Birthday • 1983-06-17 Gender •
Male Location • St. Louis Member Since • 2003-08-03 Occupation • Real Name • Christopher (or Chris for short)
Personal
Achievements • running this blog for 4 1/2 years and finally being able to conclude it Anime Fan Since • I watched the original Transformers... I had no idea it was anime at the time... Favorite Anime • Dragon Ball, Bleach, Inuyasha, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gintama, Eyeshield 21, Kinnikuman, Death Note, One Piece Goals • to make my happy ending come true by defeating El Diablo, the albino squirrel overlord Hobbies • video games, drawing (yet I have no fan art submitted...), watching anime, etc. Talents • I can change my voice into 10-15 others, maybe more...
myOtaku.com: lordsesshomaru
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
LS vs. Scampires Today's Wisdom
You can rarely see TV news anchors' legs and feet. The same goes for Muppets. TV news anchors are Muppets.
Comment Response (02/15/2008)
My one-shot "Doo Note" comedy fanfic received excellent feedback! Thanks to everyone who read it! Admittedly, coming up wih a comedy idea for a series as serious as Death Note was not easy. I'm glad that I was able to pull it off with spoiling the story for those following it on Adult Swim.
The part where L hissed at Scooby and Shaggy was the most popular part.
Yes, Shaggy's first name is Norville. I didn't know that either until I did research for the names I'd need for Light's note.
My favorite sport to watch is football. My favorite sport to play is professional sleeping. That's not a sport, is it? Oh well.
I follow the Inuyasha manga as it is released in Japan and in the United States. It's clear that the series is near the end... but Takahashi seems to be taking her sweet time getting there.
Mr. Panda is mad because they had the Daytona 500 without him.
When I started off 2008, I made a large change to make things easier for myself and to reflect the overall drop of average comments/visits I receive when compared to this time last year. I reduced my blogging frequency rate from five days a week down to three. Now I find it hard to stick with the three days a week. No, this isn't one of those "I'm leaving myOtaku" posts that some of my really good friends unfortunately had to make recently. What I'm saying is that my posting will now go from "three days a week" to "whenever I feel like it". For a lazy person like myself, having a set schedule for something really sucks. I'd love to tell The Boss: "Hey, I'm no longer working from Monday to Friday. I'm now working whenever I feel like it." I'm sure THAT would go over well.
Now you'll never know when I'll pop up! It'll be a surprise, like when you open the Cracker Jack box for your prize that's worth close to $0.0000003 in value.
So what have I been up to? I've been following news of the upcoming live-action Dragonball movie. There's also a live-action Akira, Battle Angel Alita, and of course Speed Racer in the works too... it appears that I was right about Hollywood flocking to anime franchises after Transformers' giant box office success. Reading more about the movie made me want to go out and buy DB merchandise. That's one thing some "true" anime fans "forget" to do: actually pay money to support the series that they love. I'm not referring to the people who can't afford anything... that's another argument. I mean the people who earn money, watch anime for free online and then REFUSE to pay a dime towards the series that they're mooching, even though they CAN. Because they're essentially ripping off the creators like bloodsucking predators in the night, I'll call them "scampires".
I can imagine those people meeting the creators at a convention or something.
Scampire: Hey Randommangaka-san, I love your work! I download it for free all the time without giving a single penny to you! And merchandise? Fuhgeddaboudit! I'm such a big, supportive fan, aren't I?
Manga-ka: That you are! Thank you for not helping me with putting food on the table for my family! I love working hard day-and-night and not receiving anything in return!
Scampire: Wow! Really?
Manga-ka: Of course not. Get the hell out of the face. Security!
They remind me of those kids at my childhood comic book store that would read everything for free. They'd even pull the rare comics from their plastic bags to peek inside and not once did they buy something cheap like a stick of gum. The exception is that the scampires don't have a burly Greek shopkeeper telling them to scram while wielding a weapon known as "The Doom Broom".
In addition to inflating my DB-Dorkitude and ranting about scampires, I've been keeping in touch with my family and-- *sees that American Idol is on as I type this* What the--? Wow. It must be nice to produce the exact same show every season and still have millions of people watch it. Whoever thought that up is really a genius. Anyway, my family is doing fine, asides from my father acting up with some of the nurses at the home. I have a feeling that they'll kick him out if he keeps it up. Maybe that's what he wants to do. After being in there for so many months, I'd want to go home too, especially after tasting the food. It tastes like someone sprinkled each dish with cigarette ashes like a normal person would with salt or pepper.
As you can see, there's no fanfic today. Such was my plan for this week for a long time. Next week, I should have Everybody Hates Naruto running again. Oh yeah, it's Friday... the Anime Video of the Week... this week, I'm continuing with the "Month of Sports" and I present the opening for the soccer anime, Whistle! I haven't seen a single bit of the series outside of the video below, so I won't bother reviewing it. I like being honest like that. In my school days, I could never stand in front of the class and say "I haven't read a single page in this book, so I won't do a book report." No, I had to lie and make up some b.s., somehow coming up with Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist being a story about a new dance started by Tommy Oliver, the Green Power Ranger.
Rin: M'lord! We couldn't find a TV-sized version of the Whistle! opening!
LS vs. Don King Today's Wisdom
Clothes don't make the man; it's the underpaid sweatshop workers that make the clothes.
Comment Response (02/13/2008)
Ulquiorra is emo? Nah, I wouldn't say that he is.
There's a show called "Pants-Off Dance Off"? Uhh... if it involves liquor, then I guess it isn't so bad. Drunk people do strange things. But if the people on the show are sober, and they probably are, then there's a problem.
I'm sorry for scaring anyone with the picture of Paul Bearer. Today's post is 100% traumatizing-image free, unless the dogs that lie ahead scare you somehow.
Fanfic Friday is here again. With "Animation Elimination" finished and with "Everybody Hates Naruto" two weeks away, what's on tap for today? A special one-shot comedy story featuring the cast of Death Note, that's what. You'll find it down below. Hmm... I've noticed that when some people insist on spelling Light's name as "Raito", they never spell L's name as "Eru". If you're going to use the transliterated romaji for one English name, you might as well do them all... kind of like when people use "Maito Gai" over "Might Guy", but they never say "Rokku Rii" for "Rock Lee" in Naruto. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe someone can enlighten me, or "enraiten mii". *shrugs* Enjoy the story!
For months, the serial killer named Kira has been murdering criminals via heart attacks all over the world. His ultimate form of vigilantism is a polarizing subject. People are either for Kira or they are against him. Of all the people against him, none is more adamant about causing his downfall than the detective known as "L". L is working in Japan, the country that is believed to be Kira's base of operations. On his side are Detective Yagami and his son Light, along with some other no-name cops. They are currently inside of L's base of operations, which is a room full of television monitors and empty Hostess snack cake boxes.
Cop #1: Hey... why did the narrator call us "no-name cops"?
L: Because that's what you are. No one watching this show cares about you guys. Seriously, how many people have you seen wearing an "idiotic Japanese cop from Death Note" t-shirt?
Cops: ...
L: I rest my case. *bites into a Twinkie* Mmm. Where's the crème filling? It's in my belly, that's where it is. *bites again*
Yagami: Ryuuzaki (L's alias), I know that you believe that my son is Kira... but I'm curious. How sure are you of this?
L: Hmm... *eating* ...at this point, maybe 2%.
Yagami: That's good.
L: Or skim. Whichever milk is cheaper, Watari. Make it quick. This Twinkie won't wash itself down.
L's assistant Watari leaves to go on a milk-run. Yagami grabs L by his shirt.
Yagami: PAY ATTENTION AND DAMN YOUR MILK! MY SON'S GOOD NAME IS AT STAKE HERE!
L: You think "Light" is a good name? I don't know if I should arrest him or plug him into a wall outlet.
Light enters the room. Behind him is his shinigami "friend", Ryuk. No one can see Ryuk unless they touch Light's Death Note, which he conveniently left at home under his mattress and stuck inside of a Penthouse magazine.
Light: Hey everyone.
Yagami: Ah! You must not think he's guilty or else you wouldn't let him go out by himself.
L: Hmm... that's not true. I do believe that he could possibly be Kira. That's why I sent a special crew after him all day without him noticing.
Light: What? I didn't see anything...
Ryuk: Hahahaha! I sure did. Just wait until you get a load of them.
L: They should be here soon. Their expertise will help us find Kira and bring him to justice once and for all.
The door opens and five figures enter the room.
Shaggy: Like, zoinks, man!
Light: ...
Yagami: Ryuuzaki? Who are these people? And why do they smell like marijuana?
L: I've called them in from the United States. In the past, this group of hippie teenagers has helped me solve a few mysteries. The most prominent of which was "The Case of the Headless Chicken" where a giant fowl without a head was trying to keep people away from a farm that was scheduled to be transformed into a shopping mall.
Fred: It turns out that it was really Old Man Jenkins in disguise.
Light: Yes... I see. Do you really think that these people can capture Kira, Ryuuzaki?
L: *eating a honey bun* If anyone can catch him, it's them. Trust me. Right, Scooby-Doo?
Scooby: Reah! Ratch'im! Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Ryuk: Whoa, the dog just talked. One of those apples that I ate must have been laced with something.
Light: I heard it too.
L: Did you say something, Light?
Light: Uhh... I said... "hey Scooby-Doo."
Ryuk: Nice save.
Fred: Here's our business card, Light.
Fred hands a card to Light. Light looks at it. It's a silly looking card that features all of the group's names and phone numbers. Light puts it in his wallet.
Velma: We spent the whole day gathering evidence, L. Would you like us to give a report of what we discovered?
L: *finishes honey bun* Sure.
Velma: At 8:00 AM, Light Yagami woke up. Between 8 and 9, he brushed his teeth, took a shower and ate breakfast.
Light: You guys saw me in the shower...?
Daphne: Mmm-hmm, we sure did. *blushes*
Velma: Between the hours of 9 and 10, Light wrote some stuff down in a strange notebook and stuffed it under his bed. We think it was a diary. Around 10:05, he received a phone call and left. Light took a train to meet with another person, Misa Amane.
