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Tuesday, July 5, 2005

Please Read This
Please Read This
I didn't mean my father was actually dead. The man I knew is.
I'm sorry for worring you.
A black mood took me but...
what happened last night was real.
My father's problem got the better of him last night and I took the blow. It's happened before but this time...I thought that what I prayed for happened and that I had a father again. Everything overwhelmed me and I just shutdown.
I'm feeling a little better now.
All that happens to me, I know that it's making me a little stronger all the time.
I'm just afraid I'll lose the fragile part of me in all this.
I fear eternal scars that will never go away.
God...it's just so complicated...there are so many paths to take...I'm afraid I'll stray and lose that special part of me...and that if I let go...I'll drift away and become just like...all the other people I see around me...crying in the dark of their minds...blind...acting like they don't care but God they care soo much...and inflicting pain on others to cover there own vunerbilities.
I don't want to be like that.
That's why...I can't let this break me.
That's why I have to smile again.
I've got to believe it's going to be alright.
And now...I can see the silver lining in the clouds...
and I know...
It's going to be alright.

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