Saturday, March 4, 2006

BZZZZ!

Time: 11:21 PM Song: None. By: None. Mood: Humorous. There's certain ways that people when they bite it and they show it on the new... you laugh. Like who gets killed by bees?! Anytime they come on the news like, "A man in Austin was killed by bees." I just fucking laugh. How do you get killed by bees?! If you're walking through the woods, right, and you come near a bush and you hear *BZZZZZZZZZZZ* just, you know, Run away from that bush. Whos going near that bush going, "HEY IS THAT BEES?" hold on one second, "OH JEEZE! AHHH!" Dude Fuck that! I would punch every bee in the face! Bees aren't taking me out, I'd be like, "FUCK YOU BEE!" *PUNCH* "YEAH FUCK YOU BEE! ALRIGHT BEE COME ON! YEAH!" *BZZZZZZZ* *PUNCH* "Where's the next bee at?!" It's a fucking bee! I could undestand if it was like killer horses, Thats scary shit! Flying through the air kicking you in the face *NEHHHHHH* *KICK* *NEHHHHHH* THATS SCARY! FUCK BEES! ......FUCK BEES! Know one wants to drown. drowning would be the worst, cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling that you get, Oh its the worst. When you think you're drowning. like during the summer, You're like at a pool party or something. "I'm gonna go into the deep end. Watch my dive. Watch my dive. "Right, then you dive in. *SPLASH* And the second you get to the bottom your like, "GET ME OUTTA HEEEERE!! WHERES THE SURFACE?!!" And you always some up under the kid on the raft. "Jesus Christ Timmy! Do not float above me when I'm Dying in the Abyss! Your son almost killed me with his, Uhhhh, Daffy Duck raft over here John. Your son tried to murder me in your pool. Float away for me. Float away." Fire. Has anyone here ever been fully engulfed in fire? Its gotta be soo hot. That is way to fucking hot. Its the worst feeling when you burn yourself too. You know, sometimes you're making sure soup or some oodlesof noodles or something; Or you're cooking up some crack. And you know, You touch the side of the pot. Just that little *TSSSS* "WOAH!!" That, Fucking kills!! That little thing, you can't take a shower for like three weeks. You gotta like hold your hand out cause the steam makes you angry. You try to bring your hand in, "OOOOOO! I HATE STEAM! WHOEVER INVENTED STEAM SUCKS!" You know what would be the worst?? This would be the ultimate worst right here. What if you dove into the pool, and while you were at the bottom of the pool freaking out, somebody poured oil on the surface and lit it on fire! Yeah then you're like, "AHHHHHH!" You gotta just keep swimming around, feeling for a spotwhere theres no fucking fire. Then, What if you found a circle where there was no fire, but the second you came up a big dude just punched you in the face "Get back in the fiery water! You don't come out of the fiery water, cover up that hole with some fire now! Get back in the fiery water!" When I was a little kid I thought I wanted to be a fireman. I think a lot of guys- Did you wanna be a fireman when you were a little kid? People ask you..What do you want to be? I wanna be a FIREMAN! I didn't really wanna be a fireman. I thought I did. I just really wanted to spray shit with a hose. That's what I really wanted to do. I wanted to be like a spray-man. No I was fucking good. I'm not laughing. I was really good with the hose. I could make it look like if make it feel like it was raining. If you closed your eyes, you would think it was raining. That's how good I was. You'd be like Oh my god it is really raining. It's very cold rain. That's how good I was and I'm not laughing. You're laughing, i'm not laughing. I could not be a fire- If I go to a house and it was fully on fire. Fuck that! I quit. I would just stand outside and watch it burn with everybody else. And the woman next to me be like... Please my son, he's screaming in there. I'd be like Well he's probably on fire! That's what happens when you're on fire lady... What are you doing out here? You fucking think for yourselfer. Why didn't you make a map for him or something? A policeman. I don't know how they do that job man. What about those cops in New York. I just saw this on CNN a few days ago. In New York, these cops freaked out, they shot this guy like 15 times because they said they thought he had a grenade. He was eating a pear! How do you fuck that up?! Unless he was eating it like OOOOO (takes bite, throws pear) THAT'S A DELICIOUS PEAR! I had one uh job that was kinda cop-like. One summer I did uh security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day... Hey hey excuse me Sir get your putter out of the whale's ass! Come one this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground, even though it looks like a playground. So many crappy- the first job I had, right. The first job when I was uh 17 uh was Burger King. That was the first job that I had, alright. I didn't want to call it Burger King either cause like yanno. So I used to call it the BK Lounge. If the girls were like... Where do you work?..I was like I work down at the BK Lounge. I'm a bouncer at the BK Lounge.. Can we get in? Not without coups. Not without coups baby. So I get the job because my one older brother, my older brother Darrell. He's the manager and I'm like this is gonna be awesome cuz my bro, manager hooked me up.. He was a dick! He thought he was THE Burger King! You know what I'm saying? He sucked! He would put me on drive thru every single night. Why to this day do people insist on yelling at the drive thru? It's modern technology. I'd have my little headset. Welcome to Burger King. May I please take your order? WHOPPER. Sir? WHOPPER NO ONION. Excuse me, I'm fucking bleeding from the ears here ok? Let's turn the main down a tad, ok skidrow? LARGE FRY MOTHAFUCKA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU BURGER KING! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK BK BROILER? I would rather have had people yell, it was when people didn't talk loud enough. That drove me CRAZY. I'd have like 10 cars out there and I'd be like Hi Mam May I please take your order? *mumbles* some pickles, no no no cheese, uh extra cheese, pickles What do you want? What do you want? *mumbles* bun seeds, no bun seeds What do you want?... no no no no yes no cheese, extra pickles *mumbles* how much? eh cheese Mam I can't-hello?...pickle, extra pickles, cheese, bun seeds, and pickles all my pickles and some extra pickly pickles,cheese, pickles OK are you trying to molest me via drive thru. What are you saying? Chicken tenders. Sweet and sour sauce on my pussy! DRIVE AROUND GET SOME SAUCE DRIVE AROUND MAM SAUCE SAUCE SAUCE she want's it her way. That's our motto. It's- come on sauce! I took I took a lady's order one time. I'll never forget this. I go like this.. Mam. That'll be $3.75. Please drive around. And then there's like this long pause and then she goes.. Where do I go? ...Where do you go?! You follow the one fucking road you're on to me! Where do you Ok mam you're gonna go to the Texaco station. Take a right. Go 5 and a half miles southeast. You're gonna see a guy in a yellow poncho. His name is Hank. He'll take you to the whopper Lair. That's where you go. And you've got 10 minutes to get there or we take your food! (All by Dane Cook.) I love Dane cook so much.. and because I have nothing to say, I just thought I'd post all of that to five some people a few laughs. *Hearts.* All of us at lunch. (I'm not rolling my eyes, I'm enjoying my yogurt with my eyes rolled back in my head. XD) Kawaii Seth<3

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