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AIM
• xheleyx
E-mail
• Click Here
Website
• Click Here
Vitals
Birthday
• 1992-02-21
Gender
•
Female
Location
• Mississippi
Member Since
• 2005-03-07
Occupation
• Musician, Cuban, your mother's pimp, and your father.
Real Name
• Helen
Personal
Achievements
• Getting awesome at the trombone is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
Anime Fan Since
• By the time Sailor Moon came out, I was already hooked like tobacco companies get kids hooked on cigs.
Favorite Anime
• I can't pick favs. I'm like Hugh Hefner, and all the anime that I like are like my bunnies... I love my wabbits...
Goals
• I hope to get into the Mississippi Lion's All-State Band and a great college... Like Notre Dame... *sigh*
Hobbies
• Being unique; cruising/hanging with friends; indulging in music, anime, video games, and the telly; hating sloths; making sweet music on low brass horns; stalking my old band director; injecting heroin... I enjoy many average things.
Talents
• What can I say? I have an awesome musical ability that I'm always trying to improve, and I can think outside of the box! In your faccccce.
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Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Someone bleach my sky...
I wish I was stupid and ignorant enought to cut myself. For some reason, I want myself to hurt. I'm so happy... the happiest I've ever been in my life... but I just... I don't deserve to be happy. Why do I insist on making my life hell? Why do I work for it? Why can't I enjoy my time being happy? I ruin everything, and it's true. I have people who care. But I've pushed them out of my heart... I'm not alone, yet, I feel like I am... and I hate the feeling... What is wrong with me?! I really wish I wasn't so smart... I wish I was so ignorant... I'm in love. and yet, I push myself away. Why? There's no need for me to do that... I don't want to go to school... I want to stay home, in my corner or my bed... when I look at people, I see their purity... when I look inside myself, I see my scars, my bullshit, my... pushing down of every little problem I have. Why do I do that?! Everything builds up... I feel like I'm alone. Now, I have no one to share my feelings with, except for you people. And I do nothing but be a hindrance. I don't want to go to school... I have good grades and perfect attendance, but I want to throw it all away...
I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of hiding all of my feelings. I'm alone now... How can a single human being survive on her own? Well, you know what? She can't. I need people... I need my best friend(s). But you know what? I can't have that. I can't. Why? Because I'm a bitch. My face is hideous. I'm way too skinny. My teeth are fucking jacked up. My hair is just so damn nappy; it's ugly. I don't have a pretty face, not even with make-up. I always hurt people. I have the world's worst personality. I'm a bitch. Now, I don't have anyone to go to... I hate myself, and I want to die. But I want to live and suffer. All I want is to live at least mildly content. But I can't. I'm sorry to everybody. I'm so sorry... I'm suffering, so don't worry. I'm dying. I really am. To everybody I've been a bitch to, I'm killing myself on the inside. And eventually, the outside. I'm sorry for being a bitch. I really am. Thank you for ignoring me. Thank you for hating me. Thank you for probably hating me like hell right now. Thank you for abandoning me at school. Thank you so much, because now, I might have the courage to off myself. And I really needed that. Seriously. It woke me up. I'm giving up cursing. I'm giving up being "crunk". I'm giving up being a bitch. I can't be playful anymore. I won't let myself be happy or crunk anymore. Thanks for helping me stop my stupid life. I really wanted it to stop.
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