Caine turned the shower on and sighed as the hot water cascaded over his skin. Katherine however, flinched and gave a whimper as the water flowed over his injured body. “Oooww! It stings…fuck it stings.” Kat backed away from the showerhead’s spray, slipped and felt himself falling to the shower’s floor.
“Careful,” Caine said, grabbing hold of Kat before he hit the floor of the shower. “It’s slippery, babe. Here let me soap you up,” Caine said and took the bar or lilac scented soap and rubbed it against Katherine’s chest gently. “Th…ouch!” Katherine said as Caine rubbed the soap bar over his tender nipples then moved down to his bruised stomach.
“I’m sorry, Kat. That bruise on your stomach looks really nasty,” Caine said, scrubbing Kat’s arms then hairless armpits. “I get so angry sometimes…and I do things…” “It’s okay. We’ve been though this already, so please stop apologizing already. AH!” Katherine gasped as Caine’s hands and the soap gently slide over his penis before thoroughly scrubbing his pubic hair. “That felt good…FUCK!” he yelped, as Caine nudged his thighs apart and scrubbed his switched thighs, legs, and ass. “OOOwww! Goddamnit!” Kat, cried and leaned into Caine’s chest.
“Almost done, angelboy,” Caine said kissing Katherine’s head comfortingly. Caine let Kat lean against him more as he lightly covered Kat’s back in soap. “AAAAAHHHHH!” Katherine sobbed, his cuts stinging badly. Shit, how is it going to feel when I rinse myself off? He wondered.
“Sorry, baby, sorry. I’m being as gentle as I can.” Caine assured him with a loving smile. “Can you lift up you foot so I can scrub that for you, babe?” Katherine placed a hand against Caine to steady himself and lifted up one foot at a time to be scrubbed. “Hehehe…that tickles, Caine,” he giggled, with a smile, wriggling his tiny toes. “I want to soap you up too. Can I?” Kat asked, kissing Caine’s chest.
“I would like it a lot if you did. Why wouldn’t I, angelboy?” Caine replied. He placed the lilac bar of soap down and handed Katherine the cinnamon scented soap bar that he preferred to use. “Lather me up, babe,” he said with a giggle. Katherine decided to start at the feet and work his way up, so kneeling down he asked, “Can you lift up…”
“Oh, right. Sorry,” Caine said and lifted his foot up. He felt Kat’s tiny hands moving over his feet and realized that it did indeed tickle to have someone wash your feet. “Hahahahehe…that does tickle. Hehe” Caine laughed. Katherine worked his way up Caine’s legs to his thighs. Kat worked the soap into a lather in his hands and ran them all over Caine’s thighs, his penis, and pubic hair.
“Aaah,” Caine sighed, when he felt Kat’s deft hands linger on his penis. Kat was standing up as he lathered Caine’s stomach and chest before going behind Caine to lather his ass and back. Katherine placed the bar of soap back on the tub edge and said,” There, now we can rinse off…” Katherine started to say before Caine leaned down and kissed him square on the lips.
“First I will shampoo that gorgeous hair of yours, angelboy.” Caine said and grabbed the bottle of Lilac Beauty shampoo. Caine squeezed some out into his hand, placed the bottle down and began rubbing it into Kat’s long fair hair. When he was done lathering and rubbing the shampoo into Kat’s hair they walked closer to the showerhead to rinse off. “Ooooowww!! It hurts but it’s nice to be clean,” Katherine said, trying not to cry as the hot water ran over his wounded slight body.
When they were done with their shower Caine shut off the water and helped Katherine out of the tub. “Here’s a towel,” Caine said and handed a pink fluffy towel to Katherine. Caine picked up a soft blue one and wrapped it around his waist. Katherine was about to do the same then decided against it. Instead he began to dry his hair off with it. “That was…refreshing,” Katherine said and wrapped his hair in the towel and twisted the towel into a mound on top of his head. “You always take care of me Caine. You do everything for me and I don’t…”
Caine took the towel off his waist and began to softly pat Katherine dry with it. “I take care of you because I love you. I take care of you because you are my angelboy. I don’t need you to do anything for me in return. Just knowing you love me is enough,” Caine said, staring down into Katherine’s thoughtful blue eyes. “Yeah…but…” Katherine wasn’t sure if he should mention what he wanted to say. Will it upset Caine, he wondered? “Never mind, it was just a stupid thought,” Katherine said, walking past Caine out of the bathroom, heading for the bedroom. Caine followed without saying anything and Katherine was just beginning to hope that Caine had let the conversation end as he sat down on the bed and Caine sat beside him.