L: Really? Interesting. Continue.
Velma: Light met with Misa at 11:15 outside of a sleazy motel. They went inside and didn't come out until 1:26 PM.
Light: Oh... about that, it's not what you think! I'd never do anything like that with Misa!
L: *sips his tea* No one would fault you if you did. I know that I would. *sips more tea* The "L" in my name stands for "lonely".
Light: We didn't do anything!
Daphne: *giggles* Sure you didn't.
Ryuk: Watch it, Light. You don't want them to find out that the motel was merely a cover so that you could formulate your next plan with Misa without having anyone see you, hahahaha.
Light: SHUT UP!
Daphne: How rude!
Light: Not you!
Fred: Then who...?
Light: Uh... um... the air conditioner is too loud! Someone turn it down!
Ryuk: Hahahahahaha!
L: Hmm. Light, I've noticed that you talk to yourself quite often. Have you ever considered pursuing some type of... oh... what's the term?
Scooby: Rychorogical reatment!
L: Yes, thank you.
Light: I don't need therapy!
Shaggy: Like, calm down, man. You're going to pop a blood vessel or something.
L: Continue, Velma. *eats a donut*
Shaggy: Man, I sure could go for a donut right now. How about sharing, L?
Scooby: Reah! Rare rum ronuts!
L: No! MINE! Get back! Back I say! *hisses*
Shaggy and Scooby: O_o
Velma: After the love hotel incident, Light Yagami went to lunch until 1:40. Then he took another train here. He arrived at 2:11 PM.
L: Thank you. Light, I'd like to know about the notebook you were writing in.
Ryuk: Uh-oh, hahahahahaha!
Light: Stop laughing!
L: I wasn't laughing, although I admit that it's hard not to when in the presence of a talking Great Dane.
Fred (whispers): Something's not right with Light.
Shaggy (whispers): Yeah, man. I don't, like, start to talking to imaginary people until I'm on my second joint, man.
Daphne (whispers): He's clearly sober... and oh so hot.
Velma (whispers): I'm hot too... I wish he didn't turn off the air conditioner.
Daphne (whispers): That's not what I meant.
Fred (whispers): I think we should quest--
Light: Stop talking about me over there! I'm NOT Kira! And I don't care what L says or what a bunch of stoners straight out of the 1960s think! All of you can go to Hell!
Scooby: Ruh-uh! You ran roh to Rell! Rucking rasshole!
Ryuk: A dog just cussed you out... I think. Hahahahahaha.
Light stomps out of the room. Ryuk cannot stop laughing as he hovers behind him. A piece of the Death Note falls from Light's pocket. Light carries multiple pieces with him in case of an emergency.
Velma: What's that?
Velma picks up the Death Note piece. She passes it around to her friends. They shrug and take their leave, promising to return with more information about Light tomorrow. Once outside, they see Ryuk flying around an apple cart. Ryuk takes an apple without paying for it.
Shaggy: ZOINKS!
Fred: Grab him! He stole an apple!
Ryuk doesn't even try to escape. Daphne and Velma grab him. Ryuk finds them to be amusing, so he plays along with the "arrest".
Fred: Now to unmask him!
Fred grabs Ryuk's head and pulls as hard as he can. He pulls and pulls until he yanks it clean off from the neck.
Group: O_O
Fred: AHA! So, the apple thief is really the Invisible Man!
Daphne: Fred, you moron! You pulled his head off!
Fred looks down at the head in his hands.
Ryuk: I would have gotten away with it too if not for you meddling kids and your dog!
Group: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
They run away in horror, leaving Ryuk to reattach his head to his body. The group runs into the street and are promptly run over by an 18-wheeler. Light is standing in a nearby alleyway. In his right hand is a piece of the Death Note. In his left hand is the business card that Fred gave him earlier. The Note reads:
"Fred Jones, Velma Dinkley, Daphne Blake, Norville ‘Shaggy' Rogers and Scooby-Doo will all be run over by an 18-wheeler at 2:30 PM after seeing something that frightens them greatly."
Light: Look at that, Ryuk. The Death Note works on dogs too. I didn't know that.
Ryuk: Me neither. Won't this make L more suspicious of you?
Light: I don't care. I'd rather spend life in jail than have those idiots follow me around any longer.
Ryuk: Heading back to the motel? Hahahahaha.
Light: Shut up!
Ryuk: You meet a cute girl and get her alone in a motel room... and all you do is talk about strategies and world domination. You're such a dork! Hahahahaha!
Light: Even if I WANTED to do anything like that, I couldn't with you floating around! I can't even use the toilet without you watching me like some game on ESPN!
Light has an idea. He does something that he never even contemplated before. Light writes Ryuk's name on the Death Note piece. Ryuk clutches his heart and falls over onto the pavement.
Light: I... I did it! I killed him! Woohoo!
Ryuk: *sits up* Fooled you! Hahahaha!
Light: Damn it...
Light lowers his head and walks away. Ryuk follows after him as usual.
Ryuk: "I did it! I killed him!" HAHAHA! Did you think that would work? What an idiot! HAHAHA!
Light: ...I hate my life...
THE END
Hey, wait a minute... that's not a beagle... and that's not a boxer. Here's another kooky item from our pals in Japan. I've seen this before, but I didn't know it was of Japanese origin until recently. It's a dog that you stick into one of your computer's USB ports. Then it... humps your computer. It's not a flash drive or anything like that. The only purpose for the dog is to hump your computer. This opens the door for all sorts of oddities. Will there be doggie "protection" to make sure it doesn't get a virus? How about a skin for the humped computer to make it look like a drunk guy's leg?
Anime Video of the Week
I'm continuing with the "Month of Sports" in my weekly anime video series. This week's sport is boxing. Boxing, as you should know, is a sport where two people wear big gloves and beat each other up. Millionaires and celebrities like to watch boxing matches in person, kind of like modern-day Roman aristocrats watching the gladiators at the Colosseum, only with cigars and more hookers. Boxing was a legitimate sport until a few years ago. At that time, a man resembling a troll doll started fixing the fights.
And that led to Mike "Hannibal" Tyson feasting on people in the ring and threatening to dip their kids in sweet-and-sour sauce like Children McNuggets. Tyson never said that to my knowledge, but with all the crazy stuff he's said over the years, it wouldn't surprise me if he did.
Hajime no Ippo (known as Fighting Spirit in some territories) is an anime about boxing featured in the video below. And... um... that's all I've got. It's hard to review an anime without ever actually seeing it. (readers: *anime fall*) I'm sure it's a decent series. My brother purchased a PS2 videogame based on the anime about a year ago. He, like myself, never saw the anime. The game was only $5 and he figured the purchase couldn't hurt.
The game was barely mediocre, gameplay-wise. The matches had these realllllllllllly long cutscenes in-between. The story wasn't so bad, but it was hard to bear because the graphics looked like they were generated on a computer powered by a hamster running in a wheel. Not only that, none of the characters had voiceovers. Instead, they talked with word bubbles like in a comic book as cheesy, repetitive music looped in the background. The only person who had a voice was the ring announcer. Fast forwarding through the ring intro made him sound like a chipmunk. At some point, I remember that I got to box against a bear. That was the highlight of the whole game.
I can't judge an anime based on my experience with its bargain-bin videogame tie-in... maybe I'll watch this series sometime to relive the glory days of yestermonth when I got to punch a virtual bear in the face.
What's your favorite sport, if you have one? It can be either to watch or to play or both.
LS vs. Lenny the Business School Drop-Out Opening Thought my friend Mike, back in 9th-10th grade: "You suck so bad at drawing, you can't even draw air."
Comment Response (02/11/2008)
When I said that I hate "cute" things, I didn't mean women or babies or anything along those lines. I'm talking about those cuddly, ever-so-marketable fuzzy cartoon characters that you can find in any theme park around the world. Hell for me would be an eternity trapped inside an episode of the Care Bears.
Yeah, I get along with my parents. They're the only ones I've got. I might as well love them and cherish the time that I have with them.
That's an empty bag of pork rinds that I had with my lunch on Tuesday. *hears someone say "I don't like pork rinds."* Well, that's fine. I wasn't going to share them with you anyway. I like pork rinds, even though they dry my mouth out pretty fast as if someone dumped sand onto my tongue. I scanned the image because of the goofy cartoon pig. His face has been magnified and highlighted, as you can see. It's a bag of PORK rinds... why is this pig so damn happy? Does he not realize what PORK is? And then they slapped a chef's hat and apron on him, both of which were purchased at Beetlejuice's garage sale. I believe that the pig knows what the pork rinds are. He murdered one of his enemies at the feeding trough and fried him up good. Look at his face again. That's the face of a serial-killing cannibal.
The Package
As I mentioned on Friday, my brother Jeff ordered a package from a bodybuilding website and had it delivered to my place. He wants me to hold on to it until he gets home. Of course, he did this without notifying me in advance (thanks, brother, for forcing me to face that creepy FedEx driver at the crack of dawn). After speaking with him via an online chat, I was given the go-ahead to open it up. Inside were three things. 1) an invoice. 2) a sample-sized energy bar, chocolate/peanut butter flavored. 3) a FIVE-POUND jar of vanilla weight-gain muscle powder. I can imagine Barry Bonds* smiling on the label like a steroid-ified Chef Boyardee.
It's similar to Nesquik or Ovaltine in that you add it to milk, mix it up and drink it. The only differences are that it's vanilla and it supposedly adds muscle mass to your body. My brother is a Marine and some added muscle would help him greatly in Iraq... but he had it sent to St. Louis without expecting me to relay it to him over there. Now I'm stuck with five pounds of muscle powder for the next 3-4 months. I could rip the label off and try to pass it off as a poor man's funeral urn with the vanilla powder being the ashes inside. Sweet, then I can go around doing my kickass Paul Bearer impression.
