Thursday, January 3, 2008
Key of the twilight
i'd like to point somethings out right off the bat being as i always like to be as forthcoming as possible and dislike being misunderstood quite a bit.
all you guys on here know me better than most people in the world, you guys read the direct expression of my feelings, there are very few that know me better than you guys, being as you essentially read my journal, this is my mind unfiltered because i have the anonymity of the computer on my side. see its not that these are things i don't want others to hear its merely that its easier to type something than it is to say it, thats probably why i always write my problems down and mail them to Bev, because its hard for me to say them out loud.
but its a mistake to believe just because you can't see my face or touch me means you know me any less, i'm always pretty forward and i'm brutally honest, you guys get the version that doesn't even go through whatever filter i do have, so in a way this blog is the best way to know me the deepest.
secondly i was looking for the longer version of "Simple and Clean" not "Sanctuary" as far as my listening i've never heard any of the sanctuary remixes. i'm looking for the longer version of the simple and Clean remix like is found here though i could do without the heart beating its fine, i really dislike the one with the drum solo, really all i want is the whole song: second verse BABB chorus at the end [A="When you walk away..." B="Hold Me..."] the whole thing you'd find in the normal version, so far all i can find is the abbreviated version which i guess i'm fine with but the longer the better in my opinion, so if you guys can find me a full length version that'd be nice.
but on to today's events, pretty much just another average day in the life of a teenage spaz like myself. started off the day searching for manga in the public library, i'm afraid that soon i'll be caught up with the libraries collection on Tsubasa, xxxHolic and Chibi-Vampire soon, which will be uber-lame. oh yeah, Kill me, Kiss me and Her Majesty's Dog as well, all of which are great series and i don't want to stop reading them, but at the same time i don't want to BUY all of them, being as i'm saving up to get Bev here for prom and/or fly out there to see her so i've got to cut down on my expenditures.
i'm sure this is the point that most of you say "get a job." but see i'm terribly lazy and i don't really want to get one, i'm already never able to do all i want to, let alone if i had a job. and soon i'll have to go to college, so that will suck, i suppose i'll HAVE to get one then, hopefully i'll still have free time at that point. i know its immature of me to act this way but i'm just being myself and really at this point i think i need all the free time i can get to just keep myself level.
but whilst i was at said library i was waiting to go to outback so i played "viva Caligula" on [as]'s website, i must admit that game is pretty fun, if not a little cheap and frustrating at times as well.
after returning from my journey to outback [best soundtrack ever in there, Matchbox 20 and Maroon 5!] i walked my weeny dog. whilst i was exercising said canine i saw or rather heard a car come to a screeching halt behind me, i turned and saw a blue mercury sedan behind me, the kind my brother drives, but the windows were up and i could not see the driver, and being as it was after dark and my doggy was a liability if it did turn out to be a rapist/other bad-type person i walked about 10 steps forward pulled down my hood and took out my ear-buds, at which point the driver pulled forward again and rolled down his window and exclaimed whilst holding out a venti vanilla late "are you blind?!" so i took my brother's offered coffee.
seems he saw my walking Penel' whilst he was COMING BACK from Starbuck's and decided to whip around and get me one, talk about a great guy! i was astounded as he drove off, i just thought to myself "that's my brother..." and i realized maybe i'm just destined to have a really coll brother instead of a bunch of cool friends, my bro is awesome and really as far as friends him, my weeny dog, his doggy Shadow the people at my school and you Peoplezez on here are really sufficient for my merriment, the acquisition of more can take as long as needed, hopefully Bev agrees with me. i think she has my best intentions in mind, its just that i'm paranoid every slight disagreement will end everything [perfection makes you fear reality] being as i'm not yet used to problems. but my heart knows that she won't do that, now to just get my fucking brain parts to shut up!
by the way, does anyone know where i can find episodes of Red vs Blue where "fuck" isn't bleeped? it seems that after a while all i can find is edited versions on the interwebs after about episode 25 or so, any explainations?
"Not believing is letting each other down, thats just how it is."
i've really used that one a lot recently, it reminds me that my paranoia isn't okay, its the real threat to a healthy relationship and that i have to trust Bev completely again if i'm to claim that i'm a worthy lover for her.
♥ JD Person ♥