Friday, April 13, 2007

Maybe it's just me...

Today a girl walked up to me in class and managed to carry on a very rude and demeaning conversation with me. I have never talked to her in my life and I could have gone on with my ways without ever having said anything to her, but she felt the need to poke her head in to my business. I have a cut on my arm. A very small cut only about a half an inch long that is quite visible. She didn't know where this cut had come from or why it was there in the first place. Her first question to me was, "Do you cut yourself?" Being taken off guard by such a question, I stared at her incredulously as if she were joking with me. She seemed pretty serious about the whole topic. I shook my head and told her the truth. "As much cutting myself would be considered the latest fad, this cut isn't self-inflicted. I have no reason for ever wanting to hurt myself." Now she looked at me and said flat-out to my face, "Oh, well you look like the kind of person to do that. I don't see you talking to many friends other than that short girl in the hallway. You just seem anti-social is all and I wondered if you were THAT KIND of person." By then I was beginning to lose my cool with her because she was sticking her nose into my personaly life. I laughed and brushed it off with, "What, are you stalking me now?" To which she relpied, "Ew, I don't stalk lesbians." First of all... she had the audacity to ask me if I cut myself then she calls me anti-social and now she's calling me a lesbian? She made comments about my clothes. Comments such as, "You could do so much better. Why not go to Hollister?" I'm sorry I'm not a rich snob that likes to spend more time on my clothing choice then actually studying or doing something worthwhile that could possibly help me out in life. Either way, she left me alone when she realized that I'd rather work on reading ahead in my Latin book then talk to her about the latest fads and fashion statements. As the day progressed I found myself with quite a large problem; I'm bored with life. I'm so bored that for the past few days I have felt depressed for seemingly no reason. Not like I can talk to my school friends about it because one will either make the subject about her, I will cry, one won't give a shit or I'll be embarassed for being called an "emo" about my life. Which brings me to another subject... I know for a fact that I'm growing away from some friends whom I used to call my "best friends" but it's not like I can help it anymore. I'm tired of dealing with the drama, the lies and the overall bullshit that I deal with from day to day. It gets very tiring after a while and the stress level only continues to rise on the scale until I feel like breaking. Call me emo, call me a depressed loser, call me whatever you want. I know that my true friends would stand behind me and respect me for the way I feel. I have too much going on right now that I find it hardly possible to enjoy the thought of hanging out with buddies or even attending conventions every few months or so. Truth is... by my senior year I know for a FACT that I'm not going to give two shits about anything anymore. I feel that soon enough I will change in mentality and I will not let people push me around anymore because I'm nice and don't want to say to their face what I really feel. I'm tired of the constant disrespect I get from my own "friends" these days. I was told a while ago by someone that I will eventually stop caring and my senior year would most likely be spent pissing people off with my opinionated statements. The fact is... I don't care anymore and I think I will be losing a lot of friends here shortly. Then again... those that understand my opinion and "critiques" will undoubtedly continue to be my true friend. Now's the time for me to start figuring out the difference between those that are real friends and those that are fake friends with the intentions of talking shit behind my back. Call me a bitch all you want, but I'm tired of giving respect and never getting any back. - Kawaii Seth

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