Japanese TV
One of the many, many, many, many things that I hate is when a TV show or a commercial uses a baby and relies on its "cuteness" factor to fool people into believing that their broadcast/product is any good. Creativity dies as soon as a talking baby is brought into the mix. Don't get me wrong; I don't hate babies. I just hate seeing them in commercials after Lenny the Business School Drop-Out couldn't think of anything better. "Man... I can't think of anything to sell this maple syrup! Think, Lenny. THINK! Oh yeah! BABIES! The suckers out there LOVE babies!" Then we get an infant in a diaper rolling around in Aunt Jemima or something. And the sad thing is that people fall for that stuff every... single... time. The same goes for puppy dogs.
What does that rant have to do with today's video? Absolutely nothing.
This week's video from Japan features women in kunoichi (female ninja) training... or something. Ninja training and Naruto is nowhere in sight. Total time is 3:50 of watching grown women fall into water and smack their faces against assorted items.
Visit Counter
Because of the Vibrant upgrade thingamabob, we no longer have visit/hit counters in the Backroom here at myOtaku. I'm curious about how many visits I receive. To fix that problem, I've added my own counter to the bottom of the page in the Quiz Results area. The starting number I used is an estimate from where it was frozen at a couple of months ago. If you'd like to have a free counter of your own, click on the link down below.
LS vs. China Opening Thought
What has two heads, two tails, eight legs and is bossed around by cruel Chinese people? Find out the answer today!
Comment Response (02/08/2008)
Thanks to everyone who read the finale of "Animation Elimination" over the weekend! Plans for a third season are in the works, but that is subject to change between now and this fall. Until then, I'll have another 26-or-so episodes of "Everybody Hates Naruto" starting on Feb. 29.
Pooh had it coming. In general, I hate everything that most people find to be "cute" because, unlike the mass majority of mankind, I can see through their deception and find the true evil that lies within. The sweeter something is, the worse it is for you. Kind of like desserts.
I opened my brother's parcel/package/thing recently... I'll reveal what's inside on Wednesday. This is what people call a "cliffhanger". I forgot about opening it until just now... and my post is long enough today... there's no room for it now. My apologies. ^^;
What do I do in my free time? I frequently create plots to escape from the prison of my tortured, twisted mind. As you can see, every attempt has failed miserably.
Slam Dunk is from the early 1990s. As part of my new goal, I'm trying to use videos of anime that don't get that much exposure on myOtaku. I do this to be different and hopefully help some older series find some new fans.
Only in Japan? I'm unsure if McDonald's in America has ever blessed us with this, the four-patty superburger MEGA MAC. Four all-beef patties, cheese, pickles, lettuce, the sesame seed bun and the "secret special sauce" (*cough*THOUSAND ISLAND SALAD DRESSING*cough*)... I can feel my waistline growing just by looking at this image. I believe it's part of a new Death Note promotion. Eat the burger and get a free heart attack, just like one of Kira's victims.
I know what you're thinking. "LS, you usually post a weird picture to start things off... what's so weird about that? Big deal." Either that or "I'm hungry" like I'm thinking right now. If you're in the former camp of thought, feast your eyes on the following images and bask in the glow of their insanity.
Just when it seemed that the Chinese had plumbed the depths of animal humiliation, along comes something even worse. The shocking pictures come from the animal park at Xiamen in Fujian, south-east China, where the public seem to delight in humiliating circus-style stunts and have no regard for animal cruelty. Conditions are poor, with big cats including lions, tigers and leopards and other large animals including bears kept in solitary confinement in tiny cages. Save China's Tigers, a charity which has a branch in the UK, campaigns to save animals trapped in the country's zoos. It carries out public education schemes in China to raise awareness. And it aims to free tigers from their cages, set up breeding programmes and reintroduce the proud creatures to the wild after teaching them how to hunt for themselves.
I told you it was insane. I failed to mention that it is also evil, at least in my opinion. One can only imagine what "fun" will be had at the Olympic games in Beijing this summer.
You gotta love Communist China... providing the world with poisonous toys, excessive air pollution and animal cruelty like nobody else.
Dear Old Dad
I visited my father recently. I visit him often, but I only mention him if there is a new development with his condition. Oh? I hear some of you asking "who's your daddy?" Wait... *lowers volume on adult movie* Sorry about that.
Some of you may not know who my father is and I'll gladly explain. He is a stubborn man who refuses to listen to people. Over a year ago, he was diagnosed with a spinal/nerve problem that could have paralyzed him from the waist down if left untreated. Instead of staying in the country for medical treatment, he fled to the Caribbean to some property that he owns down there. Then he suffered a stroke a few months later (it was later discovered that the nerve problem was actually a precursor to the stroke, meaning if he didn't leave, it might have been prevented) and had to be shipped back home. Most of his right side is paralyzed and he is currently residing in a nursing home where my mother is one of its employees.
Dad is doing fine... although he possibly set a record for the most times that a single person has ever fallen out of a bed. This is both his fault and the nursing home's. They are VERY slow to respond to people who need their help. Whenever Dad needs to use the restroom, they take too long to assist him and he tries to get out of bed on his own. This leads to him falling onto the floor. No matter how many times we tell him not to, he always tries to get up on his own. Now he has mats on the floor all around his bed, along with a motion-detecting alarm to notify nurses if he ever gets up again. Argh... other than that, he's fine.
Wheels
On my recent visit, I got to see three elderly people rolling down the hallway in their wheelchairs. They looked like they were in a race. This happened once before too, same people. Next time, I'll join them in the Oldtona 500. That'll be fun until some uppity nurse kicks me out of the chair. People always try to ruin my fun, like the workers at McDonald's who throw me out of the PlayPlace in the front. Apparently I'm "too old" to use the slide and play in the ball pit. Bah.
"The Ball Pit"... that sounds like the name of a gay bar.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #360
Anime/Game: Naruto
I did NOT draw this piece of fan art. Hinata's muscles... they give me nightmares. Tonight, the part of Hinata will be played by former WWE female wrestler Chyna.I love chewing gum.
Whoa, a few more people hate the Patriots than I expected... excellent, bwahaha...
The New York Giants represent the city of New York... even though they play in New Jersey.
The Super Bowl threw off my timing. Here's what happened.
Monday: didn't have time to type anything because of the Super Bowl on Sunday night Tuesday: posted to make up for Monday Wednesday: forgot to come up with something for Wednesday because my log-on days are no longer back-to-back Thursday: my attitude was "eh... screw it"
Now it's Friday and I'm back to normal. "Eh... screw it" is my official motto for when things get too tough, spoken most often when I'm trying to get out of bed in the morning. Yes, the bed is one of the display beds they have at the furniture store... but I figure "why should I bother getting up? The manager just called the police. They'll drag me out of bed when they arrive."
The finale is here! Animation Elimination comes to its conclusion today! Who is the winner? Find out below! I'm pleased with how this turned out. I had more time to work with it and I believe it shows. Hmm... I actually like this finale better than last year's. No need to vote today, obviously. Click here for the previous episodes' archive. Enjoy the show!
The past several weeks worth of (not so) entertaining programming have led up to this point... the point where someone will go down in anime history as the victor of the 2nd annual Animation Elimination competition. It is on this night that a champion will be named and awarded a mystery grand prize for his efforts. The Kaiba Arena has been covered with the most expensive handmade decorations that money can buy. Cloth banners and buntings are strewn across the arena's upper levels. The ceiling has been opened so the crystal stars can be seen twinkling in the sable sky overhead.
The lovely Éclair and the ever-so-tasteless Mugen are heading to the stage. Éclair wears a stunning blue evening gown that sparkles in the candlelit hallway. Mugen is sporting his usual attire with the addition of an unkempt black necktie that is positioned backwards around his neck.
Éclair: They really rolled out the red carpet... Mugen, could you at least dress like you have class?
Mugen: Class? Shows what you know. I haven't been to school since... since... the last time I've been to school.
Éclair: ......that's not what I meant. School... you probably flunked everything, even lunch.
Mugen: Umm! That's a dirty word! I'm telling!
Éclair: I said FLUNK! Another word for "fail" is "flunk".
Mugen: Ah. So if my mom screws something up, does that make her a mother flunker?
Son Goku, the show's announcer, is just up ahead. He is also wearing his normal clothing, except that his head is stuck in a honey pot.
Goku: Oh bother. Could you guys help me?
Éclair: That's the third time this week! How do you get your head stuck in a honey pot anyway?
Goku: I don't know, Pinky. Can you and The Brain help me out?
Éclair: No... no... NO! I refuse to help until you get my name right! All season long, you've forgotten our names!
Goku: I will if you pull this honey pot off of me. Please?
Éclair: *grabs it and tugs* What's my name?!
Goku (grunts): UGH!!
Éclair: Say it! Say my name!
Goku (grunts): AAAAAH!!!
Éclair: WHAT'S MY NAME!?
Kaiba's office is behind a door nearby. He can hear every loud noise coming from the hallway.
Goku (grunts): AAAAAHH!!
Éclair: MY NAME! WHAT'S MY NAME!?
Kaiba (listening): ...
Goku: It hurts! You're too rough!
Éclair: You act like this is the first time you've ever done this!
Kaiba (listening): O_O
Goku: OWW!!
Éclair: Always sticking things where they don't belong... you're such a naughty boy!
Kaiba (listening): What... the... are... are they? No, it couldn't be...
Mugen: Do it harder, Éclair!
Kaiba (listening): Mugen's out there watching?! That sicko!
Éclair: Goku, pull it out already!
Kaiba (throws the door open): ENOUGH! YOU DISGUSTING PERVERTED-- eh?
Seto Kaiba sees Éclair pull the honey pot off of Goku's head. It flies backward and smacks him right in the face. The boss is knocked out cold. Mugen tiptoes over to check on him.
Éclair: Oh shoot! Is he... dead?
Mugen: Nope, his feet didn't curl up. He's alive. *takes his wallet*
The trio decide to leave their employer on the floor. After they depart, Naru finds him on the floor along with the broken honey pot.
Naru: Oh no! Kaiba-san! *checks his pockets* His money is gone... Kaiba-san was mugged by Winnie the Pooh! Call the police!