However, Caine had decided that nothing should be left unsaid between them anymore. He didn’t want Kat to suffer alone ever again. “So you were saying?” Caine asked, his voice firm but not harsh. Katherine sighed resignedly, realizing that there was no point in trying to bullshit Caine, so he might well tell the truth and take whatever Caine would dish out. “Whenever you would get mad at me because I was sleazing around you would…” Katherine shook his head, and looked down at his nude thighs.
“Kat, I said a lot of things that were cruel and that I shouldn’t of said…” Caine whispered, draping an arm across Katherine’s shoulders. “Maybe some of the things you said were cruel and maybe you shouldn’t have said them but that doesn’t mean they aren’t true,” Katherine said, wrapping his arms around himself as if he were trying to hug himself. A lot of the things Caine said about me are true, he thought to himself.
“Look I’m telling you that what I said wasn’t how I really feel. I was pissed and hurt…and I let my anger get the better of me,” Caine said taking his arm off Katherine and putting his face in his hands. “Goddamnit! I am such a bastard! As if you didn’t have enough problems already I had to go and…” “NO!” Katherine screamed, grabbing hold of each of Caine’s wrists. He tried to pull Caine’s hands away from his face and couldn’t. “Caine, look at me,” he said. Caine took his hands away from his face and looked at Katherine. “It’s not your fault. I believe that I’m a slut, a gold digger, a money grubbing bitch. Even if you hadn’t beat me and called me all those things I’d still believe I am those because…I’m nothing. I’m dirt. There’s only one thing I am good for. Sex. I am noth…Aaaaaahhhhhh!!”
Caine struck Katherine with his open palm and watched as he fell back onto the bed. Kat stared at him, tears streaming down his face. “STOP IT! You can’t really believe that. I won’t let you…be..belive that,” Caine stuttered at the end as he began to cry. “Now I’ve made you cry. I am such a fuck up,” Katherine said, sitting up and hugging Caine. “I don’t want you to cry because of me. I deserve…”
Katherine felt Caine’s strong hands close around his wrists and next thing he new Caine was sitting on top of him on the bed, holding his wrists in one hand, the other free to strike him at any time. “If you say ‘I deserve it’ one more time I will..” Caine began but was cut off by Katherine’s scream. “I DO DESERVE IT! I DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT’S EVER HAPPEN TO ME!” Katherine screamed, not caring what Caine would do to him. “I deserved what my Daddy did to me, I deserved being reduced Jose’s slavebitch, I deserved having to be fucked by complete strangers for practically nothing just to afford to…”
Caine smacked Katherine again, not very hard but enough so it stung and shut him up. “BULL FUCKIN SHIT!!!” Caine shouted down at the helpless Katherine. “Why do you believe that? How can you believe that?” “Why do you believe you killed your brother? How can you believe that?” Katherine replied, his tears beginning to form a puddle on the mattress. “Don’t you get it? We are both hopelessly fucked. All we have is each other and our hate for ourselves.”
“Kat…I don’t know what to say?” Caine whispered, and got off of Kat. He pulled Katherine into his arms and kissed him over and over again, saying the entire time, “I love Katherine. I love you so you can’t be dirt. You are my angelboy, I love you.” Fifteen minutes later Katherine was laying on his stomach on the bed while Caine was trying to rub antibiotic ointment onto the cuts on Katherine’s back. “Ouch! Fuck, is this really necessary?” Katherine asked Caine, though clenched teeth. Every time Caine touched his cuts Kat flinched in pain and gave a little cry.
