Thursday, May 20, 2010

Homeward bound.

After 2 years of living in Roehampton for university, I am finally moving back home (still have a year of uni left but i'll be commuting next year). Unfortnately I still have this god forsaken flat until the 30th August, but oh well. My flat mate just peed me off as well, i've cleaned the kitchen and he got toast crumbs everywhere and didnt even wipe them away! Irritant!! anyway, so excited to be going home, i wanna have a cold pint with my mum, and see my sisters!! Last exam was today as well (unless i have resits which is likely). I'm gonna miss my roe hoes though. Said fair well to my RSU friends, gonna miss them. It feels like i'm not coming back, but i will be for lectures :)

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Back in touch

I have recently been watching a lot of anime again, which includes; Kenshin Rurouni (yet to finish, my sister has the other half of the series) & the film "Ghost in the Shell", which has been helpful to me since i'm studying psychology, and subjects we touch on include consciousness and A.I. AND a lot of Studio Ghibli; Spirited Away Howl's Moving Castle Laputa; Castle in the Sky My neighbour Totoro Kiki's Delivery Service Whisper of the Heart I have watched more Studio Ghibli, but these are the one's i've watched of late, some I had seen before, other Ghibli one's I've seen include; Princess Mononoke Graveyard of the Fireflies The Cat returns I still have sooo many to watch, but I think I can safely say I'm a massive fan of Studio Ghibli productions. Other anime I want to get hold of and watch (due to recommendations); Elfen Lied Death Note Bleach Naruto Cowboy Beebop They are all series, so would take up half my life, but i really wanna see them. I've seen "Full metal alchemist!" and there was one space based series (can't remember the title). If anyone has further recommendations, please let me know.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

   Over complicated situations!!

I met this guy at uni about 3 weeks ago at a club when i was drunk, and i met him again after that, but we were never really friends, just aquaintanances. My mate then met him at a club on wednesday called Fez, and got with him (as in they kissed). since then she talks about him all the time. FRiday night i caught up with him again and got chatting. on my friends request i tried name dropping, but he didn't seem interested at all. That night he pulled me, and it was quite alot as well. we hung out for ages just chatting, well and kissing, and then he spent the night in my bedroom, we cuddled, talked and kissed. Thats it. he fell asleep and left about 7 in the morning for work. Ever since me and him have been chatting loads and getting closer! Last night at a club called Oceana, me and him had a chat about me and him, and then my friend. Me and him seem to have this attraction, and enjoy being with each other (including kissing), but due to my friends major crush after a drunken kiss, we have to do everything secretly. He told me on the bus he didnt want to lead her on cause he's not interested, and i know for the time being, hes not in the mood for a relationship. But there is definitely an attraction between us. we came to the conclusion last night, that we would continue the way we are, but not infront of my friend, and pray she doesnt find out. i just had a heart to heart with her about him, and she's jealous of the fact i even talk to him, let alone kissed him (though she doesnt know that bit). Her crush is seriously causing complications, and understand why she likes him, i like him to, but now i have to sit on sidelines when they are together, and pull him in secret. Theres only so long that can last before one of us gets annoyed that everythings all hush hush. i know as a friend, i should steer clear all together, but when theres clearly a stronger attraction between me and him then there is her and him, its difficult, especially when me and him are alone. and me and him talk about evrything, i love spending time with him, he actually makes me feel so good about mysel, and weird as it is, his scent is still on my pillow. i have no clue what to do!

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

   Good Morning

Hiya people. Long time no post aye? Not that it makes a difference, it's rare that you lot read them. ARGH! Anyway, update. Life has been simply perfect right now. I still have my moments where the world crumble arounds me, but it's normally through boredom, or too much alcohol. Yes I am 18 now. My 18th fucking sucked, my "friends" made shit all effort, even the ones who came out with me looked bored. But i went out the day after, with two fabulous people and got very very drunk. For like a week after my 18th i went out constantly, got drunk had fun. I've recently filtered the good and the bad, so all those "friends" i didn't really need are gone from my life, and i have some fantastic new ones, (well ones who were always there, but have become closer to me than ever). Sally, Kerry and Courtney, love them loads! I've already got most of my things for uni, which leaves my august payment from work to get all the text books i need :D so excited.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Bleh

I am having such a shitty week, and i seriously can't see things getting better. I won't say what precisely happened because it's too persoanl, but some real deep shit has happened last week involving my family, and it has crushed me. I am emotionally distressed and heartbroken. But what makes it worse is that in strickest confidence i told, what i thought, was my bestfriend, who then told 3 other people. Now i'm angry because a)it wasn't her secret to tell and b)it just shows how little i can trust her. Having problems with your family is never cool, but when your friends betray you, it makes things so much worse, and i'm such a mess over the whole ordeal. i have no idea where to turn. It doesn't help that i have coursework due friday, and i'm in no frame of mind to either complete it or hand it in. I really don't want to be in college at the moment. My self confidence has hit rock bottom at the moment, but that may be on the mends. I have applied to appear on the hit TV show "How to Look Good Naked" hosted by Gok Wan, so maybe he'll be able to save what little confidence i have left, and i mean little. I think i'm falling back into my spiral of depression, i can't help but question why i go through what i do, and whether its worth. I know "theres always alight at the end of the tunnel" and "these are the times that try mens souls" but honestly, if we done a preview of my life you'd see why i question such things. I feel like theres a bigger picture i am missing, but is it really that big, and if so, does it matter. What the hell am i doing here and why. I'm trying to reunite myself with religion to ease my pain, but its not working. Gods plan doesn't suit me, pain and suffering, for what? a place in God's heaven. What if i don't like it there. What if i go through all this just to be stuck in limbo? I also found out the monday of last week that i'm anemic which would explain why i feel weak and tired alot. Everyone seems to think i over exxagerate how much pain i'm in, but i really don't If i'm not feeling shitty psychically, mentally i'm exhausted. I really have no where to turn, my family wouldn't understand, and why should they have to, they have enough to deal with. and as i have already stated my "friend" betrayed me, and now i can't trust anyone. I have 30 minute councelling sessions a week, but thats not good enough and its not working. I think the NHS wont do fuck all and til im on the brink of killing myself. And what will that do but crush my family. any advice would be appreciated.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