Goku enters the announcer's booth. The crowd goes wild as they await the finale of Animation Elimination. Goku waves to them all. The time to start the show is now.
Goku: Welcome to Animation Elimination's season finale! Here are your hosts, Milo and Otis!
Mugen and Éclair don't bother questioning Goku. He'll never get their names right. It's something that they'll have to deal with. They walk onto the stage to a thunderous chorus of cheers and applause.
Éclair: All season long, our two finalists have endured grueling challenges!
Mugen: That's right. They went through a bicycle demolition derby, a pie throwing contest, an attack from monkeys while covered in bananas, a spelling bee, an arm wrestling contest, a snowball war, a candy cane joust, a battle against Goku, a date with Fujiko, a lie detector test and a fight with an evil hamster and his minions!
Éclair: It's all been leading up to this moment. Please welcome our finalists. First, from "YuYu Hakusho", Hiei!
Hiei swiftly makes his appearance. He stands on one end of the stage. The fans cheer wildly for him, especially a certain group in the front row.
Kuwabara: Don't screw this up, shrimp! You're so close to victory!
Kurama: Hiei made it farther than I did in this competition last year... impressive. My hat's off to you, or it would be if I wore a hat.
Yusuke: Instead you wear a wig that makes you look like a Mary Jane Watson cosplayer.
Kurama: I'll remember that remark.
Éclair: And our other finalist... from "Death Note", L!
L calmly walks onto the stage. His fans cheer for him and toss shrink-wrapped sweets his way.
Misa: Go L! ^_^
Light: Misa! Use your Shinigami Eyes to find out his real name so I can kill him!
Misa: But... I want to see how the show ends...
Light: You... you... ARGH!
Ryuk: Hahahahahaha! *mocks* "ARGH!" Hahahahahaha!
Éclair: Before we announce the winner, do either of you have anything you'd like to say?
L: To all of my fans who've supported me from episode 14 until now, thank you. I really appreciate all of the fan mail, greeting cards, flowers, candy, cakes, donuts, foot ointment, et cetera et cetera. Arigato.
Éclair: And Hiei?
Hiei: Blow.
Mugen: All right! It's time to crown our champion, who'll receive our grand prize and a place in the anime immortality hall of fame. The runner-up will receive a one-way ticket to Obscurityville. We have a special surprise for you all... last year's champion will be the one to announce the winner. Give a round of applause to the legendary samurai, Kenshin Himura!
"Rurouni Kenshin" star Kenshin Himura is now with the group. He holds a golden envelope in which the winner's name is written. There is also a silver envelope to be opened later.
Kenshin: Thank you! This one is happy to be back on the show! Ever since he won, he has been receiving lots of endorsement deals! Wheaties, Hasbro, Microsoft and even Nike! Be sure to buy his brand new "Air Kenshin" sneakers on sale in the lobby!
~~~~Amestris~~~~
The Elric Brothers watch from the Rockbell family home again. Edward, last year's runner-up, still has a bad taste in his mouth. Winry's grandmother can't cook. But the bad taste can also be attributed to his defeat one year ago.
Edward: Look at that giant tool! That should be MY shoe being sold! "Air Elric" shoes! BAH!
Winry: You with brand-name shoes? To be accurate, none of them could be larger than size 6.
Edward: Winry, have your mouth follow your bra's example and STUFF IT!
Alphonse turns away as Winry repeatedly pounds Edward in the head with her wrench. The disgruntled auto-mail mechanic goes into the kitchen with a giant vein throbbing in her forehead. Edward is on the ground, a large lump rising from his skull.
Alphonse: Hey brother! On the bright side, that new lump on your head has made you taller!
Edward: I hate you...
~~~~~~
Kenshin: The winner of Animation Elimination 2008 is...
Hiei: Hmph.
L: *eats a Swiss cake roll*
Kenshin: ...L!
Fireworks are launched into the sky once the announcement is made. Confetti and streamers fall from the arena's upper levels, accompanied by red and white balloons. The crowd cheers as loud as ever. L finishes his sweet and makes his way over to Kenshin. Hiei, who has just been defeated, says nothing and walks away.
Mugen: Hiei! Are you leaving?
Hiei: Of course, you fool. I can't believe that I lost to that shut-in sugar junkie.
Hiei disappears into the darkness of the night. Éclair gives L a big hug.
Éclair: You won! Congratulations! *sniffs* You... smell like... an Easy Bake Oven...
L: That's what people tell me. I believe that my body secretes sugar through its pores.
Kenshin: Oro? O.o
Mugen: L had the most votes every single week, so it's no surprise that he won in the end. Himura-sama, please give him his grand prize.
Kenshin hands the silver envelope to L. L opens it to find a plane ticket.
Kenshin: You won an all-expense paid trip to Tokyo!
L: But... I'm already in Tokyo...
Kenshin: Oh. *takes the ticket back* Let's see... *digs around in his pocket* Ah! Here! You won a half-empty pack of chewing gum!
L: Hmm. Not what I expected... thank you anyway.
Mugen: In addition to your, uh, chewing gum, you've also won 100,000,000 yen, a year's supply of Kinoki foot pads, and a golden ticket granting you access to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory!
L: Really?! You're not kidding, right? I can visit the Wonka factory?! Wait, which Wonka? The original Gene Wilder one or the creepy Johnny Depp one?
Mugen: Um... both.
Mugen gives L a golden ticket. The slovenly detective jumps with joy. He runs off with his prize, happy as can be.
Mugen: I didn't have the heart to tell him that was a lie. He'll figure it out when he arrives at the "factory" only to discover that it's really a bingo hall in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
Éclair: That's it for this season! See you next year unless we've been cancelled!
Mugen: Éclair, I still have Kaiba-san's wallet. How about me and you go out and have fun tonight? Goku too.
Goku: That sounds great! Come on, let's go!
Éclair: Eh... I get the feeling that something bad is going to happen. Not to us, but elsewhere...
Mugen: Who gives a fig? It's party time!
Éclair: OK! Bye everyone! ^_^
~~~~The Hundred Acre Wood~~~~
The Hundred Acre Wood is experiencing another windy autumn season. Piglet is raking leaves outside, only to have more leaves be blown into his front yard. His best friend Pooh approaches.
Piglet: Oh, h-hello Pooh!
Pooh: Hello Piglet! It certainly is a blustery day, isn't it?
Piglet: It s-s-sure is.
Pooh: I'm on my way to Rabbit's house to see if he can loan me a small smackerel of honey. Care to join me?
Piglet: I'll be along after I finish-- POOH! L-LOOK OUT! BE-BEHIND YOU!
Three police officers armed with nightsticks run up from behind and start beating down on the pudgy bear. Piglet runs inside and locks the door, leaving Pooh to his grim fate.
Pooh: OW! WHAT THE F*** DID I DO, MAN?!
Officer: You are under arrest for assaulting and robbing Japanese millionaire Seto Kaiba!
Pooh: WHO!? I'VE NEVER HEARD OF-- OWWW!! PIGLET! CALL CHRISTOPHER ROBIN! OWW! MUST YOU BE SO ROUGH?! *struggles*
Officer: Zap him, Lenny!
Pooh: DON'T TASE ME, BRO!
Piglet: Oh d-dear...
THE END
Mail
I received a couple of interesting things in the mail recently. Normally, the only things I receive in my mail are bills, coupon collections and magazines that I assure you are not of the adult nature. The first item of note is a letter from Arbitron. If you don't know who "Arbitron" is, it is a company that is responsible for tracking radio ratings. Listeners fill out surveys over a certain period of time and get them back to Arbitron so they can see which stations in the area are the most popular. Included with the letter was a $1 bill! Not a lame gift certificate or a coupon... real MONEY! Now, you may think $1 isn't much-- and in the grand scheme of things, it isn't --but usually people are begging me for cash in the mail, not giving it to me! Oh that was a delightful surprise. I'll be participating in their survey and, according to them, will be receiving another cash gift in the future.
I feel like a trained seal. Instead of fish, I'm getting dollar bills to perform my tricks. Urk urk urk!
The second item is not addressed to me at all. It's for my brother... a package from a bodybuilding website superstore. He ordered something and had it delivered here without telling me in advance. I haven't been able to speak with him since I received it. It's on my kitchen table right now. What's inside? Who knows! I'm afraid to open it without his approval. It's not that I fear my brother, not at all. I'm afraid that if I open it, my face will melt off like at the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark". If I get the clearance/courage to open it, I'll let you know what's inside.
Anime Video of the Week
To continue with my "Month of Sports" theme videos thing I'm going with (that I just came up with two seconds ago), this week's opening video is about basketball. Last week was football. See the trend? I may use soccer and tennis in the future (you can probably guess which anime those will be from). The video below is from Slam Dunk, one of the most popular-- arguably the most popular --sports anime/manga ever produced. Although it's kind of hard to argue with this link, which lists Slam Dunk as Japanese fans' #1 manga of all time (my personal favorite manga Dragon Ball came in 3rd, woohoo!). Be sure to click the link to see if your favorite(s) made it into the top 10.
The plot starts off with a tough high school boy who has no luck with the ladies. To win the affections of the girl of his dreams, he joins the high school basketball team after she reccommends that he should. What follows is an inspiring story of teamwork, friendship, etc., etc. I've typed a lot today... forgive me for being lazy right now when it comes to explaining any further. The manga ran for 31 volumes and the anime had a total of 101 episodes throughout the 1990s. Viz Media will begin regular publication of the manga series for English audiences in September 2008.
The video below features the first anime opening, "Kimi ga Suki da to Sakebitai", which roughly translates to "I Want to Shout 'I Love You'". Aww... how sweet. With Drain Money From Men Day Valentine's Day coming up, it's appropriate, eh?
LS vs. Groundhog Opening Thought
Pfft, yeah, like I was going to post the day after the Super Bowl. You folks should know how easily-distracted I am by now.
