.
Inuyasha: Ugh. Ho. Ho. Ho. What do you want, little girl?
Misaki (sniffling): I want a Hello Kitty plushie!
Inuyasha: That's what you want? You should want a tissue; there's snot dripping all over you.
Misaki: Hee hee! Santa, you're so fun--ah...ahh...ACHOO!!!
Inuyasha's beard is covered in mucus. The little girl wipes her face with her hand. She then rubs her hand on Inuyasha’s pant leg. She leaps off his lap and runs back to her mother.
Inuyasha: Why you little...IRON REAVER, SOU---
Shippo: NO!! Killing is illegal, in case you forgot! And it will also get you FIRED!
Shippo gives Inuyasha some paper towels to clean off. The next child, a pudgy boy eating chocolate, slowly walks towards Inuyasha.
Inuyasha: Let me guess. You want a treadmill, ha ha ha!
The large boy sits in Inuyasha's lap. He says nothing and eats his candy.
Inuyasha: If I wasn't a half-demon, the bones in my lap would be broken. Damn!
Shippo: Shhhh! Remember what I told you to say?
Inuyasha: Oh yeah. Ho ho ho! What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Shippo: That's a BOY!
Inuyasha: BAH! You told me to say that!
Shippo: ARGH! You're impossible!
The large boy munches on his candy, staring Inuyasha in the eyes. Melted chocolate drops onto Inuyasha's beard. Inuyasha looks at it and then looks at the boy.
Inuyasha: I hope you’re not planning on eating me once you're finished with that.
An angry woman storms up to Inuyasha. He is the boy's mother.
Daiki's Mom: How dare you! If you must know, Daiki has a glandular problem that makes him look that way!
Inuyasha: Oh really? Is that glandular problem named "Hershey" or "Reese" by any chance?
Irate and infuriated, Daiki's mom kicks Inuyasha in the shin as hard as she can.
Inuyasha: AAAAAHH!
The woman grabs Daiki by the hand and takes him away. Shippo shakes his head.
Shippo: Inuyasha, if you talk out of your mouth instead of your butt, things like this wouldn’t happen.
Inuyasha: Shut up before I deck your halls! Bring up the next kid!
The next child is another boy. But he isn't a child at all. He's at least fifteen years old. Inuyasha is confused.
Inuyasha: I said "kid", not "giant loser."
Takumi: This sucks. My goofy grandma thinks I'm in first grade. She's making me do this.
Grandma: Sit on his lap, sweetie!
Inuyasha: No, no, no. He's not sitting on my lap. He's way too old.
Takumi: For real. This guy's about my age, Grandma!
Grandma: Please? Do it for me? I don't have many years left on this earth; it would make me die a happy woman.
Inuyasha: You want to die right now, lady? He's NOT sitting on my lap!
The short old lady clutches her umbrella tightly. She stomps over to Inuyasha.
Grandma: Now see here, sonny. I'm paying good money for a picture of my grandson sitting in Santa's lap. I'm going to get that picture too. If not, I'll be forced to get physical with you.
Inuyasha: EWWW!
Grandma: NO! I meant violent! What kind of perverted Santa Claus are you?
Inuyasha: Move out of my way. I've filled my "Ugly Faces Quota" for the evening.
The old lady repeatedly whacks Inuyasha over the head with the umbrella. Five minutes later, a photo is taken of Takumi sitting in Inuyasha's lap. Takumi and his grandmother leave.
Shippo: Right now, I should tell you to stop opening your mouth. But watching you get kicked and hit like this is too entertaining.
Inuyasha: I'm going to stuff you in a stocking and set it on fire if you don't shut up! NEXT!
The next child has no family with her. She looks to be about eight years old with long hair covering her left eye. Her skin is pale, a ghastly white color that doesn't seem human. Her complexion contrasts with her all-black attire. The ghoulish child sits on Inuyasha's lap, sending a cold chill up his spine.
Inuyasha: Uh...um...what's your name, little girl?
Nanami: You're Santa, aren't you? Shouldn't you know my name?
Inuyasha: Is your name Wednesday Addams?
Shippo (thinking): He doesn't know when to stop, does he?
Nanami: You're not the real Santa, are you?
Inuyasha: I hate to break it to you, but there is no Santa. This is all a big scam to make kids look stupid.
Nanami: I see. It's a scam. Who benefits from this scam?
Inuyasha: Scam...people.
Nanami: And who are they?
Inuyasha: The people who make scams! Like the people who run the lottery and that crap.
Nanami: Do these "scam people" have names? Or do you not know those either?
Inuyasha: Just tell me what you want for Christmas, damn it!
Nanami: Why should I tell you? There is no Santa, right?
Inuyasha: Get off my lap, you little waif from Hell!
Nanami gets off Inuyasha's lap and walks away. Shippo giggles.
Shippo: Of all the kids so far, she must have annoyed you the most.
Inuyasha: No, I can think of one who's even more annoying. He has a fox tail and a bow in his hair. Sound familiar?
Shippo: Very funny. I'll bring the next kid----OH NO!
Shippo quickly hides his face.
Inuyasha: What?! What is it?
The next child is a girl. She wears a yellowish-orange and white checker patterned winter coat. Her hair is a little long and there is a wide smile on her face. Inuyasha's jaw drops when he sees her.
Rin: Hey Santa!
Inuyasha: Rin?
Rin: Wow! You know my name!
Inuyasha (thinking): If she's here, that means...
Inuyasha sees Sesshomaru and Jaken standing in line, waiting for Rin's turn to end so they can both leave.
Inuyasha (thinking): CRAP! He'd recognize my scent if Kagome didn't douse me in that cheap cologne before I left the house. It's also nullifying my sense of smell, or else I would have smelled him coming. Damn it! Every time I get a job, he shows up!
Inuyasha has flashbacks to the time where he worked at McDonald's. Sesshomaru, Jaken and Rin entered. Sesshomaru taunted Inuyasha as he worked. One thing led to another and the entire building was burned to the ground.
Inuyasha: So, Rin. What do you want for Christmas?
Rin: I don't want toys or anything like that. I want something for Lord Sesshomaru.
Inuyasha: Oh? And what is that? A kick in his face? Santa can arrange that for you.
Rin (giggling): You're so silly!
Inuyasha: Heh heh, yeah...
Rin: Lord Sesshomaru rarely smiles and never seems to be happy. I just want him to be happy, Santa. That's all that I want. Can you do that for me?
Inuyasha: I...uh...yeah. Santa will grant that wish for you.
