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myOtaku.com
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• in my happy place
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• 2007-04-07
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• ummm
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• Joshua
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• forever
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• naruto,miazaki films, Death Note, Hellsing, Dragon ball
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• to learn the dance THRILLER
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• drawing
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• drawing
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Thursday, June 3, 2021
On the precipice of change
As 2021 rolls on and a semblance of normality begins to appear in the world I feel a new era forming in my own life. I have a job now for the first time in a long time. I thought this was the change, but a new prospect has potentially appeared. If it goes through I will have a potential career ahead of me. Work that doesn't require me to be drenched in sweat all the time. I could possibly even get my bachelor's. Though its not guaranteed.
Even if this job does not pan out I will not stay tied to where I am currently. What I feel now is a need to place myself in a space where I can flourish. I won't do anything stupid about the job I currently have but I can not sit still and get comfortable. I'm ready toqqq change.
It blows my mind how a few months ago I was a completely different person. Tied to the bed completely afraid of trying because of the possibility of failure and I currently find myself feeling normal for the first time in my life. Is it bad that a part of me misses theb old misery? It was horrible, monotonous, and familiar. A small part of me will always miss it I think. You don't spend so long in that pit without having a small sickly appreciation for the walls. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness" indeed.
Nonetheless I am happy to no longer be there.
In sadder news a friend from high school died in a vehicle collision. It is an incredibly sad loss and I feel deeply for his family. For me personally, however, an odd mental game appears. I fell out of touch with him because of problematic tendencies on his half. So on one side I am hurting from the loss of one I called my best friend at some point but on the other I am thinking of his behavior in a time where I don't want to. I don't know what the best thing to do is so I will feel how I feel.
I do not know who I am going to be at the end of this year. I hope better. I am falling asleep so i will cut it short. I love you. I hope the best for you.
Currently listening to guts theme.
Good night everyone.
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