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... this site is for my constant ramble and i may even post some poetry and art ... but any and all art or poetry will be my own ... so this is a warning ... do not ask who wrote one of my poems ... it is a great offence to me ... also i may post splashes or avatars or just what ever i like to ... the same rules applie ... thank you ...


Sunday, January 8, 2006


  Life sucks ass.... I hate being a curse.... I hate me and what I can never help..... because it's what I love the most.....
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Sunday, November 6, 2005


   *sigh ....
last night i had a talk with a friend and ... she was wanting to commit suicide ... i did everything i could to help and eventually she just laid down ... but i am still really worried about her ... i mean i am okay im not exactly down because well she decided against it last time i had talked with her ... but i havent talked with her sence ... anyway i am actually not as down as i may appear because yea a big part of me is just really happy and content that she has stayed ...

on another note i have no IM on this computer sense its my mothers boyfriends and they just email ... but as soon as i can get on IM i will ...

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Saturday, November 5, 2005


oh god its long .....

Ultimate Survey (377 questions long)
time started:220 am ...
full name:Katta - Juugatsu Enzeru ...
nickname(s):October , october cutter ...
birthday:October 31 , 1991 ...
where were you born:um .... a hostpital .... i hope ....
zodiac sign:i believe i am a libra / ram ... ?
height:5' 6''
weight:95 lbs
hair color:brown ...
eye color:dark brown ...
shoe size:6
ring size:no idea ...
skin type (freckles, tan, albino, etc.):pale ...
blood type:not a clue ...
grade:8th ...
GPA:
siblings:three brothers ... i only get along with one ... and a sister who i love to death ...
tattoos:none ...
piercings:used to have some but i stayed at a hospital a while and they didnt allow them .... eventually the holes closed ....
hobbies:art , poetry , music , RPGs , web pages ...
favorite
color:gray ...
food:sushi ...
candy:um ... bannana something or other ... ?
type of cheese:white ...
pizza topping:ew .... pizza ....
salad dressing:itallian or ranch ...
sandwich:turkey with mayo ...
cereal:life ...
fruit:bannana ...
vegetable:um ... spinach ... ?
berry:bannana ...
cake:spice ... or ice cream cake ...
book:Alichino , Ragnarok , Deathnote , Confedential Conffessions , and Furuba ...
movie:Final Fantasy VII ; Advent Children , Donnie Darko , Saw , Saw II , the Nightmare before Christmas ...
magazine:Shounen Jump , Anime Insider ...
newspaper:none really ...
tv show:Trigun , Cowboy Bebop , Witch Hunter Robin , Naruto ...
website:... i dont know ...
radio station:101 . X ( 101 . 5 )
font:pyprus ...
cartoon character:Vincent ... or Gaara ....
artist (painter):Vincent Van Gough has somehow always appealed to me ... but i cant say that i look at painters that much ......
actor:none ... i dont care for pop culture ...
actress:read above ...
cd:hmm ... tough ... i like alot of Incubus CDs ... Sum41 ... Seether ... Evenesance ... Soulfly ... Acid Bath ... the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack , i dont know what to choose ....
song:' were all to blame ' by Sum41 , ' mad world ' by Donnie Darko , ' wonderboy ' by Tenacious D , ' here in my room ' by Incubus ....
music group:Tenacious D , Incubus , Soulfly , Acid Bath , Sum 41 , Korn .....
music type:death / heavy metal ...
day of the week:um ... saterday ... ?
month:October ...
season:fall / winter ...
holiday:Holloween ...
shampoo:dosent matter ...
conditioner:same ...
number:8 and 13 ...
phrase:' im gunna molest your face with a rod ... ' and then the quote on my siggi ...
store:Hot Topic , Spencers , Suncoast , the 4 Elements ....
weather:gray cloudy sky , slightly windy , cold , and thunder mabey lightning and some rain ...
restaurant:DK Soul ... ( sushi bar )
channel:none ...
teacher:Mrs . Gosselink ...
weekend activity:... get online ... ?
hangout:net ...
house color:um ... dont really care ....
sport to watch:wrestling ... tai kwon do ...
sport to play:wrestling ... tai kwon do ...
animal:wolf ...
flower:orchid ...
guy's name:Josh ...
girl's name:October ...
board game:dont know ... dont really play them ...
party game:i dont party ...
story from childhood:just being with my dad ...
body part:um .... wow .... what an akward question .....
have you ever
been on a train:nope ...
been on a plane:nope ...
been in a car accident:almost .....
caused a car accident:... heh .... yea actually ...