Rin: Yay! Thank you, Santa!
Rin hugs Inuyasha tightly. Shippo smiles, happy that Inuyasha finally did the job right (or as good as it could get). Unfortunately, the melted chocolate from Daiki didn't dry completely. It causes the beard to stick to Rin's hand. When Rin gets off of Inuyasha’s lap, she pulls his beard off.
Inuyasha: Hey!
Rin: Oops! I'm sorry...Inuyasha?!
The beard is stuck to Rin's hand, leaving Inuyasha's face exposed.
Shippo: Uh oh.
Jaken: M'Lord! Look! HAHAHAHAHA! It's your brother! Look at the outfit!
Sesshomaru: What a disgrace.
Inuyasha: Cram it, Jaken! You too, Se-blow-maru!
Jaken: Look at the chubby tummy! Hey Inuyasha! Are you having twins? Triplets? HAHAHA!
Sesshomaru snickers a little.
Inuyasha: Damn you, Jaken!
Jaken: Nice beard! That's the only way a wuss like you would ever have facial hair!
Inuyasha: SHUT UP!
Jaken: Or what? You'll put a lump of coal in my stocking? HAHAHA!
Inuyasha grabs a large candy cane from the side of his seat and chases Jaken with it. He swipes wildly as the little imp runs into a crowd of shoppers. Inuyasha takes down several people while trying to catch his prey. As a result, he is taken down by security guards.
Inuyasha: You can't arrest me! I'm Santa Claus!
He struggles to break free. One guard uses his pepper spray on Inuyasha, causing him to shout out string upon string of profanity. Parents shield their children's ears from the vulgarity. Sesshomaru is laughing hysterically, pleased with the sight of his brother being punished. Rin sees this, smiles, and waves to Inuyasha.
Rin: My wish came true! Thank you, Inuyasha! Merry Christmas!
Inuyasha is dragged away by the guards. Sesshomaru takes Rin by the hand and Jaken follows after them. Shippo sighs, rolling his eyes.
Shippo (looks to you): Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
THE END
Pic of the Day (v2.0)
CHRISTMAS REWIND
Anime: Inuyasha
LS vs. Fluorescent Felines Really Bad Joke of the Day
What do you call a rodent's apartment? A mouse pad.
*dodges tomatoes thrown at me* Hey! I even admitted that the joke was bad! O_o
Comment Response (12/14/07)
Thanks to everyone who read "Animation Elimination" over the weekend! I received a few comments from readers about how it put them in a good mood, made them laugh, etc. Thank you! That's my main purpose for the stories that I write (and this entire site, for the most part). There will be a new episode this Thursday or Friday, depending on how things go. I don't plan on being here next week, which is why the date for the story hasn't been set in stone yet. But a new episode will be up sometime this week.
I never reveal who gets the highest votes because I think that'd sway the voting in one way or the other, but I may do so after the season is finished.
Ah, a manga strip based on my fanfic? That'd be cool if anyone ever did that. ^^
Crisco is basically fat-in-a-can that can be used for cooking. I'm sure that it really isn't fat, but I'm not in the mood to be accurate at the moment. *yawn*
My ninja power would be that'd I'd control pigeons like how Shino controls bugs, minus the whole "riding inside my body" thing. No one could withstand the horror of my "Bird Dropping Jutsu".
Post for the Lazy
It snowed. I talk about stupid drivers who wind up in ditches on the road. Koreans have invented glow-in-the-dark cats.
The Snowman Cometh
To be completely honest, I was not going to post anything tonight because I've been in a sloth-like mood all day. There's something about Sundays that drains the energy out of me, despite not doing anything that would require tremendous effort. But since this is my final week on myOtaku in 2007, I'm doing all five days. I can be lazy all I want next week.
It snowed here recently. We got about six inches of that overrated frosty crap. Yes, I hate snow. Although my mannerisms and maturity level show something otherwise, I am actually an adult who does not receive snow days. Most of the youth under the age of 18 benefit from the snow because it gets them out of school. Not me. I have to drive through it and not only keep myself from slipping, I also have to watch out for the idiots who drive well above the speed limit. You've seen them before. They're the ones on the news with their minivan turned upside down in a ditch, shocked-- SHOCKED --that going 60 mph with ice on the road would cause something like that to occur.
"Duhhh... wow, I didn't expect the roads to be such a problem... my van turned over and I spilled my Big Gulp... all I can to everyone is to be careful..."
Thanks for the advice, Speed Racer. Good luck explaining this to the British lizard who controls your automobile insurance. I'd kill to own a tow truck right now. The small fortune I'd make would be enough to buy... to buy... something really expensive. I didn't think of anything yet. Luckily, the streets are clear now and we don't have any more snow coming in. That'll make my Monday morning commute a bit easier.
Korean scientists clone cats that glow
SEOUL - South Korean scientists have cloned cats that glow red when exposed to ultraviolet rays, an achievement that could help develop cures for human genetic diseases, the Science and Technology Ministry said. Three Turkish Angora cats were born in January and February through cloning with a gene that produces a red fluorescent protein that makes them glow in dark. One died at birth, but the two others survived, the ministry said. The ministry claimed it was the first time cats with modified genes have been cloned. Scientists from Gyeongsang National University and Sunchon National University took skin cells from a cat and inserted the fluorescent gene into them before transplanting the genetically modified cells into eggs. The development means other genes can also be inserted in the course of cloning, paving the way for producing lab cats with genetic diseases, including those of humans, to help develop new treatments, the ministry said.
If Rudolph ever gets sick, Santa can buy eight of these cats and strap them to the other reindeer's heads.
Pic of the Day (v2.0)
CHRISTMAS REWIND
Anime: Pokemon
LS vs. The Whopper Opening Thought
You can tell if your date had too much plastic surgery if she has "Made in China" stamped on the bottom of her foot.
Comment Response (12/13/07)
Thanks to the people who missed my 12/12 post but still left a nice message for my brother's birthday! I still didn't get to talk with him. Maybe I can tonight or sometime this weekend.
I took French in middle school and high school for a total of 4 years. Oddly enough, I can't speak a lick of French today to save my life. I discarded all of that from my mind since I didn't really need it after graduating. Because I said that, one day I'll be stranded in France without anyone being able to help me. That'll be karma's way of striking back at me for making so many "French surrender" jokes over my lifetime.
