Friday, February 15, 2008

   Sad
WARNING: LONG POST!
I am so sad right now.
Okay so today my mom asked me if I can give her a quarter later I said yes then she said no, and then started saying how bad of a child I was.
That made me feel guilty real guilty. My mom always does that to me. Then she asked if I wanted pizza, she said yes, then she said I need to watch my weight I'm not fat she says that like trying to make me feel guilty again.
Right after Valentine's day too. Gosh I feel so sad. Then all my siblings started singing "We hate Emily!"
I wanted to cry right after all that, but I held back my tears, what do they care.
No one basically does anything if I cry, all they say is "Are you alright?" or "What's wrong?" and doesn't even mean it.
My mom always makes me feel guilty. There is only one person that cared most for me last year everytime I cried. It was my current crush right now. He was so sweet and cared. Yet that wasn't enough. He's the only one that always tries to make me happy, and wants to see me smile. Yet even for him I couldn't smile I just know it. I had some good times today, but those were the ones that HURT me most. I felt like I wanted to suicide myself or run away from home.
I just realized what might've been my story might've turned to May's.
Okay for proof.
May and Sora they met under a red umbrella and May was holding it.
I held a red umbrella a couple days ago and my crush(would be like sora brown hair, but hazel eyes) asked to go under my umbrella in the rain, and we started talking to each other while I was thinking of my life.
May runs away from home.
I felt like I wanted to do one of those things, but that'd be too serious, but if this ever happens a few more couple times I might.
Exactly my mom calls me a bad child like May's mom does. So yeah I'm not in the mood.
The only happy mood is that I made a new character and might post her.
When I've gotten hurt they only say "It's alright it'll heal.", instead of something a parent would say, "Honey are you alright?" and really care for you.
Although my parents don't do that.
I've gotten alot of injuries, and they say it's MY fault.
My siblings don't even listen to me. If I spank or hit them my parents would say "Why'd you hit them?" and I'll say "because they were acting bad!" and they even cuss cept my little brother.
I can beat people up yet I won't have the courage to beat a girl up. I also don't have the courage to stand up for myself or against anyone. I'm so useless.
Nobody knows the REAL me.
I can't even have friends over anymore.
The real me is a coward that's what I am. I'd even admit that.
People think I'm strong and cool and not afraid of alot of stuff, but I'm really sensitive out of the littliest things.
Once when I commented "is she french" in one of chocolateagle's comics wearing a beret. One of my friends started talking about how chocolateagle felt. I cried for hours and hours. I cried when something on my shirt got torned up. I cried on my birthday when my father stole my stuffed animals and was joking and smiling I cried all night. My family is so cruel. My grandma makes me feel guilty too. My grandpa's a real yeller. I just want to hide right now.
I really feel like no one cares for me right now.
Sorry for the long post, but if you read this you really care and I'd love you for that.
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