Comment Response (02/01/2008)
Thanks to everyone who read "Animation Elimination" over the weekend! I personally believe that I could've done better and I chalk that up to my shortened time for working on the chapter. This week, there is no tie. I have a clear winner and the rough draft for Friday's finale is already being assembled. The overall quality should be at least better than last week's offering. Be here this Friday to see who is the winner!
Yes, there is a Hollywood-produced live-action Dragonball movie scheduled for release this August. It is currently being filmed in Mexico. With Transformers coming out last year, added to Speed Racer in May and then DB in August... perhaps Hollywood is starting to milk the anime cow like they've been doing with superhero comic books. For more DB movie information, including the cast listing, here's a link for you to look at. Or if you don't trust Wikipedia, here's a more reputable source.
I hate snow because it's a pain to clean it up. It gets all over my car, my driveway, the roads, etc. If not for that, I wouldn't hate it so much.
(DISCLAIMER: LordSesshomaru does not endorse drinking alcoholic beverages and it should only be left to professionals, like Lindsay Lohan)
Groundhog Day
I had forgotten about Saturday being Groundhog Day until a few minutes after I last posted here. In case you do not know (I'm sure that you do, but explaining things really inflates my paragraphs... a technique that helped me survive English class in high school), Groundhog Day is a day where a bunch of men dressed like the Monopoly guy drag a woodland creature out of the ground and hold him up like a trophy. Apparently, this creature can predict the weather. If he sees his shadow, there are six more weeks of winter... or not... I actually forgot how it goes, which shows you how many rat's asses I give about the holiday.
I believe his name is "Punxsutawney Phil". That may be spelled incorrectly. Once again, I don't care too much about Mr. Phil or his holiday, certainly not enough to use a spell-check on his name. If I sound a tad jaded in this commentary, it is because I am jaded... green with envy over the fact that those men have top hats and I don't. I'd wear mine everywhere, just to see how people would stare at me. The thought of wearing a top hat along with my trademark plaid bathrobe while purchasing a Slurpee at 7-Eleven... the thought of that amuses me greatly.
Super Bowl
Sunday was the Super Bowl. I'm not sure how many of you care about football, but I don't care if you don't care for I couldn't care less whether you cared or didn't care because I'm careless for the cares of others and what I care for is all that I care to discuss carefully on this site with great care. Hmph! *ahem* I went to a Super Bowl "party" being hosted by a friend. It didn't seem like a party, hence the quotation marks. We just sat around, ate snacks and watched TV. Hell, I could have stayed home and done the same thing with the added benefit of doing so in my underwear. Thanks to the numerous police citations I've received, I've learned that people don't accept that sort of thing once I leave my home.
The New England Patriots lost and rightfully so. They annoy me to no end and are the only professional sports team in my Rogues Gallery.
LS ROGUES GALLERY
*El Diablo the albino squirrel
*hippos and their queen, Rosie O'Donnell
*Paris Hilton
*Dr. Phil
*the New England Patriots
*the city of Boston, MA
*the mall
*Dreamworks animation studio
*Aquaman
*Honeybun, the loud yappy dog up the street
I knew they'd lose too. In this era, whenever so many people say that someone will win, they end up choking at the finish line. You'd think that people would learn by now too. I was the only one in my little group of friends, both at work and elsewhere, who picked the Giants. And my stupid butt didn't place a single bet! I could've cleaned house instead of watching House after the game like I did! Son of a... *grumbles*
The drive home was no picnic either. It was pretty foggy and I could barely see in front of me. And when I went past a local garbage dump, it was like driving through the world's biggest fart cloud. The fog + the stink created the effect... horrid doesn't begin to describe it. Yeesh.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #358
Anime/Game: Inuyasha
Viz sometimes uses the most interesting words for their translated sound effects in the manga they publish... Sausages!
LS vs. AMVs Opening Thought
I like how some foods have "serving size" suggestions on their packages, mainly to make their calorie counts look smaller. The more fatty the food, the smaller the serving size. I saw a bag of potato chips and the serving size was 8 chips. Who only eats 8 chips? And who COUNTS them?
Oh yeah. Well, BESIDES him, I mean...
Comment Response (01/30/2008)
I had a few new faces arrive! Welcome to my site! If anything you read here prevents you from sleeping at night or causes permanent damage to your brain, I reccommend reading it again, but this time without a Sharpie up your nose. Don't make the same mistake that I did. *twitch*
If I could be a Power Ranger, I'd be the one with enough sense to summon the Megazord early and crush the monster before it could grow.
Nope, I do not own a laptop. The thought of stealing purchasing one has crossed my mind on a few occasions. Someday I'll get one.
Paris Hilton is going to Croatia? Be sure to spray everything with Lysol after she leaves.
I had to rush with this week's chapter. Although I had an idea of what I wanted to do, it was difficult without having the finalists determined on Monday.
Thankfully, I managed to get it done.
Hopefully, the storytelling quality doesn't suck more than usual.
Zestfully, clean.
Oh yeah, this is "Animation Elimination" season 2, the episode before next week's finale. Today you will find out who the two finalists are and next week, the new champion will be given his prize. I have a strong feeling about who's going to win in the end... this person has had the most votes in every episode from the beginning until now and I can't see him losing (I'll reveal his identity after next week's episode). Still, it'll be fun to watch everything play out. If you'd like to read the previous episodes, here are the archives. I do make a few references to past episodes today... checking out the archives would be helpful to newcomers or anyone wanting to refresh their memory. And now on with the show!
With only one week away from the crowning of a new Animation Elimination season champion, Seto Kaiba is preparing for the finale in earnest. Well, not him personally, but he is barking out the orders and that counts for something, doesn't it? His secretary, Naru Narusegawa, is handling multiple telephones and computer monitors at once. She is in contact with several caterers, pyrotechnics experts, decorators, tailors and others to help with the overall production of next week's show. Yes, while next week will be quite a spectacle, this week's broadcast is nothing to sneeze at.
Outside the Kaiba Arena in Tokyo, a group of small creatures scurries into an opened air vent. These animals have foul play on their felonious minds. What horrors do they have in store for the viewing audience? Will anyone take them seriously because they're all under 12 inches tall?
Hamtaro: All right, troops! Today is the day when we get revenge on that cur Seto Kaiba and his pathetic "Animation Elimination" freak-a-thon! The plans have been made and now, it's time for the roll call. I'm Hamtaro.
Pikachu: PIKACHU!
Furby: Beeka-pokie-gara-tobah-scooby-dooby-doo!
Pikachu: ...pi... ka? (Translation: WTF?)
Hamtaro: I know, I know. I couldn't find any other anime characters, so I branched out. Furby is already evil as hell... and he REALLY needs a job... getting him to sign on wasn't difficult.
The half-pint demons scamper through the ventilation shaft and towards their villainous goal.
~~~~~~~~~
With the arena full and the cameras rolling, the second-to-last episode of Animation Elimination is ready to go. Goku is sitting in the announcer's booth, as usual.
Goku: Hey... the "Dragon Ball" movie comes out this August! Everywhere I go, people ask "Goku, what part will you play in the movie's production?" And then I say "...no part at all..." because the producers, in their infinite wisdom, DECLINED giving a part to me... in a movie about ME. Instead, they got some jabroni named Justin Chatwin. Who the hell is that? They said it'd be "weird" if I played myself! Weird?! I know how to play myself! I play myself everyday!
Mugen: *snickers* "Play myself"... Must... not... make a dirty joke... fight it, Mugen...
Goku: I shall mancott this movie until it is released on DVD... since I'll receive a portion of the profits at that point.
Éclair: Mancott...?
Goku: It's like a boycott, but with men. I'm a man, not a boy. You follow me?
Éclair: Sadly, yes. You should come with a disclaimer. "Listening to this idiot will lower your IQ by 35 points." Now introduce us already.
Goku: Welcome to Animation Elimination! And here are your hosts... Sanford and Son!
Éclair: *sigh* OK, this week, we will reveal who are our two finalists! I don't know about you, but I'm excited beyond belief! And now... please welcome Hiei, Kakashi and L!
Hiei walks onto the set, followed by Kakashi and L. As last week's victor, Hiei won a check for 50,000,000 yen. After stopping to fill his car with gasoline this morning, all of Hiei's prize money is now gone. L sips on a cup of tea that he overloaded with sugar cubes. Kakashi flips through the pages of Jiraiya's latest perverted novel, "The Spider***k Chronicles". The censors prevent the book's full name from being displayed.
Mugen: All right... now... one of you will be going home this week... and the other two will advance to the finals. L...
L: Yes?
Mugen: You are safe. Kakashi...
Kakashi: What?
Mugen: You are eliminated. Hiei...
Hiei: ...
Mugen: You are safe.
Hiei: Wow, I never would have figured that out on my own. Thanks, Professor Retard.
Kakashi: Oh... so I'm leaving? That's fine with me. This gives me a chance to rest up before season 2 of "Everybody Hates Naruto" later this month. That's "Everybody Hates Naruto", folks! Right here in this timeslot starting on February 29! Be sure to watch! Tell a friend--
Éclair kicks Kakashi off the stage.
Éclair: ENOUGH! If you gave any more advertising, this would be an infomercial!
Mugen: Hiei and L are our two finalists. Last year, our finalists were Kenshin Himura and Edward Elric. To win, they had to defeat the dastardly Dr. Phil. However, the creator of this series is smart enough not to reuse the same storyline idea!
Hamtaro and the others drop from the ceiling.
Mugen: I should have known better. *looks at them* Man, you're tiny. What is this? A supervillain budget cut?
Hiei: Does anyone have subtitles that we can attach to these things?
Hamtaro: We are the Furry Liberation Union! Or F.L.U. It's catchy, eh? "Beware of the F.L.U.!" It's like the sickness, hee hee!
Éclair: I already got a flu shot, so there! *sticks out tongue*
Hamtaro: You should be ashamed of yourself. You are a young woman in good health. Why would you need a flu shot? Your body can fend off influenza on its own. Those shots should be saved for small children and the elderly. You're a rotten person. By doing that, you kicked a senior citizen into an early grave!
