Birthday • 1983-06-17 Gender •
Male Location • St. Louis Member Since • 2003-08-03 Occupation • Real Name • Christopher (or Chris for short)
Personal
Achievements • running this blog for 4 1/2 years and finally being able to conclude it Anime Fan Since • I watched the original Transformers... I had no idea it was anime at the time... Favorite Anime • Dragon Ball, Bleach, Inuyasha, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gintama, Eyeshield 21, Kinnikuman, Death Note, One Piece Goals • to make my happy ending come true by defeating El Diablo, the albino squirrel overlord Hobbies • video games, drawing (yet I have no fan art submitted...), watching anime, etc. Talents • I can change my voice into 10-15 others, maybe more...
myOtaku.com: lordsesshomaru
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
LS vs. Baboons Today's Wisdom
There's no "I" in "team".
When asking about the reasons for my insane behavior, also remember there is no "Y" in "lordsesshomaru".
Comment Response (08/24/07)
Thank you once again for your concern regarding my father and grandmother. As of this typing, both are doing fairly well and we (my family, that is) couldn't be happier. Thanks again! ^^
The five-part series "Son of a Bleach" will begin running on my site starting on September 7 (next Friday).
I don't hate dubbed anime. Most of the anime I watch is dubbed. What I hate is badly dubbed anime (or badly-done anything, for that matter). There are many great ones out there, like Cowboy Bebop and Fullmetal Alchemist. And there are the bad ones... like my poor One Piece... *sniffles and waits for Funimation's version in late September*
I don't post on weekends because I usually have things to do on the weekend (Friday and Saturday night) and I wouldn't have enough time to visit a large number of people.
Summary of the Post (for the lazy among you)
I went to the movies. An odd dream is detailed. Miss Teen South Carolina isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Post for Everyone Else
Movies
Saturday, my co-workers and I ended up seeing a comical motion picture at the ole cinematic theatre. We were torn between either "The Simpsons Movie" or "Superbad". When a woman in front of us in line, who had no fewer than four small kids with her, asked for "Simpsons" tickets, we went with "Superbad". We had a feeling those kids would make noise in the aisles. And with me being without my trusty Ritalin-firing slingshot, we didn't want to deal with them. The movie itself was hilarious, mainly because I actually knew kids like those in high school. It's rated R (for good reason), so I can't reccommend it to everybody. ^^;
Dream
I had an odd dream. Most dreams are odd. I can't remember the last time that I had a dream and was able to say "wow... that COULD actually happen to me in real life..." They feel real as hell when I'm in the middle of them though. Something about being in the ring with a giant boxing chicken seems lifelike in my mind...
This dream started off with myself getting into an argument with The Artist Formerly Known As The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Will Smith. Why Will Smith? Who knows. He ran away after the verbal spat. This prompted a girl nearby to say "you'd be upset too if you were drafted". Then I received a letter saying that I was also drafted into the military. No, not the United States military... a special military comprised of people from all over the world to combat... something (I'll get to that later).
I went to my first meeting with my fellow recruits. There I was, surrounded by men and women wearing camouflage. The sarge came in and started drawing on a chalkboard. He drew a straight line and a squiggly line. "If you drive a car in a straight line, then you'll be operating the tanks! If you drive all over the road, then you are a foot soldier!" informed the sarge while wearing his Smokey Bear forest ranger hat. The meeting was over and then I was tossed into the foot soldier group (despite being able to drive in a straight line). We were handed our weapons and led into battle.
Then our enemy showed itself... baboons. An army of aggressive, hollering baboons. For those who don't know (and if you don't, um, okay...), a baboon is a type of primate known for its colorful face and rear end, like Clay Aiken after he leaves a bathhouse. It also has a name that sounds like it could be used as a dirty word. For example: "Whoa, check out the baboons on her!" Anyway, the baboons kicked the crap out of us until I woke up.
I'm currently looking for an inexpensive therapist (read: one that doesn't mind being paid with supermarket coupons instead of money). If anyone knows someone who fits the bill, feel free to introduce them to me.
One-fifth of Americans Can't Locate U.S.A. on map, dumb blonde "explains" why
This isn't really news... except for the question asked to the girl. I didn't know that 1/5 of my fellow Americans can't locate our country on a world map. I'd really like to know who these morons are. No... wait... actually, I don't. They can't be any brighter than the girl in the video, that's for sure (or not). The video is 00:49 in length.
There will be no post tomorrow. I'll be spending some time with my father on Monday night. I'll be back on Tuesday night (Wednesday post).
LS vs. Illness Today's Wisdom
Cats have nine lives. That's too many. They should share with the people who need just one.
*throws daggers at the people who are thinking "...like you?"*
Comment Response (08/23/07)
I had more than one newcomer in my comments yesterday. Welcome to my site! And everyone else knows what that means... drinks are on the house. Or they would be if Rangiku from Bleach didn't drink them all. That lush.
Ah yes, the YYH scene came from the Sensui battle. Thank you, waywardwarrior. ^^
I'm too lazy to explain how Sesshomaru regained his arm. It involved a battle with a demon named Magatsuhi. You can find quick manga chapter summaries at Rumic World, if you'd like more information.
The Inuyasha anime cut off at episode 167. Adult Swim is running reruns because there are no new episodes left. Volume 36 and up of the manga cover the material that the anime didn't get to.
To those who asked if Death Note is good, I think it is, but that's just my opinion. And it's also still my opinion that the second opening theme is crap. Crap I say.
Summary of the Post (for the lazy among you)
I give my thoughts on expired milk and soccer moms before running a repeat story. My family's health could be better. Co-worker Jared had a funny idea, but is too lazy to follow through with it. A man was found dead while wearing unusual attire.
Post for Everyone Else
Gather 'round children; it's story time. This reminds me of my elementary school days. The teachers would tell us to sit in a semi-circle on the floor as they read us a book. My elementary school teachers would also say "Chris, stop eating the paste", failing to realize that the "paste" was actually the chunky, expired milk from the cafeteria. Surprisingly adhesive, that it was.
Nothing new this week. I'm still formulating ideas for the 5-part "Son of a Bleach" mini-series that will start either next week or the week after. Instead, I'm running a repeat of episode 42 in my Inuyasha Mockery series, entitled "Death by Dubbing". It's a spoof of heavily-edited anime, mostly by 4Kids. With the 4Kids-edited version of One Piece ending fairly soon (to be thankfully replaced by the Funimation version), and with this story being one of my most popular, I figured I'd re-post it. I understand the reasoning behind the editing of some anime, which is to prevent angry, ratings-ignoring soccer moms from complaining/protesting... which would then lead to the edits anyway or the series just flat-out being cancelled. These are the same people who are shocked, SHOCKED, to find violence in the M-rated videogames they purchase for little Timmy and Suzie for Christmas. Bah. I digress. You'll find the story down below. If you haven't read it before, it's new to you! If you want to re-read it, go on and have fun. If you don't care either way, just skip over it like you always do. And now on with the show!