A fanfic based on my "Animation Elimination" fanfic? Umm... I've never heard of such a thing before. Nobody try it! I don't want you writing the story better than I can! (which wouldn't be that hard)
Post for the Lazy
A new episode of "Animation Elimination" is posted. I discuss an old man and his ice-creating shenanigans. The Burger King stops by my site in a video. I ask a question about what ninja powers you'd want to have.
After a week's worth of waiting, I bestow onto you a new episode of "Animation Elimination". We're officially at the halfway point after this episode, with the season slated to end in February. This week, the contestants are placed in a competition that involves snow, flags, banana creme pies, dirty romance novels and Japanese alcohol. I should note there is some mild sexual humor; it's nothing above a PG-13 level. It doesn't seem too bad to me, but I thought a warning would be fair because some people find that sort of thing to be more offensive than extreme graphic violence (why...? I honestly don't know). As always, I truly hope that you have as much fun reading it as I did typing it. If you'd like to read episodes from this season and the last, you can find the archives at this link. And now, let the show begin!
Because the ratings for last week's outdoors-only episode pleased Seto Kaiba (Animation Elimination's owner, operator, CEO, boss, chairman, and greedy money-grubbing overlord), this week's episode is outside as well. This time, the outside area has been expanded to the size of a football field. It is covered with snow to give the set a wintry feel, complete with imitation pine trees placed in various locations across the platform. The snow was artificially created through the miracle of modern science, science so complex that it will not be explained here because this is a fanfic, not a textbook.
The fans are all dressed in winter coats and hats, due to the cold climate surrounding them. Kaiba's imaginative engineers (who were NOT kidnapped from Walt Disney World's research department, or at least that's the story being given to the press) have placed machines all around to keep the stage at a frosty 20 degrees Fahrenheit. When converted to Celsius, it's... it's some number that the American author of this story doesn't feel like calculating.
Goku, the announcer for the series, is seated in his heated booth. One must question his intelligence since he has the heater cranked up to 85 degrees, yet he is constantly drinking cold liquids to keep himself cool. All he has to do is turn down the heater... anyway, he is ready to start the show.
Goku: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! The Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey--
Stagehand: STOP THAT! START THE SHOW!
Goku: I'd be mad too if I made nothing above minimum wage for 17 years, but that doesn't give you the right to scream at me. And now... here are your hosts, Batman and Robin!
Mugen and Éclair walk onto the set in snow boots and winter attire.
Mugen: Heh heh, I like that part in "Batman Forever" where Alfred the butler is calling out for Dick Grayson. He was like "Master Dick!" The dirty jokes write themselves.
Éclair: A mind is a terrible thing to waste. It's a good thing that you don't have one. Let's bring out the contestants for this week's elimination!
Kakashi is in the lead, carrying the championship belt over his shoulder. It should be noted that he has spray-painted the Leaf Village symbol on the front. Behind him are Sango, Hiei, Pikachu, Rangiku, Roy, L and Chiyo.
Mugen: Okay... the person going home this week is... Chiyo.
L: It's about time. Go get your picture taken for a Life cereal box or something, kid.
Chiyo: *sniffles* But... I'm just a little girl... how can you do this to me?!
Éclair: You received the fewest amount of votes. That's how it goes.
Chiyo: WAAAA~~~!!!!
Roy: Good lord, shut her up. I haven't heard a kid cry this bad since Fullmetal told a 1st grade class that Santa Claus doesn't exist.
Chiyo: What...? There's no Santa?! WAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~!!!!
Goku: No Santa? WAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~!!!!
Éclair: Don't cry! Santa is coming here tonight! Kaiba-san said so!
Chiyo: Really? Yay! I'll wait backstage until he gets here!
Goku: WOOHOO!
Chiyo skips away happily. She may have been eliminated from the contest, but at least she'll get to see Santa.
Hiei: Hmph. Santa isn't really coming. Why get the child's hopes up?
Sango: The way you said that he "isn't really coming" implies that you believe in him.
Kakashi: Of course he does. Look at his height (or lack thereof). It's obvious he used to work for him at the North Pole as an elf.
Hiei: Take that black pantyhose off your face and say that clearly, fool. What are you hiding behind that thing anyway?
Éclair: All right, this week's event is a snowball war!
Hiei: No, no, no. Don't change the subject. What's he hiding behind that mask?
Kakashi: I'm sorry. Only the ladies that I'm intimate with can see my face. *winks*
Hiei: So no one's ever seen your face then.
Mugen: Ooooh.... SNAP! HAHAHAHAHA!!
Kakashi: You're off my Christmas list, Hiei.
Éclair: We'll divide you into teams of three. Team A's job is to capture the flag on the opposite end of the stage and bring it back while avoiding enemy fire in the form of snowballs. If you are hit with snow, you're out. If all members of the team are eliminated, Team B wins. The remaining players on the winning side will then face off in a "snowdown" to determine a sole survivor to crown as this week's champion.
L: Question. There are seven of us here. One team will have four.
Éclair: Right. Because Pikachu is so small and because Rangiku is so drunk, combined they are equal to one person.
Pikachu, Rangiku: ...
Mugen: Team A is Kakashi, L and Sango. Team B is Hiei, Roy, Rangiku and Pikachu. Now everyone take your places... GO!
The teams go onto opposite sides of the snowfield. Team A gets into a huddle to form a strategy.
Sango: L's a genius, so we'll win with him on our side!
L: I do appreciate the kind words. I assure you, justice will prevail.
Sango: Huh?
L: Sorry. I'm used to saying that. All the countless nights chasing after Kira, you know. We must analyze our opponents and determine what moves they'll make. Matsumoto is the hardest to predict because she is intoxicated, meaning her movements will be at random. There is no need to worry. A drunk's aim is just as good as a person without eyes.
Sango: *taking notes*
L: Mustang is a womanizing buffoon. Even so, he is dangerous. Avoid him if you can. As for Pikachu, his tiny paws won't allow him to throw snowballs very far. Locate Pikachu and get past him to get access to the flag in the easiest way possible.
Sango: You're pretty smart.
L: Thanks. It beats being ugly smart. *comedy club rimshot*
Kakashi: *groan* What about Hiei?
L: Hiei is the fastest. To defeat him, we need to ground his legs. If he can't run, he's useless. Kakashi, I'll leave that to you. Sango, you go after Pikachu to get the flag. Nail him with as much snow as you can to keep him off balance. Your hiraikotsu practice leads me to believe that you have good aim.
Sango: Right! And what will you be doing?
L: I'll watch you both as I eat this banana crème pie.
Kakashi: My ass!
L: No thank you. It doesn't look as appetizing as this pie does.