Mugen: Boo this woman! BOO!
Éclair: Et tu, Mugen?
L: There is nothing wrong with what she did. One can never be too careful as far as health is concerned. I do my best to stay in shape and eat right everyday. *eats a cherry pie*
Hamtaro: Oh sure, you're a real picture of good health, Mr. Pastry Popper. You're one Twinkie away from calling Wilford Brimley. Anyway, we are here to take over and--
Hiei picks up all of the creatures up and throws them into a trash can.
Hamtaro (not so muffled): GET YOUR BEAK OFF OF MY BUTT! IT'S COLD!
Hiei: We don't have time for this nonsense. Get on with the final event.
Mugen: That was the climax...? Weak.
Éclair: Of course it wasn't! This week's event is a battle between our finalists... it's Hiei vs. L!
L: That hardly seems fair. I'm more of a lover than a fighter, although I can do both quite well.
Hiei: A lover of who? Little Debbie? You're afraid of me, that's all.
L: I'm afraid of someone who has to borrow his wardrobe from a Ken doll?
Hiei: Are you saying that I'm... small?
L: I'm saying that a Game Boy is your idea of a big screen TV.
Hiei: OK... now I'm PISSED. Let's do this.
The finalists are led to the roof of the arena by Éclair. This will be their battleground. To make the epic showdown even more epic... and clichéd... the sun sets over the horizon behind them. Hiei draws his katana. L calmly finishes a bag of Skittles.
Éclair: The rules are simple... win! That's it. There are no disqualifications. This is a no holds barred battle to the finish. Now... FIGHT!
L gets into a martial arts stance. He is actually an accomplished fighter in his own right. Hiei twirls his katana and slowly makes his way towards L. Just at that moment, the trash can containing the F.L.U. is tossed onto the roof. It is followed by a bloodied Goku and Mugen. Both lay defeated at Éclair's feet.
Éclair: AH! What happened?!
Mugen: We... were... attacked by... by... hey, I can see up your dress from this angle...
Éclair stomps on Mugen's face. She turns to Goku and asks who beat them up. It is no use; Goku has lost consciousness. The F.L.U. jump out from the trash can with Hamtaro laughing triumphantly.
Hamtaro (laughing triumphantly): BWAHAHAHA! Did you think we'd come without some real muscle to back us up?
Hiei: This chi I'm feeling... it's familiar... an evil chi... one that is greedy and lusts for money...
Billy Mays: I'M BACK!
Hiei: Damn. If only that fool Goku killed him back in episode 19...
Billy Mays, chief shill for OxiClean and a slew of other products, stands on the rooftop. He has a Batman-style utility belt wrapped around his waist. Hiei dashes towards him with his katana extended. Mays reaches into his utility belt and throws OxiClean powder into Hiei's eyes.
Hiei: AH! I've been blinded by As-Seen-on-TV soap! The fates have cursed me greatly!
L covers his eyes with a pair of goggles. He then takes his turn against Mays. The villainous salesman pulls out some Hercules Hooks and uses them to pin L against the arena roof. With L neutralized, Mays' next course of action is to mold some Mighty Putty into the shape of a giant hammer. Like a sinister game of Whack-A-Mole, he repeatedly attempts to smash Hiei with it. Hiei manages to dodge each strike. Éclair is still present, her knees trembling in fear.
L: Éclair, don't just stand there. You're a hero yourself... do something!
Éclair: You mean "heroine."
L: What? Drugs are bad! Did Nancy Reagan teach you nothing?! Now help us!
Éclair: I can't! His porn star beard is scary!
L: Believe in yourself! After all, you are named after a delicious dessert pastry!
Éclair: No, my name means "lightning" in French, but I get where you're coming from.
Éclair rushes to L and releases him from the Hercules Hooks. L jumps up and kicks Mays in the face, causing him to drop his hammer. At this point, Hiei has wiped the soap from his eyes. He punches Mays to send him flying backward. Mays is far from finished. He unveils his trump card, an oversized razor-sharp Samurai Shark. As Hamtaro cheers him on, Mays swipes the deadly weapon at Hiei, L and Éclair.
Éclair: AGH! Where's Kaiba-san?! Shouldn't he be helping? It's his show too!
~~~~~~~~
Stewardess: Are you enjoying your flight, sir?
Kaiba: Oh yes, very much. I'd like some more of these peanuts, if you'd be so kind.
The stewardess walks up the aisle on Kaiba's private airplane to comply with his request. Naru is in the seat next to her employer.
Naru: Should we really have ditched them like that? It seems morally wrong to abandon them.
Kaiba: You know the saying. "He who knows to run away, lives to play golf on his exclusive course in Hawaii another day." I just love being rich. *drinks champagne*
~~~~~~~~
Hiei, L and Éclair are now defeated along with Goku and Mugen. All five lay beaten beneath Billy Mays' feet. Pikachu, Furby and Hamtaro stand behind him.
Hamtaro: YES! Now we can take over the world! A world that will be molded in our image!
Mays: WE CAN HOLD IT TOGETHER WITH MIGHTY PUTTY!
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Hiei: How does ruining a crappy game show lead to ruling the world?
L: I think it's one of those unexplainable plots, like the Underpants Gnomes on South Park. Stage 1: Ruin the TV show. Stage 2: ???? Stage 3: World conquest.
At that moment, Billy Mays twitches and clutches his chest. He gasps for air, his face turning bright red. As powerful as he is, he cannot defeat a heart attack. Mays' lifeless body topples over backward...
Hamtaro: AAAH!!! WAIT!
Pikachu: PIKA!
Furby: OH SH*T!!
...and he crushes Hamtaro, Pikachu and Furby beneath his girth. Mugen and the others sit up. Hiei pokes Mays. There is no response. The battle is over.
Goku: We lucked out! Woohoo!
L: Did we, Goku? Did we really? I wonder...
~~~~~~~~
Two dark figures watch the TV broadcast from a bedroom somewhere in Japan.
Light: *closes Death Note* Sorry, guys. No one is taking over the world, except for me.
Ryuk: Heh heh, you realize that you just saved L's life, right?
Light: ...and why didn't you say something earlier?! WELL!? ANSWER ME, RYUK!
Ryuk: You hear how your voice sounds right now? That's why. Heh heh, you can't buy comedy like this. *mocks* "ANSWER ME, RYUK!" Hahahaha!
~~~~~~~~
The group reenters the arena to a chorus of applause. Hiei and L take a bow.
Éclair: What a final battle that was! Now, dear viewer, you must decide who our champion will be! Hiei or L? Cast your vote now! The winner will be announced right here next week!
Kakashi: And remember to watch "Everybody Hates Naruto" on February 29! A new season of laughs and--
All: BEAT IT!
Cast your vote in the comments area, by PM or by e-mail! Thanks!
That's the way I feel when I stumble across a romantic comedy/drama while flipping through the channels. Chick flicks = my kryptonite. I'd rather have scorpions run wild in my underwear than sit through one of those. Either way, part of my manhood will be destroyed.
Snow
It snowed recently. More snow is expected. Me hates teh snow. Watching pick-up trucks spin around in the snowy road, like the Wheel of Fortune, because they're driving too damn fast is funny. "Yes, I'd like to buy a vowel. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" If snow's good for something, it's that.
Anime Video of the Week
As usual, here's another anime opening video. Note that this is NOT an AMV. I rarely post AMVs because 90% of them are crap. That 90% is composed by kids who just learned how to use Windows Movie Maker. The videos are usually random clips spliced together with a random rock song in the background. Whenever I see one of those, I sit completely still at my computer for 4-5 minutes. Not because the AMV is entertaining, but because I'm crying tears of blood and I don't know how to stop them.
Out of the remaining 10%, 7% are videos where the clips actually go along with the background music and can be considered "good". The next 1% are the videos that are super creative, the work of genius, if you will. For example, that hilarious YuYu Hakusho "Hair" video I posted a few months ago would be in that 1%. Videos produced by people like "sasuke_iz_my_hasband_4eva_594323" would go in the aforementioned 90% and their filth shall never soil this website. I place enough of my own worthless crap on here already, no need to add any more.
90 + 7 + 1 = 98. So what's the remaining 2%? The milk in my fridge, that's what.
This week, I'm going with Eyeshield 21 again because of the Super Bowl this Sunday. Yes, the Super Bowl... where the NFL crowns a world champion... even though only American teams are playing. I've posted this one before. Oh well. Don't worry; it isn't the horrible dubbed theme song. This one features "Blaze Line" by Back-On. While not present in the version displayed below, the full version's lyrics mention something about the cheerleaders shaking various parts of their anatomy in English. Fun for the whole family!
If I'm not here on Monday, it's because I passed out at someone's Super Bowl party on Sunday night. Chances are, I'll be here... but if not, at least you'll know why.
LS vs. Power Cut VI Opening Thought
Cartoon Network begins airing 85 episodes of Naruto filler this Saturday.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: "I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of anime fans suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced."
Comment Response (01/28/2008)
Thanks... again... to everyone who voted in "Animation Elimination!" The tie has been broken and someone will be booted off on Friday. Be here next time to find out who are our two finalists. I have to motor through this chapter... I have two less days to work on it! O.o
Sasuke is NOT emo? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Right. I also figured that someone used the "Finding Emo" punchline before for something else... the original movie isn't what I'd call a "new release". But I believe I'm the first to apply it to the Sasuke character, unless someone can prove otherwise.
Um... girls with short hair? Interesting question. I prefer girls with long hair, but short hair is fine too as long as it's not short to the point where it's masculine... or bald.
I don't know where that super awesome sliding horse movie clip came from, but a comment said it's from a Bollywood production. That seems accurate. And no, it isn't real, LOL.
That's a bag of Doritos from Japan. The image speaks for itself.
Japanese TV
This week's video from Japan centers around a live-action version of "Pac-Man". If Uwe Boll could direct live-action videogame adaptions like this brilliant masterpiece, he wouldn't receive as much hatred from the gaming community as he does now. *watches again* OK, "masterpiece" wasn't the right term... but it's funny and that's what counts. Anyone who's played the timeless classic "Pac-Man" should get a kick out of it. Total time is 2:56.