Death by Dubbing
What if Inuyasha was taken over by 4Kids Entertainment? This story will show you the horrors of the editing. For those who do not like the dubbed version of Inuyasha, your arguments have been heard and are greatly respected by me. But think of how much worse it could be if 4Kids or another weak dubbing company had their hands on it...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No "Change the World" intro is played. Instead, you are "treated" to a wannabe hip-hop song featuring cool lyrics like "He's part demon, he's part dog... his claws can cut through a log!" and "He ain't no punk, he ain't no fool! He's gonna collect the Shikon Jewel!"
Inuyasha walks with his team. Inuyasha has a broomstick by his side. The broomstick is named "Tessa." The first member of his team is a schoolgirl named Kagome. She wears a very long green skirt that reaches her ankles. On her shoulder is a fox demon girl named Shippo. Yes, a girl. Boys don't wear bows in their hair, silly! Following them are the monk named Miroku, the demon-sla--- hunter Sango and her pet Kilala.
Inuyasha: Grr! When are we going to find the jewel shards?
Kagome: Be patient! We'll be sure to find them!
Shippo: Tee-hee! Inuyasha is so grumpy!
**shot of Inuyasha bonking Shippo has been removed**
Miroku: I hope there are women in the next village that we come across. I'd like to ask them to give me their phone numbers.
Sango: You are always flirting!
Miroku: I could flirt with you.
**shot of Miroku grabbing Sango's rear end and then Sango slapping him have been removed**
A village is up ahead. There is a man crying. Inuyasha and the others talk to him.
Inuyasha: What's the matter, old man?
Old Man: A really bad man kidnapped all of the people in my village!
**The people are really dead, but we can't let the kids hear the dirty "D" word**
Kagome: We'll find them. Who kidnapped the people?
Old Man: He wore a coat made to look like baboon skin, but it was a facsimile. No real baboons were hurt to make that coat, I'm sure.
Sango: That sounds like our old enemy, Dark Dan!
**Naraku means "hell" in Japanese. To sanitize the show for the children, his name has been changed to Dark Dan**
Miroku: What could Dark Dan be up to?
Shippo: He wants the jewel shards! Maybe one was here?
Inuyasha: Yeah, that must be it. Kagome, can you sense anything?
Kagome: Yeah... it's over to the north! Let's go.
**commercial break for ads of Bratz, Winx Club, Magical Do-Re-Mi, and other shows that no male, child or otherwise, would be caught dead watching**
Sesshomaru is walking in a field with Rin and Jaken.
**Sesshomaru's name is now Steven. "Sesshomaru" can mean "killing blade" when translated. We can't have that, can we?**
Jaken: M'Lord, it's funny how you keep your arm tucked into your kimono like that!
Rin: Yeah, it was never cut off by your brother!
Jaken: Your brother who you share both parents with... your father didn't sleep around and have babies out of wedlock.
Steven: I know, Jaken. Now I feel a powerful presence coming from the south. It must be my brother, whom I share both parents with, parents who are married. Parents who aren't in the next world but are living somewhere off camera.
Inuyasha and his team run into Steven and his team.
Inuyasha: Steven! There you are! We're off to fight Dark Dan.
Steven: You are no match for Dark Dan. You'd be wasting your time.
Kagome: Inuyasha can beat him, Steven!
Shippo: Yeah, tee-hee!
Steven: Don't be foolish. If you can't beat me, you can't beat him.
Inuyasha: Heh! Let's battle now to see who is the strongest!
Inuyasha draws his broomstick. Steven's weapon is a mop. They fight with each other, but not for long. The original fight was about seven minutes. This fight has been edited down to 30 seconds.
**commercial break for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles marathon next Saturday morning**
**thanks to heavy editing, Steven and his crew are gone with no explanation. Everyone is marching along on their journey.**
Kagome: I think Koga is coming up.
Inuyasha: Koga? I dislike her!
**Koga has been changed to a female. That ponytail with that skirt? What kind of message would that send to the kids?**
Koga: Hello gang! Hi Kagome! I love your clothes!
Kagome: Really?
Inuyasha: Leave her alone!
Koga: Stay out of this! This is a girls-only conversation!
Miroku: They're at it again. Inuyasha should learn to respect women like I do.
Sango: Yeah. Koga, we're looking for Dark Dan.
Koga: Blast that Dark Dan! Blast him all the way to Heck! His henchwoman Kagura sent all of my tribe into another dimension!
Kagome: I remember. It's so sad. We'll stop Dark Dan!
Shippo: Yeah! Girl power!
Koga: Girl power!
Inuyasha: Let's just go already.
Everyone goes to fight with Dark Dan. Kikyo stands before them.
Inuyasha: Kikyo?
Koga: Kikyo? The priestess who was placed under a spell to be asleep for 50 years?
**Kikyo originally died and was resurrected, but... you know how this works by now**
Kikyo: Inuyasha, you like me, don't you?
Inuyasha: Don't bring this up now. We have a fight with Dark Dan!
Kagome looks a little jealous of Kikyo. Kikyo and her have a stare-down.
**commercial break for Bratz toys, video games, clothing, and other things that will drain the bank accounts of the parents of young girls**
**Kikyo is gone. Don't ask me why. Also don't ask me how Inuyasha's team ended up outside of Dark Dan's castle. This story would be three episodes, but has been edited to be just one episode. Key plot points have been removed. But does that really matter?**
Inuyasha: Here we are, Dark Dan's castle! Let's get him!
They all run inside. Kagura is the first person that they meet.
Kagura: I will defeat you all.
Inuyasha: Oh yeah? Take this! BROOM ATTACK!
**supposed to be a Kaze no Kizu (Wind Scar), but Inuyasha is holding his broomstick named Tessa.**
The attack heads towards Kagura and strikes her.
**shots of Kagura's clothes getting tattered have been removed. Sorry guys. She escaped during the footage that was cut.**
Kagome: She got away!
Miroku: Never mind! We'll find Dark Dan! Then I'll suck him into my Vacuum Hand! It will send him into another dimension!
They look around the castle and eventually find Dark Dan.
**All makeup has been removed. Dark Dan is a man, after all.**
Dark Dan: Inuyasha, heh heh. You've found me at last.
Inuyasha: I'm going to beat you once and for all! BROOM ATTACK!
Inuyasha swings the broom and energy is rebounded by Dark Dan's barrier.
Dark Dan: You'll have to do better than that.
**final commercial break - Hulk Hogan will be hosting the broadcast in two weeks**
Everyone is outside now. Dark Dan whips his tentacles to attack Inuyasha and his group.
**footage skips ahead five minutes, Dark Dan is floating in the air**
Dark Dan: You've beaten me this time! But I will return!
**Dark Dan retreats from HIS OWN CASTLE for some reason. Skip ahead five minutes. Koga has vanished and everyone is in Kaede's village**
Kaede: Welcome back!
Kagome: Hello!
Kaede: Did you defeat Dark Dan?
Shippo: Rats! He got away! We'll get him next time!
Kagome: Oh no! I must return to the modern era! I have a test to take!
Inuyasha: I'll go with you.
Kagome: OK, let's go back to modern-day New York City together!
Pace Picante Sauce Cowboys: NEW YORK CITY?
