Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Hello, dear reader! It's Wednsday, the humpiest day on Earth. How was your day? Good? Bad? Indifferent, perhaps? Well, here's hoping you have a good day tomorrow! Who says I ain't a nice guy?
It's once again "News Hour", the post where I, Flint Marco, mO's Number 1 (and only) newsman, bring to YOU, (your name here), all the news that fits. Tonight, I have secured an interview with Thomas Lexington, America's Leading authority on Laser Eye Surgery. He's gonna tell us stuff about lasers and eyes, and stuff. Okay, let's do it, while I'm feelin' it!
FLINT: Mr. Lexington, it's a plea-
THOMAS: Call me Lex.
FLINT: ...Like Lex Luthor, or Lex Luger?
THOMAS: Luthor. I didn't murder the Macho Man's wife.
FLINT: Alright, man. Anyway, what's up with Laser Eye surgery, man?
THOMAS: Did you ever see that one episode of Daria, where she goes with Jane and Trent to the flea market?
THOMAS: Well, laser surgery is a lot like that.
FLINT: ...That made no sense.
THOMAS: ...So, you didn't watch it?
FLINT: No, no, I did see it, and nowhere in that episode can I see a conection with Laser Eye Surgery.
THOMAS: Remember, when they left the booth, and told Upchuck to watch over it, and when they came back, the booth was recked, and Upchuck had left?
FLINT: Yeah, man, I know.
THOMAS: That's kinda what Laser Surgery does.
FLINT: Where did you get the skills to do this?
FLINT: You have SOME kind of training in this field.
THOMAS: It ain't rocket science, man. Just point that laser at someone's eyes, and BLAM! Done and done! I tell ya, a Stormtrooper wouldn't have problems doing this job!
FLINT: ...Alright. Tell me, is that your barbeque pit right there, smoking?
THOMAS: Yeah, I'm cooking up some sweet T-Bone steaks. Got a bag of Funyuns and some Hawaiian Punch, that's good eatin', brother!
FLINT: Hey, how many steaks are you cooking?
FLINT: Can I have one?
THOMAS: Sure, I'll FedEx it to ya.
There, the complex world of "Laser Eyeballs Surgery", simplified. Am I great, or am I great?
That's all ya get. See you later.