Tuesday, March 25, 2008

   wow. where has everyone gone? hardly anyone posts anymore. i guess maybe that's why i don't, it seems pretty pointless. has everyone moved to VV? anyhoo, i have moved in with my boyfrend, if ya'll remember who he is (manuel?) and i'm also expecting his baby. we're getting married today after i get off work. well, that's pretty much it for now. i'll ttyl!!

Jokes

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?" The wife replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."

“What am I supposed to do with this?” grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.
“Keep it,” the clerk advises. “When you get four of them, you get a bicycle.”
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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

   Back to Good
well, now i can put up a posty!!

not that i have much of one. but it's nice to know that i can when i want. i guess that's pretty much anything, huh? it's always nice to know you can do stuff whenever you are so inclined.

anyhoo, i read this article yesterday. to me it was pretty interesting. i have to admit, even i didn't know all that was on there, but i would have only missed no more than 4. this is where ya can find de article: http://www.slate.com/id/2185486/
how well would you do?

i've been pretty darn lazy bout the workin out thing. i know i should do it. it will even help when Aunt Flo visits. so why won't i get on with the program?!? i already sed it: cuz i'm lazy. that's y i need to start doin exercise. but i don't get around to it because . . . well, u get the point. Today, I will. maybe

i've got quite a collection of jokes, but i'll save a couple for next time. meanwhile, here's these:

Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close. While they were dating he met another woman named Clearly and wanted to start dating her but felt that he should be faithful to Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day Brian took Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were walking near the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly sang, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."

A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: "Do you know how to use the equipment?" "Yes", the boy replied. "Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?" The young applicant thought and replied "I'd press the button to change the points without hesitation." "What if the button was frozen and wouldn't work?" "I'd run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually" "And if the lever was broken?" "I'd get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points," he replied. "And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?" The boy thought about that one. "I'd run into town and get my uncle" "Is your uncle an electrician?" "No, but he's never seen a train crash before!"

Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said "Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts?"
Immediately little Johnny said, "Ooh me sir me!"
The coach then said, "But Johnny you are the worst in the team!"
Then Johnny said, "I know, but goalposts can’t jump!"
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Friday, February 29, 2008

   toasty posty-osty!!!
yeah, yo!! wat up. i went out to lunch today with manuel. i don't particularly like fish samiches, but there was nothing else i could eat. oh well.

we are in the process of lookin for a place to move into. His dad sed he'd co-sign for a house. yeah, man! his cousin wants to move with us. i don't mind. we get along well, and it would a bit more help with bills and stuff. we had been lookin to rent an apartment, but some of the income-based ones we didn't qualify for, cuz we make too much. now that's first. there was one we did, but there's a waiting list, and a crud-load of paperwork. so we're lookin for a two-bedroom house, with at least one bathroom. we prefer two bathrooms, but can make do with one. we've found a few that we like, but i want to get together the three of us and put our thoughts together.

anyhoo, here are some jokes. Enjoy your weekend and take care!!

Jokes

A cop pulls a young guy over:
"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
“Yup, but I didn't see you!”

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.

Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation, incessant pleas for food at all hours of the night.
Day 767 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue, something akin to mole speak, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal, room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time...

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said,” I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, “I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
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Monday, February 25, 2008

last joke best da best one, dat's wat i think
thanx for the comments, even if they were a little late. anyhoo, the kid still has some fever today. i know that because he came with his mom this morning to withdraw him. they're moving to Austin. she's got some family there or at least someone she knows. Good luck and best wishes to them.

i've got some pretty good jokes for y'all today. how do you spell it? "ya'll" or "y'all"? i think the correct spelling is "y'all", cuz it's a contraction for "you all". anyhoo, i went to tyler with manuel yesterday. we got into it pretty bad (mostly his fault), but we've made up now. as long as he keeps his promise, we'll be good. lol i almost typed "f" instead of "g" on good. "we'll be food."

*ahem*

so we go to a pizza place called Mazzio's on Monday. i'd never heard of it until we moved here. it's ok. not as good as pizza hut, but it's edible.

ok, yeah well, i'll ttyl!!

Jokes

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event. Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, “Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?
“Lucas burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane. The richest man in the world takes one, because he says that his lawyers will sue everyone else on the plane if he doesn't survive. The smartest man in the world takes a parachute, because he thinks that the world would be a worse place without him. The pilot says to the punk "There's only one parachute left, I'll fight you for it." "That won't be necessary," said the punk, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."

An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got into the back-seat."
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Friday, February 22, 2008

No Comments on The Last Posty
the flew and a stomack virus are apparently goin round. i guess they took a wrong turn, cuz that's the second time. strep throat is now along with them.

i had no comments wednesday. i didn't cry. the sky did it for me. and it still is. poor thing. it's ok now.

the kid i pick up now went home yesterday with a fever of 103.1 It had been pretty close to 105, but went down some with cold compresses. he probably won't show up tomorrow. he's not supposed to anyways.

anyhoo, i'll see ya'll next week!!!

Joke of the Day
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying
to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think
how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
"There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or “That’s Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher. She's dead."
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

   Never take life seriously.

(No matter how good/bad a person you are or what you do in life)

Nobody gets out alive anyway.

yeah! i want to start workin out. some. enough to lose weight. i'll start today when i get home.

BTW, the little kid came back yesterday!! yay! but he doesn't live in the district, so starting today, i pick him up and take him back home, since it's on my way. i don't mind tho.

anyhoo, i hope everyone has a good day, and i'll TTYL!!