Kakashi swats the pie out of L's palm and runs off to tackle his assignment. After fastening her giant hiraikotsu boomerang to her back, Sango goes after him with some snowballs in her hands. L pulls out a spare pie and eats it, although it is a blueberry pie. He really had his heart set on that banana crème.
Meanwhile, Team B forms an elaborate strategy of its own.
Hiei: KILL THEM!
All right, the game begins. Hiei guards the flag as Pikachu, Rangiku and Roy take to the field. They hide themselves behind the pine trees that were set up earlier.
Kakashi: I can see the flag clearly from here... it figures that Hiei would be guarding it. Hmm?
The ninja looks to the ground and finds a copy of a novel titled "Her First Time", a dirty story written by the king of sleaze himself, Jiraiya the Toad Sage. Kakashi picks it up and begins reading it, unaware that it was left there by Hiei as a trap.
Kakashi: I didn't read this one yet! The library always has it checked out! What luck!
Roy silently inches closer to Kakashi. He has snow in his hand, ready to go. Kakashi reads some of the book out loud.
Kakashi (reading): " '...but Hiro, what if my parents come home?' Reiko asked as her anxious boyfriend ran his hand up her smooth leg and thigh. 'Don't worry about it, baby,' comforted Hiro with a hint of lust in his voice. He began to gently nibble on her ear, but gagged when he went too far and accidentally bit down on her earring. Trying to play off his folly, Hiro laid Reiko back onto the bed and began to..."
Roy: Whoa... let me see that thing.
Kakashi and Roy sit down and read the book together. Even on the battlefield, male perversion's ability to bring men together remains undefeated. Sango is on the other side of the field, easily dodging snowballs thrown from Rangiku.
Rangiku: Hey! Stand still!
Sango: Then you'd hit me.
Rangiku: I KNOW! That's the point! Stand still!
Rangiku eventually gives up and busts out a bottle of sake. She makes a toast to herself before she begins gulping it down. Sango continues to advance until she runs into Pikachu.
Pikachu: PI PIKACHU! PIKA!
Sango: Did anyone ever tell you that you sound like an Ewok?
Pikachu tosses snowballs in Sango's direction. As L predicted, they only go about 12 inches from their launch point. Sango has no trouble in getting around the small creature.
Pikachu: PIKA! PIKACHU CHU PIKA PI! ^_^ (translation: Hey! Maybe I won't get hurt this week!)
Rangiku finishes the sake and tosses the bottle at a pine tree. A heavy mound of snow collapses and buries Pikachu underneath it. The fake, hollow tree then tips over and crushes him.
Pikachu: CHU!!!!!!!! (translation: @#$%!!!!!!!!)
Now it's down to Sango and Hiei. Sango hides behind a tree as Hiei walks back and forth to protect the flag.
Sango (thinking): Damn! I thought that Kakashi was supposed to take him out! Where could he be?
Kakashi (reading): "...Hiro lit the cigarette that rested between his lips as Reiko rested her nude body on his. She reached to grab her blanket to cover them both. While doing so, she accidentally kneed Hiro's groin, forcing the cigarette from his mouth and into the trash can next to the bed. The bottle of cheap liquor that he had dumped out earlier immediately caught on fire and set off the home's sprinkler system..."
Roy: This book reminds me of my prom night, except my gloves caused the fire...
Sango builds up some courage and is ready to face Hiei when Santa Claus walks onto the set, complete with a bag of goodies for everyone.
Santa: HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Chiyo and Goku: YAY! ^_^
Everyone: *blinks*
Éclair: That loud voice... it sounds familiar.
Sango: SANGO, HAVE SOME OXI-CLEAN.
Sango is handed a tub of Oxi-Clean. She looks at it in confusion.
Santa: ROY MUSTANG, I'VE BROUGHT A DING KING FOR YOU. KAKASHI, HERE'S SOME MIGHTY PUTTY. RANGIKU, I--
Éclair: HEY! You're not Santa! You're Billy Mays!
Mugen: Impossible! Vash the Stampede killed you last season!
Mays: *removes the Santa beard* I CAN NEVER DIE. I HAVE SOME HERCULES HOOKS FOR YOU, MUGEN.
Mugen: My ears! Make him stop! O_o
Sango: Jeez, you're so annoying! HIRAIKOTSU!
Sango throws her large boomerang and it slices Billy Mays's head off. Mays picks it back up and reattaches it to his neck.
Kakashi: He's immortal!
Roy: It must be the Oxi-Clean flowing through his veins! Run for your lives!
Goku: Hey... I don't think that this guy is Santa.
Everyone: NO DUH!
Goku: In that case, this imposter is blaspheming Santa's good name! KA... ME... HA... ME... HA!!!!
Goku unleashes the devastating energy wave known as the Kamehameha to blast Mays away from the contest area and over the horizon. He continues going until he can no longer be seen.
Mugen: Well, when this episode started, I can honestly say that I didn't see that coming.
Éclair: Me neither. Holy crap. Um... we're out of time. Let's see... what to do, what to do. Ah! Sango wins because she cut off that weirdo's head.
Sango shrugs and takes the belt.
Éclair: That's it for this week! Vote for your three favorites!
CONTESTANTS
Champion: Sango - NO VOTE this week
#01: Hiei
#02: Pikachu
#03: Kakashi Hatake
#04: Rangiku Matsumoto
#05: Roy Mustang
#06: L
Cast your votes in the comments area, by PM or by e-mail! Choose no more than three people! Thanks!
Ice
On the way home from work, I saw this old man toss a bucket of water right into the road. Well, not the bucket itself... just the water inside. With the temperatures being just under the freezing mark, I assume that he was trying to make an ice patch in the road. Maybe he set up a video camera in his living room window so he could record any accidents caused by his little trap. And then after getting caught, he'd give the police that "I'm old and confused!" line that the elderly use whenever they drive through a kosher delicatessen's front window.
Panic at the Crisco!
To go with my "Pirate King" picture yesterday, here's a video about Burger King and their recent "Whopper Freakout" commercial. If you don't know what it is, they told customers that they won't be selling the Whopper anymore (not true) to capture their reactions on film. I wouldn't be posting this if it wasn't at least slightly humorous, which it is because these people take their burgers a little too seriously (an obvious observation that their waistlines would show even if they didn't say anything at all). There's also another prank that comes into play a bit past the halfway point, complete with everyone's favorite serial-killer monarch making a special appearance at the end. The total time is over 7 minutes, so read the story above or something else while it's loading.