**Yes, New York City, not Japan. The show must be "Americanized" despite some characters retaining their Japanese names.**
**no ending theme, other than a shortened instrumental version of the hip-hop theme from the beginning.**
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, remember... this could have happened. It could have, but it didn't. However several anime cannot escape a horrible fate like the one described above. Please take this time to lower your head in a moment of silence for them.
THE END
Family
Some updates on my family who are currently "under the weather"... my grandmother is set to be released from the hospital later today (which is, coincidentally, also her birthday). Her temporary vision-loss was discovered to be the result of a side-effect of the medication she was taking. She can see just fine now, but her foot is swollen and will prevent her from walking for a few days. My father is currently sick, possibly with a version of the flu. My mother (a nurse at the nursing home where he currently resides) told me that he's been vomiting frequently. I hope and pray that both of them will recover soon...
On a somewhat-lighter note, I also spent a good deal of time on the phone helping my brother Jeff (a Marine currently stationed in California) with a payment situation on a shopping website. I felt like one of those customer service representatives, just without the spiffy headset and the Indian-Pakistani accent. "Thank you for calling, my friend."
Movies
I might be going to the movies tomorrow with co-workers Jared and Kim. What movie we'll see is still to be determined. Jared had an interesting idea...
Jared: You know how people would camp out for the Star Wars movies or Harry Potter? I think it'd be funny if someone camped outside the theater for something like Mr. Bean's Holiday.
The idea amused me and I asked if he'd like to try camping outside of a theater for a movie like that one day. His response:
Jared: Me...? **** that.
-_-;;
Thai man dies wearing wife's bras
BANGKOK (DPA) - A 43-year-old Thai man was found dead wearing 15 bras and a mini-skirt belonging to his estranged wife, news reports said Wednesday. Jaran Khadphano was found dead Tuesday from a suspected heart attack at his home in Roi Et, 400 kilometres north-east of Bangkok. Relatives of Jaran, who formerly worked as an optician in Bangkok, told police he had been suffering from depression since his wife left him for another man and had been taking painkillers washed down with coffee several times a day. Doctor Thanakorn Klangsaeng of Roi Et Hospital said he suspected Jaran had died of a heart attack. There was no immediate explanation as to why the deceased was wearing his wife's clothes, which he had brought back with him from Bangkok after the couple's separation.
NOTE: Light's really having too much fun with that Death Note.
This week is over. I'll see you all again on Monday. ^^
LS vs. Bubble Wrap Today's Wisdom
Breaking a mirror might give you seven years of bad luck. Breaking a mirror over someone's head might give you seven months in jail.
Comment Response (08/22/07)
As long as I have a thought or idea in my mind, it doesn't take much longer than 30-40 minutes to compile a post for this site.
I always make my own captions for the Pic of the Day, unless noted otherwise.
Yeah, things are a lot slower around here. I believe it's due to school starting up and some errors with myOtaku (I had one myself last night). Things will pick up again sooner or later.
I've seen all 112 episodes of YuYu Hakusho and I have no idea where that scene of Hiei laughing came from. Maybe from one of the movies...
Post for the Lazy
I wasted a lot of time popping bubble wrap. Sesshomaru received a new sword in the manga. Another opening video is posted. A man gets his third leg set ablaze.
Post for Everyone Else
Bubble Wrap
Although it may seem that I am invincible (who am I kidding?), I have weaknesses just like any other mortal on this earth. Mine include but aren't limited to: nacho cheese, peanut butter, animation, shiny things and... bubble wrap. I love popping bubble wrap. A shipment that arrived at The Job (which is what I'll call it now since I refer to my employer as... wait for it... The Boss) on Wednesday was full of bubble wrap as protective padding and I couldn't resist popping it. I even took a large portion of it home... just to pop it later... it's sad, really. I need help.
So... what are your weaknesses? I define a "weakness" as something that you can't resist no matter how hard you try. Don't worry, I won't use them against you later on... heh heh... ha ha.. bwahahaha... *ahem* ^^;
Bakusaiga
For those who still care about the Inuyasha series, but not enough to look for manga info concerning what happens after the anime cut off, behold the following.
In chapter 518 (O_o), Sesshomaru finally regained his left arm that was sliced off by Inuyasha way back in chapter 18, in addition to obtaining a new sword called the Bakusaiga. Several of the characters have been receiving upgrades recently (Kagome, Sango... and that upgrade-whore Inuyasha... again), possibly to gear up for the final battle with Naraku... which probably won't be until chapter 16,704 at this rate.
Theme Thursday
As is the tradition here (for the past month or so), I'm posting an opening theme video from an anime of my choosing. This week is the first opening for the series Death Note. Why the 1st opening? Because the 2nd opening features a horrible song that gives me a splitting headache, that's why. A deaf chimpanzee with one arm and a drum set could have recorded a better song than that one.
Death Note comes from the popular manga anthology, Weekly Shonen Jump, a magazine that is/was home to many large franchises such as Dragon Ball, YuYu Hakusho, Bleach, Naruto and One Piece, among several others. Unlike those, however, Death Note focuses not on new power-ups and lengthy explosive battles that span several episodes (both of which, when done correctly, are pretty good themselves), but rather on mystery, suspense and investigation. Oh yeah, it also features a shinigami (death god) that craves apples like Lindsay Lohan craves cocaine. Be sure to check out the series if you haven't already.
I hate to post two groin-related news stories in the same week, but I couldn't help it. This one is worse than the dwarf from earlier in the week.
Russian woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis
MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said on Wednesday. Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict". The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high. "It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."
LS vs. Old English Today's Wisdom
Clowns don't wear red makeup around their mouths. That's blood from their last victim.
Comment Response (08/21/07)
Hmm... I don't have overly depressing posts for two reasons. 1) The purpose for my site is to entertain those who read it and 2) I really don't get depressed. Sad, yes, but not to the point where I'm completely down. I feel life is too short to live like that... so I don't. Makes sense, eh? :P
My occupation? I work for a local company that creates promotional goods/products (same thing... aren't they?) for companies or businesses that need them for marketing/advertising purposes. T-shirts, jackets, brochures, catalogs, Frisbees, pens, stress-relievers, package designs... those are some of the numerous things that I work with. Videos and websites are also provided for anyone who wants us to create one, however my co-workers handle those... due to them being better than me, Lol.
Some people found the picture yesterday to be disturbing. Heh, then you really should have seen the original caption that I was going to use...
Post for the Lazy
Family members are still receiving medical treatment. My mother argued with a collection agency. Japan has odd TV shows. A drunk woman from my favorite area of the world drives through an unusual place.
Post for Everyone Else
Health and Phones, Methinks
I spoke with my mother earlier about the status of my family members who are currently being monitored at various medical facilities. My grandmother is still being held in the hospital, but she's doing fine. They're only keeping her for physical therapy under her doctor's orders. My father in the nursing home was moved to a different room, mainly because he's a special case that requires more attention and his room was too far away from the area where the nurses are dispatched. Or something like that.
