I skipped work yesterday, actually I called in. When I woke up I had this huge rash on my arms and legs. I had some type of allergic reaction to something. Cause of that, I just decided to not come to work. Plus, I was tired. It's okay. I'll make up the hours on Thursday.
With all the free-time I had yesterday, I slept some more and cleaned my room till it looked like no one lived in it. I have to start going through my wardrobe and pull out the stuff that doesn't fit me and stuff I don't wear. Most likely I'll sell that crap on Ebay.
Today: I have to take my mom to the urgent care center, she did injured her back doing what? Only god knows really. But I predicted it's a pinch nerve. Painful.
Wednesday: I have to go through UAA's Fall Semester Application with my father...That'll be fun.
I've been in a slump when it came to life, I was feeling pretty low. But lately, I've been feeling better. Just knowing I'll be leaving this state and be back with my friends and Olivia contributes to my chipper mood. Speaking of Olivia, I haven't talked to her for about three months or so. But I still adore her like crazy.
I'm going to go...bye.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Not much to say right now. I'll keep this post short. I still feel like crap, emotionally. I'm smoking again, even though I said I'd quit. There's something safe about killing yourself slowly. And I'm working songs...
Goodbye.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
I was left alone to think, I made myself do it. Lately, I've been having problems and usually I have this "I don't care" mentality when it came to them. I just boxed them up and let it be til it panned out by itself. It was fast, easy and produced results. Now I feel like I have to deal with them, each event makes up a brick in the wall that I have myself pinned against. I never confess to having problems to people, not anymore. I need to bear these myself, other people have their own things to deal with. I can't dump my problems on them. Yet, it would feel good and be healthier if I did so. I don't want to be my own martyr anymore though.
I live a good life, I don't know why I feel so wrecked though. I hope at times something horrible would happen to me, just to justify my own self-pity, my own self-apathy. It's sad...
I'm at the constant point of doubt and skepticism. And it all spawns to being a non-risk taker. I always have to think everything through, and when I'm done. The cons always out weigh the pros...I have to analyze everything like some sick computer. I just can't understand it and then do it. This safety mechanism has held me back for years.
I don't know now...I'm speechless. I'm in such a unhealthy state...
I want this to end...Ignorance is bliss...I want to cherish it and hold on to it til I die.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
He drove slow in the dead staleness of the night. And with that, his mind buckled to the silence, giving a way his attention. The clock in the car was bright, showing off the numbers 12:31, capitvating it all in its neon green aura. He was a good deal away from home and that made him even more eager to feel something more vast and meaningful within life.
She didn't pickup, and yet he still tried calling...switching between her home phone and her cell. The idea that she could have forgotten him in a brief moment killed what left of pleasure from himself. It wasn't that he was mad, angry or grudgeful towards her...But inside he needed to talk to her and only her. For she lived her life so far away from him, to forget someone so faraway could be a easy fault. But not for him, he kept her in the back of his mine. Her name pressed on and on, driving the font that beared it into his skull. That's how much she meant to him...After numerous attempts to contact, he laid his cell phone down and accepted defeat, that timing and fate has won this one.
The engine hummed, changing it's sound constantly due to the gears shifting to maintain speed with ease. The headlights were dim, but stretched across the pavement enough as the lines and posts went by. He felt empty and empty every passing light, every passing car just persisted in some metaphorical way stating, you're life can't keep up...You can't keep up, you're not gonna make it...You're gonna fail. And it scared him, even though it was decently warm in the vehicle the thought, the notion sent chills down his back and settled at the small of it...As if a physical feeling would be a better reminder than this mental 'breakdown'.
It all went by, line after line, thought after thought. Paranoia was his friend and insecurity was his travel companion riding with him. He was turning mad slowy from the inside out, he was getting swallowed and tossed over and over...between the stress now and the aspecting stress soon to come.
He turned the steering wheel hard to the right, pulling into his parking spot...turned off the lights, and then the car. The thoughts still weighed heavily...He locked the doors and closed it, making sure that everything was alright on the vehicle. He walked to his front door...
It never ended, it will surely kill...
And he was me...
A definite character in a never-ending, certainly killing world of faults and no refuge.
So, changing the music here and as you can see, I've also changed the theme a little. I like it, it's simple, clean and modern...
Well, the song is changed to AZURE RAY's LEAP YEAR which is off their 11:11 cd. If you know Bright Eyes and Conor Oberst, the front man of Bright Eyes. He has his own record label called Saddle Creak Records based out of Omaha, Nebraska his hometown. Azure ray is on the that record, and so are some other great indie bands. Azure ray is made up of two solo artist, Maria Taylor and Orenda Fink, both on Saddle Creak...They banded together due to correlation with sound of their music.
...Alright, bad news. I'm getting my wisdom teeth extracted from me today. So, I'll be bruised, swollen and heavily sedated by painkillers. I would have gotten down two weeks ago, but I caught the flu from my mother and was unable to make the appointment. But now, I have to go and I have no excuse.