Question
And to wrap things up for the week, I'd like to pose a question to Naruto fans. If you were a ninja with a specialty jutsu, what would it be? For example Shikamaru controls shadows, Kiba uses his dog, Choji expands his size, etc. Be original with your answers. I don't want any "I'd control fire!" comments. :P
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #345
Anime: Fullmetal Alchemist This pic was inspired by the asinine "baseball steroids" coverage all over the news on Thursday. Have a good weekend!
LS vs. Univision Opening Thought
PETA has recently attacked the Olsen Twins for wearing fur. For once, I'm on PETA's side, but not for the fur thing. I just can't stand those twins. They're so skinny that when they wear fur, they look like those pipe-cleaner things from a kindergarten art class.
Comment Response (12/12/07)
Thank you to everyone who left a nice "Happy Birthday" message for my brother! I appreciate it and I'm sure he will too once I tell him. I'm not sure when he'll call me again or get back online.
The link yesterday was to a news article about an upcoming X-Men manga (not a comic) that is described as "X-Men meets Fruits Basket or Ouran High School Host Club". I have nothing against those latter two series mentioned, but having X-Men in that format... it just seems... blargh. Stan Lee is rolling in his grave, or he would be if he were dead. He's probably rolling in his millions of dollars as an adequate substitute.
Shotguns aren't humane? My mistake.
Post for the Lazy
The shelves have been assembled. I discuss my desire to learn Spanish for ridiculous reasons. An anime classic is featured in today's opening theme video.
Language Barrier
I finally set up those shelves that I purchased on Black Friday. It didn't take too long either. The instructions were pretty straightforward. I'd imagine that'd still be the case for me if I were Spanish or French as the pamphlet was trilingual. Someday, I'd like to learn Spanish so I can understand that Univision network that runs on my cable service. The soccer matches are fun to watch because the announcers get flippin' insane whenever a goal is scored. All I can understand is "GOL----------!!!!!" Asides from that, they could be saying "any American watching this is a pale-faced butthole" for all I know. Bah, it doesn't matter. The women on that network are usually smokin' hot. They can call me anything with looks like those.
Me? Shallow? Like a kiddie pool.
If you've ever assembled anything with small parts, you're probably familiar with the little plastic bag o' goodies that comes in the package with all the little screws and nails inside. I had trouble opening mine and it exploded like a volcano of shrapnel. I'm not certain... but I believe that I heard the sound of a spider screaming as a flying nail impaled him in the corner. There are probably some nails still hiding in my carpet. I vaccuumed after setting up the shelves for my safety. Even so, I will wear my shoes indoors for a while, just in case. Watch. Six months from now, I'll step on a nail and get gangrene.
Theme Thursday
Every week at this time, I post the opening video to an anime of my choosing because this is my site and I can do whatever I want (within the guidelines set by myOtaku.com, naturally). I'm continuing with the "posting the video for the anime from which the most recent 'Animation Elimination' eliminatee hails from" thing... I'm not sure if "eliminatee" is a word... it sounds like a cross between an elephant and a manatee (scientific name: Rosius Odonnellius). Cowboy Bebop's Faye Valentine was booted off last week, so the opening for Cowboy Bebop is down below. If you've seen Adult Swim at all, chances are that you've seen this series. It's the first action anime that ever ran in the late-night block's lineup and reruns of the SAME 26 EPISODES ran for years due to its popularity. I don't believe it's on the block now, but it's bound to return as it always does. It doesn't matter to me though. I already own the whole thing on DVD and can watch it whenever I feel like doing so. Go Ein!
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #344
Anime: One Piece He does say that he'll be king of the pirates one day. Menu items will include Gum-Gum Whoppers and Straw Hat Strawberry Shakes. New "Animation Elimination" tomorrow.
I'm glad that everyone found the security guard's words to be as funny as I did. Every mall or school in the country needs a wiseass guard like him to keep punk kids (and their sagging pants) in line, says I.
"Quoth" is an actual word. It isn't used commonly in modern speech. My usage of the word "quoth" is a tribute to the line "Quoth the raven" from Edgar Allan Poe's classic poem, "The Raven".
Ah yes, that is Kevin Mask in my background. So that makes... *counts* 3 people total on all of myOtaku that know who he is, LOL.
Jaken's mother is scary? Really? She looks like the "old" woman from Mama's Family, but that's just me. *shrugs*
Post for the Lazy
My brother was born on this day 22 years ago. My furry arch-enemies return to attack Christmas. A comedian shoots at virtual zombies in this week's Japanese video.
Birthday for Brother
Today is my younger brother's birthday. He's 22 now. For those who do not know, my brother Jeff is part of the United States Marine Corps currently stationed overseas in Iraq. He says that he'll be over there until either June or July, although that is subject to change. Jeff won't be home for either his birthday or for Christmas this year. It's a shame, but that's one of the many sacrifices that members of our armed forces have to make. I had an online chat with him last night (it's difficult to get one with him, due to the differences in time) and he seemed to be doing okay. Like pretty much everyone on this site, he's an anime nut himself. Jeff informed me of what he's been watching lately on his computer (Samurai Champloo, Tokyo Underground, Gungrave, etc) whenever he gets free time. Heh, he actually sees more anime than I do, now that I think about it. O_o
Happy birthday, my brother. May you stay safe and return to our family sooner rather than later. *raises glass*
Squirrels Blamed For Lighting Woes
MILWAUKEE -- Squirrels are being blamed for lighting problems in Milwaukee's Red Arrow Park. The city said they thought they would save money by using energy-efficient LED lights on its Christmas tree. But instead, they have to keep replacing the lights, making things more costly. Employees of the Department of Public Works said that squirrels are chewing the strings of the lights, causing them to short out. "It definitely caught us by surprise," said Cecilia Gilbert. "We had no idea that this would be a problem." Workers said that squirrels have been a problem since they made the switch to LED lights. The older lights had a stronger electrical current, which deterred chewing. "When they bit into them, they got a little bit of a shock, and they left them alone," said Gilbert. The city has tried several things to stop the squirrels, but said they have had no luck. "The deer repellent didn't work on squirrels," said worker Dave McKeithan. "But I don't think they make squirrel repellent. They're too smart." The city said they are trying to find humane ways to scare off the squirrels.
*loads shotgun* Oh yes, they DO make squirrel repellent. And it's called Vitamin LS. Someone get me a ticket to Milwaukee and I'll teach those buggers to invade Christmas and Grinch it up good.