Symphony of Annoyance
Whenever my power goes out, I always make a mention of it here, as if it were even remotely interesting. It's not a topic that screams out "excitement", is it? But it is unique. While several people will talk about tests and homework, I'll differ greatly by discussing my lack of electricity! If there's one thing that I do best, it's stand out from the crowd. This is good for originality, bad for when I'm placed in police line-ups. "That's him, officer! The one in the baseball cap and plaid bathrobe!" Certain actions involving badgers and Nesquik are illegal in Missouri. No one tells me these things until it's too late.
Tuesday evening, my power went on and off no fewer than six times within fifteen minutes. After resetting my blinking "12:00AM" clocks twice during that timeframe, I became thoroughly annoyed. If you were to visit me now, you'd see that the clocks are still blinking. I gave up and will set them later tonight before going to sleep. Each time the power came back, everything was instantly revived in a noisy fashion. My carbon monoxide detector: "BEEEEEEEEEP!!!" My printer: "BEEEEE-OOOOM! CLICK-A-CLICK-A-CLACKITY-CLACK-CLACK!!!" My stereo with CD changer: "WHIRRRRRR! BZZZZZ!! VOOOOOM!!!"
So the symphony of annoyance went like this, on-and-off, for fifteen minutes.
You can imagine the fun I had with that. Several months ago, I purchased a battery-operated black-and-white TV just for power outages, to prevent myself from crying in the corner because of boredom. What sucks now is that in a year or so, my little back-up TV will be obsolete after the FCC makes every network switch over to digital broadcasting only. It'll be worthless unless I hook up my tiny TV to a cable box. That'd be pointless since electricity would be needed to operate the cable... which defeats the purpose for purchasing the back-up TV in the first place. D'oh.
I've rambled enough. On Friday, there's a new Animation Elimination along with another anime opening video and a review... possibly. I'm not sure. See you then! ^^
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #356
Anime/Game: Fullmetal Alchemist
LS vs. Madame Pantiesinabunch Opening Thought
Today is "National Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day". And here I am without a greeting card.
Comment Response (01/25/2008)
Thanks to everyone who read "Animation Elimination" but something extremely impressive has happened... we have ourselves a THREE-WAY TIE. For the first time ever, I'm allowing an extra day of voting to break the tie! If you voted already, you CAN vote again. Here are the choices:
Hiei
Kakashi Hatake
L
Votes can be submitted in the comments box or by e-mail or PM. Thank you! This means that the finals will be closer than I thought! O.o
L's rant in the story was the most well-received part... and I came up with it at the last moment too. Akatsuki-Hamtaro was second place.
I can't believe that I neglected to mention trading cards during my Pokemon merchandise list on Friday. I mentioned the toilet paper holder, but not trading cards. My mind works in strange ways.
My image host has a nasty habit of deleting my background. This has happened more than once. I'm switching to a new service if it happens one more time.
For those of us who just can't live without having fish watch us pee and poop, there's the contraption shown in the image above. Presenting.... Fish 'n Flush! For the low price of $299, it can be yours (with an additional $25 for lights to help you horrify your fish in the dark). The fish are in a tank separate from the one that pushes your waste off to the Diet Mountain Dew factory the sewage treatment plant. While they're safe from being flushed, they aren't safe from your 500-lb. Uncle Barney after coming home from a Mexican buffet. Flushing seems humane when compared to that.
Sixteen Seconds of Awesome
Don't ask where that clip came from, but it is genius, I say! Pure genius! If you cannot view YouTube videos on your computer, I pity you for you are unable to reach my current stage of Enlightenment. *neigh* ...I mean... *sigh*
And for a bit of LSN (LordSesshomaru News). If you usually skip the news, fret not. It's only a headline and a picture. The headline is quite serious... but the picture that goes along with it... well, you'll see. And yes, that's an actual picture of the guy. The full news story can be found at this link.
Allentown man charged in two homicides
Line Hog
My younger brother Jeff is a Marine serving our country in Iraq. He's currently on his second tour. While talking with me in an online chat about anime he's been watching (fansubs... some people have a problem with them, but if they keep the troops entertained, I'm all for them), he informed me of some items that he wanted sent over to him. I offered to pick them up and mail them off. The list of items was small: Hostess pies, ramen noodles, Chex Mix, Ritz crackers, that squeeze cheese stuff in a can and a Shonen Jump magazine (a.k.a. "A College Student's Dinner" minus the magazine).
I went to the 20 items or less lane and there was this IDIOT in front of me with a full cart. This happens far too often... the cashier seemed a bit agitated too. "Ma'am", he said in a tone rivaling Ben Stein. "You have too many items; please go to another lane." Then the customer threw a fit, obviously. I've noticed that people who blatantly ignore rules are the ones who get offended the easiest. "Why should I? Can't you check my stuff here?" The cashier pointed to the sign and repeatedly explained why she had to go. Madame Pantiesinabunch would hear none of it. The cashier gave in and allowed her to go through. When payment time came, of course she had a problem with her credit card. This held the line up even longer. If she didn't look like this...
...I would have physically thrown her out of the line. I severely dislike people like her. They make my head hurt. I also would have left the line to snag some Advil if there weren't 10 people behind me already. Bah.
Pic of the Day (v2.0) #355
Anime/Game: Naruto
Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah...
LS vs. Florida Opening Thought
I want to invent an alcoholic beverage simply called "Power". That way, I can really be "drunk with power".
Comment Response (01/23/2008)
Hmm... GIDRA made a good point about my Beef Jerky, Motor Oil and Beer Vomit air fresheners... and Yensid's comment about the same subject made me laugh too... maybe I should start a "Make LS Laugh" contest... nah, I'm too lazy to hand out prizes... I'm still worn out by the greeting cards from Christmas.
My comment response is short today since my post was short last time. Makes sense, eh? Today's post is much longer because of the story and my review of the first season of the Pokemon anime series.
It's Fanfic Friday! That means 20% of you will completely skip this part of my blog! Yay! Today, we continue with "Animation Elimination" in the 10th episode of the season. This week's episode was inspired by FOX's "The Moment of Truth" TV series. If you've seen that show, you know what "lies" ahead. Bad puns = my specialty. Also, you get not-so-shocking confessions, Roy Mustang making a bizarre purchase, a vicious dog, Hiei's "Insult of the Week"... all of this, and a villain too! I hope that you enjoy this week's episode. There are only three contestants left... who will go on to next week's finals is entirely up to you! Oh yeah, for the previous episodes in this season and its predecessor, in addition to my disclaimer and other mumbojumbo, here's the link to the archives. And now, on with the show! ^_^
The scene is a darkened alley somewhere in Japan. A small figure scampers along as raindrops fall from the skies above. The frigid temperature make his breath visible on this night, a night where an unholy alliance is about to be forged. The little creature knocks on a weathered steel door. After receiving word from inside granting him permission to enter, he does so. Inside the building is messy and unkempt. Boxes and trash are scattered everywhere. It is dimly lit and is no warmer than it is outside. The tiny being stops when he finds someone standing in the corner.
Voice: When you called me, I thought it was a joke.
Pikachu: PI PIKACHU! PIKA! PIKA PI!
Voice: Ah, you want revenge against that show too, eh? "Animation Elimination"... hmph. Yes, I watched every week and witnessed how they tortured you.
Pikachu: PIKA PIKA PIKACHU! PIKA PIKA PI PI CHU!
Voice: Yes, I was the one who sent that poisoned pizza to Kaiba a few weeks ago. Like you, I was punished for being small. Kaiba promised us newfound fame and fortune. Lies. Instead, that rat bastard forced me and my friends to be rounded up like rodeo cattle on international television. While I was lucky enough to escape, my friends were murdered, sucked into Miroku's Wind Tunnel. I ask you, my dear friend, how is that "newfound fame and fortune"?
Pikachu: *shrugs* PIKA?
Voice: Seto Kaiba is a pompous fool who'll soon suffer greatly for allowing our kind to be subjected to such humiliating cruelty. Next week... he and his wretched TV show shall pay... heh heh... after all...
Hamtaro: We cute little anime animals have to stick together! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
~~~~~~~
As is the case every week, the Kaiba Arena is filled with rabid fans who eagerly anticipate the newest episode of the #1 rated "Animation Elimination" TV series. Granted, the show is only #1 because it's up against an Oreck XL vacuum cleaner infomercial, a televised game of shuffleboard and a rerun of "Garfield and Friends". Son Goku, the show's lovable-yet-dimwitted announcer is seated in his booth.
Goku: Welcome to Animation Elimination, sponsored by Sony PlayStation 3! "PlayStation 3 - the 3 stands for 3rd place." And now, here are your hosts, Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockhart!
Mugen and Éclair walk onto the set.
Mugen: I hope that I'm Cloud. These legs look horrible in a black miniskirt.
Éclair: *shudders* Ugh. Let's bring out the contestants!
Kakashi is the first to appear. He has his hands stuffed into his pockets. The championship belt he should have is missing, thanks to the wily thief Fujiko Mine snatching it from him last week. Kakashi is followed by Hiei, Roy Mustang and L.
Mugen: OK, the person going home this week is... Roy Mustang.
Roy: Me?! But I just ordered a life-size statue of Jessica Alba! How am I supposed to pay for it?
~~~~Amestris~~~~~
Riza Hawkeye walks into Roy's office and sees the statue.
Riza: What... in heaven's name... is this...?
Hughes: Another one of Roy's "major awards", like the one standing next to it.
Hughes points to a tall electric lamp shaped like a woman's leg.
~~~~~~~
Hiei: You shouldn't write checks your ass can't cash, fool.
Mugen: I tried that once. They kicked me out of the bank after I dropped my pants and the teller refused to pull the check out of my--
Éclair: Mugen, you're the reason why we're rated TV-14.
Goku: Goodbye Roy! Say hello to Siegfried for me!
