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Wednesday, December 1, 2004


   \ugh
most mothers are comferting and are always there for you but the night before lasnt night my mom mad me very sad inside i was hurting...here is how it went.

Me: about to fall asleep

Mom: *comes in turns on the light rudly and comes on my bed.*

Me: *sees my sister at thedoor too* uhhhh leave me alone i about to go to sleep!

Sister: yeah right you where awake ten minutes ago!

Mom: we need to talk. youfarther just called and he told me some thing you told him.

Me: *my dad stabbed me in the back how dare he tell after i promised him not to.* ...

Mom: what makes you so unhappy Ayla tell me that. Tell me what makes you so unhappy that ypu go tal to dad at not me."

Me: ...

Vanessa: Answer her ayla.

Me: i dont knoe

Mom: then why did dad call.

Vanessa: tell her ayla."

"Me: *starts to cry* (yes i know but i was really hurt) justy leav me alon let me fgo to bed.

And it just goes on...but i was really hurt my dad...he betrayed me. He told my mom after i told im not to! he ven promised me! you know that he promised me! and he told my mom something that made her hurt. saying that she is a horrible mother! when she is not@ by gosh she was alot better than my back stabbing poor excuse for a father. He was never ther for me. vhe was never the father he should have been. Thats why i grew so distance away from my family. Thats why i'm a loner at school at home. the place i feel happiest is at MyO knowing that everyone here cares about me and understands me. but what also hurts me most is what Mike is going though but then i shouldnt be in his business if he really loves Duzell that much and i'm at the bottom of his list. I understand i never really had a person care for me the way i wanted him to care for me. Lord Kain would have counted if he didnt stab me in the back either. but the guy who really ever loved loved ,e was SamuraiSweet350 but he moved to Japan and he is never coming back. Never....I feel so alone sometimes it bothers me. I feel like the darkness in my soul id finally showing...that night when we had our talk i couldnt go to sleep. I cried ,y self to sleep it really hurts knowing that your own father betrayed you. You was never there for you when you really need it. the next morning when i woke up my cat Thunder was right in my face all cuddled up to me. I smiled at my cat and i hugged him. He knew i was depressed that night so he cuddled up to me. I love my animals so much. They bring me lts of comfert and stuff like that. but i might not be here much knowing going to my dads house the betrayer house will be hard for me at times so it might be like iu'm really never here ok guys see ya.

Question: if ever been stabbed in the back does hurt. How bad did you feel when the person you thught you could trust most betrayed you?

Me: yes it hurts really bad..it felt like my heart was broken, my dad ven told my mom, because my grandma had a stroke and he said it was from her lieng to me. Doest that hurt...it should hurt really bad.

Now this is the part where i tell Mike how much i love him..but no i ont..i dont think he loves me...

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