Friday, June 29, 2007

Post Time: 2:09 am

Lets begin...

1. Yesterday I turned in my work uniform for Orange Julius. Yup, I finally quit that god forsaken job. To put up with my whore of a manager, you'll have to pay me more than 5.35/hour. Luckily for me, I still have one more job. I guess for working there off and on again for about a year 25.65/hour isn't too bad. I just come home smelling like machine oil and black from all the dirt. I work in a machine foundery called Golden's. It isn't too bad once you get used to all the ex-cons and illegal mexicans, lol. My boss is pretty nice. His name is Andy, but I always fuck up and call him Woody (Like Woody and Andy from Toy Story).

2. I realized that I lost you all on a certain part of my post yesterday. The reoccurring thought that I can't get out my mind isn't something I feel that I can openly discuss. But since many of you are very good friends, and only want to help, I guess I can clear up the confusion on that subject. Lets begin...

My junior year of high school I was pretty heavy into partying. No drugs or anything, but just heavy drinking. Well the guy I was dating at the time, I would bring him to the parties. He would hang out with his friends and I would hang out with mine. Throughout the whole relationship, he would always be pressurring me into trying to have sex with him. But I wasn't ever going to do that. I was raised in the tradition that sex is to be saved for marriage. Well he never really cared for that fact. So he'd always be like "We can try it just once. It'll be ok. It'll be ok cause I love you." He was very possesive. He didn't like me to be around my guy friends, or anything like that. Well one day while we were out at a party, I was tipsy, and he was hammered to hell and back. He took me outside because he said he wanted to tell me something. I followed him outside to the curb outside the house. Everyone was inside partying still. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me down to the ground, and yelled "Your mine! You'll always be mine!" He started trying to rip off my shirt and my skirt, to force himself onto me. But I caught him off guard and kneed him and took off.

But lately that memory has been coming back into play in my mind and I don't understand why. I understand that its in the past and I can't do anything about it. But why is it that thought keeps coming back? I'm over it, and I told Lance about it a long time ago. The only thing he was worried about was if he actually got "in me." But he never got that far, which is a really good thing. And he understands that I'm still a little sensitive on that subject, so he doesn't bring it up. But I'm afraid as to the reason I can't get it out of my mind. I dunno. I'll have to figure that out myself.

Well that's all for the moment. Cause I can't type this post and carry a conversation with my buddy Lee at the same time.
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