My mother also talked to me about how a collection agency harrassed her over the phone. According to them, it was her "final notice" about paying $500+ that she owes to a certain telephone company (rhymes with "mint"). The thing is... Mom doesn't currently, and never has, used "Mint's" phone service. Ever. Methinks this to be a scam. Mom, who doesn't take crap from anyone, assured me that she told them off (judging by her angry tone, I'm certain that the four-letter words were a-flyin').
I like that word in the last paragraph. "Methinks." Never say it in public though, like if you're ordering food. "Salutations, my good man. Methinks I shall have a, how do you say it, Big... Mac, is it...? How droll! Yes, very good show indeed. *tips top hat*" The food won't cost more than $10, but the stares you receive will be free.
Japanese TV
Another video from our friends in Japan. This one features Tetris, a man who stands over 7 feet tall and a pool of yellowish-liquid that resembles either urine or Campbell's chicken noodle soup. It's 4:25 minutes worth o' funny.
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman on her way to pay respects to a dead relative ploughed across the cemetery drunk in her car, smashing up headstones and tombs before she ground to a halt in someone's grave, police said on Tuesday. The woman drove into the graveyard in the southern town of Mitterteich on a track running through it but veered off as she struggled to control her vehicle, local police said. "Eventually she ended up stuck in a grave and couldn't get out, so we had to pull her out," a police spokesman said. "She said she'd come to visit one of her relatives' graves." Police estimated the total damage to graves and the 53-year-old's car at around 18,000 euros (12,200 pounds).
NOTE: If I had a nickel for every time that I did that, I wouldn't have any nickels.
LS vs. Nothing Today's Wisdom
When purchasing pants, be sure they are not too baggy. The bigger they are, the harder you fall when you trip over them.
Comment Response (08/20/07)
Thanks for all of the well-wishes and kind messages for my father and grandmother. No, they are not related by blood. My grandmother is the mother of my mother. I hope that didn't confuse anyone.
I am NOT insane! For the last time, I'm the only sane person in this crazy world! *puts a dead fish on my head* What's the matter with you people?
Yes, it was wrong for me to laugh at those kids. School was bad for me too... I guess. A lot of people on this site claim to have "drama" in their life regarding school. Not me. It was more of a sitcom for me.
Yes, drinking too much water can kill you. A woman participated in a radio station contest on the west coast sometime last year where she had to drink a large amount of water to win a Nintendo Wii for her kids. It unfortunately led to her death. You most likely heard about this story on the news when it originally occured. Thanks to dazzle13 for mentioning it as well.
Post for the Lazy
Few people were here yesterday. I talk about writer's block, library cards, Hot Pockets, retarded badgers, ice cream makers, and old men. A dwarf injures part of his anatomy.
Post for Everyone Else
Ghost Site
Only a handful of people yesterday were visited by me. Not because I was busy or away from the computer, but rather, only a handful of people actually updated yesterday (at least on my list). With school starting up, this was bound to happen. ^^;
Ramble
Nothing exciting happened in my life today. Actually, that isn't new. My life isn't really exciting to begin with. Before you run away, don't worry, this isn't one of those "I'm depressed" posts. I just have nothing to talk about. Hmm... nope. Nothing. You could call it writer's block. Or could you? I'm not sure. Fiction writers can get writer's block, but does that also apply to nonfiction writers? Is what I do here even classified as nonfiction? It's not like you can go to the library and check out a book of blogs. Or can you? I wouldn't know; I haven't been to the library in years. My card expired in April 2001. I still carry it in my wallet, sandwiched between a photo of my brother and a coupon for Hot Pockets that I plan on using sooner or later.
I horde Hot Pockets in my freezer like a-- ugh --squirrel packs away nuts for the winter. Why? Because I am lazy and Hot Pockets are easy to prepare. There are few things that I will eat if I cannot microwave them. I have the cooking skill of a mentally-retarded badger. If you give me an old-school ice cream maker with the hand-crank on the side, I'll somehow manage to catch that thing on fire. Speaking of "old school", I hate when people say that. It's never young people either, despite what the entertainment media says. It's usually some old guy trying to hang out with his son's teenage friends. "OK guys, we're going to go, heh heh, 'old school' with this one" he says as he forces them to watch ancient tapes of Soul Train in an attempt to look cool, or "hip" as he'd probably say with his outdated vernacular.
One of my friends had a dad who didn't trust him at all. This man removed his door from the hinges in order to keep an eye on him. I probably told that story before. Hmm. What the hell was I talking about again? *scrolls up* Oh yeah. Nothing.
That didn't help my "I am NOT insane!" argument at all, did it?
British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover
EDINBURGH (AFP) - A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry. Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances. The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment. The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required. He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalization. "It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said. "I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."
NOTE: Considering the topic, the last three words in boldface were poorly chosen... as was this man's profession. Cripes.
LS vs. Skittles Today's Wisdom
Violence doesn't solve anything, unless you're doing a crossword puzzle and need an eight-letter word for "physical aggression".
Comment Response (08/17/07)
The Fullmetal Alchemist anime ends in the movie. The original manga, which has a story that differs greatly from the anime part-way through, is still running. I recommend picking it up to anyone who needs more FMA after seeing all of the animated version.
My goal is to continue pestering the bookstore workers until they take my picture and put it on the wall with the caption: "Don't let this man inside!"
Most people can tell when I'm joking. For example, I was kidding with that comment above. I type in a different tone if I'm serious. At least, I think so. Um, either you get it or you don't. *shrugs*
Thanks to everyone who read the EHN finale! Thank you very much! ^^
Quoth a comment: "yay the naruto thing is finaly finished!!!!!!!!" LOL, I'm not sure if that's good or bad...
Yes, Naruto's final comment to Orochimaru was a reference to the film "300". Good eyes, Magnus. ^^
The link to the Inuyasha Mockery series (58 episodes) is here. Scroll down to find the episode listing.
My next story, "Son of a Bleach", is only five parts, but it may be extended if I feel like it. It's short because I'll be starting "Animation Elimination" season two in October, just like last year.
Post for the Lazy
My grandmother was sent to the hospital again. I laughed at kids at a bus stop. A Skittles commercial turned my stomach. An idiot almost died after drinking too much Red Bull.
Post for Everyone Else
Family
I mention my father on a fairly regular basis, but not my grandmother. You may recall that she had a stroke just weeks before my father did (rotten timing indeed) and recovered to the point where she can walk with the aid of a cane. Unfortunately, she was re-admitted to the hospital on early Friday morning because of a vision problem. She had lost her eyesight completely for a brief period of time. I'm not sure if that's related to her previous stroke at all. On the good side, she has her vision back and is currently being cared for in the hospital, set to be released on Monday or Tuesday.
As for my father in the nursing home, despite being stubborn with everyone whenever my mother isn't around, he's doing as good as he can do considering his situation and condition.
Back to School
Also on early Friday morning, I went out for a quick drive to get some milk (more on milk in the next section... ugh...). I can't have my breakfast cereal without milk. Well, I can, but it'd be all dry. There were some kids standing at a bus stop, none older than 14 or so. They had two things that were visual hints that they were going to school: 1) backpacks and 2) depressed expressions on their faces. They looked like they were going to the electric chair. I couldn't help laughing at how sad they were. Now I'm not a giant douchebag (a small one, perhaps) that laughs at people in mourning or agony... but come on. It's SCHOOL, not a death sentence.
