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Wednesday, December 28, 2005
 -Aren't we missing the truth beyond the world?-
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-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
 So lets get this out of the way, being the holidays and what not. My Christmas was nothing short of extremely awkward. Family I haven't seen in ages, and the pressure of going over to my step-grandparent's and having a Turkey dinner with them. It wasn't fun at all, only relief I found was lying and saying I felt ill then snicking to the car and talking to Olivia. My step-grandmother was embarrassing and shameful. She was absolutely selfish, she just complained about the presents she just kept repeating "more, give me more" and "this is so small, where are the bigger ones." I just sat idly and let her selfish ambitions flow through. It seems my step-father was embarrassed and ashamed of his family as well. I felt sorry for him, he is miserable being here as well as I, as well as my whole family actually. But that's something different.
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Heavier, darker note (yay! for all who reads!):
Pure and simple, I found I have no direction to follow to a better future in life. I'm worried about "my" life now, not life in "general" like before. Being seventeen turning eighteen soon, I'm sure there is responsbilities I must take on, for instance, I know I'll be out of my parents house, don't know where though. College is something that I'm pressured with, but it seems it's just me that's applying that through my parents. I haven't taken the SAT's nor the ACT'S and I have to...but I feel totally intimadated by them. I found that my life in Kentucky is an act in vain all together, what I thought, of a level up in my life, is actually a level down. I had a perfectly, perfect life in Alaska so the saying is true...(you don't now what you have, till it's gone.) No truer fucking words have been spoken for this situation. So, like previously stated in the beginning of the post. My whole family are miserable living here. We came here to take care of my step-grandparents, but it seems they, no, one of them doesn't want to comply and makes it difficult to look after, and they know they're doing that to us. And due to that, my family has felt that's a "slap-in-the-face" and a total disrespectful act. God, I hate it.
I'm treading on a thin sheet of optimism right now, they're are so many negative factors that outway the positive and I feel that the negative ones are weighing me down. As I got older, I realize and learned how to take life with this optimistic coating...and so, my posts and feelings aren't as sadastic as before. But it's getting harder and harder to put a brave front on desulated times. I'm unsure of Olivia and me which sits heavy on my mind, I'm unsure of my life and how I'm going to get through it finacially and stuff like that. I'm unsure of everything in general.
What bothers me the most, is how people my age are set in their paths, they have achieved what they want and looks like they're going to lead a promising life. While I'm standing idly, comparing my worthless existence with their humbling achievements.
It's like I'm in Erik Erikson's social development theory of inverioty vs. shame and doubt. Comparing myself to others, seeing if I hold par..if not, I feel like a failure in life. Fuck...
I'm done, have a nice whatever it is..New years...yeah.
~*SITE UNDERCONSTRUCTION*~
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
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Saturday, December 24, 2005
-She doesn't know.-
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-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
Owning a gun is a big deal. But it isn't deadly until the owner has deadly intentions and lack of control. That brings me to me then, I think I'm alive still, by the fact I never had a gun in my household. I swear I would of shot myself intentionally in the past.
I know how to use a gun, I hunted so many times before. I cleaned them, I used to shoot them all the time at the local firing range. I even took safety courses for fire arms and bows. Yes, I can shoot a compound bow, I hate knock sights though...My friend had a collection of guns, he took caution with them...taught me everything about guns. But still, it scares me...And doesn't excuses me from owning one. I will eventually own one, considering, I might enter the military or law enforcement. Hoping S.W.A.T (special weapons and tatics unit).
Well, I make the decision whether to get one or not when I come to it.
On a better, lighter note.
I had doubts about Olivia and how much she likes me. But now that's all gone, due to the fact I recieved a very tubular e-mail from her, quoting..."I had a dream about you, yes, it was that kind. That shows how much I miss you..." Yes, awesome!!! Well, I went to the gym three times, cause of her...Trying to cope with missing her by running and weight lifting...Didn't help at all.
Yeah, I'm so in love. I fell too hard...and it has gotten me fucking crazy...
I'm stupid...Sorry.
I got a haircut, looks like I'm back to the fo-hawk...