Joke
A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, "Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?" The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down the highway and was yet again pulled over by a man fully dressed in green. He stopped and the guy in green said, "Hi, I'm the green jerk of the highway. Have anything to drink?" Without smiling, the man handed the green guy his coke. He started off again and started to speed down the highway. Yet again he was stopped by a guy fully dressed in blue. Sighing, he pulled over and pulled down his window, leant out and said, "Let me guess. You're the blue jerk of the highway. What do you want?" "Registration and license please" came the reply.
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Monday, February 18, 2008

Pizza is good. So is hot fudge.

Comment Responses

- falling asleep mid-laff. that'd b pretty funny to watch
-yep. i don't know why. i deleted that second posty.
-Thanx for the good wishes.

yeah, well he didn't show up again today. Now we're really worried bout him. but no one knows where to contact the mom or their new address or phone. not the office, not head start. he's just gone. hope things work out.

yeah, well. it's too early in the week to have a good posty. so i'll just wait till maybe tomorrow. if not, wednesday. if not, then thursday. if not, well, you get the picture. Don'tcha?

Jokes
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the lady. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled.
"My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time.
My husband promptly removed a revolver from his pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"

There was a student who was desirous of taking admission for a study course.
He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.
"Tell me your choice," said he to the boy, "What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one real difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind."
The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is one real difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. "Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: "It's the DAY, sir."
"How???????" the interviewer was smiling ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
Admission for the course was thus secured.
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Friday, February 15, 2008

   i was gonna be lazy and not post a posty, but then i just got lazy again and decided to not give a reason why i decided to post instead of not posting a posty.

so how was everybody's valentine's day? i went out with my honey. we didn't do very much, but still got a lot done. Not like that either. well, i'll leave ya'll hanging on that one. My ring should be getting here sometime next week. it's got both of our names, and our birthstones. i can't wait to see it.

we had a lot of stuff for the party. we gave them cupcakes while at recess cuz we had way too many. we've still got packages of stuff. they're getting mini-cupcakes for snack when they get up from nap. they had fun putting the cards in the bags that they decorated the day before. it was a pretty good and enjoyable day. except for this story.

one of our kids got called in the office. CPS was here to talk to him. well he doesn't speak english, so i had to go translate. they only asked basic questions with me in there. we lasted only like 5 minutes. well later on, they came again with their own translator, and this time he was in there for like 45 minutes. and today he's not here. we're worried bout him. he's such a cute an smart kid. he's the kind that really don't need this in his life. just get him and his mom and bro away from the dad, and things'll get better. it's sad to see that happen to a kid like him. anyhoo, i'll brighten this posty up with some funnies below

jokes

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!" When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, "I have no room for your bike in my car, but I'd like to help you in someway seeing you standing here in the hot sun." After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, "I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I'll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I'll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I'll slow down." The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the rode, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning "you want a drag?" Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn't catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the rode to intercept. "Car number 2, this is car number 1." "Go head number 1, what'cha got for me?" I got a red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus, can you intercept?" "Ten-four, Is there anything else?" "Yeah, you wouldn't believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass."
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

   i don't really have much of a posty for today, but i'll leave ya'll a couple funnies.

Jokes for the Day
i know i've posted this one before, but i think it pretty snazzy.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."

series of quote jokes-
- From the interviewee: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman)

- "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter)

- "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers." (Murray Walker)

- "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin." (Jo Sheldon)

- "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect." (Ted Lowe)

- "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right." (Marlon Starling)

- "I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or Cambridge." (John Snagge - Boat Race between only Oxford and Cambridge)

- "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round." (Tony Crozier)
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Monday, February 11, 2008

   Brass monkey that funky monkey brass monkey junkie that funky monkey

aww, yeah man. the beastie boys. lovem

Comment Responses

-actually, that opening comment was a joke. but i didn't post it as one.
-the last check i wrote was for $20, and i don't write different checks for the same amount. sorry (for you):(
-if that had really been Jacko, then it would have taken the word "nightmare" to a different level.
-yep. i had another creepy dream on friday night. that one had rabid dogs. i think i also had one saturday night, but i don't remember that one. i'm not posting friday's, cuz i just don't feel like it.

ok, so i am posting the dream (part of it, anyways). my family had inadvertantly (sp?) done something to another family. well, they were tryin to get back at us by killin us. anyhoo, they gave two dogs (can't tell what type they were) this . . . "treatment" that makes them attack the next living moving thing it sees. well, i was at home by myself. they (evil people) had set bait for me to go outside so the dogs could attack me. well, for some reason, i didn't go outside, so the dogs ended up attacking each other. seeing their plan had failed, they picked the dogs up and put them in the back of a plain white 18-wheeler. well, the "treatment" is made so that once they attack, they die shortly after. so there are more dogs in the plain white 18-wheeler. the first two dogs die, and then the others start eating them. i didn't see the whole process (thankfully), but it was not cute.

i guess that came from my subconscious. earlier in the morning i had got sent home to change (jeans are a no-no unless specified). i was almost home when i saw a bunch of buzzards on the side of the road. they flewd away when i drove past, and i was able to see the why. a puppy that used to play around the road had apparantly got run over during the night. after he defrosted in the morning, he called the buzzards over for breakfast. it was not a cute sight. but i do believe that's why i dreamed of those dogs.

anyhoo, these last two posts are pretty dreamy. hopefully the next one won't be. well, ya'll enjoy the day!!

Jokes
A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your best scotch." The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can. "Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender. "Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had," The man says "Oh my god," the bartender says, "What do you have?" The man replies "50 cents."

Bill and Hillary Clinton go to a Yankees game together. They had VIP seats in the first row. All of a sudden, a secret service agent comes up to Bill and whispers in his ear. A few seconds later, Bill grabs Hillary and throws her out onto the field! The SS agent comes running back to Bill and says, "Mr. President, sir, I think you misunderstood me. I said throw out the first pitch."
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