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• 1987-12-01
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Male
Location
• Metairie
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• 2004-09-28
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• Student, Aspiring Author
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• John
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• Quiz Bowl Captain 7th and 8th grade, numerous honor rolls, honored poet, fanfiction author
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• .....Forever.
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• Record of Lodoss War
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• To become a good cop, a great husband, and an excellent father
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• Anime, manga, writing, and video games
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• I'm a decent writer, and a bit of an empath. Not to mention Blackjack.
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Days go by....
Daylight again,
Following me to bed.
I think about a hundred years ago.
How my Fathers bled...
When everyone's talking, and no one is listening...how can I decide what my life is going to be with everyone around me telling me what to do or how to do it?
Mom wants me to be "successful, like her."..How the FUCK is tailoring to a drunk's every whim considered successful?
Personally, what I'd call successful...wou;d be raising a daughter to the best of my ability, and then watching her and her husband raise on of their own and being the best they can be. THEn, I will consider myself a success.
I care little for money. I'd prefer to have only enough to keep myself and a family alive than having too much for just myself....I want to be a family man that much.
Today, I saw the way a young man held his baby daughter in the park. I saw how he looked at her, as if she were a treasure that he'd been gifted with by the Heavens. And to him, she was, I know. I can just tell that man is going to be a good father.
That's what I want. To be able to hold a little girl and say, "I helped make this baby. I am a father, and I will do my best to raise her."
I want that so badly, it hurts. I'm not going to go out and make someone a mother, though. Not that I'd have the opportunity. I'm avoided like the plague by everyone who really gets to know me.
*sighs* Life really does get to you. The last really good day, by normal standards, I had was my tenth birthday. After that...well, I haven't really had a birthday since. I mean, sure, I'm getting older. I don't even recognize the face in the mirror anymore. But...like "One Headlight" says, I haven't changed, but I know I ain't the same.
Maybe I'm being confusing...I don't know. All I know is that I'm starting to wonder what my lot in life is. |
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