Thursday, February 28, 2008

So stressed

I feel that I have been doing a lot better than I have been earlier this month about being single. At least being single means that I only have to deal with what life throws at me, and not also have to be a weight bearer of a man's problems and how I am not 'good' enough or 'physical' enough. I am my own person and I am happy being me. If you do not like me, then I do not give a damn. If I hurt your feelings, oh well. Of course I am nice to the people I care about. I guess I just get overly grumpy during this time of month. Damn periods. Ahem...anyways.... It feels like people are really disappointed in me as of late. That majority being those in authority over me. My Japanese teacher was upset because I missed a lot of required conversation practice over the quarter. I didn't realize that this stagecrew class was going to take so much commitment and a lot of my time. The only two days that the conversation practice is offered are the times I am either in class or at a play rehersal. Even though I am taking a high level Japanese class. I do still have cerebral palsy and I do take longer to process information compared to someone else who does not have a disability. My Japanese teacher did not give me time to finish the in class activity and I felt really rushed. I dunno. After the activity she said that this was very easy. I know that it is easy and it is easy for me. However it felt like she was telling me I was dumb because I was not as fast as everyone else in the class. Monday of this week, I told my stagecraft teacher that I couldn't go to play practice that night because I had to be at work. I was speaking with Aron and Travis who are the stage manager and props manager of the play. I know that they do not NEED me to be there for the show but it would be nice. I told them that I would make the shows that I could. My teacher seemed upset because I didn't tell him that as well. I guess that it was my fault. My math class is doomed to fail. They are going way to fast I have a math test over six sections that I barely understand and I have been studying so hard the past two weeks. I even cut my computer time down quite a lot to like a half hour a day or none at all. My mom is upset because I am not studying more and not doing my chores. And this morning I woke up with a bad case of tummy ache. All I had today was a glass a milk. All food tastes bitter in my mouth and I spit it out gagging. I really hate being stressed.

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

My ex is immature

This all started this weekand. My ex IM's me out of the blue. We somehow get onto the subject of why he is always in the rec room at the college. (I pass the rec room all the time coming to and from class). Basically he is saying how his life is a depressing wreck and if spending a lot of time playing a pool with friends is what he needs to keep his sanity then so be it. He is taking only one class this quarter. It's the same class he took four times before but dropped each time. So there are four withdrawns of the same class on his transcript. So here he is spending all of his time in the rec room and not concentrating at all on this class which is hard for him to pass. WTF? So I basically told him that and that he is going no where. (I know because I went through this stage last fall) He became furious with me and then started trash talking his best friend from high school who is there for a business degree. Who is ALWAYS in class. Who is ALWAYS working his butt off. Yet Jarren is saying how he is a distraction to him. Huh? If his friend is always in class and Jarren is always in the rec room...doesn't make sense. Yesterday I went into the rec room to say hi to my friend Lucas. Jarren was not there. But then these guys playing pool come up to me. I've seen them around before but I never really got to know them personally. Anyways they come up to me and ask, "Do you know Jarren's birthday?" I replied, "Huh? Why the hell are you asking me?" They pointed at a girl who I see around Jarren a lot.They said, "She wants to know." I then looked at her. She was over by the rec room computers. She looked at me shyly, blushed and looked away. I turned back to the guys and rolled my eyes. "Can't she ask him herself?" One of the guys then said, "I do not have a cell otherwise I'd call him." "Not my problem." After that Lucas and I left. In my heart I laughed. Jarren's birthday is in January. But seriously, how immature can people get?

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