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Tuesday, August 21, 2007
-Bones and Graveyard Soil.-
Scroll Box
-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
Four days I ago, I arrived in Anchorage, Alaska around eleven a.m. I am staying with a very good friend.
Though, the city hasn't changed, everyone around has. And I'm sure I have as well. I didn't know what I was thinking when I got off that plane and into the terminal. I was aspecting to see my friends waiting and smiling to see me. But no one was there, no one is left anymore. And I feel like regretting the act of coming back. The days, since I've been here are filled with clouds and rain. I've met knew people, willing to let me in the 'circle', but I'm reluctant. I feel out of place and distant, as if I don't know a thing. I feel that way all the time.
Yesterday, I spent time with my girlfriend. I was contemplative. Secretly, I wanted to leave her. It would be wrong if I did so now, since I just got back into town. There was a moment of silence in her car as we drove. And I was ready to say "We need to stop seeing each other." But I just couldn't do it. I looked at her and just took a pause. I didn't know what I was doing, nor did I really want to. I feel frustrated and irate. I'm scared and uneasy, I'm alone in this state. And it's effecting my judgement. I can't leave her, if anything she'll leave me. I don't want to make her cry, I don't want her to be mad or sad.
I was still sketchy about everything between her and I. We arrived at the mall, surprising enough looking for Gundam Model Kits cause I wanted to get back into them. And fact that she likes Anime and Gundam, she was fine with me on the hunt for some nerdy Mobile Suit models. We ended up at this pricey comic shop and found some nice model kits. I stood there, deciding if I wanted to spend so much money on plastic things. But she just sat there and said "Pick the one you like and let me see it." So I began picking through the pile wondering why she wanted me to do that. I found that I liked and brought it to her. And told me to stay, took the model and disappeared. Three minutes later, she appears with the model in a shopping bag and hands it to me. And says "Looks like you have a new model." I was completely surprised and ashamed. That I would leave a girl who was so loving, spontenous and free. A girl never in my life spent that much money on me. It was godly expensive for a plastic robot. To find someone who is into the things I rarely have in common with everyday people is a god send. I love her...
I don't know where this post went, it's late and I'm feeling I need a cigarette. I'll post again, sometime.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
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