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myOtaku.com: Kawaii Seth

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Oh, wow... my teenage side is showing..
Time: 11:05 PM

Song: We Looked Like Giants

By: Death Cab for Cutie

Mood: For lack of better word, shitty.

God bless the daylight, the sugary smell of springtime
remembering when you were mine in a still suburban town

When every Thursday, I'd brave those mountain passes
and you'd skip your early classes and we'd learn how our bodies worked

God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations
I've become what I always hated when I was with you then

We looked like giants in the back of my grey sub-compact
fumbling to make contact as the others slept inside
and together there in a shroud of frost, the mountain air
began to pass through every pane of weathered glass
and I held you closer than anyone would ever get

Remember the J.A.M.C. and reading aloud from magazines
I don't know about you but I swear on my name they could smell it on me
But I've never been to good with secrets... ohh...

Oh together there in a shroud of frost, the mountain air
began to pass through every pane of weathered glass
and I held you closer...


As requested LadyMalik's button.

I'd like to apologize for not getting around to everyone's sites... I've been REALLY busy as of late. e.e;


I really have no clue as to why such feelings has all of the sudden broken in to drop-kick me in the ass. I'm just guessing that boredom has led to different thoughts and those different thoughts has led to the shitty mood that I'm in. So, naturally, I'm coming here to rant about it in hopes of getting this crappy mood out of me before the sleepover at Muun Purinsesu's house.

I mean, I'm sure everyone's had shitty feelings and have thought about completely shutting yourself off from the world. In all reality, it's quite logical to shut yourself out from the world... it takes away from the pain you very well could have felt in the first place.

But you wouldn't really get anywhere without said pain...

I just believe that I am nowhere near as fun and exciting as I used to be. My quality has somehow "dropped" and I find it very hard to pick myself up again from losing my "edge" in life. It's just not fun to do the things I used to enjoy doing from weekend to weekend... but what else can one do when they see no other options before them?

Seth: *Listens silently.*

I've tried doing everything I used to love doing, but going to the mall just isn't as fun as it used to be. I go into Spencer's and remember the group date I went on and can't help but feel horrid about all of the things I witnessed and enjoyed so much; because I know that I'll never feel that ever again.


I find myself longing for my summer to return to me. Everything good seemed to happen last summer and once school started... all of the meaningless crap just came back to me and began to suffocate me. The stress is just too much at times and only when I take off this "mask" that I hold up constantly do I ever feel the pressure of the definition "stress".

No one ever truly knows the pressure until having felt the full force of the stress that begins to build up. I'm sure everyone has felt this at least one time within their lives and it's an ache that never seems to fade away from the depths of your sheltered mind... does it?

Seth: My stress and pain only serves to make me feel stronger for having lived through it all of these years.

But that is you Seth... what if what I feel doesn't make me feel stronger... but it makes me feel helpless and weaker than ever before. In all reality, I feel as if I am forbidden from feeling doubt, stress, pain, depression and sadness. I'm the one that always supposed to be happy and keeping everyone out of sadness in our little group.

Seth: And I'm sure everyone loves you dearly for doing so, Kawaii.

But what will they do once I'm not that same person anymore. What will they think of me when I can't slap a smile on and keep them all laughing some kind of dumb statement or lame joke?

Seth: They will still be your friends either way.

How can one be so sure about it though?

Seth: One cannot be so sure until having gone through it Kawaii. Do not jump to such conclusions until everyone has abandoned you as you fear-

Shush! I don't fear being abandoned! What makes you think such a thing? I can live without the luxury of friends.

Seth: ...

*Sighs.* I need some sleep... I'm thinking and over looking everything.

Seth: You do need your friends, Kawaii. And they need you just as much... without each other, all of you would fall apart.

*Hugs Seth tightly.* Thanks...

*Walks into Seth's room to sleep.*


Seth: You would have to excuse the actions of Kawaii. She has been acting strange all day... an arguement began between her and her father and Kawaii did not even bother to defend herself much...

I am sure all will be back to normal with her soon enough. *Smiles gently.* She just needs a little time... as most do within such drastic times as this.

I might as well be heading off now... may the Gods bestow upon all of you a good night's rest.


-Kawaii Seth<3

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