I'M GOING TO EDIT MY FRIEND'S LIST, CAUSE IT'S TOO CLUTTERED WITH PEOPLE I'VE NEVER TALK TO, WASTE OF SPACE. SO, TELL ME YOU WANT TO STAY ON MY LIST...AND I'LL CONSIDERED IT, CORRELATING WITH VISITS AND HOW MUCH I VISIT YOU.
Later...
Merry Christmas for those who like the holidays.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (5) |
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Friday, December 23, 2005
-no...-
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-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
...I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst...
I'm hoping to purchase a Sig Sauer P39 hand gun...It seems surreal to buy a weapon that can rip through fresh and bone...Can virtually reduce a man to absolutely nothing. It has to scare someone...it scares me. But I want it, and in some way...I need it.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (4) |
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Thursday, December 22, 2005
-I'm sterile.-
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-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
I want to get drunk right now...
I never wanted that, but now I do.
And nothing sad, had happened.
But it's two in the fucking morning and I decided not to feel receptive...
I shouldn't though...I won't feel good later on today.
I'm in love with Olivia and she's the same with me...
I haven't seen her for six months give or take...
I hate Christmas...
I'm not a cheery person, sorry. I also, hate mass concentration of white people, for example, like here. Actually, that's not true, I just hate mass concentration with ignorant white people there. I'm not racist, fuck, if I was racist...I wouldn't act so fucking white all the time. Shit, I'm whittier than some actual white people. Like that mother fucking asshole upstairs, who insist on playing his fucking rap music at 1 in the morning. It's okay though, the next day, I go and turn on my stereo and play some Unearth.
I miss Olivia...and I'm scared to share my sentimental feelings directly towards her. I'm sure she seems the same as well, last time we talked...she was all stand offish...
Last Tuesday, not this Tuesday...
She said she's jealous of all my friends here, cause they get to hang out with me.
Yes, that was sweet...she's sweet..
And she told me how she would get jealous of the other "girls" that I hung out with a lot...like Amanda, and Chelsea...Nikki...Michelle...Jory....I know I'm missing some...
Fuck...I normally don't cuss...but tonight, this morning...whatever. Seems like a great time to be vulgar...so shit, fuck and so on...sorry...
yeah...bye
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (3) |
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
-yes?-
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-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
It has seem that I accidently deleted my images for my banner and my menu. So, yeah. Doesn't matter, I'm making a new theme as we speak. I always change the theme, cause I own ps 7 and I've been going crazy with it. Nothing but photo manupilation and stuff.
Which reminds me, new wallpaper...I'll link it hold on.
Here it is:
It's Rico from GSG...She's so cute...
...Well, not much is going on.
So, I'll leave you with...A new song...I like it better than that Senses fail song.
It's Thrice's Stare At The Sun (acoustic version) the original is from The Artist In The Ambulance. Very good cd, I recommend getting it...good stuff. I think I might cover this song for the school talent show.
Oh, by the way. I found this very nice Takamine acoustic guitar yesterday...Oh, so nice. Very slick, smooth contours...With a very tone filled sound, the neck is an okay size, I prefer a smaller one, easier on my fingers and hand but it's okay. It's slim, I hate how deep some of the acoustics are, they're hard to play...Cause I'm not used to it. But this is thin as a electric...Oh, oh, oh so pretty. It also, contains a takamine piezo electric/acoustic pick-up...it's an okay one, there was this other one, that had a built in tuner and a pick-up in one...but it was deep body...bleh...I think I deserve this new guitar, I've been playings this broken ten year old Ibanez acoustic. The sadle is all cracked up, splitting apart, a machine head is missing and can't be replaced it's such an old model. It had tons of dents the sound is fading fast.
Well, that's enough. Later...
Click this whole paragraph to view my Wallpaper..thanks!!!
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (2) |
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Monday, December 19, 2005
-huh?-
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-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
Same person, working on a new theme.
Yeah, Henrietta.
I'm obsessed with Gunslinger Girl. I watched the last episode, it was weird...terrible way to end it.