run into a wall:... yes ...
burned a potato chip:how the hell do you burn a potatoe chip ???
almost burned the house down:nah ... my brothers did that for me ...
smoked:yea ...
been drunk:hell yea ...
been high:yep ...
broken the law:duh by now ...
burned a cd (if yes, the one above is yes):yep ...
kissed someone of the opposite sex:.... mabey .... well yea .....
kissed someone of the same sex:yea .... but neither of us intended for it .... we just turned and ... um ... smack .....
frenched an animal:oh no my friend , that ram frenched ME ...
made out:... yea .....
had cyber sex:no nor do i intend to ....
gotten engaged:um im fourteen .......
had an online relationship:no ...
been rejected by a crush:no ...
loved:.... yes ....
made yourself cry to get out of trouble:er no ...
cried in public:.... yes .... my friend accidentally hit me in the face with a sword .... we were dueling ....
cried over a movie:meh ..... stupid emo movies ......
fallen asleep in a movie theater:no ... god you would get raped if you did that in this town .....
given someone a bath:no ...
been to a boarding school:yea ... its better than public trust me ...
been home-schooled:yep its better than private and public ...
lost a valuable item:omg all the time in this stinking room .....
bungee jumped:* wishful thinking .... *
skied:nope ...
met the president:nope nor do i intend / want to ...
met a celebrity:nope ...
gotten a cavity:yes ...
shopped at abercrombie & fitch:0.o never have i gotten within 15 feet of that store .........
made a prank call:all the time when i was like 11 - 12 ...
skipped school:... mabey ...
faked sick to get out of school:aheh who hasent ... ?
purchased something that you knew didn't fit:nope ... well unless ultra baggy Hot Topic pants count .... but with a belt they um ... well they stay on ...
climbed a tree:all the time till i was about 12 ...
fallen from a tree:... yea ...
broken a bone:yep ...
sprained anything:hell yes ...
passed out:... yea ...
made yourself pass out:yes ...
been to disney world:nope ...
been to a theme park (not disney):nope ...
said i love you and meant it (not to a relative):.... yes ....
made a model volcano (working model):nope ...
made a clover leaf with your tounge:um .... well im not quite that talented ...
past
what did you do yesterday:i went to school and got these energy drinks and drank them in 5 minutes flat and im awake now still at 252 am becuase of it !!!
memory you miss the most:.... a certain someone ....
memory you want to forget:no memory should be forgetten ... no matter what ....
something you regretted after it was done:um ... yea ...
the last
song you heard:' Enemy ' by Disturbed ...
cd you bought:Seether i think ...
thing you said:URGH !!!!
time you cried:....
movie seen in a theater:Saw II
thing you ate:mint cookies ... i <3 mints ...
person who called:my sister ...
nail polish shade worn:black as always ...
time you showered:just alittle while ago ...
person who complimented you:um ... some one who has a crush on me .... but names arent needed i dont believe ...
at this moment
what are you listening to:still listening to Disturbed ...
what are you wearing:Tripp pants , a long sleeve shirt ... and yea undies ...
what are you thinking:i hope a friend gets on and i have soemone to talk to ....
what are you scared of most:that some one will understand me , and that everyone i love will be hurting or dieing and i will be able to do diddly squat ...
how many people are on your buddy list:um one or two so far ...
future
occupation:artist / poet / writter ...
marriage site:... i dont actually intend to get married ...
honeymoon:none ...
place to live:Japan becase of its beauty or some were nice and cold all year around ...
kids:0.o omg no ....
car:jeep ...
what are you doing tomorrow:nothing what so ever !!!
do you think george bush will be reelected:i think i dont care if he fucks micheal jackson ...
will there be a wwIII:hell fucking yea and im starting it ...
will politics ever be truthful:NEVER AND NEVER HAVE THEY BEEN !!!
will humanity snuff itself out:hell yes ...
can the gov. be changed:yes but no one gives a shit enough to change it so it will rule our lives forever ...
friends
best friend:Katai , Otako ...
funniest:Ark , Otako , Katai ...
silliest:Micha ...
loudest:Sunako ...
quietest:me myself and i ....
craziest:Amber , Megan ...
calmest:me myself and i ...
skinniest:Otako , Sunako ...
best secret keeper:Katai , Otako , Ark ...
worst secret keeper:Sunako
the one you have but don't want:hmmmm ... heidi .... and all the little squirts who are always following me ........
smartest:Katai , Ark ...
preppiest:Sunako ...
peppiest:Sunako ...