GRRRR

I hate when ex boyfriends move on so fucking quickly. "Oh i'm meeting Rachel" "she's just my mate, we are really close i tell her everything." "oh she has a boyfriend so i don't fancy her" DON'T BULLSHIT. He blatenly fancies her, and she's a fucking dog. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR it pisses me off sooooooo much. Thats fine though, have that slut, i'm talking to someone new too,and not just one!! Three new guys, so have fun with your not so single slag, and i'll have fun with mine!!!

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

BIG ASS UPDATE XD

Ok this is a big ass update about the last however months i haven't been on. Firstly, i got in a relationship for 5 weeks with this guy called Luke Delaney, and I loved every minute of it, but for some reason, i felt the need to get out of the relationship, no real reason to explain why. I think the want to be in a realtionship was why i got into one, not because i genuinely loved him, don't get me wrong there were feelings there, but not enough. Either way me and Luke are best friends now, so it all ended well, and sometimes a spark can be seen between us XD I'm majorly bummed about London. Went down to see my homies and i really didn't want to come back. I hate Chelmsford, i hate every single thing about it, not even the people satisfy me enough to make me want to stay here. But my brother (and josie) are both happy here, and my mum is adiment she won't leave, so i guess i'm stuck here until i can afford to move back to London. Oh and i went to the "new" Globe theatre, rebuilt by sam Wanamaker. Its brilliant, there was a fit welsh actor and he was yummy much, so in August im going to see King Lear which he will be featuring in. For anyone who doesn't know, The Globe is a famous theatre in London originally built by Shakespeare for which he performed all his wonderfully confusing plays XD anyway ive decided my long ass post is too long and i cant be bothered, so il update it later x

Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Hello

Hey guys hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and an even better new year! Hows 2008 rolling out for you all? Anyway heres an update... Christmas eve was pretty naff i went to bed about 8, as its tradition although i didnt sleep all night, was busy waiting for my mum to drop off a present pretending it was from Santa. Well it didn't show up... But instead at 6:20 in the morning my mum ransacked my room as a pirate waking both me and my little sister, so we took our presents, i dressed up as a fairy and my sister dressed up as pebbles and we made our way down stairs. (It was a fancy dress christmas, stephen was a cowboy and josie was a bunny). yeah we all got really cool stuff, cant be bothered to make a list lol. fast forward to new years eve, twas alright, danced a little, smoke a lot. Kissed very few, and sung loudly. I went to a pub that my dads mates own, was pretty cool since i knew absolutely everyone in there, but people were being a bit snobby which put a downer on the whole thing. But was still good. anyway sorry for the short update, i cant be bothered to type. Have a good 2008 and good luck to all who have exams this month!

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Depressing Thought before xmas

It hit me today, whilst looking through some photos of girls i went to school with, people never fully understand how they have scarred you. I mean the people who bullied me all the way through school are the ones out there happily, still being there slutty horrible selves, and i'm the one who suffers with nightmares of my past. Ok be fair Lauren, it's not just them that haunt me, but it's just so unfair how they could treat people like that and fully get on with life. I've accepted, and my mum has realised, that i do indeed suffer with depression (hopefully not a major scale one), but yet, those who pushed me and pushed me and pushed me, are out there acting as if nothing ever happened. Maybe they simply forgot, or are not fully aware of the ways in which they treated me, and maybe its my incapability to move on which drags me down, but it just highlights how cruel this world is. *le sigh* anyway love ya's x

Comments (1) | Permalink

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Merry xmas everyone

(i know this is extremely basic and very naff, but i'm experimenting with photoshop, not getting the hang of it mind you, but i wanted to make a "merry christmas" banner for the otaku users, with a breaking banjamin picture, so shut up and be satisfied :]) A song to sing to for you lot XD Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall? It's the time that every Santa has a ball Does he ride a red nosed reindeer? Does a 'ton up' on his sleigh Do the fairies keep him sober for a day? Chorus: So here it is merry Christmas Everybody's having fun Look to the future now It's only just begun Are you waiting for the family to arrive? Are you sure you got the room to spare inside? Does your granny always tell ya that the old are the best? Then she's up and rock 'n' rollin' with the rest Chorus: So here it is merry Christmas Everybody's having fun Look to the future now It's only just begun What will your daddy do When he sees your Mama kissin' Santa Claus? Ah ah Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall? Are you hoping that the snow will start to fall? Do you ride on down the hillside in a buggy you have made? When you land upon your head then you've been slayed Chorus (4x) So here it is merry Christmas Everybody's having fun Look to the future now It's only just begun

Comments (0) | Permalink