I should add that my window was rolled down... so they heard me laughing... that didn't help my "I'm not a giant douchebag" thing in the least...
Skittles
I've never liked Skittles commercials. The candy itself is quite tasty, but the ads never did strike me as what one would call "good". Case in point: the ad above, which features an old man -- who apparently has extra nipples -- getting milked like a cow. Not only did this commercial fail to ignite my desire for Skittles, it also managed to ruin my love for milk and flat-out murder my libido all in one swoop. And here I thought the "whale milk" thing I mentioned a few weeks ago was the worst...
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to jab a pair of screwdrivers into my eyes.
Man's heart stops after Red Bull overdose
SYDNEY -- A man whose heart stopped after he consumed eight Red Bull energy drinks in five hours has called for an overhaul of the product's warning labels. Matthew Penbross, 28, collapsed after downing the popular drinks, each containing 80 milligrams of caffeine, last Sunday. He drank the Red Bull while competing in a motocross event on the state's Mid North Coast. His heart stopped and he needed defibrillation from ambulance officers. Now facing six weeks off work, he said warning labels on the products should be revamped to alert people that excessive consumption could lead to death. Labels currently warn against consuming more than two cans, or 1.5 bottles a day, without describing the consequences. "They say [on energy drink labels] don't have more than this much," Mr Penbross said. "But they don't say if you have too much, what will happen."
NOTE: Words cannot express how stupid this man is. Anything that is consumed can eventually lead to death if moderation is not practiced. Even too much water can kill a person. Do we need warnings-that-will-be-ignored-by-total-idiots on Dasani bottles next?
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #278 & 279
Anime: Naruto & Bleach
There are two pics today to make up for the error on Friday (which has been repaired). The first was meant to be here on Friday and is a spoof of the late, great Steve Irwin. The second is based on those goofy cat pictures that can be found in various places online. Lytjuh's site comes to mind, heh heh. :P
LS vs. Punctuality
I'm really late tonight and I apologize. There was an error with my image program and I spent the last 45-60 minutes trying to fix it. This has happened before and the usual solution didn't work this time. I gave up for now. My post today is incomplete (no new Pic of the Day). Hopefully I can have something worked out by Monday.
Today's Wisdom
Cats always land on their feet, except when I throw them at people. Then they land on someone's head.
Geraldo really didn't get his mustache stuck in a paper shredder. Sorry for the confusion. Sometimes it's hard to tell when I'm joking and when I'm being serious. ^^;;
To all the girls who "agreed" with the men are dogs thing I said yesterday... you should know that if you agree with that statement and then date a man, you're committing bestiality, which may or may not be illegal in your neck of the woods.
The "Nice Vibe" text on Ichigo's shirt was NOT added by me. It was in the original anime and manga, an example of "Engrish" at large.
I really would have reversed my car over that stalker guy if he got any closer. He would have received a face full of tailpipe... and not the kind he had in mind.
Post for the Lazy
Episode 26 of my Naruto comedy is posted. I talked about books at the bookstore. Naming children in China is discussed. All of this and why you shouldn't drink heavily.
Post for Everyone Else
And so it ends. Episode 26/26 of "Everybody Hates Naruto" is available today for reading. It continues over from last week's episode and because I'm too lazy to post a recap, I'll trust that you read that one before diving into this one. Finales are difficult to write because everyone gets their hopes up and then end up getting disappointed. Although, out of the three finales I've done (the others being for "Inuyasha Mockery" and season one of "Animation Elimination"), I think this one turned out the best. It was a lot of fun to type and hopefully you'll enjoy it as much as I did. I should make a note that this chapter is the longest of them all.
Thanks to everyone who read the story for its 26-episode run. And thanks to everyone who pretended to read the story only to make me feel good about myself, LOL. To access the archives, click here. Oh yeah, before I forget, be sure to keep scrolling after the story ends. And now... on with the show!
Everybody Hates Naruto
Mission 26: "Heroic Ninja"
Naruto's taxicab pulls up to the Leaf Village's main entrance. He pays the driver and steps outside of the vehicle. The first thing that Naruto sees is that the "Welcome to the Leaf Village" sign above the gateway has been changed.
Naruto: What the--? *reading* "Now Entering San Orochimaruville City - yaoi convention this Saturday, Village People concert on Sunday".
Naruto tries to sneak into the village after reading, but is caught at the gate by Kankuro and Temari.
Naruto: What's going on?!
Temari: Orochimaru took over the Leaf Village. Gaara placed us on guard duty, even though we don't want to be here in the first place.
Kankuro: Yeah. He said something about shoving Temari's head so far down my throat that she could toss a salad. I'm not sure what that means, but it doesn't sound pleasant. So back off, kid.
Naruto: Let me in or I'll Shojo Beat the crap out of you!
Kankuro: Not by the hair on her chinny-chin-chin.
Temari: I hate you, Kankuro. I really do. Well, Naruto... having you go inside would be good. For starters, you'd be away from us. Then you'd get your butt kicked by Gaara and the others. That's always good for a laugh. Go on in.
Naruto runs into the village. He sees that some people have been shackled and chained. Not only that, but they are seated at tables. On these tables are boxes. In these boxes are pieces of toys that need to be assembled. The villagers are putting the toys together under Orochimaru's orders.
Rock Lee: I am tired of making "Viz Media presents Shonen Jump's NARUTO" merchandise, Neji. Make it stop.
Neji: I wish that I could. If I have to see one cheaply produced headband, I'll-- Naruto?
Naruto stands before them. Rock Lee, Neji and Tenten explain what's going on, revealing that Orochimaru is located near the stone Hokage faces on the mountain. Naruto thanks them both and enters a shop not too far away. He finds Choji and Ino carving a statue of Orochimaru made from mozzarella cheese to be used in a banquet later in the evening. Ino does her best to stop Choji from eating it as they work. Shikamaru is lying on the floor.
Shikamaru: What a drag. This is so hard.
Choji and Ino: YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING!
Shikamaru: Well, I would be SLEEPING if you two would stop yelling at me. Hm? Naruto...
With that said, Itachi and Kisame drop down from the ceiling.
Kisame: Orochimaru said that saying the words "believe it" is illegal.
Ino: The only good law he came up with...
Itachi: You're under arrest. Wait a second, it's the Nine-Tailed boy. Kisame, he's why we came here in the first place. Let's grab him and ditch Blow-roach-imaru.
Naruto (thinking): Crap! I can't beat the both of them! Or even one of them! Think Naruto...
Naruto: Look behind you! It's, uh, air!
Itachi and Kisame: Huh? *turn around*
Naruto bolts from the room and towards the stone Hokage faces in the mountain, leaving Itachi and Kisame behind.
Kisame: I don't see any air. It must be invisible.
Itachi grabs the cheese statue and breaks it over Kisame's head. The two Akatsuki members then chase after Naruto. Choji, realizing that the statue is ruined, gobbles up its remains.
Choji: Cheese... sweet cheese... you're my only friend...
Itachi: You know what, screw this. I don't feel like chasing that little punk all over town.