most hyper:Otako , Sunako , Amber , Megan ...
hottest:my secret ! ^_~
weirdest:Otako , Terrah , Sunako ...
biggest pervert:Ark ...
most annyoing:i dunno ...
shyest:me myself and i ...
most religious:um ... Terrah ... ???
do you believe in
heaven:not really ...
hell:mabey ...
angels:yes ...
devil:eh .... dont know ...
god:theres a something or other that we know as god somewhere out there ...
buddha:fairly much the same thing ( in some aspects ) to god so what ever ....
aliens:pft yea right ....
ghosts:yes ...
spirit (soul):yes ...
soulmates:yes ...
reincarnation:not really ...
love at first sight:mabey .......
karma:kinna ... not really .... but then kinna ...
love in general:hell yes and it sucks .... STRAWS MAN !!
luck:nah not really ...
yourself:... when the people i love believe in me ...
crush
who and when was your first crush:.... Josh .... forever ago ....
any now:nah ...
a celebrity crush:NEVER !!!
who do you want to be with right now:Katai ... Josh .....
whos number do you want:um i dont really make phone calls ....
who do you want to kiss:....
what is something you dont understand about the opposite sex:PMS ? what what ? 0.o oh .... nvm ....
if you could go on a date with anybody, who would it be:um ... no one ....
on scale of one to ten, how romantic are you:.....
first thing noticed about the opposite sex:hair or eyes ...
what do you look for personality-wise:hidden ... uniquness ...
biggest turn on:um ... real uniquness ... not just faking ... a real person ... not a mirror of a crowd ...
biggest turn off:a poser or fake person not worth puke licked off your mothers ass ...
something thay weat that turns you on:*wear ..... um ... i dunno ... black ?
something they wear that turns you off:pink and preppy and slutty clothes .... that doesent attracked me ..... it scares me ........
the most romantic thing you want to happen to you:um .... isent that considered like a fantasy ... ???
the most romantic thing that has happened to you:............ none ya !!!
what do you wear on a coffee date:nah ...
is it right to flirt if you're taken:no ...
is cyber cheating:um i think ...
are eyes the passegeway to the soul:yes ... unless it is just a shell to hide ones self ...
who would you like to take to the prom:ick !!! never will i go to a prom ... EVER ...
do you want to hug somebody right now:everyone i love ...
do you know what an aphrodisiac is:.... do i want to ....... ?
describe
mellow:me most the time ... slow and steady ... calm and preserved ...
melancholy:another shade of me ... sometimes suicidal ... self harming ... sorrowful ... pained ...
the perfect date:me and them and a big full moon and a big pretty lake and pretty snow .... i think ...
the perfect mate:um ... lets not ...
how m&m's are made:you put the chocolate in the shell and color it and stamp an ' m ' on it and THEN shove it in a wrapper !!!!
why manhole covers are round:to resemble a man 's hole ..... no wait ....
one or the other
coke/pepsi:neither ...
sprite/7-up:both ...
boxers/briefs:boxers ...
gold/silver:silver ...
vanilla/chocolate:hmm ... both ...
flowers/candy:flowers ... candy is unhealthy after so much of it is eaten ....
book/magazine:um ... depends ...
tv/radio:radio ... much more of a music person ...
glass half empty/half full:its broken and the peices , scattered all over , are cutting me wide open ....
democrat/republican:NEITHER I HAVE RABIES BITCH !!!
colored pencils/markers:um ... dont know ...
coffee/tea:tea ... gotta love tea ...
sun/moon:moon ...
day/night:night ...
hot/cold:cold ...
dog/cat:um ... wolf ...
button/zipper:zipper ...
cotton/feather pillow:um ... i dont know ... if i owned i pillow i might tell you ... i just have sheets and a bed ....
blue/purple:um ... lavender and gray ... yesh ...
plumber/trashman:um ........
jeans/shorts:jeans of course ...
long distance relationship/none:.... none .....
mechanical/regular pencil:regular ...
matt/ben:um ... neither ...
that 70's show/simpsons:simpsons ... that 70 's is actually better ... but i love cartoons ...
kelso/eric:kelso ...
donna/jackie:donna ...
bart/lisa:bart ...
romeo/juliet:neither ... ???
romantic comedy/thriller:thriller ...
nsync/bsb:neither ...
peanut butter/jelly:pb ...
waffles/pancakes:waffles ...
letter/email:um ... either really ...
florida/california:dont really matter to me ...
pizza/burgers:um ... niether ...
hat/visor:neither ... a hoodie !!!
football/rugby:um ... football ???
iceskating/blading:um ... niether ....
movie at home/in theater:if it were only me the theater ..... other wise at home .... alone ....
first thing you think of when you hear
yellow:bannana ...
red lipstick:blood ...
socks:smelly gym bag .....