Getting a new guitar for christmas, yes...I need a new one.
that's all later.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (7) |
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Sunday, December 18, 2005
-I've become a poet once again, so I'm Deathly ill.-
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-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
The world, big and what should seem so significant to almost every existance on it. It is what we live on, something round an orb, a sphere of divine life, supposed and supplimented to bring us to the truth of something that seems to plague minds with velocity.
I spend hours laying in bed each night, thinking, thinking...wishing and wishing...for things to take action.
I feel untouchable...and in the same time, I'm exactly the opposite. I'm vacant, and yet, I'm filled with horrific thoughts, percieved to be a misunderstanding, viewed to be an idea...an opinion on subjects.
I am Terminally Ill with thoughts...
...
I'm sad...disgusted and unseen.
Humanity will die, cause I see it falling to pieces already. We brag and immerse ourselves into it...and we are all oblivous to its failing structure.
I'm just...
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (3) |
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005
-what? Yes, finally?-
Scroll Box
-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
Well, sorry I didn't come and update, and fix my site. It's still (UNDER CONSTRUCTION).
It's finals week, and I've been actually studying (Go figure). Well, yeah...
I'm dropping A.P. Psych, cause it's boring and my teacher is crazy. She's not making it easy on me to get my learning on, so I lost my motivation...I'm switching.(I'm a loser).
So, on to OLIVIA!!!!! AH!!!!
Last night I layed my guns out and told her how I feel about her...(in a rough, unsmooth way, it was terrible, like a airplane crash, but she found my uneasy, studdering, nervous ass cute...so it worked out for me.)
She likes me STILL!!! And I'm so happy, like actually gitty and filled with joy. Haven't felt like this for a while, I'm like bragging and stuff...it's, it's so tubular!
Yeah, so...
That's going good.
I have to go, cause the third dvd of gunslinger girl came in, and I gotsta watch dis shiitteee!
(I'm being stupid, I'm not like this...sorry. I'm just a fool in love...)
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (2) |
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Saturday, December 10, 2005
-Christmas is already dead.-
Scroll Box
-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
So, I'm already sick of Christmas and it isn't even here. Well, I've always been the one not to be in a "Christmas Cheer" anyway. The holidays are depressing, doesn't really matter, I figure.
And from that, I've changed my theme once again. It's Henrietta from Gunslinger Girl. She's pretty cute in the show, very timid and soft spoken, most of the girls are like that as well. It's kinda demented how cheerful they are, and yet are hitmen.
The music is Senses fail's "The Ground folds (acoustic)" off of their "From The Depths Of Dreams" EP. In my opinion, the EP is better than their Album. (Let It Enfold You). I thought the song fits the theme, by the fact, of level of devotion of the Girls to their "Trainers". How they would sacrafice themselves for the safety of their "Fratello".
Watched the first two dvds of Gunslinger Girl, I'm waiting for the third disc to come, I can't believe they're not making anymore dvds. It's a great series, I was amazed watching it last night. It has great orcherstrated music, mixed with italian opera and symphonies. Beautiful music, very...nice.
(SITE UNDERCONSTRUCTION)
No, school yesterday. Snow Day and there was like no snow...
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (4) |
Permalink
Friday, December 9, 2005
-Oh, joy the weather.-
Scroll Box
-Backroom--Guestbook--P.M. Me--Add Me--Art-
I haven't been around, sorry. I've been somewhat busy...It has been snowing now, and most of the schools here are cancelled. Which is ironic, cause the snow isn't even sticking. And people make a huge deal of it...
Got the Gunslinger Girl Dvd's...but haven't watched them yet, due to the fact I'm just stressed out on school and other work that revolves around home.
I was supposed take my permit test on Monday, didn't happen. Then I went back yesterday, the dmv was closed cause of the weather, and now, I'm going today...so yeah...
My dad is mad at me, and he has to pretty pissed to hold a grudge, and that's what he's doing...Holding a huge grudge. So, I've been pretty timid around "the family"...cause of that. Well, I have to go...
(The site is still under christmas construction...)
Later guys.
Contact me:
Msn:
slitwristtheory_02@hotmail.com
Aim:
safetydate@aol.com
Myspace:
myspace.com/minniewinnie
Song: Hands In The Sky(Big shot).
By: Straylight Run.
Comments (0) |
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