Japanese TV
This week's video from Japan is about a comedian playing a videogame unlike any other. It features zombies doing odd things that you wouldn't expect in a game. It made me laugh, hence the posting of it down below. Running time is 5:27 of crazy 3D-rendered zombie-shooting action.
LS vs. The Sagging Pants Brigade Opening Thought
I don't have a thought today. How thoughtless of me.
Comment Response (12/10/07)
I had a few new faces drop by yesterday. Welcome to my site! I'll be sure to visit yours after I get done with today's rambling down below.
Thanks to those who were happy to see that I wasn't harmed in a potential accident. That guy would have been in the wrong for doing what he did and I would have won whatever legal proceedings that would have followed it. Bah.
Oh yes, my pet bird is named "Middlefinger". I have two of them, actually. They're twins.
Post for the Lazy
Loud kids plagued me at the mall. A tough old guard dealt with them. Jaken answers another question.
Hooligans
Because of the icy weather, some schools were closed on Monday. The weather wasn't so bad in my area. The roads were clear and wouldn't prevent anyone from traveling unless they were horrible drivers. Even so, some schools were closed. Co-workers Jared and Kim and myself went to eat lunch at a local mall's food court. Seated not too far from us were a group of teenage boys who were either playing hooky or enjoying an "ice day" off from school. They didn't have any food either. They sat at the table, making noise by slamming the table with their fists and shouting out inaudible phrases that could be mistaken for animal mating calls.
The temptation to throw my half-full Dr. Pepper at them was strong, but I resisted. The soda tasted good and I wasn't going to throw it. If it was a Diet Dr. Pepper, maybe. One of the rent-a-cops finally approached them after about 10 minutes. I think he was tired of their noises attracting all the horny dogs in the area. With his chiseled face and bushy moustache, this guy looked like one of those old-fashioned cops that'd club you just for jaywalking. He told them to settle down; they immediately shut up. A minute later, they started up again. Mr. Rent-A-Cop came back and they pretty much laughed in his face this time.
The security guard asked them to leave and they did. These boys had their pants sagging very low while they were leaving. Quoth the guard: "...and pull your damn pants up, nobody wants to see your buttcracks! This is the food court and people are trying to eat!" I nearly died laughing right there. They shouted something back, but I missed it because we were all laughing too much. The guard deserves a medal or at least a Cabela's giftcard.
Every Tuesday, my assistant Jaken will answer one question, any question, from you guys. Several people send questions to me, but I'll only use one at a time. If yours isn't used, please be patient. Chances are that I'll get around to having Jaken answer it sooner or later. And now, today's question...
If you'd like Jaken to (sort of) answer your questions, please send them to me via PM with the subject line "Ask Jaken". ^^
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #342
Anime: Death Note I didn't draw this picture, but after seeing Ryuk's hilarious apple-withdrawal on Saturday, I had to post it. I see another spider.
LS vs. The Highway Opening Thought
When I am King, fruitcake will be banned.
Comment Response (12/7/07)
Thanks to everyone who read Animation Elimination! I'm glad that the return of the electrified arm-wrestling was well-received. I have plans for bringing back at least 1-2 events from last season.
I'm not sure if I'll do a third season of the series. It depends on how things go between now and next summer.
Yes, One Piece was severely tainted by those charlatans over at 4Kids. FUNimation is currently dubbing it now and I'm pleased with their efforts thus far.
I also like Tite Kubo's artwork (Bleach). Like Oda, he has a style that stands out and can't be mistaken for someone else's (as someone so accurately pointed out in my comments, a lot of shojo manga have this problem). Now that I think about it, Kubo's artwork is my favorite of any currently-operating manga-ka. His storytelling needs a little work, but the art he puts out is spectacular.
Post for the Lazy
Snow assaulted my car on the road. A moron tried to get me into an accident. Construction workers never work when I'm around.
Vroom
To get to The Job, I must take The Highway. Driving on the highway is fun for me whenever it goes well. It makes me feel like I'm playing a driving videogame at the arcade, just without the sweaty geeks around me that want me to move so they can have a turn or the little children that beg me for tokens like dirty orphans straight out of a Dickens novel.
On Friday, I had to play a game of "dodge the flying snow chunks". On the day before, a small amount of snow had fallen in the St. Louis area. (We're currently dealing with ice storms now... luckily my power hasn't been KO'ed... yet) There were people who were too lazy to wipe the snow off the top of their vehicles (mainly SUV, minivan and truck drivers). Obviously, driving at a high speed means that anything not firmly secured will fly off. Chunks of snow were whizzing through the air, crashing into any cars behind them, including my own. What fun it was to have a giant piece of snow cover my windshield after bouncing off of my hood. Yes, that was sarcasm.
I needed to make a lane change at one point. This man in the car next to me saw that I needed to get over and he sped up to let me in. The moment I switched over to get behind him, the assgoblin slams his brakes as if he were trying to get me to ram into his bumper (there was nothing in front of him... he had NO REASON to slow down so quickly). I swerved and narrowly avoided a collision. Normally I do not give in to road rage, but because my exit was coming up and there was no way he could follow me at that point, I honked and showed him "Middlefinger", my pet bird.
After that, good ol' LS came into a construction area. Traffic was slowed down greatly because of this. I don't know about you, but every time I drive past construction workers on the road, they always look like they're doing nothing but tooling around instead of working. I know that they have to work sometime or else things don't get built... I don't understand how they never do so in my presence. It's like how Michigan J. Frog wouldn't sing for anyone else besides his owner, just reversed and wearing a hardhat instead of a top hat.
*sings* Hello my baby, hello my honey... I forgot the rest of the words... hello my baby, hello my honey... and then something about a new episode of The Parent 'Hood coming up later on The WB...
The LS Rewind
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #340
Anime: Naruto Well, he does have Abe's beard. Bratz are the devil.
LS vs. Airbags Opening Thought The Jerry Springer Show is the ultimate feel-good show. No matter how bad your life is, you can turn it on, look at the guests, and thank God that you're not those people.
Comment Response (12/5/07)
My minor cold appears to be defeated. Thanks to everyone who left a nice message about my health on Wednesday. ^_^
I've heard of Loveless, but I've never read or seen it. The... subject matter... doesn't interest me. With me being a straight male, I'm sure that you can figure out why.
As for the Inuyasha manga, I've only been following it since 2003. I saw the anime first when it debuted in the United States in August 2002.
Post for the Lazy
"Animation Elimination" continues. Another anime opening video is posted.