cowtipping:MOOOOOO !!!!!!! OH SHIT !!!!!!!
moulin rouge:a green trench coat ...
greenland:green grass on ice ...
iceland:polar bears ...
harry potter:a broom stick with magic powers ...
red:blood ...
blackberry:um ... eating one ...
rose:bloody rose ...
rooster:a farm ...
taxes:twinkies ...
bill clinton:presidents ...
whipped cream:clouds ...
george w. bush:history ...
lollipops:orange lollipops ...
dreams:... nightmares ...
love:.... pain .....
guys:hanging out ...
south park:gay guys hanging out ...
boy bands:fangirls ...
pengiuns:woddle woddle .....
girls:preps ...
thong:0.o ewwwwwwwww ....
death:aheh a figure in a black robe with a syth ...
spoons:yogurt ...
junk mail:jail bars ...
dairy:a girly diary book ...
panties:um ..... panties ..... um ......
your father:omg i love my dad dont ever shit talk him or ill drag you to hell myself !!!!
pizza:ewwwwwww throw up XO
britney spears:SLUT
vitamin:a purple vitamin pill ...
are you
happy:no not really ...
sad:a little tiny bit ...
religious:not at all ...
bitchy:nope ...
crazy:yepers ...
messy:hell yes ...
mad:no not really ...
slacker:yes ...
nerd:nope ...
bookworm:nope ...
jock:HELL NO !!!
preppy:HELL FUCKING NOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!
selfish:as such is humanity my weak minded friend ...
giving:yes ...
obsessive:well ... yes ...
violent:hell yes ...
calm:when i am with alot and alot of people ...
peaceful:... hardly ...
mellow:most the time ... not now though ...
eccentric:what is this that you speak of ???
caring:... yea ...
untrustworthy:never ...
loyal:always ...
patriotic:never ...
perverted:never ... *nosebleed ..... no never ...
colorful:not really ... not unless it comes to cold colors ...
artistic:all the time ...
miscellanoues
what color is your jacket:um gray and black ...
do you shave:um yea ...
where:0.o personal are we !?!?!?!?!?!
what color is your razor:um ... i dotn really remember ....
what size is your bed:tiny ... i cant really fit on it ...
what color crayon would you be:gray ... or lavender ...
what are the last four digits of you phone number:my phone - 1899 , moms home - 0684 , dads home -1330
feelings on abortion:dont do it .... seriously .... i would have two more sisters and i am sure i would love them as much as Otako .... but yea ....
how lond does it take you to shower:* long .... actually i usually take a long time ...
what does your screenname mean:Juugatsu - October , and Enzeru - Angel ... it was supposed to be Katta-Juugatsu , meaning October cutter .... but somehow it was changed ...
thoughts on blonde pop stars in general:um ... stupid skanks ....
who so you trust the most:Katai ...
is cussing a necessity in life:not really but if you want to show emotion then THATS REALLY FUCKING GREAT !!!
how about coffee:neh ... energy drinks and tea for me ...
is the world screwed:omfg hell fucking yes ...
what something you cant live without:loved ones ...
what time did you fall asleep:sometimes i dont ... other times around three am ...
know what 69 means:yep ...
how about 143:nope ...
can you live without a microwave:i guess ...
what do think about death:... he hit me in the temple with his syth and ever sence i have bled ....
where and when do you want to be married:never no where ....
do you want to drop out of school:kinna kinna not ....
why is the sky blue:because your moms a blacxican ...
what is a good trait about yourself:um ... im ... im ... well actually i care alot more than i usually make it seem ....
what do you always think about:loved ones .... better places ....
what is wrong with your school:fucking everything ...
what is right with your school:....
how do you react to change:i dont really take it well in alot of cases actually ...
do you talk to yourself:um no ... i dont think ...
what is your opinion on love:... OUCH .... BURN ....
can you afford to lose weight:no ... hell no ... god i think i am about to fucking dissapear ...
what color would you dye your hair:black duh ...
best thing anyones told you:it will get better ... i believe in you ...
what is your reaction to someone telling you you're hot:if i know the person i assume there kidding ... because well i guess i am not attracted to myself ( thinks its a good thing ) ... if i dont know them i give looks and leave ..
does being psycho appeal to you:i am psycho ..... got a problem melon man ???
if you wrote a book, what would it be about:about poetry and philosiphy .... other wise it would be a fantasy type thing ... like an RPG in a book ...
what would you change your name to:um ... i dont know ....
longest crush lasted how long:.... years .....
tme finished:342 am ...
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