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myOtaku.com: Gene Outlaw


Tuesday, February 7, 2006


Pique Performance, a new rule special
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New rule, Republicans need anger management training. I talk to young people all the time, and over and over again, they have the same complaint: that I'm out of Schnapps. But their other big gripe is that there's really no difference between the two parties. Not true: The republicans are much more pissed off. Look at John Bolton-- if you can. Now I don't know if this is man has human relationship issues, but I do two thins: One, his hair's not speaking to his mustache. And two, the republicans actually like the idea of our most sensitive diplomatic post being helmed by a raging psychopath. Asking John Bolton to represent you at the UN is like asking R. Kelly to chaperone the Miss Teen USA Pageant-- you know someone's gonna end up pissed.

Like Mr. Bolton, what republicans need is to find a channel for their anger, I mean channel besides FOX News. In the last 10 years, they've taken the white house, the congress, the courts, and what's left of Zell Miller's mind-- and it's only made them madder.

Therefore, tonight, as a solution, I would like to suggest that as a national policy, we encourage the reestablishment of the Soviet Union. Sure, it was an evil empire, but at least it kept the republicans busy! Who has time for gay marriage or activist judges or brain dead bulimics when you've got a real bogeyman to freak out about.

The problem with American politics today is that one party has the monopoly on all the anger. To be a republican is to walk around all day madder thatn Paula Abdul with a fistful of vicodin and nothing to wash it down with. And to be a Democrat means--I dunno, your guess is as good as mine.

It seems like ever since Micheal Dukakis was asked how he'd feel if his wife got raped and he said "Whatever," the Democtats have been the party that speaks softly and carries Massachusettes. When Dick Cheney says "GO fuck yourself," they say "How Hard?" In the last election, George Bush called John Kerry a cowar, a liar, a wimp, a flip-floper, and a war criminal and Kerry got so incensed he almost fell off his wind surfer. It's bad when the person in your party with the biggest balls is named Teresa.

Democrats would do well to remember this: Anger can be good. Anger can be cleansing. Anger can be a force for change. Anger is what made america what it is today-- a hulking pariah whose only friends are toadies and sheiks.

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