I wasn't here yesterday because I just didn't feel like being here. I sat in front of my computer and went "ehhh..." whenever I tried to come up with something to talk about. Thursdays are usually my slowest days anyway, as far as site traffic goes. I don't feel sick anymore besides a light tingling at the base of my throat. It's fading away bit by bit. There's a new "Animation Elimination" available to read today, as promised. You'll find it down below along with a video I would have used yesterday for "Theme Thursday". Besides that... there really isn't much else today (it's still a lot though). Let's go!
Dragon Ball Manga Quote Taken Out of Context Piccolo: "He must have plans for Son Goku again... queer ones, no doubt..."
(chapter 204)
Today's episode of "Animation Elimination" has a hefty dose of slapstick violence. I felt more aggressive than usual as I typed it, so the poor characters suffered because of that. People get smacked, smashed, zapped and set on fire, among other things. I had fun writing the beatdown this week and I hope that you'll enjoy it as well. Who's getting eliminated this week? Find out below. If you'd like to read previous episodes, you can read them in the archives.
Unlike in the weeks before, today's episode of Animation Elimination is being held outdoors as the sun sets over the Tokyo skyline. The usual crowd of spectators is gathered in an enclosed area just north of the main parking garage. Each man, woman and child is seated patiently on a set of bleachers that wrap around in a circle. Goku, the announcer, is positioned in an air-conditioned booth just outside of the circle. He gobbles up the last portion of a jelly donut and starts his job.
Goku: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to... this show... whatever it's called! Now I ask you to look above. Up in the sky... it's a bird... it's a plane... no, it's our hosts, Tenacious D!
A helicopter hovers overhead. Inside are Mugen and Éclair, both wearing parachute backpacks.
Mugen: Which one am I this week? I hope I'm not the bald guy. He looks like my dentist.
Éclair: The same dentist who gave you those "platinum teeth" made of aluminum foil and rubber cement?
Mugen: Yeah. I should have known something was up when I saw that his med school degree was written with a crayon.
Éclair: Just jump! They're waiting for us down there!
Mugen: Damn that Kaiba and his ratings stunts. You don't see HIM doing this crap!
Mugen nervously gulps and dives from the helicopter. He pulls the ripcord and his parachute pops out. It comes completely out of his backpack and leaves him stranded in midair without anything to soften his descent.
Mugen: It's a good thing that I'm a cartoon character or--
*SPLAT!*
Mugen: --else I'd be killed. Why...? Why couldn't I have been killed?! The pain! OW!!!
Éclair gently falls onto Mugen, her parachute giving off a pleasant flowery fragrance as she does. Paramedics tend to Mugen's injuries as Éclair gets ready to start the show.
Éclair: Let's welcome our contestants for--
Goku: Hey! I was watching the news just now... no school! It's a snow day tomorrow!
Éclair: There are three things wrong with your statement. Number one - tomorrow is SATURDAY. Therefore, there'd already be no school. Number two - we're outside and do you see any snow at all?! Number three - you're 28 years old. You haven't been to school since 1997. *looks at Goku* Or 2005. I believe you were held back a few times...
Goku: I don't care what you say! I'm going to build snowmen and make snow angels and pee in the snow and then run from the police officer when he tries to arrest me for lewd conduct!
Éclair: Let me see that news program.
Éclair enters Goku's booth to watch his small television.
Éclair: Goku, this is the "Frosty the Snowman" cartoon special. *goes back outside* My IQ lowered by 25 points just now. Time to move on. Let's welcome our contestants for this week's elimination!
Hiei drags the championship belt behind him as he leads the way for the eight contestants behind him. Sango, Pikachu, Kakashi, Rangiku, Faye, Roy, L and Chiyo all line up next to Hiei.
Hiei: This belt is more trouble than it is worth. Six professional wrestlers tried to jump me when they saw me with it. But their attacks were fake, so it didn't hurt.
Mugen: ...I wish the... ground... was fake... I think I broke... something...
Éclair: Oh hush. This week marks the first week where a female competitor is eliminated. The person who received the fewest votes is... Faye Valentine.
Faye: Oh thank God. I need to cash in on some bounties and this place was holding me back. Goodbye and good riddance.
Faye walks away.
Roy: Damn. And she was hot too... in that sleazy, highway rest-area hooker kind of way...
L: Let her go. I think I got an STD just by looking at her. What's the challenge this week?
Éclair: With only eight of you left, we're doing what we did at this time last year. It's the return of the arm wrestling challenge!
Sango: The one where people get zapped with electricity when they lose? Are you people nuts?
L: I agree. I didn't come here to get beat up.
Kakashi: An old comeback, but I can't resist. "Where do you usually go?"
L: To your mom's house. She beats me up every time that I tell her that her dress makes her look like walrus in drag.
Kakashi: My mother is dead. That would make you some sort of necrophiliac, wouldn't it?
L: That's a big word for someone with your limited amount of intelligence. I believe that I smell your brain burning.
Kakashi: No, that's just your B.O. We have this thing called "deodorant". Try it sometime.
Mugen: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Éclair: This is perfect! We'll pit L vs. Kakashi in round one of the arm-wrestling tournament!
A table is rolled into the center of the outdoor arena. Like last year, it is made entirely of metal with several car batteries hooked up beneath it. The batteries are linked to the table so that if a person's hand is dropped against it, they will immediately get zapped. Kakashi and L lock hands together.
Éclair: Ready... steady... GO!
Roy (sings): Oh please, TRUST ME----!
Éclair: I keep walking into the musical jokes, don't I?
Kakashi is surprisingly having a tough time against L. L doesn't break a sweat as Kakashi pushes as hard as he can. Sensing that the end is near and not wanting to get zapped, he uses a substitution jutsu (technique) to switch his place with a can of pork and beans. The can, being metal, clangs against the table and, in turn, zaps L through conduction. L is sent flying backward from the table before landing as a smoking heap of singed flesh across the platform.
Éclair: I suppose that'd make Kakashi the winner. I guess. I didn't know that L was so strong.
Kakashi: I never imagined that a diet of Twinkies and cupcakes could be so beneficial to one's physical health.
Éclair: The next match is Pikachu vs. Chiyo.
The two small characters position themselves at the table.
Chiyo: When my mommy signed the permission slip to let me be on this show, it said nothing about getting zapped or being assaulted by Oompa Loompas or beaten by giant men with breadsticks...
Pikachu: PIKA! PIKA PI CHU! CHU!!
Mugen: Heh heh, I have no idea what that bunny just said, but I love him. They should give him his own show or something.