Itachi grabs a life-sized Naruto doll from the table where Neji, Lee and Tenten were working.
Itachi: We'll give this to the leader. If we liquor him up first, he won't be able to tell the difference.
Kisame: Cool. Let's stop at Arby's on the way home and cause trouble for Kabuto, heh heh.
The dastardly duo take their leave from the Leaf Village with the doll in tow. Meanwhile, Naruto finds Kiba, Shino and Hinata carrying water up to the Hokage faces.
Kiba: The only thing worse than Orochimaru taking over would be YOU coming back, Naruto.
Shino: I'd rather deal with Naruto. At least he doesn't dress up like Whitney Houston and sing along to "I Will Always Love You".
Naruto: You saw Orochimaru do that...?
Shino: Yes, I did... and I still do... every time I close my eyes... *shivers*
Hinata: N-Naruto... you've c-come to save us?
Naruto: I have to. If not, they'll kick me out of the Fantastic Union of Crusading Kids Overpowering Felonious Forces.
Kiba: If you abbreviate that, it's... O_o
Hinata: Naruto, before you go... I need to say... that I... you see... I... Naruto... I lov--
Naruto: Save it for a chick flick. I'll catch you guys later!
Hinata: ...
Naruto runs up a long flight of stairs to finally reach Orochimaru's base of operations just beneath the giant stone faces of the Hokages. A fifth face, one of Orochimaru, is currently being created by Gaara using his sand jutsu.
Naruto: HEY! STOP THAT!
Gaara: You... heh heh... I've been wanting to get revenge on you. Now is my chance!
Gaara puts on his hockey mask again and pulls out a chainsaw like he did on the camping trip. He starts it up, raising the motorized weapon over his head.
Gaara: HAHAHAHA!!! Can you hear the violins playing your song...?
Naruto: AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! What's your problem anyway, you loony?!
Gaara: *sniffle* No one... no one ever hugged me as a child... that, and I didn't take my medication this morning.
The psychotic sandman sprints in Naruto's direction. Naruto cowers in fear until Gaara's chainsaw stops working. Gaara tugs the cord again. Nothing happens. He pulls it over and over again until it snaps off.
Gaara: I knew I should have signed up for that 3-year service plan. Listen, could you hold on for a few minutes? I'll kill you as soon as I fix this.
Naruto nervously smiles and tiptoes away. He climbs an elevated platform to be standing before Orochimaru himself. He wears the Hokage's hat and robe, in addition to red high heel shoes and matching pantyhose. Nearby are Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi. They have been chained against a wall. Trapped inside of a jail cell not too far away are the Hokage, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Guy, Asuma, Kurenai and Iruka.
Sakura: Naruto!
Sasuke: Heh. So the hero's come back.
Naruto: 3-2-1 make some noise!
Orochimaru is eating a massive amount of bonbons when he notices Naruto. He clumsily tosses the box away.
Orochimaru (chewing bonbons): You've arrived right-- *chew** --on time, Naruto Uzumaki. I was getting ready-- *chew** --to chop everyone up with these knives that I ordered-- *chew** --off of late night TV. A $60 value, but-- *chew** --only $19.95. Cool, eh?
Naruto: You tricked the Hokage! This village isn't yours! He never would have signed that contract if your name was on it. You must have used an alias. Therefore, if you didn't sign with your real name, you have no right to village ownership.
Kakashi: Ah, it appears that the knucklehead has received a brain. But to be sure... Naruto, what is 2 + 2?
Naruto: Battle Creek, Michigan.
Kakashi: ...
Orochimaru: Fine, but now that everyone is chained up, it doesn't matter! They can't stop me now! And you can't either! So there!
Naruto knows that Orochimaru is right. He'll have to muster all of his power if he is to ever defeat Orochimaru. Naruto closes his eyes and contacts the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox residing inside of him.
Naruto: Fox? You there?
Fox: Oh good. This is a 26-episode series... and you wait until episode 26 to call me. We get paid for each appearance, you know. Thanks for nothing, you turd.
Naruto: I'll make it up to you somehow. Just lend me some of your power!
Fox: What's the magic word?
Naruto: Please?
Fox: I was looking for "abracadabra" but that will do.
The Demon Fox gives his chakra to Naruto. Naruto glows with an eerie, haunting red hue. Demonic chakra swirls around him like a crimson tornado.
Orochimaru: He's glowing? Why is he glowing? Someone unplug him!
The super-powered Naruto head-butts Orochimaru in the stomach. His gut full of bonbons, it makes him feel uneasy.
Orochimaru (woozy): Ugh... he'd be no match for me... if I didn't eat... those things... *groan* ...bathroom... I need the bathroom...
Naruto: You won't get to use the bathroom! I'm throwing you out of my village once and for all!!
Orochimaru: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
Naruto: Madness? THIS IS LEAF VILLAGE!
With a powerful kick, Naruto sends the stuffed Orochimaru flying from the platform and into an open manhole down below. Orochimaru staggers around, trying to hold in his vomit. He is not alone in the sewer. He has four companions... four unwanted companions.
Orochimaru: Not them... not again...
Michelangelo: Hey hey! It's Michael Jackson! Welcome back dude!
Leonardo: Awesome! Do the moonwalk for us!
Raphael: Sign my "Thriller" album! Please?
Donatello: Can we go to Neverland, Jacko? We'll behave!
Orochimaru: LEAVE ME ALONE!! O_o
Orochimaru scurries away with the crazed turtles chasing after him, vanishing into the darkness of the cold sewer tunnels.
~~~~~~~~
The villagers have been liberated from Orochimaru's tyranny. Gaara eventually left to go return his chainsaw to the hardware shop back in the Sand Village. And now all of the Leaf Villagers stand around Naruto. The Hokage twiddles his thumbs and looks away.
Asuma: Dad? Isn't there something that you want to say?
Hokage: Well... oh alright. Naruto, you can come back to the village since you saved us.
Naruto: Thanks! Do I get a medal? Or a trophy?
Hokage: You get free rent for a month and a bus pass.
Tsunade (smirking): How about making him Hokage for a day?
Naruto puts on the Hokage's hat and jumps around joyfully.
Hokage: What?! NO!
Naruto: I'm finally the Hokage! Even if it's only for 24 hours, but that's a minor detail! My first order of business... Sakura must kiss me!
Sakura: Go to hell.
Naruto: Uh, skip that. Oh! Heh heh! Sasuke has to bow down and call me "Lord Hokage!"
Sasuke: Go to hell and burn.
Naruto: Damn it. Hmm. Let's see... any suggestions?
Roy Mustang: All of the women must wear miniskirts!
Jiraiya: Great idea! I have no idea who you are or where you came from, but great idea!
Tsunade punches and kicks Jiraiya and Roy repeatedly as Naruto looks for another idea.
Naruto: Anyone else?
Kakashi: How about ending the story?
Naruto: OK. I can do that. *ahem* THE END! ^_^
MISSION COMPLETE
Kabuto: Welcome to Arby's. How may I help you?
Kisame: How much is a roast beef sandwich?
Kabuto: It's on the menu behind me.
Itachi: He wants YOU to read it to him.