Roy sighs and leaves, unhappy with the fact that he has to return his new statue. The final three are now Hiei, Kakashi and L.
Mugen: With this being the last week before the finals, no one is safe! That means if you win the event this week, you're still up for votes. No one gets a free pass into the finals. However, if you do win, you receive a prize of 50,000,000 yen.
L: Think of all the Jell-O pudding that could buy...
Hiei: I'll use the money to buy this show some decent writers.
Kakashi: I'll also use it for Jell-O pudding, but for my own personal reasons. I read something in Jiraiya's latest novel that I'm just dying to try out.
Éclair: It won't be that easy. Just like last season, the final three contestants must face the psychotic genius football quarterback from Deimon High School... Eyeshield 21's Yoichi Hiruma!
Yoichi Hiruma, quarterback for the Deimon Devil Bats, enters the scene carrying a large machine gun in his arms and a backpack full of ammunition on his back. At his right side is his trusty (albeit violent) dog, Cerberus. Hiruma's appearance resembles that of a demon complete with pointed ears and razor-sharp fangs. He flashes a sadistic smile to the confused contestants. Yes, this part was copied and pasted from episode 10.
Hiruma: YA-HA! Thanks for inviting me back, Damn Funbags!
Éclair: ...
Hiruma: OK, you punks! You'll be hooked up to a polygraph machine and will be taking a lie detector test. I'll ask you a number of questions. The first time that you lie, you lose. Whatever number of questions you answered truthfully up to that point will be your score. Whoever has the highest amount of points is the winner, YA-HA!
Kakashi: I'm allergic to telling the truth. Can I go home?
A machine is rolled out on a table with two chairs. Hiruma takes a seat with Cerberus sleeping at his feet. Kakashi is the first to go and he is hooked up to the machine. Hiruma begins the questioning.
Hiruma: And answer truthfully if you want to win, Damn Ski Mask. Question one, do you enjoy watching Naruto get beat up?
Kakashi: ...yes.
The machine beeps and a green light flashes. This means that his answer was truthful. To avoid interrupting the flow of the story, only when a false answer is given will there be a notification.
Hiruma: Have you ever eaten ramen at the noodle shop without paying for it?
Kakashi: ... *sigh* yes.
Hiruma: Do you sneak a peek at Lady Tsunade's chest when she gives you a mission?
Kakashi: Uh... oh... um... yes.
Hiruma: Do you use your one normal eye as an excuse to park in handicapped parking spaces?
Kakashi: Heh heh... yes.
Hiruma: Do you think your show is better than One Piece even though One Piece has higher ratings than your show does in Japan?
Kakashi: I... uh... yes.
Hiruma: Have you ever tried to shave off Might Guy's eyebrows while he was sleeping?
Kakashi: *ahem* Yes, but my razor blade broke into several pieces. Those things are THICK.
Hiruma: Yes or no will do.
Kakashi: Sorry.
Hiruma: Have you ever had sexual fantasies about Éclair, this show's co-host?
Éclair: ...
Kakashi: Um... uh... no.
Machine: *BEEP!!!*
A red light blinks with that sound, meaning that Kakashi has lied. The noise awakens Cerebus and the vicious dog gnaws on Kakashi's leg. The shinobi runs away with the dog still latched on.
Hiruma: Honesty is the best policy. Kakashi's score to beat is 6.
Éclair: I can't believe that guy fantasized about me! Pervert!
Mugen: Yeah! He should be ashamed of himself! Having fantasies about you... how pitiful!
Éclair: *looks at him* How about you take the test later?
Mugen: Uh, I'll pass. *shifty eyes*
Hiei takes a seat.
Hiruma: All right, Damn Troll Doll. Let's begin.
Hiei: A troll doll, am I? Well you have a face that only a blind person could love.
Hiruma: So your mama's blind? She seemed like she had good vision last night.
Hiei: You and me... after the show... outside. I'm going to kick your teeth so far down your throat that you'll be pooping out molars for a week.
Hiruma: Watch it, shrimp. I'll kill you and bury you right next to your dead career. First question. When you first met Kurama, you thought he was a girl. Yes or no?
Hiei: Yes.
Hiruma: Did you try to get a date with him before you knew he was a guy?
Hiei: No.
Hiruma: Did you try to get a date with him after y--
Hiei: NO.
Hiruma: Is Yukina your younger sister?
Hiei: ............ yes...
Yukina is in the audience. She stands up in her seat and cries.
Yukina: Why didn't you tell me, Hiei? WHY?! *runs away*
Hiei: I went 112 episodes without telling her and that's ruined here. Thanks, you asspuppet.
Hiruma: Heh heh! Do you hate it when people laugh at you for wearing that black dress?
Hiei: IT'S NOT A DRESS!
Hiruma: I'll take that as a "yes". Is the manga that your anime is based upon sloppily drawn and rushed, lacking detail and signs of real artistic effort?
Hiei: Y-yes...
Hiruma: Do you watch "Hannah Montana" on a regular basis?
Hiei: ...
Hiruma: Answer whenever you feel like it.
Hiei (whispers): ...yes...
Hiruma: Do you ever cry yourself to sleep at night because you're depressed over being so short, lonely and unloved?
Hiei: That's IT! You DIE!
Security tackles Hiei before he can strike. They drag him away as he screams obscenities left and right. Being the final competitor, L takes his place in the hot seat. Hiei can still be heard swearing from backstage.
Éclair: He's really profane, isn't he?
Mugen (Hank Hill voice): I sell profane and profane accessories.
Hiruma: Enough jokes, Damn Hobo. Hiei had 8 total. Now it's your turn, Damn Weirdo.
L: Lay it on me.
Hiruma: Have you ever kissed a girl?
L: Does the girl have to be a real person or do mannequins count?
Hiruma: I REALLY don't want to know what sick hobbies you have, buddy. New question. Does Light Yagami annoy you?
L: Hmm... well, to be honest... yes. Good lord, YES. He's really overdramatic and makes promises on potato chips. And people call ME weird.
Hiruma: Yes or no will do...
L: And he has that hot Misa girl all over him. Does he act like he wants her? NO. Give her to me, Light. No sense having that sweet BMW parked in the garage if you're not going to drive it.
Hiruma: I'd like to move on--
L: Don't get me started on that Ryuk thing he has floating around behind him. He acts like no one can see him. We ALL see him, Light. And when you're not there, we talk about him and make jokes about him being your lover!
Hiruma: Can I ask the next quest--
L: I KNOW YOU'RE KIRA! You can't fool me! CONFESS! I won't let this happen to me again! I followed O.J. Simpson around for six months and that butthead never admitted he's a murderer! Do you know how frustrating that is?! DO YOU?! And another thing...
Éclair: Uh... let's end the show here and say Hiei is this week's winner. ^_^;;
Mugen: Vote for your one favorite! Everyone is up for votes this week! See you next time!
CONTESTANTS
#01: Hiei
#02: Kakashi Hatake
#03: L
L: You suck at tennis, Light! You hear me? What kind of name is "Light" anyway? Your parents were hippies, weren't they?
Janitor: Excuse me. The show ended three hours ago...
Cast your vote in the comments area, by PM or by e-mail! Thanks!
Cold Weather
I'm watching The Weather Channel as I type this. I really like the elevator music they play whenever they switch over to the local forecast segment and that soothing robotic voice reading what's on the screen. Note the sarcasm. It's currently 10 degrees. Tomorrow's high is 33. Let's see what's going on down south in Florida... currently 68, tomorrow's high 73. I hate you, Florida. I'm stuck here in Missouri where it's so cold that birds flock around a fat man's butt just to gain warmth from his farts... and you're down there soaking up the sun. Bah!
If you have cable or satellite, look at your channel listings. You most likely have somewhere between 50 to 450,000,000 channels to watch. With so many stations running at once, it's possible that there's a channel playing right now and NO ONE is watching it. And I mean not a single person... whoa... it's kinda deep when you think about it... if a TV station is running and nobody is watching it, does it stay on the air? @_@
Anime Video of the Week
Because this is my part of the web, I can post whatever the hell I damn well feel like posting as long as it doesn't go outside my personal website honor code. My honor code is as follows:
1) no nudity
2) no extreme cursing
3) no religious/political/racial/etc. discussions
4) no words in favor of squirrels
I do this to avoid offending most people, except the squirrels, who are godless tools of the devil.
This week's Anime Video of the Week comes from the largest anime cash cow of them all, Pokemon. Based on the popular videogame franchise from Nintendo, Pokemon is about a young boy named Satoshi (or "Ash" in the English version) who sets out on a quest to enslave woodland animals and have them do his bidding. Once captured, the creatures are placed in fights against other creatures while Michael Vick nods with approval. It's a nice message for children. That, and "go ahead, son... wander around unsupervised out there in the real world... kidnappers don't exist!"
Satoshi is first accompanied by his main henchman, the ever-so-marketable Pikachu; Kasumi (Misty), a girl wearing shorts too short for someone her age to be wearing; and... um... I forget his Japanese name, but the last guy's called "Brock" in English and he's bound to become a sex offender when he grows up. Together, they travel all over the world and are constantly annoyed by the villainous Team Rocket. And by "villainous", I mean "frickin' retarded". Pokemon is well over 500 episodes right now and how they manage to fail in almost every single one, and STILL be employed, is beyond me.
Since its debut in the 1990s, Pokemon has consistently brought in millions... billions... KAZILLIONS of dollars to Nintendo through the videogames, the anime, the toys, the t-shirts, the bedspreads, the pajamas, the toothbrushes, the backpacks, the toilet paper dispensers, the brothels, etc. Few anime reached its tremendous level of success outside of Japan (Yu-Gi-Oh! and Dragon Ball Z would also fall into that category). As well and good as that is, Pokemon is also responsible for putting anime butchers 4Kids Entertainment on the map. Gee... thanks, Pokemon...
And the moral of this review... if you want to be rich, come up with something kids will love. Just ask J.K. Rowling, Akira Toriyama or Cap'n Crunch.