Eclair: He already has a show. You know, Pokémon?
Mugen: Poke a what...!? Not me, sister. I've never touched another guy.
Éclair: ...never mind. BEGIN!
Chiyo cries and runs away from the table. Pikachu wins by default. Sango and Rangiku take their places for the next arm wrestling contest. Sango looks at Rangiku's massive chest and blinks repeatedly.
Sango: Wow... those are huge. I never noticed until now...
Rangiku: Yep! And they're 100% real!
Sango: Seriously?
Rangiku: Uh-huh. I saw when the doctor was putting them in. ^_^
Sango: ...
Éclair: BEGIN!
Sango and Rangiku appear to be even in strength. After a few moments, Sango gains a boost of strength. She uses it to shove Rangiku's hand against the table. The ditzy blonde is zapped just as L was. Similar to the detective, she too flies backwards. Rangiku lands on her breasts, which then bounce like powerful basketballs to propel her into the audience where she is caught by a male fan.
Man: Hey hey! It must be Christmas already!
Sango: I've smacked that dirty monk Miroku so many times that my strength has increased greatly. ^^;;
Roy and Hiei are the final competitors in the first round. Hiei gives an overconfident smirk to his adversary. They lock hands and start to struggle when Éclair gives the word. Hiei is a demon while Roy is just a human. The difference in strength is too great. Hiei slams Roy's hand into the table. The electricity sets off the material that makes Roy's special flame-creating gloves. As a result, Roy is once again set on fire. He runs around aimlessly until stagehands put him out with fire extinguishers.
Mugen: It's like watching the Human Torch from "Fantastic 4"... just without the crappy movies attached.
~~~~Amestris~~~~~
Edward and Alphonse Elric watch the show on TV from the Rockbell family living room. Winry Rockbell watches from the doorway.
Edward: HAHAHAHA! Look at him burn!
Winry: I'm not the colonel's biggest fan myself, but Ed... you shouldn't be laughing.
Edward: Ooh! I'm sowwy "mommy". I pwomise to be good fwom now on! Pfft!
Winry shakes her head and goes to the kitchen to get a snack. She mumbles something about Edward being "grossly immature."
Edward: That's right! You'd better walk away! I'm the king of my castle, woman!
Alphonse: But brother, this is her house...
Edward: Shut up and toss me another can of Hawaiian Punch.
~~~~~~~
Éclair: Next match is Kakashi vs. Pikachu. BEGIN!
Kakashi's hand is multiple times the size of Pikachu's paw. He grips it tightly. Pikachu cries out in agony. For defense, he starts up his Thundershock ability. The surge of power runs through Kakashi's body.
Kakashi: ARGH! So... you want to zap me, eh? LIGHTNING BLADE!
The shinobi powers up his own electricity-based attack, the deadly Lightning Blade. It forms from his hand and counters Pikachu's power, eventually surpassing it. Kakashi slams Pikachu into the table. His electricity added to that of the table causes Pikachu to fly into the sky like a miniature electrified rocket. Pikachu goes higher and higher until he cannot be seen anymore.
Pikachu: PIKA PI PIKACHU PIKA! O_o
(translation: Now I know how Team Rocket feels! O_o)
Kakashi: Oops.
~~~~Amestris~~~~~
Winry: It's bad karma to take pleasure in the misfortune of others.
Edward: If it is wrong for me to laugh at my nemesis getting set ablaze, may lightning strike me down where I am!
Alphonse scoots away from Edward.
Edward: There's no need to worry, Al. Nothing is going to--
The supercharged Pikachu crashes through the ceiling like a stray bolt of lightning from the heavens. He collides with Edward, filling his body with thousands upon thousands of volts of electricity.
Edward: *twitches violently on the floor*
Winry: You're paying for the ceiling.
~~~~~~~
Sango and Hiei are next. The winner will face Kakashi in the finals. Éclair gives the signal and they begin to arm wrestle. Hiei overpowers Sango and is on the verge of defeating her. Sango's eyes widen when he sees Rangiku still in the audience, this time sitting on the lap of her fiancée, the perverted monk Miroku.
Miroku: So you see... if I do not find a woman to bear my child, my entire family line will cease to exist. How about you helping me out?
Rangiku: Huh? You're not Santa Claus? Then why am I on your lap?
Miroku: Don't ask me. Normally for me to get a woman like you on my lap, I'd need $20 at the "A Jug's Life" strip club down the street.
Sango is infuriated. Her anger allows to completely overwhelm Hiei and crush the table with the force she uses to defeat him. As Hiei lay defeated on a pile of broken car batteries, Sango storms the audience to attack Miroku. Rangiku tiptoes away while this happens.
Kakashi: If she doesn't come back, do I win by default?
Éclair: Sango crushed the table, so I don't think we'd be able to settle the thing anyway. She doesn't look like she's coming back either. You're the champion this week.
Kakashi: Rock on.
Mugen: That's it for this week! You should know how to vote by now, so get to it!
CONTESTANTS
Champion: Kakashi Hatake - NO VOTE this week
#01: Sango
#02: Hiei
#03: Pikachu
#04: Rangiku Matsumoto
#05: Roy Mustang
#06: L
#07: Chiyo Mihama
Cast your votes in the comments area, by PM or by e-mail! Choose no more than three people! Thanks!
Theme Thursday Friday
Every week, I display an opening video from an anime of my choosing. As it was last time, I'm using a video that ties in with "Animation Elimination's" most recent, um, elimination (excluding today's episode). Roronoa Zoro was booted off last Friday, so that means this week's video is from Eiichiro Oda's One Piece. I already used a One Piece video before, but this is my site and I do whatever I damn well please, so there. The pirate-adventure series is a personal favorite of mine, both the anime and the manga, for numerous reasons. Loveable well-developed characters, great storytelling, humorous moments that are actually funny, action that is a joy to watch... I could go on all day.
If I could find a fault with it, it'd be that the art style is not for everyone. But that's actually another reason why I like One Piece. It stands out and doesn't look like 98% of the anime out there. There are so many artists' styles that look so similar to other artists' styles... it's not plagarism; it's a lack of originality. I believe that the best artists are the ones whose work I can immediately identify because of their individual style. For example, I can point to comic genius Adam Warren. I cannot confuse his work with someone else's because his style doesn't clone everyone else. One Piece's Oda is the same way. For that, I give him big credit for being so creative and unique.
Pic of the Day (v2.0)
Anime: none
It isn't anime related this time. This made me laugh, so here it is.