Kabuto: Can't he do--
Kisame: The customer is always right! And I'm a customer, so I'm right, right?
Itachi: Right. It's his right as the customer on my right, not your right, to be right because the customer is always right, alright?
Kabuto: Uh... my head is spinning... anyway, a roast beef sandwich is...
Kisame: I changed my mind. Now I want some curly fries.
Kabuto: You can get the sandwich with some fries as part of a--
Itachi: Did he ASK for that? He didn't. The customer is right, not you, Mr. $5.00-An-Hour.
Kabuto: *sigh* The curly fries cost--
POW!! Kisame punches Kabuto in the face, sending the former medical ninja to the floor.
Kabuto: AAAH!
Kisame: SMASH AND GRAB! SMASH AND GRAB!
Itachi yanks the cash register off the counter and they run out the front door.
Ichigo Kurosaki: Due to popular demand, the Naruto fanfics will return with new episodes in early 2008 for a second season. But starting in two weeks... or three... be here for my story, "Son of a Bleach". Later!
Books
I went to the bookstore to purchase a copy of Fullmetal Alchemist volume 14. As much as I liked the anime version, it's a shame that these chapters may never be animated. The woman who I pestered about the final Harry Potter book last time wasn't there. It figures. The thought of the old book that I found a few days ago entered my mind as I stood in the store. Curious, I asked about it. I knew that I wouldn't get an answer, but I thought it'd lead to something interesting.
Me: So, how much would a first-printing of the paperback version of the first Harry Potter book run for?
Cashier: I'm sorry, but I'm sure that we don't have any first-printings of that book in stock.
Me: I'm sure that you don't, but I have one I'm thinking of selling.
Cashier: *raises eyebrow* We don't purchase used books, sir.
She looked at me like I was a drug dealer for my remainder of time in the store. If she had pushed a little red button under the register which signaled security guards to tackle me outside, it wouldn't have surprised me at all.
On the subject of books, if you read manga, what series is your favorite? I'd like to know... otherwise I wouldn't have asked. ^^;
Chinese couple tried to name baby "@"
BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese couple tried to name their baby "@", claiming the character used in e-mail addresses echoed their love for the child, an official trying to whip the national language into line said on Thursday. The unusual name stands out especially in Chinese, which has no alphabet and instead uses tens of thousands of multi-stroke characters to represent words. "The whole world uses it to write e-mail, and translated into Chinese it means 'love him'," the father explained, according to the deputy chief of the State Language Commission Li Yuming. While the "@" simple is familiar to Chinese e-mail users, they often use the English word "at" to sound it out -- which with a drawn out "T" sounds something like "ai ta", or "love him", to Mandarin speakers. Li told a news conference on the state of the language that the name was an extreme example of people's increasingly adventurous approach to Chinese, as commercialisation and the Internet break down conventions. Li did not say if officials accepted the "@" name. Earlier this year the government announced a ban on names using Arabic numerals, foreign languages and symbols that do not belong to Chinese minority languages.
NOTE: If I ever have a kid, I want to name him or her "%" just to one-up these people.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #---
Anime: n/a
I already told you about the error, so don't be surprised about there being no new picture today... unless you skipped straight here without reading anything. Shame on you, Lol. Here's a rewind image to tide you over.
LS vs. Electricity Today's Wisdom
If all men are dogs, and if dogs are man's best friend, a man who plays with his dog is really playing with himself, especially if it is a wiener dog.
Comment Response (08/15/07)
A few people said that my post yesterday was short. Really? It didn't seem that way to me. Oh well, it's better than the usual "too long" complaints, Lol.
Hmm, nope, what we did wasn't looting. The owners of the building stated that anyone could take anything they wanted since the building was going to be knocked down in a couple of months. It's not like we crashed through a window with crowbars and torches in our hands (although that would have been awesome). There were people representing the company at the door as we went in.
I was thinking about selling the Harry Potter book since it is a first printing... but it is a paperback, not a hardcover. I'm not sure how much it'd be worth.
Post for the Lazy
The electricity was cut off for a while. A famous news commentator looks like a certain Italian plumber. A creepy man watched me wash my car. There's an anime video to look at. And finally, a drunk German man continues Berlin's reign as the oddball capital of Europe.
Post for Everyone Else
Power Outage
There was a power outage in my area earlier this evening. I hate power outages. Everything that I do involves electricity. Without it, I want to hide under my bed and cry until it comes back on. After all, the monsters come out whenever it is dark. *shifty eyes* It was only out for just under 90 minutes... thankfully.
News
After the power came back, I flipped through the TV channels and ended up on Fox News for a couple of minutes. I normally don't watch that station, but something caught my interest. Seated at a table was Geraldo Rivera, who I thought had died years ago after getting his mustache caught in a paper shredder. But there he was, still sporting that goofy mustache. He reminded me of someone. I can't put my finger on who though.
Oh well. I'm sure it'll come to me eventually.
Car Wash
Before any of that, I took my car to get washed at a gas station. They had two options: 1) manual, which requires exiting the vehicle and using a hose... pffft! Forget that! I went with 2) automatic, which requires sitting in the car as a machine cleans the car. As I placed my $5 bill into the start-up collector thingamabob, a very large bald man watched me from nearby for reasons unknown. This guy looked like he just got out of prison too. Then I drove in and let the car get washed. I looked into my rear-view mirror about halfway through and there was that guy again. He was standing just outside, watching my car get washed while nodding his head repeatedly. He creeped me out after a while. After that machine stopped, I floored it... but I would have reversed and ran him clean over if he got any closer than he did. O.o
Theme Thursday
Every Thursday, I display the opening video to an anime of my choosing. This week, it's "Naruto", the series starring the young ninja who orders his orange and blue clothing from Goku's catalog. With Cartoon Network having that 50-hour marathon this weekend, in addition to my final episode of "Everybody Hates Naruto" being posted tomorrow, I thought it'd be appropriate to run a video from the series. This one is the 5th opening. I'm not sure if the dub will use it like they did the 4th one. They might. If you follow the dub only, you could consider this video to be a sneak preview of developments that should start before year's end. Running time - 1:29
Man orders dog to attack shoppers, six injured
BERLIN (Reuters) - A drunk, wheelchair-bound German set his dog on shoppers as he verbally abused them in the southwestern city of Karlsruhe, sending at least six people to hospital with injuries, police said Monday. "Other than that he was drunk, we can't say what may have motivated the man," a Karlsruhe police spokesman said. "He was German, but he gave the dog the order to attack in French." Among those attacked by the Border Collie cross was a policewoman, who was taken to hospital with five other shoppers. By the time officers subdued the man and his dog, a crowd of some 200 people had gathered, and a number of them were upset at the sight of police grappling with a man in a wheelchair. "Unfortunately they didn't know what had happened before, and some threw umbrellas at the police," said the spokesman. The 41-year-old man, temporarily wheelchair-bound due to injury, faces prosecution for causing bodily harm, resisting arrest, and verbal slander. The dog was taken to a home.
NOTE: That's possibly the funniest Berlin story yet. Keep 'em comin', ya nutcases!
