Monday, September 6, 2004

i'm feeling better
i am feeling a bit better than i was the other day. though now i think there may be something really wrong with me. at first i thought it was just normal teen stuff. however, lately i've been talking to people and i guess its not all that normal. my sis said that sometimes i scare the family with my mood swings. i don't want to go on more meds though, my hormones are already screwed up enough. lets not go into that though, it'll just put me down again.
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Friday, September 3, 2004

I'm so lonely
...
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Thursday, August 26, 2004

First day of school
Well, as the title says, it was my first day of school today. Infact, it was my last first day of high school. I am now a senior, finally. Today wasn't too bad at all actually. It was a little busy at the begininng of the day and really slow at the end. That's about it.
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004

hey...
Well, I finally decided I wanted to tell someone about what happened to me at the beginning of the summer. I just want someone to know.
Well, on the last day befor finals, something went wrong. I don't know what. Maybe I was overstressed or maybe I was just in one of those moods teenagers get. I dont know. Anyways, I had just fought with my mom and was now emptying the dishwasher. I was on the steps to the basement putting away a pan, when I just broke down. I just sat there right on the steps and started crying. All I can remember is this hopeless feeling. I just wanted someone to be there. To hold me. To tell me everything would be ok.
Of course, no one did. My dad was out on the back porch listening to music and my mom and sister had gone shopping. So I sat there. I just cried and cried until I was spent. Then I quietly got up and finished putting away the dishes.
I never told my parents, or anyone for that matter, that this happened. I usually don't tell anyone about these times when I break down.
My life isn't really that bad, my parents love me, I do well in school, I have a loving sister, I guess you could say I have friends(but that's another story). I just feel so hopeless sometimes.
Anyways, thanks for listening. It does feel better to finally tell someone.
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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

   Hi all
Well, I just got back from tennessee. It was my church's National Youth Event and I had a lot of fun and met a lot of new people.
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Thursday, July 15, 2004

   Here we go
Ok, I'm going to try my very best to keep this place updated. I had work again today. During the lunch rush (aka 11:30-2:00) its crazy. I worked from 11:30 to 3 today. Getting the discount is awesome though cause I can get a kids meal for just 85 cents. Tomorrow I work from 11:30 till 7:30. >< Wish me luck.
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Hey
Well, I just got back from visiting Dickenson College. Its a nice college, but I don't think I really want to go to a college that's only 20 mins from my house.
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Summer
Well, its summer at last. Things are going well, I guess. Still don't quite know where I belong. I have band tonight, going to visit Dickenson tomorrow, just got a job at Wendy's. All 'fun' stuff, but it must be done.
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Sunday, May 16, 2004

   Hey
I suppose I havn't been here in a long while. Anyways, here's whats new.

1. Soccer is over, I'm acutally kinda sad. Can't wait for summer clinics.

2. I'm done with my Senior High Project so I can pass high school.

3. Softball has started, 4 games a week for three weeks. Two more weeks left.

That's pretty much it.
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Monday, March 29, 2004

   Today Sucked
And when I sucked, I mean sucked.

I'm not so sure where I belong. There are 3 general groups I hang out with on a regular basis. 1. Soccer team, 2. Christians, 3. Bandies/Drama.

1. I'm not really like the rest of the soccer team, but they're my team mates. I get along with them and we say hi in the halls, but I'll never really be apart of that group. They do drugs, drink, and have sex, none of which I do.

2. Well, I've always been a very religious person, but lately I've felt myself slipping. I don't know exactly why, but its kind of scary. I've been doing my best to pray for strength, but I just feel so weak and alone.

3. I mostly blame my problems with this group of friends on the other two. I'm not being myself because of the influence from soccer and loseing a grip of my religion. Not just that, but also, I just don't feel like I can talk to them.

This place is a major relife for me. Because I can't see who is reading this, I can type here everything I feel without worrying what you may think.

There's more, including that I still don't have a date to prom, I'm still playing jv, and don't have a bf period, but I'll save that for another day.
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