“Sorry that it is uncomfortable but it has to be done. The cuts would hurt a lot more if they got infected so try to tough through it, angelboy,” Caine said, holding one of Kat’s hands in his while rubbing the ointment in with his other hand. Caine felt like he should say something about their previous conversation but he didn’t know what. I can’t just leave it like this but what the fuck am I suppose to do, he pondered? “About what I said earlier, Caine, it’s not really accurate to compare how you believe you killed your brother to how I know I am nothing. You have no….OUCH!…reason to believe you killed your brother. All logical thinking points to your parents and your church. But…Ouch, can you stop rubbing that shit on me for a second please?” Katherine cried, pissed off. “As I was saying…all logical thinking in my case however, supports that I am nothing. It’s obvious from looking at my life that I’m only good for sex, being used, and hurting people I care about,like you.” Katherine didn’t care if Caine hit him, he just had to make his feelings know to Caine so maybe he could make Caine stop blaming himself for his pain.
Caine didn’t hit Katherine but instead resumed applying the ointment to Kat’s back. This time however he did it with less caution in regards to Katherine’s soreness. “Oooowwwwwwwwwwwww! You did that on purpose, Caine!” Katherine wailed in pain, and tried to get up.
Caine’s strong hands held him firmly in place and Caine began to talk as he applied the ointment more gently to Katherine. “I’m not a fuckin therapist but even I can tell the warped reasoning you are using. You are a wonderful person and nothing anyone ever did to you could change that. Your Father was nothing, Kat. Jose was nothing. All the bastards that ever took advantage of you, they are nothing. How the fuck do you think that you are dirt because of what other people have done to you…” Katherine pounded his tiny fists against the mattress and said in frustration, “What gives you the right to call my feelings warped when you haven’t even dealt with your own? You hate yourself because you think you killed your brother, which is not true. You didn’t kill him. But I don’t think that’s all Caine. I think you believe some of what your parents and church told you. I think you hate yourself not just because of the guilt but because you harbor internal homophobia.” Katherine flinched as Caine rubbed the ointment in to the last cut. He felt Caine’s warm breath blowing on them and sighed.
“You are right. I don’t have a right to try to correct your views if mine are just as warped. But you are not right about the second point. I do NOT ‘harbor internal homophobia’!” Caine said, ending in a shout. “But it’s true Caine. That’s the reason behind why you think you killed your brother. It is the only thing that makes sense. You believe that being gay really is wrong and you feel if you had tried harder to be ‘cured’ then maybe Peter wouldn’t have lost hope and hung himself…” Katherine said, his words a sad whisper.
“That is not true!!” Caine screamed and gave Katherine’s back a hard smack. “AAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Katherine gasped and shrieked in agony, yet was determined to go on. “If it’s not true then you give me another reason, Caine,” Katherine replied, trying to put his fear aside. I have to help Caine, he thought. Yet he ignored trying to help himself.
“I…goddamnit!!” Caine screamed and punched the wall above the bed, in rage. “You’re right. There are you fuckin satisfied! I hate myself because I’m a fuckin fag! Where the hell is this getting us?! What the hell do we have to do to save us from ourselves?!” Caine crumpled to the bed beside Katherine and pulled his head to his chest. “I think maybe we should get professional help,” Caine said, anticipating that Kat’s reaction would be very negative. “ARE YOU FUCKIN JOKING?!!!!!” Katherine wailed, staring up at Caine, his eyes shocked and scared. Why would Caine suggest this, he wondered? He knows that I had a hard time sharing my past with him, what makes him think I want to share it with a complete stranger?
“No I am not joking, Kat. We need help and we can’t deal with all this baggage on our own. Seeing a psychiatrist is the best thing we can do. And we will see one, whether you like it or not Kat,” Caine added, his voice unyielding and leaving no room for argument. Despite knowing that Caine could and would make him go to the shrink Katherine protested. “You can’t do that Caine. No, please don’t do make me go see a shrink. You can’t make me, I won’t. I won’t! I WON”T!!” Katherine shouted, hoping that Caine would change his mind.
“I’m sorry you don’t want to go, but you WILL go and you will make an effort to help yourself. If you won’t do it for yourself then do it for me. I don’t want to force you to go but I will if I have to. It’s for your own good. And I’ll be going too so it’s not like you will have to bear it alone, angelboy,” Caine said, running his hands through Kat’s hair. “Please don’t make me go Caine. Please don’t make me go Caine. Please don’t make me go see a shrink!” Katherine whimpered this over and over again while Caine tried to comfort him and convince him it would not be so bad. It didn’t help, Kat was still utterly and absolutely dreading having to go tell another person that he was fucked by his own Daddy. He didn’t even want to imagine how shameful that would be.
Fic