LS vs. Junk
I'm back after a brief absence. After making commentary about Disney's Mickey Mouse being equivalent to a Brooklyn pimp (see what happens when you miss a post?), I was assaulted by men wearing ski masks and those mouse-ear hats one gets at Disneyland (like my good buddy Ryuk down below). It wouldn't have been so bad if they didn't sing "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah" as they did it.
Comment Response (08/13/07)
I have nothing against the Naruto series. If I did, I certainly wouldn't have wasted 26 weeks worth of writing devoted to it. I believe that a 50-hour marathon is overdoing it a bit, but I understand why Cartoon Network is doing it.
For those who didn't understand the Rock Lee image, remove his index (pointer) and ring fingers. Then you'll understand it.
Post for the Lazy
I visited a messy building for free stuff. A video from Japanese TV is posted. A moron calls the police after receiving "fake" drugs.
Post for Everyone Else
Lamont, You Big Dummy
I'm sure that you didn't buy the Disney story above. So why didn't I have anything here yesterday? Here's the answer. On Monday morning, The Boss told us (myself along with co-workers Jared and Kim) about a building a few miles away from our office that was going to be knocked down in a couple of months. Inside the building were all sorts of "goodies" left behind by the previous owners. Anyone was allowed to go inside and take anything they wanted for free later that evening. Kim called when I was in the middle of visiting sites here. She picked me up and we went to check it out together. I had my hopes up. I expected to walk out of there with a used computer that could be salvaged for parts or something.
The higher you raise your hopes, the further they have to fall.
That place was very hot and very MESSY. It looked like a tornado had hit a flea market. Nothing but junk was scattered all over the floor. I was waiting for Redd Foxx's ghost to walk in and fake a heart attack (kids, ask your parents who Redd Foxx was). Among the items I spotted were:
a few stuffed animals
a small black-and-white TV
some blankets
cheap kids jewelry
a giant bag full of Bibles
file cabinets full of, well, files
a stack of Alaska/Canada wildlife videos
two IBM monitors (manufactured in Jan. and Feb. 2000)
a box of old books/novels
broken telephones
children's shoes
old clothes
I should note that when we arrived, one of the sinks was pulled off the wall in the restroom. Someone must have really wanted that sink. The only thing that I ended up taking was a first-printing of the paperback edition of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" that I found in the box of books. I'm not a Harry Potter fan. However, the book is in very good condition and it couldn't hurt to take a copy, even if it doesn't end up being more than a coaster on my coffee table (I'm running out of those "1000+ HOURS FREE FOR 45 DAYS!!" AOL CDs to use).
It was after 10PM central time when I got home, nowhere near enough time for me to prepare anything here. So I said "fudge it" and held off until today.
Japanese TV
LOL! *ahem* The following video makes me laugh. You may laugh at it too. I won't spoil it for you... just watch it because I say it is hilarious. It's 5:33 in length, but it takes a little over a minute for the comedy to start. Enjoy. ^^
Woman calls police about 'fake' cocaine
ROCHELLE, Ga. - A woman was arrested after she called police to help "get her money back" after she was unhappy with the crack cocaine she purchased. Juanita Marie Jones, 53, called Rochelle Police late Thursday night after she purchased what she thought was a $20 piece of crack cocaine, according to police reports. She told officers she broke the rock into three pieces and smoked one, only to discover the drugs were "fake." She took Officer Joel Quinn and Deputy John Shedd of the Wilcox County Sheriff's Office into her kitchen and showed them the drugs, police said. She was promptly arrested on charges of possession of cocaine.
I do make fun of the Burger King quite a bit. That's my way of dealing with my fear of him. Scaryplasticmaskophobia is the scientific term for the condition that I have.
The comment about Dragon Ball lasting for 11 years was true. The comment about its creator needing a self-help program to get off his money addiction was false. Sorry for any confusion I may have caused.
Thanks to everyone who read "Everybody Hates Naruto" over the weekend! ^_^
The Kabuto/Arby's thing got more positive feedback than I expected it to. For once, it wasn't added at the last minute.
The name of Orochimaru's soda company, "Crotalus Cola", comes from the genus for rattlesnakes, which is "crotalus".
Naruto could have purchased a new toothbrush, but then I wouldn't have a ridiculous reason for him to return to the village. My motto when writing is "always go for the ridiculous". Well, not really, but it should be.
My reason for ending the story this coming Friday is for two reasons. 1) I don't like dragging things out until they get stale and 2) 26 weeks is half a year. That's half the year devoted to Naruto. I want to give another series a chance...
...for now.
Post for Sloths
My thoughts about nature shows and diaper commercials are discussed. A theory behind Cartoon Network's latest Naruto marathon is explained. I bet you can't guess where today's news story is from.
Post for Everyone Else
Filth on TV
While watching a nature TV show over the weekend (I've been doing that a lot lately), I was exposed to animals mating on television. They thankfully didn't show everything, but they showed enough to scar my mind. I wondered how that is any different from animal porn. Oh yeah, the narrator talking with the soft voice in the background, doing play-by-play like a golf announcer. "And here he goes... *silence* ...it's in the hole." That was referring to golf, by the way.
I've had problems with diaper commercials too, as mentioned on this site months ago. Or not. I'm half-awake as I type this and cannot clearly remember. Anyway, a human's bare butt is usually blurred/censored on regular TV. But not in diaper commercials, nuh-uh. They have a baby's butt out in the open, and on occasion, there's a hand gently caressing it. First animal porn disguised as a nature documentary, now child porn disguised as a diaper commercial.
Let's all hope that Depend adult diapers doesn't start doing the same thing in their commercials. You wouldn't be able to tell if the hand was rubbing an old man's butt or a pair of rotten honeydew melons.
Naruto Marathon
This weekend, Cartoon Network has that 50-hour weekend-long Naruto marathon. I had complained before until I figured out why they're doing it. Also this weekend, The Disney Channel will be launching High School Musical 2, a sequel to a movie enjoyed by a large number of teenage girls and boys who like to dress like girls in secret. With Naruto being one of CN's highest rated shows, it's their way of countering that. I could be wrong, but I believe that I'm right. TOM the Pimp Robot who "runs" Toonami used to call out Jake Long, one of Disney's characters, right on the air.
While CN whores out Naruto frequently, it's NOTHING compared to what Disney is doing with the annoying High School Musical franchise. TOM is just a pimp while Mickey is a grandmaster mack daddy... or whatever the term is for the king of the pimps.
Want to know why I make fun of Berlin? Just look at today's headline. Even if you don't read the story itself, the headline alone says enough.
Drunken German joyrider kills 300 chickens
BERLIN (Reuters) - Three hundred chickens died in panic early on Sunday when a drunken German teenager on a joyride crashed a van into their shed, police said. "Apparently some of the chickens were so desperate to get away that they ran into the wall and died," the spokesman said. "Others suffered heart attacks." The 17-year-old from the western city of Kassel crashed the van through the wall of a shed containing around 1,000 birds and then returned to a nearby fairground where he was staying, according to a spokesman for the local police. The youth was arrested.
NOTE: I have nothing to add to that.
Oh yeah, the guestbooks... I'll get around to those sooner or later.