I'll talk to you guys later, enjoy the song. It makes me sad, but it's all in good taste.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Today as I was working, I came to a sad, pessemistic outlook on my life in the present. And as I feel self-pity for myself, work was worse than ever. Co-workers called in and I was the only one for an hour, and an hour alone is enough to really screw everything up. And with that, I want to get the hell out of Kentucky and do something with me life. No more of this unrealistic hope that I'll finally join a 'good' band and become a rockstar. And yet, Kentucky has no good musicians. Everytime I get with anyone to play they have no idea of Music theory or even the concept of rythem. Sometimes I find people who run their mouths with high praise and yet can't even tune their own intruments.
I just want to go sell everything and go back to AK. Start a clean slate in a familiar area and just begin a better life.
I don't know, I'm just sick of everything and finally I'm just filled to the brim. Maybe I'm just bitter, do to the fact, I have nothing to fall back on emotionally. My friends are gone to college, I have no girlfriend and my parents are misunderstanding and any sign of weakness, they'll just taunt till you wish you didn't have emotions. I hate being in this apartment with a intolerable person right upstairs. She has no consideration for anyone, and thinks she has every right reason to play her god awful rap music very loud during the wee early hours of the morning. And, the irony is I get my justice by keying her car and spitting on her door. Crude and mean, but well deserving of such acts. After all, I'm a passive aggressive person, I like to settle things with sharp words. Once you don't understand my plead and don't care to begin to, I key your car and spit on your property. Hell, just screw off.
I had analysis of why I still like Olivia.
1: she seems like she shares the same feelings for me as I do of her.
2: she's a safe bet as for now, as I'm far away. But with that is also the fact I can't see her anymore.
3: she's more like me, and I love her care-free out-look on life and her optimistic logic.
4: her humor is great and it's hard to find that.
5: her taste in everything matches mine, well kinda.
6: she's way cute...(I like that.)
7: political and cultural out-looks are logical and fair.
But with that, they are uncertainties.
This is long, and if you read all of this. Thanks...
all in all, I'm sad, unsure and have a lack of campanionship. And I just needed to state and let go of all this here...
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Oh, it's true as you can see.
I can't carry this rythem and keep this beat.
With my foot tapping and lining my notes with harsh strums, upon under-lining tone. I find myself falling deeper into knowing I have no idea what you're here for...
Trace out these notes with bitter endings and lay them down with cruel intentions.
Cause with these strings and myself laced with burning liquor, you're just better at denying the best of out-of-tune melodies.
Oh, its true as you can hear.
I'm just breaking the stride and falling out of measure. With my foot tapping and driving the tempo...I'll just mute and find myself falling deeper into knowing why I need you here...
Trace out these notes with bitter endings and lay them down with cruel intentions.
Cause with these strings and myself laced with burning liquor, you're just better at denying the best of out-of-tune melodies.
Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh
Strike up the choir, and sing what we all want to hear...
We're just a pair, playing for a broken crowd with disagreeable taste of genre.
(Just play with unfigured octaves and hope it'll fit the root...)
I can hold my rythem and you can't follow the notation. We're just paired to be a failing breed, a short ugly sight of shattering sound...
I haven't posted in awhile, and I have to bring attention to that everytime I don't post. But honestly,I have no reason why I can't. Since my work has cut hours and I have access to the internet all the time.
Many things have happened within the two-three weeks. I want to just spare the recent moments, cause that's what weighs heavy on my mind right now. I recieve no sleep the night before yesterday, my mother has been deathly ill, and I had to spend my nights up nursing her. She's suffering from an infection of some sort and a flu all in the same time, so she gets massive headaches and fevers. I worry, sometimes she mutters and moans in her sleep due to pain. So, I called our doctor and scheduled a imediate emergency appointment. During this period inbetween the call and the appointment I fell asleep. And of course, my mother went and drove herself. Which later on when she got home, I gave her the third degree about that. Well, the doctor prescribe anti-biotics and some other tablets and I had to go pick them up at Costco. And they cost me a lot even with health care coverage. So I was stewing over that for awhile. I had to solder back the electronics in my bass, never done that before. They looked crudely soldered but works exactly the same when the bass was new. I'm planning to trade both of my bass guitars for a Fender Made In USA Deluxe Precision Bass Circa 1989-1990. So, this bass is almost as old as me. But when I saw the pics of it, I just fell in love with the "stick". That's what has me going on still, knowing I'm going to get what I need and what I want. Um, wel...what else.
Tuesday I'm going and getting all four of my wisedom teeh removed. It's going to be worse than I thought. I come to this query due to the way the Orthedontist was explaining the procedure for my situation. I have all four of my wisedome teen up against the back of my jaw and because of that, it'll be hard to remove them. So they're going to drill some jaw bone away and take out the teeth. Not to mention, I might suffer from mild numbness down in my lower jaw/face cause how close the nerves are to the extraction in my mouth. I just hope I get some drugs...
That's all I have to say for now...I feel kiddish and tired.
Later.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
-2:36 A.M. Nieve. Revived. 
